By Barry Kasten, Torch Contributor

WWE Velocity review
May 14, 2005
Taped 5/10/05
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Barry Kasten, Torch Team Contributor

Being stuck near the Canadian border for work the past few weeks has prevented me from reviewing Velocity so far during the month of May. So my urge to finally review Velocity has grown to a slightly less than fever pitch.

(1) Rene Dupree defeated Shannon Moore by pinfall. Dupree is growing some swanky sideburns. Gawd damn, those are slick. Dupree gets cocky with the crowd after putting Moore down. The Prince of Punk attempts to defend the honor of the crowd by mocking Dupree and gets beaten for his efforts. French Tickler! If Dupree could follow that up with a good looking knee drop, it would be much cooler. Powerbomb attempt is countered by Moore for a rollup followed by a flurry of flying moves on Dupree. The Mooregasm running neckbreaker wins this week’s award for best move name. Rana on Rene gets another nearfall. Moore follows up with a crossbody but nobody is home but a knee to the abdomen. One Michinoku Driver later and Dupree has completely turned the tables for the victory.

From Smackdown: Eddie cuts a killer promo telling the fans that they are stealing his Latino Heat. Just great intensity and believability. He turns up the enjoyment by pulling Rey’s ripped up mask out of his jacket and talking to it like it were Rey. Check out what resident Torch Smackdown reviewers Mike Roe and Paul Madavi thought of this segment. They are good peoples.

(2) Mark Jindrak and Nunzio defeated Akio and Billy Kidman by pinfall. Jindrak and Nunzio share an awkward hug before the match. Mathews and Romero are paying Jindrak huge compliments on commentary, which makes me think this match will be all about him. Nunzio looks good early, first hitting a rana and then causing the heels to run into each other in a comic fashion. He soon gets overzealous and gets caught chasing Akio around the ring. Kidman intercepts Nunzio and blocking dummies him in to the guardrail. That leads to a long segment of Nunzio taking lots of offense from the heels until he’s able to get a Sicilian Slice (legdrop onto standing opponent from second rope). Jindrak gets the tag and takes control with a double underhook facebuster. I mark for any move that involve a double underhook. Mr. 40-inch vertical hits a double crossbody in the corner and knocks Akio the f out with his big left hook. Kidman breaks up the pin. Nunzio and Kidman tangle with each other outside the ring, leaving a groggy Akio with Jindrak. Jindrak does a 180 clothesline from the top rope for the win. That was the best I’ve seen Jindrak look…maybe ever. He used some original moves and executed well.

(3) The Basham Brothers defeat The SAT by pinfall. The Maximo’s get mentioned by name because Josh Mathews rules. The Maximo’s do a good job selling during this match. Not too cartoony like most jobbers do but just the right amount of movement combined with facial expressions. Joel goes for a hiptoss and gets blasted with a clothesline. Doug hits a fantastic back cradle suplex. It’s amazing what grabbing your opponent’s leg as part of a normal suplex can add to the aesthetics of a move. Joel botches the hot tag but Jose comes in anyway. Fresh guy or not, he succumbs to a leg lariat for the 3 count. Good squash.

From Smackdown: A recap of the Booker vs. Angle matchup from Thursday airs. The match didn’t go very long before Angle drops Book with the Angle Slam. Instead of going for the pinfall like your normal, everyday grappler would, Kurt takes off towards the back in search of Booker’s wife Sharmell. Sharmell is normally on point as far as her acting and character go but she was seizure inducing with her screaming this week. Too high pitched for too long. I was forced to mute the television for the replay. I have yet to come across an occasion for that much yelling. Lost in all the shouting is Angle ambushing Booker when he comes to rescue his wife. The two will have a match at Judgement Day, which just happens to be this Sunday.

(4) Orlando Jordan defeated Scotty 2 Hotty by pinfall. Scotty starts things off by prancing around the ring in an annoying manner, making me wish for Jordan to destroy him. The cabinet pose is performed to loud boos. Scotty returns fire and makes the cabinet pose in a cocky manner, which is fine and dandy until he starts doing his little prance again. Please Jordan, do anything in your power to hurt this man. We get a long armbar segment from the US Champ. The crowd starts getting into it as Scotty gets control with a flying elbow and backdrop. After Scotty hits a superkick, the camera focuses in on the head of Jordan. I’d give anything to have his hair. Just awesome. Scotty ramps up the crowd again before going for the bulldog. Jordan turns around just as Scotty is about to jump and plants him with a lariat. Jordan hits his “not quite but damn similar to the Flatliner” to retain his belt.

Summary: Match of the night honors go to the first tag match. Jindrak and Nunzio were both busting out the goodness. As soon as we get word on why Nunzio filmed vignettes with Funaki and looked to be starting a tag team with him last week but was suddenly switched to Jindrak this week, we’ll let you know. I’m sure there will be a good explanation on next week’s episode of Velocity.

Barry Kasten welcomes any comments you may have about his review or Velocity in general. He had fun attending the ROH show in Chicago Ridge on Saturday. All the attendees from the Torch VIP boards bring the good conversation. He wishes American Dragon the best but hopes that his future involves wrestling. I don’t know I can be a fan of something that American Dragon doesn’t want to be a part of. Contact him at kastenbr11@yahoo.com.

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