TV REPORTS KELLER'S SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/7: Ongoing "virtual time" analysis of network broadcast
Oct 7, 2004 - 10:48:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
OCTOBER 7, 2004
TAPED TUESDAY IN BOSTON, MASS.
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-The show opened with freeze-frames of the final match at No Mercy with JBL vs. Bradshaw and the Heidenreich interference and post-match Bronco crash.
-After the Smackdown opening (the new opening tune works well for the product), Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show. Clips aired of stiff hardcore brawl between JBL and Hardcore Holly last week as they announced a rematch was scheduled.
-John Cena walked to the ring in a Red Sox jersey with his newly won U.S. Hvt. Title. Cena said life is good with his U.S. Title win, the success of the Boston Red Sox, and the winning streak of the New England Patriots. I can't live with the home team pandering this time because it's actually Cena's hometown. Cena made fun of Michael Cole's taste in music. He said Cole wonders if Cena "has the right stuff under those boxers." He said, "You're sick. This is too easy for me." Cena said since it's his hometown, he was going to invite a fan into the ring to help him make fun of Cole.
Carlito Caribbean Cool walked out instead, interrupting Cena's party. Carlito told Cena nobody who wears the Boston Red Sox jersey ever wins. He said he came out to the ring because he wanted to meet the guy who says he's the coolest guy in WWE. He was about to bit into his apple. Cena stopped him and said he's in the wrong part of town to be talking like that. When he pulled out an apple. Cena told him if he bites into it and spits on him, he would make him swallow it. Carlito said it took him five matches to win the U.S. Title, but he can win it in one. I bet if Carlito was in a "best of five series" with Cena, he wouldn't be able to win it in one. Just a hunch.
Cena said the cool thing to do would be to have a U.S. Title match later. Cena took his t-shirt off and threw it to the crowd. Carlito said that's not cool. He said he needed time to change clothes, but later on tonight his challenge was "cool." Carlito offered a handshake. Cena refused and waved hhis hand in front of his face with a smile. Carlito DDT'd Cena on the mat, then pulled out his apple, took a bite, and spit it all over Cena. "Give me a break! Humiliating!" said Cole with a forced five-sylable overstatement.
1 -- KENZO SUZUKI (w/Rene Dupree, Huroko) vs. REY MYSTERIO (w/RVD)
Kenzo sang "New York, New York" before the match. Back and forth match. Rey gave Dupree a 619 to the gut when he stood on the ring apron to interfere. Rey then followed up with a 619 on Kenzo. When Dupree grabbed Rey's leg to block the West Coast Pop, RVD kicked him in the face. Rey then schoolboyed Kenzo for the win.
WINNER: Mysterio at 3:23.
STAR RATING: 1/2 * -- Awkward at times, but short and all-action.
-A tape aired of Stacy Keibler accepting an award for Make-a-Wish participation.
-Josh Matthews interviewed JBL who had a mile-wide grin on his face. JBL said, "As a great, great president once said, No New Champion." He said he had no knowledge of Heidenreich did to Undertaker. He said he proved the world wrong once again by retaining the title. JBL's demeanor changed when asked about having to face Hardcore Holly next. He said he is the greatest WWE Champion of all time and he deserves better. He said he will wrestle the match because that's what the fans expect of him. He encouraged his fans to chant his name.
2 -- JBL vs. HARDCORE HOLLY
Holly punched away at JBL's taped forehead. The cut opened up at 1:00. JBL came back with a fallaway slam, sending Holly rolling to the floor. He kicked Holly, rammed him into the table, chopped him, and stomped him. Holly reversed JBL into the ringside stairs. In the ring Holly scored a two count. JBL reversed momentum with an eye rake. At 4:15 Orlando Jordan strolled to ringside with a smile on his face. Holly made a comeback, hitting a backdrop and then a dropkick for a two count. Holly hit a weak-looking top rope elbowdrop for another two count at 5:15. Holly ducked a Clothesline from Hell and then hit the Alabama Slam. Jordan distracted Holly as JBL crawled out of the ring. The ref counted JBL out as Jordan held onto JBL's leg.
WINNER: Holly via countout at 6:09.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-A vignette aired advertising the return of Chavo Guerrero in two weeks.
-Teddy Long informed Paul Heyman that when they opened the door to the hearse after Heidenreich rammed the Bronco into it, they found no sign of Undertaker. Heyman got all bug-eyed. Long said despite Heidenreich's "borderline criminal actions," he wasn't going to punish him because Undertaker would take care of his business his way in time. Heyman nervously said Heidenreich would be reciting more poetry later.
-Raw Recap aired.
-Kurt Angle told Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak that when he was counted out at No Mercy, the match should have been ended, or at the very least postponed. He said he was forced to wrestle against his will. He said he'd fight Big Show tonight and teach him a lesson if doctors would let him wrestle, but instead Jindrak will have to take his place. Angle said he'd be at ringside for him to be sure "nobody gets the best of Kurt Angle."
-They showed the silhouette of Big Show with a bald head. Cole said he shaved his head every morning as a reminder of what Angle did to him.
-Long announced there would be a hardcore match next week with Holly vs. JBL. Cole and Tazz did their best to give the impression that was a big announcement by saying, "Oh, ho ho ho ho. Wow! Oh ho ho ho ho. That's big!"
-Angle joined Angle and Cole at ringside. When they asked him a question, he didn't respond and appeared to be in a trance. When Show began walking out, Angle stood and stared him down. Cole told Angle that was the man who promised not to show him any mercy on Sunday and lived up to his word. Cole and Tazz kept asking him questions, but he wouldn't respond.
3 -- BIG SHOW vs. MARK JINDRAK
Not ones to take a hint, Cole and Tazz kept asking Angle questions one after another. Show dominated early. When Show went to ringside to confront Angle, Angle sat down and remained in his trance. Jindrak then surprised Show with a dropkick, taking over offense. He rammed Show into the ringside stairs. When Show tossed Jindrak over the top rope to the floor, Reigns began to enter the ring. Eddie Guerrero stopped him. When Angle charged into the ring with a chair, Show kicked the chair into Angle's face. Show then chokeslammed Jindrak for the win. A flustered Angle helped Jindrak to the back as Show and Guerrero stood in the ring. Reigns and Guerrero exchanged heated words.
WINNER: Big Show at 4:20.
STAR RATING: *
-Josh Matthews interviewed Carlito Cool. They replayed the angle where Carlito offered a handshake to Cena, but when Cena gave him the hand wave "I can't see you" gesture, Carlito DDT'd him onto his belt. Matthews asked Carlito what provoked him to disrespect Cena in his hometown. He said that wasn't disrespect. He mocked Josh for his fake tan, his frosted hair, and his ugly shirt. "You're not cool," he said, adding that Cena disrespected him when he refused to shake his hand. He said he doesn't demand respect, he commands it. He said before the night is over, everyone in the arena including Cena will respect him and learn the definition of cool. "Tonight there will be a new United States Champion and finally a cool U.S. Champion. Now that sounds cool to me, Carlito Caribbean Cool." Good promo. Slow-paced, but casually in a way meant to drive you nuts. It worked without overplaying that hand.
4 -- BILLY KIDMAN vs. CHARLIE HAAS (w/Miss Jackie)
Tazz said it's obvious Kidman has a new swagger and a different facial expression. After a few good moments of wrestling, Kidman caught Haas with a boot to the face. Haas went down. Kidman set up the Shooting Star Press. Jackie slid into the ring to protect Haas. Kidman jumped off the top rope and got in her face. She tried to slap him. Kidman blocked her and then slammed her to the mat. When Haas rose, Kidman dropkicked him out of the ring. He then set up Jackie for an SSP, but after looking at the crowd, he shook his head no as if to say he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. The crowd actually booed Kidman for not executing the move, which is entirely backward. Shouldn't the crowd fear the move, sympathize with Jackie, and be glad he didn't do the move? How would Kidman be giving the fans any satisfaction by executing the SSP on Jackie? Kidman began to leave the ring as Rico ran to the ring to check on Jackie.
WINNER: No contest at 4:00.
STAR RATING: *
-Booker T and Orlando Jordan got into a verbal confrontation backstage. Jordan began by mocking Booker's catch phrases, then Booker got back in his face and had to be bleeped.
-Still shots aired of the JBL-Undertaker main event at No Mercy. When the Bronco struck the hearse, the slow-mo footage appeared to have added a bunch of special effects to make the explosion upon impact seem much more spectacular.
-Clips aired of more home videos from Tough Enough applicants.
-Paul Heyman and Heidenreich walked to the ring. Heidenreich was going to read a poem, or as he called them, "poetic masterpieces," but when the crowd wouldn't remain silent, he lost it and went into the crowd and beat up two "fans."
-I'm still reeling from the disappointment that we're apparently not going to get to hear a new Heidenreich poem.
-Clips aired of Mick Foley and JBL debating last week.
-Cole said when WWE fans attend an event, they should have their First Amendment right to freedom of expression, to and boo who they want. I think every fan should record that on a microrecorder and then play it for any WWE security member who tries to take one of their signs or change one of their t-shirts that aren't to WWE's censors' liking at a live event.
5 -- JOHN CENA vs. CARLITO CARIBBEAN COOL -- U.S. Hvt. Title match
Cena had a serious look on his face. He charged into the ring. Carlito fled to ringside. Cena went after him and jump-started the match. He clotheslined him at ringside. Cena borrowed a blow-up hand from a fan at ringside and waved it in front of his face while leaning over Carlito. Cena gave Carlito a delayed suspended vertical suplex and did something I've never seen before - three squats while he had Carlito balanced over his head upside down. Impressive. Cena then set up Carlito for a side slam, but flexed with his free hand before doing it. Cena whipped Carlito into the ringside stairs and dominated until Carlito ducked down as Cena flew at him, so Cena crashed to the floor at 5:00. Carlito took control for 90 seconds until Cena blocked a powerbomb attempt on the floor and sling-shot Carlito into the crowd.
At 15:00 Cena had Carlito down. He pumped up his shoes. Carlito sttood up. Cena set up the FU for the apparent finishing sequence. Carlito, having been given enough time to recover as Cena needlessly pumped up his shoes, shifted his weight and grabbed onto the top rope to block the FU. Cena threatened to hit Carlito with the U.S. Title belt that he brought into the ring. Carlito then grabbed the chain that Cena brings to the ring with him. He KO'd Cena with it as the ref was getting the title belt out of the ring. They showed fans standing in absolute shock. Their facial expressions all conveyed stunned disbelief.
WINNER: Carlito at 15:11.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good match. Carlito seemed to have a solid sense of where he needed to be in the ring. He didn't look spectacular in any way, but he carries himself with confidence. I like the decision to hotshot Carlito to the U.S. Title status. It helps give him early juice and a heel fans may pay to see get beaten and put in his place by any number of babyfaces who fans see as superior and more deserving.
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PWTorch editor Wade Keller has covered pro wrestling full time since 1987 starting with the Pro Wrestling Torch print newsletter. PWTorch.com launched in 1999 and the PWTorch Apps launched in 2008.
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He hosted the weekly Pro Wrestling Focus radio show on KFAN in the early 1990s and hosted the Ultimate Insiders DVD series distributed in retail stories internationally in the mid-2000s including interviews filmed in Los Angeles with Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara and Matt & Jeff Hardy. He currently hosts the most listened to pro wrestling audio show in the world, (the PWTorch Livecast, top ranked in iTunes)
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