James Caldwell, Torch Contributor

TNA Impact Review
November 19, 2004
Taped November 16, 2004 in Orlando, FL at Universal Studios
Aired on Fox Sports Net
Report by James Caldwell, Torch Team Contributor

Friday Afternoon Take: Well, if you like Hall, Nash, and their high school antics, this is the recap for you. The Kings of Wrestling basically ran the show like that one edition of WCW Nitro when the nWo took over for two and a half hours. There were no memorable matches, a bunch of backstage segments thrown together, and our main event featured Kid Kash & Michael Shane & Kazarian vs. Sonjay Dutt & Hector Garza & Sonny Siaki. Let’s see what else happened...

------

- We saw wrestlers screaming at each other in the backstage area. An ambulance was shown with 3 Live Kru inside. Jeff Jarrett threw D Ray 3000 into the side of a trailer. Kevin Nash planted Amazing Red face first into the trailer then Scott Hall slammed a white board across his back. The Kings of Wrestling stood over the two laid out bodies as other personnel screamed in their direction.

- A clip from last week highlighted the debut of the Kings of Wrestling and their subsequent destruction of A.J. Styles & Jeff Hardy after the main event.

- To the Impact Zone where Jeff Jarrett’s music blared over the loud speakers. Jarrett entered the Impact Zone with guitar in hand, TNA Title around his waist, and the Outsiders on his side. Hall and Nash pretended to choke on the pyros as they slooooooooowly walked to the ringside area. Hall and Nash took a detour and ended up at the broadcast table. Nash told Don West, a “card salesman,” to take a hike.

(1) Jeff Jarrett defeated J-Rocc at 0:40 in a Non-Title Match. Jarrett attacked J-Rocc before the match began, sending him into the guardrail ringside. Back in the ring, Jarrett put J-Rocc on the bottom rope then squashed him neck first. Jarrett ended the match in under a minute with the Stroke as Hall and Nash did their best to waste time at the broadcast table.

Match View: What can be said? I was too distracted by Scott Hall’s mumbling and Kevin Nash’s poor imitations of wrestling announcers to care about this match. 40 seconds for the TNA Champ? Wow. Good to see he can carry an extended match with good back and forth action.

- We saw a limo pull up in the backstage area. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall screamed at the guys in the truck to cut away from that shot.

- In the backstage area, Shane Douglas stood outside of a cage, which was set up by Triple X, Christopher Daniels and Prime Time. Daniels spoke from the other side of the temporary cage, telling AMW that they aren’t scared about the six sides of steel match set for Turning Point. Prime Time squashed some fruit from the other side of the cage. Prime Time and Daniels challenged AMW to bring it on.

(2) AMW defeated NYC (Glen Gilberti & Johnny Swinger) (w/Triniti) by DQ at 1:43. NYC jumped AMW before the match began. James Storm connected with a super kick on Gilberti. AMW with a double team elbow smash on Swinger. Hall and Nash continued to work commentary, making lame sex jokes that John Cena wouldn’t even use. Triniti entered the ring after AMW cleared out NYC. Harris threw Triniti over the top rope and to the outside onto NYC. Chris Harris slapped Jeff Jarrett leading to Nash and Hall leaving the broadcast booth to attack AMW leading to a DQ. The action spilled to the back where the Kings of Wrestling threw AMW into the temporary cage that Triple X was waiting in.

- With the match over, we saw a second limo pull up in the backstage area. With feigned looks of concern, Hall, Nash, and Jarrett consulted with Shane Douglas on what was going on. The Kings of Wrestling went to the production truck as we went to commercial.

Match View: Well, so much for a decent wrestling match in the first 20 minutes of the show. Hall and Nash were so lame on commentary that it was hard to concentrate on the action inside the ring. If that’s what TNA was aiming for, then they should stop having wrestling matches and just throw 60 minutes of segments on the air. Otherwise, get the jokers off the air.

- Back from commercial, we saw Nash sitting in the production truck telling the crew that he didn’t want any new surprises. Jarrett told Nash to take over the production of Impact. One of the guys in the truck, either the producer or director told Jarrett not to put his hand on him or he’d sue him. Jarrett and Nash laughed it off.

- We took a look at Chris Sabin’s counter of Petey Williams’ Canadian Destroyer last week on Impact.

(3) Team Canada (Petey Williams & Bobby Roode) (w/Coach Scott D’Amore) defeated Jerrelle Clark & Mikey Batts at 2:45. The match began with Team Canada sending the babyface team over the top rope and to the outside. Back in the ring, Roode and Batts squared off. Roode delivered clubbing right hands to the side of Batts’ head then a knee to his gut. Roode with a side belly to back suplex. Roode tagged in Petey as we took a look at the Kings of Wrestling directing the guys in the truck. Petey scored a knee to the gut on Batts as he had him set up in the Tree of Woe. Batts ended Petey’s momentum with a jaw breaker. Clark tagged in and scored a drop kick on Roode, who entered the ring illegally. Roode tossed Batts over the top rope to the outside then clotheslined Clark. Petey picked up the remains of Clark and scored the Canadian Destroyer for the pin and the win. Chris Sabin stood at the entrance ramp, taunting Petey Williams.

- Chris Sabin ran to the ring and went for the Cradle Shock, but Petey slipped out. Roode and D’Amore watched as Sabin countered the Canadian Destroyer for the second week in a row. Sabin scored the Cradle Shock, laying out Petey. Sabin scampered out of the ring as Roode and D’Amore entered the ring.

Match View: Ok, TNA is doing some things right for a change. Real nice build up for this feud between Sabin and Williams the last two weeks. They built up the Canadian Destroyer for so long, that now anyone who can counter the move is seen as a legit star in TNA. Good way to showcase Sabin and build up his credibility as an up and coming A.J. Styles type star.

- A third limo pulled up backstage. The Kings of Wrestling left the production truck, fed up with all the surprises.

- After a commercial break, we saw Shane Douglas standing outside of the three limos in the backstage area. Nash and Hall checked all of the limos, not finding anyone inside. Hall and Nash joked about doing something about the surprises. Jarrett said he didn’t want any punitive damages to deal with. The Kings of Wrestling walked to the ringside area as Shane Douglas smiled on like a brainless gopher.

- We saw a clip from last week when DDP made his return to wrestling by sending a message to Raven.

(4) Johnny B. Badd defeated Raven at 2:40. Raven came to the ring wearing one of the most ridiculous outfits I have ever seen. He was wearing a Trojan-esque mask with a golden eagle sort of face mask. Words cannot do justice for the hideousness of it. Raven jumped Badd before the match began, sending him head first into to all corners of the ring. Badd with a tilt o whirl head scissors then a high knee lift, sending Raven’s chin flying back. Badd took Raven to the corner and propped him up on the top rope. Badd climbed up and went for a huricanrana, but botched the move. Raven crashed to the mat with Badd’s legs landing on his back. Badd went for a move, but Raven shoved him into the ref. Badd caught about 5% of the referee, but he still went down like he was hit by a truck. Raven scored a DDT on Badd and had the pin, but with the referee down, Diamond Dallas Page entered the ring and gave Raven the Diamond Cutter. DDP threw Badd onto Raven then kicked the referee, giving him the signal to count the pin. Wouldn’t a referee with any sense of logic, common sense, justice, integrity, intelligence, aptitude, or sense question what DDP was doing in the ring? Never the less, the referee counted the three count for Badd, giving him an assisted win.

Match View: If you thought the WWE does bad referee bump spots, you haven’t seen anything. TNA’s ref bumps are so bad, I wouldn’t even think a five year old would believe it. In this case, the ref basically threw himself to the mat. Just a really poor match ending.

- Shane Douglas found DDP walking to his limo in the backstage area. Douglas wanted to know what DDP was up to based on his interference in Raven’s match. DDP said Raven’s been running through his head for the last two and a half years. Douglas, acting like he was completely surprised, wanted to know what that was supposed to mean. DDP told Douglas to ask Raven. DDP faced the camera and said, “Rent’s Due.” DDP hopped into the limo and sped off. One limo down...two limos to go.

(5) Abyss defeated Kevin Jones at 1:12. Hey, isn’t this guy on my fantasy football team? Hey Abyss, where’s the balloons and cookies? Come on! To the match where Abyss blocked an initial uprising from Jones, squashing him in the corner. Abyss scored the Black Hole Slam and had the pin, but picked him up at a two count. The lights went out and we saw Sinister Mitchell standing atop the arena, but covered in a black robe. Abyss picked up Jones and sent him to the ropes. Abyss scored the Pounce then covered him for the win.

- After using Monty Brown’s finisher, Abyss went under the ring and grabbed a bag of thumb tacks. Abyss set up Jones for a power bomb onto the tacks, but Monty Brown ran into the ring with a chair in hand. Brown slammed the chair into Abyss’ back then set up for a power bomb. Abyss blocked the power bomb attempt, but Brown recovered with a devastating clothesline, sending Abyss scrambling out of the ring.

Match View: More solid build up for the Abyss vs. Brown feud, complete with a squash match that actually had a purpose. That’s all that really needs to be said, well except for that it would have been fun to see a jobber take a thumbtack bump. That would be worth the $100 and cold sandwich.

- Shane Douglas was in the backstage area with Raven. Douglas asked Raven what he thought about DDP’s two sneak attacks. Raven said Erik Watts is responsible for all of DDP’s hardship and agony. Raven rhymed his way through a tirade on DDP, challenging him to a match to settle the score.

- Dusty Rhodes, the person in the second limo, stood in the center of the ring to address TNA Turning Point. Rhodes said AMW and Triple X were going to finish it once and for all in the Six Sides of Steel. Rhodes said he wants to add a stipulation to the match: “The losing team can never wrestle together again here in TNA.” Rhodes addressed the Kings of Wrestling. Rhodes told the boys in the back to put an end to the uprising from the KOW. Rhodes gave permission to everyone in the back to jump the KOW anytime they want, with or without a contract. Rhodes said he has someone here tonight for the KOW.

- We saw a clip from Victory Road when Kid Kash delivered a coconut to Sonjay Dutt’s head and disrespected Jimmy Snuka in the process.

(6) Kid Kash & Michael Shane & Kazarian (w/Traci) defeated Sonjay Dutt & Hector Garza & Sonny Siaki at 3:36. The heel tandem came to the ring sporting lei’s, a shot at Jimmy Snuka. Before the match could start, Impact went to commercial.

Back from commercial, we saw all six men inside the ring at the 2:30 mark. Kash and Siaki started the one on one aspect of the match with Siaki scoring a clothesline followed by a throw up slam. Shane and Kazarian broke up a pin attempt leading to a six man brawl. With the referee distracted by the full out brawl, Traci entered the ring and handed a coconut to Kash. Kash dropped Siaki with the coconut then made the pin for the win.

Match View: We saw about 45 seconds of a three and a half minute match. Ridiculous. I sure hope TNA has a plan for Kid Kash’s “coconut” gimmick because it doesn’t seem like TNA has a long-term strategy for the Kash vs. Dutt feud. But, hey, at least they’re doing something with them; albeit 1/100th of what their feud has potential for.

- Shark Boy entered the ring and tried to tell the referee about the coconut. The referee had nothing to do with Shark Boy’s plea. If the referee reversed the decision based on what a guy in a shark outfit told him, then we’re all in trouble. A brawl broke down with the babyfaces holding a four on three advantage. Garza, Dutt, and Shark Boy scored a triple splash on the heels. The Kings of Wrestling entered the ring. Jarrett scored the Stroke on Hector Garza. Scott Hall delivered the Outsider’s Edge on Shark Boy followed by Kevin Nash dropping Sonjay Dutt with a powerbomb. The KOW stood in the ring to celebrate. Jeff Hardy’s music hit. Hardy and A.J. Styles stood at the entrance ramp then signaled to the back. Randy Savage came out from the back and pointed at the KOW. Blackbeard the Pirate entered the ring and dropped Jarrett with a right hand. Savage picked up the mic and challenged the KOW to a six man tag match at Turning Point. KOW stood outside the ring, staring down the babyfaces as we closed the show.

Closing Thoughts: I’m tired of ranting and raving about TNA. I truly am. I truly want to say something positive about the hour I just spent on this Friday afternoon. Ok, so there was a solid extension of the build up for Sabin vs. Petey Williams. There was also solid build up for the Abyss vs. Raven feud. Nice build up, nice action between the pair of heated rivals. On the tag team side, who holds the Title Belts? Oh yeah, 3 Live Kru, who was stretchered out at the top of the show. But, there was solid build up for Triple X and AMW’s heated rivalry with a new stipulation thrown in for good measure. Three feuds that had solid build up. Nicely done.

And now...for the bad and ugly...all in one. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall should never be allowed back on commentary again. They’re immature, they’re lame, their jokes are old, their commentary does nothing for the show; simply put, they’re just not fresh. Couple that with a complete lack of seriousness in their demeanor when handling storylines and you have two wrestlers make everything out to be a joke. When they’re involved in storylines, you can tell that they’re a) going through the motions and b) taking nothing serious. It’s as if they’re pretending to act when they should just be acting out their roles. So far, Hall hasn’t earned the pay on his contractually obligated eight appearances. He hasn’t done anything but mumble, play dumb, and pretend like it’s WCW circa 1998. Absolute waste of time, money, and oxygen. That brings me to the consequence of having Hall and Nash around. We now have less time for meaningful matches and more time for awesomely bad backstage segments involving Mr. Overreaction Shane Douglas. If as much effort went into making Hall and Nash happy by having them doing nothing but toss under-sized wrestlers around, we could have a legitimate X Division complete with character development and intriguing storylines. Instead, we have things like Blackbeard the Pirate over-shadowing Hardy and Styles. What does this do for Hardy and Styles? Nothing. It proves that they are not able to handle the KOW on their own, and have to enlist the services of an old, washed up wrestler turned wannabee rapper. That’s a great way to kill of two of your top babyfaces; just show that they’re not worthy of standing up to two hashed up wrestlers and a mid-card champion. Enough with the rant. I’ll pick up where I left off in the Sunday Brunch two days from now.

As always, feel free to send me feedback on today's show at revenge_nwo@yahoo.com. I'm open to any and all reader comments. I'll be checking in with more TNA coverage...some of it positive...in the "Sunday Brunch," on Sunday afternoon, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax