By Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
Friday, September 16, 2005
Taped 9/13/05 in Little Rock, Ark.
Aired on UPN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

The show began with the opening montage, and then Michael Cole and Tazz welcomed us to the show. Tonight, we’re talking about Undertaker vs. Randy Orton, Heidenreich & Animal vs. MNM, and JBL vs. Rey Mysterio. But kicking things off was to be Chris Benoit vs. Christian. They aired footage of Benoit beating Jordan at Summer Slam by making him tap out in 25.5 seconds. The following week on Smackdown, Benoit made Jordan tap out in 23.4 seconds. And then, last week on Smackdown, Benoit made Jordan tap out in 22.5 seconds. Benoit has been great lately, walking to the ring with a smile on his face that belies the fury he intends on unleashing onto his unwitting opponent in their match. As Christian made his way to the ring, Orlando Jordan’s music hit. He implored everyone to wait a second, because he had something to say. He said there was no way this was happening, as fans chanted “You tapped out” at him. He said he didn’t want to go down in history as the man who tapped out in 22.5 seconds. He wanted the match instead. Benoit went after Christian, and Jordan ambushed Benoit from behind. The two went at it, and then Benoit locked in the crossface. Christian came in from behind and broke it up. Things were two-on-one chaos until Booker T exploded up in the area to even things up. Booker and Benoit managed to clear the ring, and the referee declared that the match would now be a tag team match instead of a straight up singles bout.

(1) Christian & Orlando Jordan defeated Chris Benoit & Booker T when Christian pinned Benoit. Because you never know what’s going to happen on Friday Night Smackdown, you see. Booker worked over Jordan with some chops. Booker hit a big kick to the face and got a two count. Jordan regained the momentum and tagged in Christian. Booker chopped away on Christian as Cole reminded us all of the heat between Booker and Christian that stemmed from their fateful encounter on the Peep Show a few weeks back. Booker hit a spinebuster which garnered a two count. Booker rolled up Christian out of the corner and got a two count. Christian dumped Booker to the outside, which allowed Jordan to go to town on him while the referee was distracted. Christian carried things over back inside the ring. Christian hit a neckbreaker, which was good for one free two count. Booker fired back, but ran into a back elbow for his troubles. The darndest thing actually happened next. The referee didn’t see Jordan tag in and so he didn’t allow Jordan to come into the ring. I know this isn’t the first time that’s happened, but it is very rare. He got in legally moments later.

Booker elbowed his way out of a chinlock and then hit the Book End. He was too hurt to immediately capitalize, however. Booker finally made the Scarlett Johansson tag to Benoit, who was on 12 different kinds of fire. He gave Christian a boot to the midsection and a snap suplex, and then did the same to Jordan. He then tripped up the charging Christian so that he went head-first into Jordan’s exposed groin in the corner. He went for the sharpshooter on Christian, but Christian made it to the ropes. Christian got a thumb to the eye and went for the Unprettier, but Benoit reversed out of it and locked in the crossface. Jordan was able to break things up. Booker came in to help things out. Jordan went for a chair on the outside, but Booker managed to take it out of his grasp. Their impending struggle caused for Sharmell to inadvertently get knocked down. As Booker was tending to his wife, Jordan hit him from behind and rammed him into the ringsteps. Benoit hit a couple German suplexes on Christian back in the ring and then went up to the top rope. Jordan snapped Benoit’s neck on the top rope, and Christian hit the Unprettier. This allowed for the heels to get the pinfall victory.

They cut to a video package highlighting the Randy Orton vs. Undertaker feud. Orton likes to spit in the face of people that are considered legends. He also spits in the face of Undertaker’s legacy. Undertaker, as you can expect, does not take too kindly to this. Undertaker likes to beat people (particularly at WrestleMania). Undertaker likes to beat Randy Orton. He will get his chance, later tonight.

Batista was shown backstage walking. He ran into Christy Hemme and Stacy Keibler and sprinkled water on them. They giggled. You know what that means. He ran into Simon Dean hawking his patented Simon System. Simon acted scared of him. Batista took some of the shake. He tried some, but it was disgusting, and he spit it out. I really like seeing this side of Batista’s personality. He’s like the class bully, converted to the side of good, and now he fights the other bullies while protecting the weak and the downtrodden. Or something like that.

[commercial break]

We came back from break with General Manager Teddy Long and Network Guy Palmer Cannon (who I keep wanting to call Carson Palmer) in the ring. Long announced Batista to the ring. Batista got on the mic and said that last week JBL gave him a hell of a run for his money, and he’s got a ton of respect for him. But this is now, and now is the time to name a new number one contender to the World Heavyweight Title. Long rambled for a while about how there was a lot of guys in the back who thought they deserved a shot at it. He teased a high flying Latino whose story is like that of David vs. Goliath, a family man who fights for what he believes in… and at that, Network Guy grabbed the mic out of his hand and announced Eddie Guerrero as the number one contender. Very nice touch, that was. Long was none too pleased about this turn of events. Guerrero talked about his past, and his personal demons and addictions and such. He said his worst addiction was to manipulation, but since finally beating Rey Mysterio, his new addiction is respect. And honor. And doing the right thing.

He said he has turned a new leaf in his life and is a changed man. He thanked Batista for having him as his number one contender, which was funny because, like Batista had anything to do with that. Eddie said he has more respect for Batista than anyone else in the locker room. He said Batista is greatness. He said he wanted to prove that he and Batista could have the best match in the history of professional wrestling. You know there’s going to be someone on the internet that’s going to hold Eddie to that. Batista called Eddie holmes, and said he was right: they didn’t have to be enemies. They could be friends! They could be amigos! They could be the Two Amigos! He said that since everyone knows what kind of a guy Eddie is, it’s easy to imagine what kind of a champion Eddie would make. Eddie said that win, lose or draw, they would come out of the match as friends. Best friends. Batista said if that was the case, there was no need to shake hands. Friends hug, after all. They hugged as Batista smiled a big goofy toothy grin and Eddie sort of spazzed out crazily. A tremendous segment that got over both wrestlers’ personalities.

They showed the webcast from last week’s MNM vs. LOD match where Animal pasted Mercury with the title belt and got the pin for his team, which would have never been allowed if the foot were on the other shoe. That sets up a rematch for this week.

[commercial break]

(2) Heidenreich & Road Warrior Animal defeated MNM (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro, w/Melina) by disqualification. Heidenreich started things off with Mercury and used his extraordinary power to control things at the beginning. Mercury ducked out of the way of a big boot, but on the outside he ran into an Animal clothesline. Back in the ring, Animal tagged and propped Mercury up on the top rope. He tried something on the ropes, but Nitro interfered while Melina distracted the ref. Mercury choked him out on the bottom rope. Nitro tagged in and the heels hit a double side Russian legsweep. Mercury hit a neckbreaker for a two count. Mercury ran into an Animal powerslam. Animal stomped on the nearby ringsteps to help get the crowd into it and/or magically revive Animal. Heidenreich hit a big boot on both heels. Melina got into the ring to try to point out the rules infractions that LOD were doing, but it didn’t help matters. Animal took out Mercury, but when he attempted to dive down onto him on the outside, Mercury got out of the way. Mercury pasted Heidenreich with the title belt, but the ref saw it and disqualified the heel team. Two weeks in a row, I see a double standard when applied to the heels and faces. A real miscarriage of justice. Where’s Jillian Hall to fix this?

[commercial break]

We came back from break with Long chastising Cannon about going over his head to name Eddie the number one contender. As if this thing were scripted and not totally spontaneous, Eddie came walking in right at that very moment. Eddie declared his complete appreciation for being named the number one contender. Long: “You see what you’ve done?!” Long said he wanted Mysterio to be the number one contender, but Cannon said that no one fit Long’s description (high flying Latino family man) better than Guerrero. And besides, this is the match that the fans really want to see. He’s actually right, which makes him the heel in all this.

Backstage, Randy ran into his father, Cowboy Bob. They were standing by a U-Haul. In the back of said U-Haul was a surprise that was rarin’ to go, which would help Orton bury the Undertaker once and for all. Cole and Tazz didn’t know what it was.

Michael Cole mocked me by pointing out the “long, long limousine with the horns” as JBL made his way to the ring for his match against Mysterio.

[commercial break]

(3) Rey Mysterio defeated John Bradshaw Layfield. Mysterio has new entrance music, and it’s not very good at all. The old song was much better, because you could easily identify it with Mysterio. JBL is gaining a lot of that weight right back. JBL pounded away on Mysterio, who then attempted a sunset flip. JBL broke up the attempt with a right hand. JBL ran into an armdrag, and then got into 6-1-9 position. Mysterio, however, ran into a shoulder tackle. JBL continued to go to work as Cole called him a “big, 300 pound bully.” JBL rammed Mysterio into the turnbuckles with such authority that Mysterio wilted under the pressure. JBL hit a swinging neckbreaker for a two. JBL locked in a big time bearhug in attempt to squeeze the life out of Mysterio. Mysterio headbutted and punched his way out of it, but moments later fell victim to a fallaway slam. Mysterio hit a desperation DDT and they did a double count down to about seven. Mysterio hit a spinning headscissors, a dropkick to the face, and then hit the bronco buster. He called for another one, but he was too hurt to follow up. He went for a monkey flip, but JBL drove him down. JBL missed the clothesline from hell and Mysterio hit the 6-1-9. He went for the seated senton, but JBL held on. Mysterio hit a springboard moonsault for the pinfall victory.

Backstage, Nunzio was complaining about how ever since he won the cruiserweight title, he hasn’t been prominently featured on Smackdown. He said this was hindering his ability to make an impact on the show. Eddie was there, too, stirring up trouble. Vito was there, too, looking big. Eddie said that it would be great to have a champion vs. champion match. Like a bolt of lightning it struck Network Guy: Nunzio vs. Batista. Eddie declared him a genius and said he wished he would have thought of that match.

[commercial break]

Backstage, Josh Mathews was interviewing Ken Kennedy. Kennedy said he was single handedly changing Friday nights. He said that speaking of changing things, Mathews probably needed to change his underpants. On account of how bad he smells. He said he just threw up a little in his mouth, and reminded Mathews the name was Kennedy.

(4) Ken Kennedy defeated Yak Piltskin. Or something. Kennedy cut Tony Chimmel off immediately in introducing him, which makes him a lifelong babyface in my book. He introduced the match as being a one fall encounter with a 20-minute time limit. He then introduced himself (“… Kennedy!”), which drew a “You suck” chant. His opponent was former ROH regular main eventer Biohazard. Biohazard went up top, but Kennedy caught him and hit his dangerous looking finisher (“with authority!” – Cole) for the pinfall victory. I hereby officially decree the name of the finishing move as the Grassy Knoll. Because They Switched the Caskets on the Plane is just too long.

[commercial break]

(5) Batista defeated Nunzio. Eddie Guerrero showed up on the rampway at the start of the match, clapping his best friend on. Batista manhandled Nunzio as Eddie tried to lead a Batista chant with the crowd. Batista dragged Vito into the ring and then press slammed Nunzio into Vito. Batista held Nunzio by the neck so Nunzio couldn’t reach Batista to punch him. Nunzio hit a missile dropkick from the top with Vito providing a distraction. Vito right handed Batista as Nunzio distracted the ref. Nunzio begged for a time out, but Batista would have none of that. He rammed his shoulder into Nunzio in the turnbuckles, and then clotheslined him in the opposite corner. Vito tasted a spinebuster for his troubles, and then Nunzio got one right on top of Vito. Batista gave Nunzio a Batista Bomb to finish things off right quick. Eddie was happy for his new friend. Vito should have been saved for a mini feud with Batista between pay-per-views, because he at least has the size that WWE looks for in a wrestler.

Backstage, the Ortons peeked into the U-Haul and cackled maniacally at what awaited inside. Bob told his son to “Go get him!”

[commercial break]

JBL approached Jillian Hall backstage (there she is!) and asked her for her help. She is the Fixer, after all. She said she’d see if they could work something out.

The entrances aired for the main event match: Orton vs. Undertaker.

[commercial break]

(6) Undertaker defeated Randy Orton. We came back from break with Undertaker pounding away on Orton. This was the rubber match between the two. Undertaker worked a headlock and then hit a shoulder knockdown. Orton had control for a minute, but Undertaker countered with a big boot for a two count. Undertaker, well versed in submissions that he is, worked the arm for awhile. He then snapped Orton’s arm over the top turnbuckle, which the announcers speculated could break a shoulder. Undertaker charged at Orton in the corner, but Orton got the elbow up. Moments later, Undertaker was working an armbar, however. Undertaker hit some body shots, and then went back to the arm. He went up to the top rope, goin’ old school, and walked the ropes. Orton caused for Undertaker to lose his balance, though, and Undertaker got crotched up on the top rope. The two punched away on each other on the ropes until Orton fell off. Orton went back up and hit a superplex. Orton signaled for his father to “bring the truck” out to ringside. That he did, seconds later. Undertaker sat up, and so Orton gave him a DDT to buy some time. Bob was fantastic here, signaling for the truck to back up. Finally, it backed up to the ring and they opened it up to reveal a casket. A bunch of guys wheeled it out of the truck and to ringside as they cut to break.

[commercial break]

We came back with Orton working a headlock. The casket and Cowboy Bob were still ominously at ringside. Undertaker made his way back to his feet, and then hit some back elbows and such. Orton hit a beautiful high dropkick for a two count. Orton went back to the rear choke to wear down the Undertaker while simultaneously giving himself a rest. The fans rallied behind Taker. Undertaker grabbed the ref to demonstrate how much he does not want to give it up, but moments later fell victim to a big (but sloppy) scoop slam. Orton attempted something off the second rope, but Taker got his boot up. Taker pounded away on Orton, and Orton sold this like a million bucks. Undertaker went for a tombstone, but Orton slipped out of it and hit a backbreaker for a two count. Minutes later, Undertaker hit a flying shoulder tackle (vintage Undertaker, according to Cole). Undertaker hit snake eyes on Orton in the corner and hit a big boot to the face. Undertaker hit a legdrop as Hulk Hogan rolled over in his grave and the ref counted two.

Undertaker signaled for the chokeslam, but Orton countered with a boot to the gut. Undertaker clotheslined Orton over the top rope and to the floor. On the floor, Taker went to dump Orton into the casket, but there was someone in the casket that was a “mirror image” of himself. This distracted Undertaker enough to allow Orton to take advantage. Cole and Tazz were mystified as to what exactly was going on, but Orton had a big smile on his face. Orton pounded away on Taker in the corner, as Tazz speculated that Undertaker just looked the end of his reign in the eyes. Undertaker went for a powerbomb, but Orton got out of it. Undertaker accidentally nailed the ref, and then Orton hit the RKO. Cowboy Bob quickly brought in a second ref but Taker kicked out of the pin attempt. Orton was flabbergasted. Undertaker hit the chokeslam, but Cowboy Bob pulled the ref out of the ring to stop that. Taker punched Bob out for his troubles. Orton went for the RKO, but Taker caught him. Taker hit the tombstone, but the original ref was slow in making the count. He finally did get over and made the three count.

This was a decent but wholly unspectacular show. The highlight was the interaction between Batista and Eddie Guerrero. Both seemed inspired, which you have to believe has to do with how they are being booked. JBL vs. Mysterio was decent, as was Undertaker vs. Orton. The booking and background hysteria to the Undertaker match made it all the better. Thumbs in the middle for this show.

Dusty Giebink promises a weekend edition of Constructive Criticism, so look out for that tomorrow. He welcomes any questions, answers, comments or concerns you may have and can be contacted at dusty13@gmail.com.

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