TV REPORTS 9/12 WWE Raw Preview and Report: Mallory's "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
Sep 12, 2005 - 10:07:00 AM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
September 12, 2005
Live from Little Rock, Arkansas
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Welcome to tonight's ongoing alternative perspective coverage of Raw. You may need to hit "refresh" from time to time to see the latest update.
Raw was live tonight from the Alltel Arena in Little Rock, Arkansas. For those attending live, this was a "super show" with an episode of Smackdown to be taped following Raw. Double your pleasure, double your fun.
- John Cena will have his hands full tonight, thanks to General Manager Eric Bischoff. The WWE Champ will have to take on both Kurt Angle and Tyson Tomko as Bischoff twirls his moustache and laughs evilly at ringside.
- Chris Masters got Shawn Michaels to submit to the Master Lock last week--with a little help from a folding chair. What will Michaels have to say about Masters' actions?
- After running roughshod over Hurricane and Rosey last week, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch will be back. Which of Raw's plethora of tag teams is next on their list?
Jim Ross, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and Jonathan Coachman welcomed viewers to the show.
Since it was a big show tonight, Big Show started things off.
(1) Edge (w/Lita) & Gene Snitsky over Big Show & Matt Hardy. This started off as a singles match between Big Show and Edge. After conveniently forgetting about it for a few weeks, Edge's Money In The Bank prize was resurrected tonight. Obviously there was quite a size difference, and Big Show tossed Edge around like a rag doll. Suddenly Snitsky ran out to make the save for Edge. Just as suddenly, Matt Hardy ran out to even things up.
An angry Eric Bischoff came out and declared the match would continue as a tag team match.
Back and forth it went, til Edge launched himself onto the ropes across the turnbuckle when Hardy appeared to miss a move. Nonetheless, Big Show geared up and punted Edge to the outside.
Back from commercial, Edge was trying his best to pin Hardy. Snitsky tagged in and gave Hardy the lawn-dart treatment.
Although he was not the legal man, Big Show had seen enough and took on both Snitsky and Edge. Edge managed to get Big Show on the outside and crotched him on the guardrail. Back in the ring Hardy was making a comeback.
Matt went for a Twist of Fate on Lita, but Edge stopped him. While the referee wasn't looking, Lita gave Matt a low blow and Edge came at him with a spear, followed by the winning pin. To add insult to injury, Lita gave Matt the Twist of Fate. Lots of gloating by Team Heel.
Todd Grisham introduced Shawn Michaels, who came out to a loud pop. Just in case anyone had forgotten, a recap of last week's Master Lock Bash in the Head was shown. Michaels had a bandaged forehead as a result.
Grisham asked HBK his thoughts on the Master Lock Challenge. He good-naturedly said it begged the question: Why'd I do that? Then he answered his own question by saying that he'd done it because he was the Heart Break Kid. He said Chris Masters had made the mistake of taking things a step too far, not unlike Shawn Michaels in his younger days. But tonight he'd have his hands full with...
...Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Guess whoo? Why Ric Flair, of course (who also had a bandaged head). The promo ended up sounding like the Little Engine That Could. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Flair was fired up, to say the least.
Chavo Blanco (sounds like a fine wine, doesn't it?) rolled out in his golf cart, dressed in preppy ring attire.
(2) Shelton Benjamin over Kerwin White via DQ. Before starting the match, Chavo hung his cashmere sweater vest on a hanger at ringside. How tidy. Good match, with some power moves from Benjamin. Missile drop kick by Kerwin and a near fall. Then Kerwin tried to use the hanger as an international object, but the ref caught him. Undeterred, he pulled off his Izod shirt and tried to choke Benjamin with it. No luck with that either. Snap neckbreaker from Benjamin and a near fall. A heel kick by Benjamin sent Kerwin sprawling to the outside where he picked up yet another foreign object, and Kerwin bent a golf club over Benjamin's head. The ref called for a DQ and Benjamin too the win.
Talking head promo by Kurt Angle. He's the best professional wrestler on the planet. Yada, yada. He holds John Cena's future in the palm of his hands.
As the naughty divas (Victoria, Torrie, and Candice) made their entrance, the King sprayed himself with that body spray that's supposed to drive women wild. They walked right past him to the ring. So much for the effectiveness of Bod.
Candice got on the mic and called out Ashley Massaro. The Olsen Twin came out, but kept her distance. Torrie told her they just wanted to congratulate her for passing her initiation. She didn't believe them, but she said she was coming down to the ring with a big surprise--Trish Stratus.
Trish ran down to the ring and attacked Victoria. Chick kick to Victoria and wardrobe failures by Ashley and Candice. It was nice to see Trish; however, she's the only one of the group who can talk, yet she didn't get to say a word.
(Commercial break) The Angus burger. "It's full of sit." Get it? Wink, wink. But is that really the image you want to give people when trying to sell a food product? I think not.
Here comes the train again. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
(3) Ric Flair vs. Chris Masters. J.R. mentioned that Flair had won his first title before Masters was born. Legend? Or gramps?
Masters taunted Flair with "whoos." Flair mocked Masters' posing routine. Military press by Masters. Then a second one. Flair looked to be in a world of hurt. Back on his feet, Flair started in with chops. Masters chopped back. Flair went up top, but Masters pulled him down. Power slam by Masters, who wasted so much time that Flair had to set up the Master Lock himself. Masters tried the hold, but Flair escaped for the time being.
Flair pulled Masters to the outside and chopped and punched. Side slam by Masters on the outside, which left the Nature Boy writhing in pain.
Returning from commercial, Masters was trying to wear down Flair. Prolonged bear hug by Masters. Flair boxed his ears to break the hold.
The Dirtiest Player in the Game began to strut and bite and chop and punch and he put Masters in the Figure Four. Carlito came out to break the hold, freeing his running buddy. HBK ran out to help Flair and gave Carlito a taste of Sweet Chin Music, but Masters put Michaels in the Master Lock again and left HBK in a heap on the mat.
(4) Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch over Eugene & Tajiri. Anyone think Eugene and Tajiri stand a snowball's chance here? Murdoch's gimmick seems to be making faces. He's got a championship sour puss glare. Anyway, back to the match, which was largely ignored by the announcers. Eugene worked the majority of the match and gave as good as he got. Tajiri made the hot tag and looked fabulous, but got a sit down power bomb from Murdoch and was pinned by Cade. Oh well...you knew it was coming.
Returning from commercial, Lita was in mid-sentence doing a promo about hunky Edge. She boasted about the Twist of Fate she'd given Matt. Edge welcomed Hardy to the "Devil's pulpit."
"Asshole, asshole," chanted the crowd.
Edge ignored them and said that his story with Matt will end at Unforgiven. (Promise?) He said he and Lita would kiss Matt's career goodbye. With that, they indulged in a little spit-swapping to prove their point.
Bischoff was on the phone, telling someone how great Unforgiven was going to be. A glum John Cena walked up behind him and said he had nothing left and handed Bischoff the belt. Bischoff smiled and reached for the belt. "You stupid son of a bitch," sneered Cena, not meaning a word of what he'd said. (Didn't they just pull that trick on "The Ultimate Fighter" a couple of weeks ago?)
Kurt Angle and Tyson Tomko were waiting in the ring. As soon as Cena's music hit, the crowd went nuts.
(5) John Cena over Kurt Angle & Tyson Tomko. The match started with Bischoff standing on the ramp smiling broadly. Cena was on fire, with clotheslines to Tomko and a drop kick to Angle. Bischoff was starting to look worried. Cover by Tomko, but Cena got a shoulder up.
Returning from commercial, Angle was stomping the proverbial mudhole in Cena. Tomko tagged in and gave Cena a power slam. He went for a cover, but Cena got a shoulder up.
Bischoff was still flashing his toothy smile as the beating continued in the ring. Tight reverse chin lock by Angle, but Cena managed to get to his feet and suplex Angle. Angle slowly made the tag to Tomko, and Cena greeted him with a flurry of power moves. A quick spinebuster to an interfering Angle, then Cena got back to business with Tomko. Cena was going for the F-U when Angle suplexed them. Cena rebounded and gave Tomko the F-U and pinned him for the win.
Bischoff was incredulous. Angle began beating the stuffing out of Cena and attempted to break his ankle. Will he be in any shape for Sunday night's match?
"I'll take your belt and I'll take your dream," screamed Bischoff at Cena as the show went off the air.
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