Mike Roe, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Velocity review
December 11, 2004
Taped 12/7/04
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mike Roe, PWTorch.com's second favorite Velocity reviewer

Hi everyone, it's time to get started! We're off like a prom dress!

***

Holy crap! A video package to kick off Velocity! We saw a recap of the Billy Kidman/Chavo Guerrero/Paul London storyline surrounding the Shooting Star Press. We saw Kidman giving Chavo a concussion, and then breaking up with tag team partner Paul London. They had a face-off at No Mercy. Kidman had been afraid to use the Shooting Star Press, and the question was whether he would show and whether he would hit the move. London went for a Shooting Star Press, but Kidman got his knees up. Kidman then went up top and delivered the move for the first time since accidentally taking out Chavo to get the pin, and followed it up with another Shooting Star Press to London on a stretcher after he had started bleeding from the mouth from the first SSP. Josh Matthews said that London would

We got the Velocity video intro, but no super duper neato pyro.

(1) Paul London defeated Billy Kidman.

Pre-Match Analysis: Billy Kidman made his way to the ring in red jacket and pads, with black tights and white boots. A tight look. Paul London made his way out next.

Match Analysis: London ran into the ring like the Flash. Seriously, he was there faster than anyone I've ever seen, going after Kidman immediately and hitting a flurry of forearms. London slid under Kidman's legs and hit an atomic drop, then a clothesline to send Kidman to the outside. Kidman stomped his legs and started jumping up and down in the ring, then hit a somersault plancha over the top rope to Kidman on the outside. London threw Kidman back in the ring, showing an intensity he hasn't show before. London hit a slingshot clothesline over the top rope to Kidman back in the ring. London went up to the second rope and hit the Mushroom Stomp, followed by a spinning leg lariat to Kidman's back, sending Kidman to the outside once again. Holy crap this was cool. London went up to the top rope and leapt to attack Kidman on the outside, but Kidman dodged and sent London face first into the ring barrier. Kidman was now in control, rolling London back into the ring. Josh Matthews said that London was the world's most extreme athlete. London started fighting back, but didn't have much luck. Kidman pushed London up in the air coming off the ropes, into a pin cover. Kidman started choking London in the ropes with his knee. Kidman locked London into an abdominal stretch. London was showing a ton of emotion and hip tossed Kidman out of the hold. London hit a kick to Kidman's gut while he was hanging on the rope, and he kept getting in some quick strikes while trying to recover on the ropes. He hit a hurracanrana followed by a spinning leg lariat, and he hit a dropsault into a pin cover for two. Kidman took London up on his shoulders into a big backbreaker from a Death Valley Driver position. Kidman covered London again, but London kicked out at two. London sent Kidman into the turnbuckle and tried to attack off the ropes, but London got caught by Kidman who hit the BK Bomb. The announcers postulated that Kidman could have gotten the pin here, but instead wanted to hurt London. Kidman pulled London into the corner and Kidman went for the Shooting Star Press, but London rolled out of the way. London went up top but was too slow. Kidman went up top and attacked, and was about to hit a suplex, but London countered and hit a reverse suplex to send Kidman to the mat. London followed up with the 450 Splash for the pin cover and the victory.

DeMott's Turning Point: Unlike when London was injured, London had Kidman scouted this time and was able to roll out of the way of the Shooting Star Press.

Match Grade: A-. This was a great match, and it was sad to see this amazing feud finished on Velocity instead of pay-per-view, and without any hype on Smackdown. Still, you felt like Paul London wanted to rip Billy Kidman's head off, and they did a nice job playing off of their previous work together, particularly with Kidman being unable to hit the Shooting Star Press. It was also nice to see London pull out his 450 Splash after not using it in a long time, not even in his pay-per-view match against London. Kidman wasn't half-bad himself, and the announcers did a nice job of putting over the sadistic motives behind Kidman's actions.

Tonight: Luther Reigns versus Hardcore Holly. Why in their right minds are they promoting this match?

Up next: Highlights from this week's Tough Enough, where the competition was narrowed down to mixed martial arts fighter/college student (it's true!) Daniel Puder, and MTV's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin.

Promo time: WWE is coming to a town near you, and if they have anything like that London/Kidman match, or better yet, last week's London/Akio match, it will be worth seeing.

Commercial break: Old school Final Fantasy is now available for Game Boy Advance. I remember playing this as a little kid and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. I also thought the graphics were just fine. In retrospect, they look more like my nine month old little brother drew them, but still a great game.

Promo time: Back from break, we saw the same live event highlights that we saw on Smackdown this week, focusing on their show at Madison Square Garden. The first girl who talks in his is super hot, and I kept hoping that they would show more footage of her, but it wasn't meant to be.

Tough Enough: We saw a video package of the whole Tough Enough competition, starting with the beach auditions. They had a nice video effect to make it look like film, with film scratches. They also retroactively talked about the "seven" Tough Enough finalists, forgetting that John Meyer was one of the original eight before quitting. They showed brief clips of each of the Tough Enough competitions, before going back and showing the first elimination and then they showed the eliminated contestants talking about what it was like to be eliminated. We saw that Mizanin and Puder were the two finalists, and they will be facing one another in a Dixie Dog Fight at Armageddon. We saw highlights of their jousting competition and their promos from this week's Smackdown, ending with footage of them facing off after their Dixie Dogfight. Josh tried to sell the possibility of Miz getting a knockout victory, but I think the chances are better of Josh scoring a knockout victory against Triple H.

Promo time: John Cena returns at Armageddon, tomorrow night. They showed some file footage of Cena with graphics informing us of this fact. In case we didn't know he had, y'know, a match.

Commercial break: Why do these Bod body spray commercials run during wrestling? I mean, I know the product is for guys, but should they really be showing us shirtless guys to sell this product? Well, I guess they figure we're watching half-naked guys the rest of the show, so they don't want to take us out of the moment.

WWE Body Slam of the Week: Chavo was trying to eliminate Billy Kidman in a cruiserweight battle royal on Smackdown this week, but Funaki eliminated both men to become the number one contender!

(2) Spike Dudley defeated C.W. Anderson.

Pre-Match Analysis: "The Boss" Spike Dudley made his way down to the ring, though I still have no idea who he's "the Boss" of since I can barely remember the last time the Dudleys were on TV. Oh yeah, they were on TV getting destroyed by Big Show. Right. His opponent is former ECWer C.W. Anderson, who has also appeared in Ring of Honor in recent years.

Match Analysis: Spike got a side headlock at the start, but Anderson took Spike down with a shoulder block. Josh talked about how Anderson had compared in recent years in Zero-One. Has Zero-One been mentioned on WWE TV before? Anderson took Spike to the mat, almost amateur style, riding Spike, but Spike went to the ropes for the break. Bill talked about how Anderson had been in Japan for the last three years. Spike got a hammerlock, but Anderson ran... well, walked quickly around the ring and sent Spike through the ropes. They shoved each other in the middle of the ring, and Anderson took down Spike with a big punch. Anderson went for the ten punch in the corner, but after three punches, Spike escaped and then hit a modified powerbomb on Anderson. Spike hit a double stomp on Anderson off the top rope. Spike then kicked Anderson in the gut. Spike choked Anderson by the ropes with his boot, followed by a stomp using the slingshot effect of the ropes for extra power in the stomp. Spike applied a rear headlock, into a side headlock. Anderson tried fighting out, but Spike hit a pair of kicks to Anderson's chest to send him down again. Anderson went for a submission on Anderson's neck which he voluntarily released. Spike applied a rear naked choke and started grinding Anderson's face. He released it and applied another rear naked choke into a side headlock. Spike went for a Dudley Dog, but Anderson countered and hit an Anderson spinebuster. Bill DeMott said that he's known Anderson for years, and he had asked previously if C.W. was related to Ole or Arn Anderson, but he'd never gotten an answer. DeMott noted, though, that the way C.W. moves around the ring is similar to the Andersons, as is his use of the spinebuster. Anderson took Spike down with a pair of clotheslines, followed by a T-bone suplex! Anderson sold his injured abdominal area. Spike hit a big forearm to take Anderson down to the mat, who rolled into the corner. Spike stomped on him in the corner, but Anderson came out of the corner and hit a huge superkick to Spike's face into a cover, but Spike kicked out just before three. Anderson went after Spike but got caught up in the ropes when Spike dodged. Spike seized the opportunity to hit a Dudley Dog into the pin, leading to the pinfall.

Match Grade: B+. In a squash match, shouldn't the loser be getting, you know, squashed? Well, thankfully, this wasn't your typical squash match. The psychology was a little messed up, as Anderson seemed to be the heel here, with Spike as the underdog, but a good match nonetheless. The commentary was really on point here, other than Josh trying to get over Anderson winning as an upset. That's really hard to do with a bigger guy wrestling, y'know, Spike Dudley. It was also nice to hear the announcers reference both Zero-One and ECW during this match. Anderson has a pretty lousy look, but I wouldn't mind seeing him as, say, a B-show regular, or a part of the forever rumored WWE-produced version of ECW.

Up next: Highlights of JBL in tag team action with his Cabinet against Armageddon's WWE Title challengers.

Promo time: WWE went to Iraq last year for the holidays, and they're headed back this year to say thank you to the troops. Even though I may disagree with certain government policies, but I've got all the respect in the world for the troops, and the fact that WWE is giving back like this is fantastic.

Commercial break: You should only buy Viewtiful Joe 2 for GameCube if you plan on driving yourself insane. The first Viewtiful Joe is possibly the hardest fun game I've ever played, and word is that part dos is even harder. Yikes.

Promo time: Armageddon promo time! JBL will be facing off against Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, and the Undertaker tomorrow night for the WWE Championship. This is probably only interesting to me since I review this show, but they did this promo coming back from commercial instead of going to commercial like they usually do.

Smackdown last Thursday: Guerrero and JBL were in the ring as we came back from break. This match was actually a lot of fun. It would have been better if it weren't a handicap match and they would have given the faces a fourth man for their team. How about Josh Matthews? Anyway, the Undertaker hot tagged in and laid waste to the Bashams and Orlando Jordan. Things started breaking down, with Eddie and Booker in the ring, as well as JBL bringing in his title belt. The faces managed to clear the ring, leaving only JBL with all three title challengers surrounding him. Undertaker went for a Tombstone Piledriver, but Jordan ran in for the save. The faces once again dealt with JBL's cabinet, including finishers all around on Jordan, including both a chokeslam and a Tombstone Piledriver, which led to the pin. Taker stuck out his tongue during the pin like a five year old at recess, but it's OK, because I just remember not to think logically while watching a Taker match. JBL had escaped to the ramp, but Taker had JBL's title at his feet. JBL refused to go in and get it, though.

Josh and Bill started running down the Armageddon card. There's that WWE Title match, with JBL's cabinet banned from ringside. New WWE Tag Team Champs Rey Mysterio and RVD will defend against former champs Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree. Mike Mizanin and Daniel Puder will face off in a boxing match. Funaki is going after Spike Dudley's Cruiserweight Championship. Miss Jackie and Dawn Marie will have a match with special referee Charlie Haas. We've also got the ridiculous Big Show vs. Team Angle match (Luther Reigns, Kurt Angle, and Mark Jindrak) which just makes that group look minor league. John Cena will be facing off against Jesus, accompanied by his mentor, Carlito Caribbean Cool.

Up next: Luther Reigns versus Hardcore Holly. Please, no. Why is this the main event? Well, with the other two matches being absolutely off the hook, I have hope. Not much, but a little bit.

Promo time: We saw the Triple H vignette regarding Blade: Trinity, with Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel talking about how much they loooooove Triple H. I guess anyone who gets the approval of Van Wilder and the chick from 7th Heaven has to be cool, right? Duh, sure.

Commercial break: In a fun vignette for the Spike TV Video Game Awards, we saw Snoop Dogg take out his video game counterpart from Def Jam Fight For New York. I enjoyed this awards show last year, so I'll be giving it another chance.

WWE Rewind: Rey Mysterio rolled up Kenzo Suzuki and grabbed his tag partner Rob Van Dam's hand for extra leverage to get the pinfall victory and to become the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

(3) Luther Reigns defeated Hardcore Holly.

Pre-Match Analysis: Luther Reigns made his way down to the ring. Luther Reigns was opening his eyes way too wide while trying to look intimidating, and Josh sounded almost Cole-esque while putting over the look, but all's forgiven because, well, he's Josh Matthews! Hardcore Holly made his way out next, high-fiving fans on his way down to the ring. Matthews claimed that everyone was on their feet for Hardcore Holly. Um, sure. No, really, Josh, I believe you! OK, I don't. Sorry, I lied.

Match Analysis: Hardcore and Reigns locked up, with Hardcore muscling Reigns into the ropes. The two men faced off from across the ring, and the fans started getting loud. I couldn't tell if they were cheering or booing or, more likely, a little bit of both. Reigns took Hardcore into the corner and shoved him. Hardcore came back with a shove of his own, and I'm already bored to tears. Who cares? Hardcore's a face, I'm guessing? Sure. Reigns locked in a side headlock. Hardcore went for a shoulder tackle, but Reigns didn't go down. Reigns went on offense. Reigns tried to hit a shoulder tackle by running into Hardcore in the corner, but Hardcore dodged and got a leverage pin cover, but Reigns kicked out. Hardcore hit a series of chops in the corner, but Reigns regained control. Hardcore kicked Reigns in the gut and hit him in the head by the ropes, then setting him up for the Alabama Slam. Matthews called the move a turning point. Reigns threw Hardcore shoulder first into the steel post, sending Hardcore to the outside to take us to the commercial break. This is a two segment match?

Commercial break: Torrie Wilson loves Smackdown Versus Raw's superstar voiceover. Stacy Keibler loves online. And Mike Roe loves Molly and therefore doesn't really care about this commercial.

Match Analysis (Continued): For some reason, we came back from commercial. Back from break, Reigns had Hardcore in a cover, but Hardcore kicked out. We cut to a "Moments Ago" shot of Hardcore being sent to the outside, then a "During the Break" shot of Reigns throwing Hardcore shoulder first into the steel steps. Back in the present, Reigns had a side headlock on Hardcore, but Hardcore fought out. Reigns clothesline Hardcore and went for a cover, but Hardcore kicked out. Reigns had an arm submission on Hardcore, focused on the elbow. The ref asked if Hardcore wanted to give up, but Hardcore said no. Reigns hit an elbow drop for another cover, but Hardcore kicked out. Reigns kept working on that elbow, working the arm while making really ridiculous looking facial expressions, like he was remembering when he used to have hot prison sex. Hardcore made his way back to his feet and tried fighting out. Reigns went for a short arm clothesline, but Hardcore dodged and hit a Greco-Roman back suplex. The ref went for a double count, up to six. Reigns went for a big boot, but Hardcore ducked and went on a flurry, hitting a pair of clotheslines and hitting the best dropkick in the business for two. Bill DeMott pointed out that Hardcore couldn't use his left arm, which had been worn down, to make a proper cover. Hardcore hit a flying clothesline off the top rope for a cover, but Reigns kicked out at two. Hardcore got a small package for another two count. Reigns threw Hardcore into the ropes, where he landed on his throat. Reigns hit his reverse spinning neckbreaker, covered Hardcore, and picked up the win. Josh quickly did a hardsell for Armageddon and its matches to close out the show as Reigns walked to the back.

Match Grade: C. Not that great, and this match narrowly avoided getting a lower grade. The opening match had a huge history behind it and even got a video history package, and while the second match was a squash match, it featured the Cruiserweight Champion against a larger opponent who had the majority of the offense. The match was between a guy who is part of the most poorly booked faction in wrestling and a guy who only got on Smackdown recently by getting hit on by men in drag. There was no reason to root for either one of these men. They tried to paint Hardcore as the face, but they didn't do a very good job of it. This match was so slow, with way too many boring submissions like side headlocks. They didn't have enough material to fill two segments, and you could have taken a lot of portions of this match and just interchanged them with each other. The only explanation I can see for this as a main event is that WWE hates cruiserweights and/or is booking this show backwards since they feel people are probably in bed or watching Saturday Night Live by the time the main event rolls around. Probably a little bit of both.

Final Show Grade: B+. That last match left a sour taste in my mouth, but it wasn't enough to overcome the excellent opener and the very good second match. First former ECWer Danny Doring appears on Heat last week, and now C.W. Anderson on Velocity? Now the weekend shows are home to cruiserweights and ex-ECW wrestlers! Fantastic! The announcers just keep getting better, and I wouldn't mind seeing Josh Matthews take over for Jim Ross when he hangs up his cowboy hat someday. Velocity seems to be starting a string of hot shows, with Akio/London last week and the two great matches this week, and here's hoping that the streak continues next week.

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Thanks for tuning in everyone, enjoy Armageddon on Sunday night! Don't forget to check out my review of Ring of Honor's Joe/Punk II in the Lounge this week. Until next time, do good works and remember to smile!

Mike Roe is the junior WWE Velocity reviewer for PWTorch.com. He's also a Gumgod Pledge and the president of the Dusty Giebink fan club, Dusty's Finishers. He also writes regularly on all sorts of fun stuff on his blog, Tap Out. If you have questions, comments, complaints, or just want a warm body to talk to, drop me a line at roemd03@stolafalum.com or find me on the Torch VIP forum.

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