By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
June 13, 2005
Live from Binghamton, New York
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show

Raw was live tonight from the Broome County Arena in Binghamton, New York, with Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler calling the action.

The show started right off with Stone Cold Steve Austin (wearing a brand new "BYOB" tee shirt, available at ShopZone, no doubt). There was a loud "Austin" chant, and Stone Cold thanked the crowd for making him feel right at home.

On to the business at hand.

What?

A man had complained that he'd been given the shift.

What?

Stone Cold was here tonight to give out some Stone Cold Justice. He said he would have an unbiased opinion. Then he introduced Muhammad Hassan and mispronounced his name. (For what it's worth, Hassan came out in his ring attire.) Hassan extended his hand to Austin. Austin looked at his hand and said "I see sand people." Hassan was offended, but Austin said he wasn't saying he was too good, only that he didn't want to shake Hassan's "grubby little hand."

Hassan demanded justice, which Austin took as a threat.

Austin told him to speak his piece. Hassan said he had never lost a match and came prepared with video footage to prove his point.

Austin had seen enough and was ready to rule. He said he thought Hassan was a piece of trash. However, Hassan was right. He had been wronged by the system and had a valid point. So tonight would be his lucky night. Austin had Shelton Benjamin standing by and Austin ordered that an Intercontinental Title match would take place immediately. Austin said he'd be the special guest enforcer.

The dynamics of the interview was a little off. Austin seemed hostile, but Hassan (when he wasn't yelling and complaining) addressed "Steve" like they were old buddies.

(Commercial break)

(1) Intercontinental Championship Match: Muhammad Hassan vs. Shelton Benjamin. The match had started during the break, and Hassan seemed firmly in control of the match. Then he went for a steel chair, which Austin, the enforcer, promptly snatched away. It turned into a slugfest in the ring, with Benjamin making a comeback. After a sloppy sequence of attempted pins, Benjamin was about to go for a cover, but instead stopped to deal with Daivari. In the meantime, Hassan came after Benjamin with a low blow. Austin was having none of that and called for the bell. Benjamin retained the title and Hassan was still undefeated. And he gave Hassan a stunner for good measure. It was Stone Cold Justice and it ended with lots of beer--slurped, sprayed, and swilled.

(Commercial break)

Jonathan Coachman was trying to apologize to Eric Bischoff for last night's pay-per-view. Bischoff insisted last night "never happened." He didn't want to hear any more about ECW. Ever.

This naturally prompted an "ECW" chant from the audience.

Bischoff told Chris Jericho that Christian would get a title shot against John Cena at Vengeance. Jericho was not pleased; as the former Undisputed Champ, he felt he should be first in line.

Triple H barged in and asked the G.M. who the next draft lottery pick would be. He wanted to be sure it would not be someone who would impact the title situation since he had his sights set on winning the title again. (Imagine that.) Triple H stomped off and Bischoff chuckled.

(Commercial break)

Time for Masterpiece Theatre.

Pyro.

Pose.

Flex.

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Chris Masters offered the grand sum of $11,000 to anyone in the locker room who would accept his challenge. Sgt. Slaughter, looking fairly trim, accepted.

Masters called Sarge an old man. The old man didn't take kindly to that and made a challenge of his own. Could the maggot break his Cobra Clutch?

Slaughter locked on the Cobra Clutch. Masters was in trouble, but finally reached out and grabbed the ropes. Low blow to Slaughter and Masters put Slaughter in a prolonged Master Lock and the referee called for the bell.

(Commercial break)

A recap aired of all that had led up to the Hell in a Cell match for Vengeance just in case anyone has forgotten.

Christian (in new space-age ring attire) was headed to the ring with Tyson Tomko.

(Commercial break)

(2) Tag Match: John Cena & Chris Jericho over Christian & Tyson Tomko. This was Cena's first match in a Raw ring, and he looked impressive. He and Jericho made quite a team.

(Commercial break)

The match had continued during the break and Cena and Christian were in the ring. Jericho tagged himself in and proceeded to beat the snot out of Christian. Tomko with a big boot to Jericho that killed Jericho's momentum. Buoyed by the "Y2J" chants, Jericho battled back, but Christian and Tomko were up to their usual dirty tricks. Hot tag to Cena, who cleaned house. "F-U" to Tomko and Cena made the winning pin.

In a surprise move, after the match Jericho attacked Cena and bounced him off the security wall and the steel steps. He put Cena in the Walls of Jericho as referees tried to make Jericho stop. He finally broke the hold, then picked up Cena's title belt and looked at it longingly before tossing it down and leaving.

(Commercial break)

Highlights were shown of the Diva Search competition held last week in Los Angeles. It was a beauty contest that featured the teeniest of bikinis and raunchiest of promos. Of course, the finalists will be chosen for their brains. The eight finalists will be introduced on Raw next Monday night.

Jericho confronted Bischoff about getting a title shot. The G.M. agreed, and Christian angrily protested. Bischoff declared it would be a triple threat match at Vengeance: Christian vs. Jericho vs. Cena.

Cena showed up and pitched a fit about the way his tag partner, Jericho, had turned on him.

(Commercial break)

Returning from commercial, Maven was in the ring waiting for Big Vis to show up.

(3) Viscera (w/Lillian Garcia) over Maven. Can you say squash match? Maven made a good attempt, but Viscera won it with a sit down power bomb, much to his new valet, Lillian's, delight.

Triple H was moping backstage about who tonight's draft pick would be, and Ric Flair was trying to boost his spirits with a pep talk.

(Commercial break) If you missed "ECW - One Night Stand" last night, you can order the encore presentation all week. One word to describe it: WOW! It was the best pay-per-view. Ever.

(4) Kane over Sylvain Grenier. Grenier looked better than he usually does in the ring, but an ill-tempered Kane still squashed him like a bug and won the match easily.

After the match Lita came out to rub salt in Kane's wounds, so to speak. And she wasn't alone. She brought along Gene Snitsky and told him that the whole baby thing wasn't his fault. It was Kane's fault. She owed Snitsky a debt of gratitude. It saved her from giving birth to a demon spawn. And she thanked big Gene with a kiss.

"My pleasure," grinned the Big Snit.

Lita had another surprise. She introduced her fiance, Edge, who came out wearing a Kane tee shirt. Live on Raw next week, she and Edge would get married. (She and Kane have gone from getting a divorce to getting an annulment.)

Edge made a crack about one-eyed monsters, then he and Lita shared a magic moment as Kane seethed.

Triple H and Ric Flair were headed to the ring for the announcement about tonight's draft pick.

(Commercial break)

It was time to play the Game. As Triple H was headed out for the draft lottery announcement, J.R. wondered why he was included in tonight's big moment. Good question, but I think we all know the answer.

Triple H began his speechifying. In two weeks the whole world would see him become the WWE Champ for the 11th time. The King of Kings goes back on his throne, he said modestly.

He stood there waiting and told "Mr. Monday Night" to come out. While that statement sounded like it might be Rob Van Dam, it turned out to be Kurt "You Suck" Angle.

Flair was smiling, but Triple H was scowling. And it wasn't because he discovered he has split ends on his perfectly flat-ironed hair.

Angle and Flair got in a "whooing" contest, which was pretty funny.

Triple H congratulated Angle on finally making it back to the big leagues. But Raw was still the son-in-law's show and he called the shots.

Angle reminded him that he'd made Shawn Michaels tap out at WrestleMania 21, which just happened to be the night that Triple H had had his ass kicked by Batista.

Triple H reminded Angle that he'd had his ass kicked by Booker T's wife, Sharmell, on Smackdown.

Angle said he'd let Sharmell win, since he liked other people's wives. He even alleged that he'd done a little making out with Big Steph behind hubby's back.

Triple H sputtered for a moment, then said everybody had made out with his "ex-wife." Freudian slip?

Angle said he was impressed by Batista and the way the crowd cheers for him. But he is an Olympic gold medalist and a true champion. Angle boasted that he was the best in the business. He wanted Batista one-on-one on Raw the night after Vengeance.

Batista came out to add his two cents. He welcomed Angle to Raw and shook his hand. Batista then referred to Angle's performance on last night's ECW PPV, putting him in his place.

Triple H jumped in and tried to stir up trouble, but Batista said he had no problem facing Angle next week.

But wait..."Sexy Boy" hit and Shawn Michaels came out. He challenged Angle to a rematch at Vengeance. Angle threw the first punch and started the rematch early. It quickly turned into a brawl among the five in the ring just as the show went off the air.

***

I love feedback and you can reach me at mallory_m_@hotmail.com. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.

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