By Barry Kasten, Torch Contributor

WWE Velocity review
October 29, 2005
Taped 10/25/05
Aired on WWE.com
Report by Barry Kasten, Torch Team Contributor

(1) Kid Kash defeated Paul London by pinfall in aprox. 6:20. London doesn’t even get a entrance. Ouch! Kash begins the match with some great looking forearms and punches to London. Kid Kash should be made to hold a punching clinic in the ring for damn near every wrestler on the roster. London made a comeback with armdrags and a dropsault. That seems to be the only offense he gets in these days. London works a long headlock, reapplying it out of several positions. Kash got out of it with a backbreaker and then stuck his knee in London’s back. Kash further worked the back with a surfboard. London got another spurt of offense in, culminating with another dropsault. Kash countered a suplex into another knee to London’s back. He tried to go for the pseudo-Muscle Buster but London dropped to the apron and kicked Kash in the head. London tried a Victory Roll from the apron but Kash kicked at two. Mathews informs us that the pseudo-Muscle Buster is called The New Moneymaker. Both men tumbled about near the turnbuckles until London positioned Kash on the top turnbuckle. He went for a ‘rana but Kash tossed London high in the air and Paul crashed to the canvas. Nice bump. Kash jumped from the second turnbuckle to the third, switching positions in mid-air. He moonsaulted onto London’s back, which he had been working the entire match, for the win. Good contest that saw the finish of the match play off of the work that Kash had been doing to London’s back.

(2) Lashely defeated Jason Partain by pinfall in aprox. 2:20 Mathews called Lashely bigger than his apartment. Lashely proceeded to toss Partain around. He held the jobber up outside the ring in military press form for quite some time before tossing him back into the ring. One Dominator coming right up. Lashely is your winnah. But wait, Vito’s Head and Nunzio storm the ring and beat up on Lashely. They got the upperhand for a short time and then Lashely threw both men off and tossed them from the ring. Nunzio took an awesome fall. Next week it will be Lashely in a handicap match against Vito’s Head and Nunzio. I’m looking forward to see what Lashely can do in a non squash match but they appear to be building up some good momentum for him and people are staying tuned for his squash matches according to ratings analysis.

(3) Sylvain defeated Funaki by pinfall in aprox. 5:20 Sylvain’s heavily accented voice somehow fails to get him over with the crowd. They boo as Sylvain proclaims himself to be first supermodel in the WWE. I’m sure he’s appeared on more magazine covers than Trish. They snatch the Christian and Edge flash photography gimmick as Sylvain will allow the WWE flash lighting to take “pictures” of him after the match. Sylvain posed for the TV cameras and flirted with a lady in the front row between moves. The lucky Velocity viewers were treated to a minute long bear hug spot on a squash match. The crowd couldn’t care less because Funaki hadn’t even gotten a move in up to that point. Funaki got the world’s safest bulldog in but was foiled going for the Tornado DDT. Sylvain hit a high spinebuster and used his sitdown DDT out of a suplex position for the victory.

(4) Jillian Hall defeated Stacy Keibler by pinfall in aprox. 3:35 WWE.com provides an exclusive look into the fitting of Jillian’s wrestling mask, which is very Vader-esque. It’s time, it’s time…it’s JILLIAN time! I think that every Velocity report on the net will have that joke but it’s just something I had to do. It’s like going to a Haloween party and not leering at the two naughty cheerleaders comparing how little they are wearing. I appreciate that WWE spent time on Smackdown setting up this Velocity main event on the Peep Show rather than build towards something that would make me want to spend money on a PPV. Jillian dominated early and then Stacy got Jillian in the corner and did her long leg thing. They did the staple of women’s matches where they traded pinfall attempts forever. Hall choked Keibler on the ropes several times. The finish came when Keibler went up on the ropes for punches and Hall dropped her and went for the pin, using the ropes for leverage. Wicked tactics.

Summary: Kash vs. London walks away with match of the week honors this week. If you head to WWE.com, check it out. The rest is pretty much skipable unless you can’t get enough of Vito’s Head.

Barry Kasten welcomes any comments you may have about his review or Velocity in general. He was pleased to see the Wisconsin Badgers move to 8-1 yesterday and cannot wait until they play Penn St. this Saturday. Contact him at kastenbr11@yahoo.com.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax