WWE Sunday Night Heat review
October 13, 2002
Aired on MTV
Report by Tony Marshall, Torch Team Contributor

Pyro, pyro, and more pyro, so you know it's got to be WWE Sunday Night Heat; hosted by a much-improved Lita, and of course, Jonathan Coachman, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as always.

We've got TWO WHOLE MATCHES to talk about tonight, sports-entertainment fans, in addition to a veritable cornucopia of Raw highlights, Tough Enough III promos, another incomprehensible Raven diatribe, and a whole sh--load of commercials for music I don't listen to, video-games I can't play, and movies I have no desire to see. You know, there was a time when I really did want my MTV. Heavy sigh. On to the show.

(1) Mark Jindrak defeats Justin Credible. I didn't even recognize Jindrak, who looked to be in great shape. Nice of Lita to remind me that he once held the WCW tag team title with Sean O'Haire. Some loud ECW chants accompanied Credible's antics, and once again Lita informed us all that "he's not just the coolest; not just the best..." I wonder if she gets royalties every time that phrase is used? Anyway, this match was strictly by the numbers, but certainly watchable. Justin baseball-slided his testicles into the corner as usual; Jindrak got to display his strength and agility, particularly with a leap to the top turnbuckle, then springing off and catching Justin with a flying clothesline. Jindrak also survived Justin's dreaded superkick, and got the duke with a reverse atomic-drop followed up with a slapjack. Not bad. Not great, but not bad.

A commercial aired for Tough Enough III. "Bruised, Battered, and Begging For Mercy." Sounds like me at Fort Benning, GA; summer of '79. Seriously though, if this season's show is even half as good as the promos, it should be worth watching.

Bautista's vignette was shown. This is one very scary motorscooter. In days of old, he'd be in one televised squash match after another on his way to a title shot. Interesting to see what the creative team will come up with for him, i.e., how soon he'll be jobbing to Triple H.

The first of several highlights aired of Raw Roulette from Las Vegas; this one featuring Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler in the Bra & Panties/Paddle on a Pole match. Damn. On Burgan's advice I bet my rent money that they'd be in an Inferno Match! Oh, it's just as well, because we all know that nothing says "sports-entertainment" more than lingerie and lesbian S&M. And for all that it was T&A filler, it did set up Trish vs. Victoria, which should be a barn-burner. Is it me, or does Victoria look like Fran Drescher on steroids? Can't wait to hear what's in their past (he said, sarcastically) that has Vickie all pissed off. After watching Confidential, would it be too easy to suppose that she'll blame Trish for her exclusion from the Divas in Paradise video?

"The World" commercial from last week aired again this week. See it before it goes condo!

JVC Tower of Power: Regal and Goldust in drag on Raw. "I'm blind! I'm blind!" Yuck. But, a great setup for...

Still more Raw Roulette highlights; this time it's the dreaded Blindfold Match between Triple H and D-Lo Brown. I really don't care about the history of blindfold matches. This was just plain stupid. Frankly, I think the fans should be encouraged to wear blindfolds during any match, promo, or skit involving Triple H. And it is so sad to see that Ric Flair has become James J. Dillon.

A commercial aired for WWE No Mercy, showcasing Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match. No Paddle on a Pole here, sports-entertainment fans. Even after last month's no-finish fiasco, I'm looking forward to their rematch. But, I said it before and I'll say it again -- if the Undertaker beats Brock Lesnar, then there is no God.

Tough Enough III begins October 17th. "Bruised, Battered, and Begging For Mercy." But enough about Debra, let the competition begin.

WWE Rewind: Raven's "vindication" speech from last week's Heat, leading into...

It's Coach! And he's in the ring! And here comes Raven! And Raven looks like he's wearing Ben Franklin's coat! Okay, so now Raven's going on about his "masterpiece;" how he's "languished for two years;" how his "skill and intellect" have been under-appreciated (as has his fashion sense, I'm sure); how he's resisted the temptation to just quit; how everyone in the audience is depraved; how nobody likes him because he's different...blah, blah, blah. The audience groans noticeably. Oh, great. Now Raven announces that his "statement" will be revealed in the upcoming weeks. So, like, this wasn't his statement? Well, at least now you all have a reason to keep watching Heat.

Divas Undressed Magazine is on sale now. Hubba Hubba. One HELL of a picture of Stacy Keibler on the cover, though. Now you have yet another reason to hate Test.

Even more Raw Roulette highlights, and this time it's the piece de resistance, the TLC match. Now I know some people don't like this type of mega-spot-fest. I'm not one of them, though; I thought this match was fan-freakin'-tastic. And Jim Ross was at his absolute best calling it, too. I was kind of hoping that The Hurricane would fly in at the last minute and grab the belts, but I can see how that would have been too predictable. For my thoughts on the "murder" angle, you can read my Lounge column from October 11th. Suffice it to say, I was not pleased with it.

So, of course, there's a commercial for No Mercy featuring the match between Kane and Triple H. Well, timing is everything.

Golly, Tough Enough III begins on October 17th! "Bruised, Battered, and Begging For Mercy." Wasn't that Ginger Lynn Allen on E's True Hollywood Story? Hey, what do you know; an actual wrestling match!

(2) Lance Storm defeats Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli. Stamboli must thank God every day for the success of The Sopranos. Loud "U-S-A" chants, as you might expect. Pretty good little match, too. Short, but sweet. Storm was very aggressive, very nasty; Stamboli got his licks in, too, including a nice belly-to-belly suplex and a BIG back body drop. Lance got the duke following a superkick.

Even though there were only two matches tonight, Coach and Lita made it a point to talk throughout both of them; pretty much ignoring what was going on in the ring. Well, at least Lita's mic skills are improving, but she really has to work more on her enunciation. They closed the show by reflecting on Triple H's accusation of murder regarding Kane and the girl who's name is on all our lips -- Katie Vick. Or Fick. Or Flick. Or, oh, the Hell with it.

I prefer Heat when it's a showcase for young talent like Stamboli, Jindrak, or Shelton Benjamin, but I understand that you have to pay the bills, and you damn sure have to promote Raw and upcoming PPVs. If they only have a couple of matches, well, I can live with it as long as the matches are good. It's easy to denigrate Heat matches, and that's really unfair. Not everything can be Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. Raven, Justin Credible, and a lot of other company guys and girls have to pay the rent, too, you know.

Tony Marshall reviews Sunday Night Heat and WWE PPVs for PWTorch.com, where "Uncle T Looks At The Carnage" every Friday in The Lounge. You can reach him at tmarshall@pwtorch.com. He's the big guy in the corner not letting Pete Nyman read his Divas Undressed magazine.   

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