TV REPORTS 9/27 WWE Raw Report: Mallory's "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
Sep 27, 2004 - 10:12:00 PM
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by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
September 27, 2004
Live from Kansas City, Missouri
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Raw was live tonight from the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri.
Quarter Hour 1
The show opened with an In Memoriam to Ray Traylor (Big Bossman), who passed away last week.
Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show.
Eric Bischoff was already in the ring to discuss Taboo Tuesday. He said he had a problem with giving the pimply-faced fans the power to make matches and stipulations. It was categorically wrong. It had nothing to do with his ego, he said. (Of course not.)
Bischoff proceeded to announce the four choices to face Triple H at Taboo Tuesday:
(1) Shawn Michaels;
(2) Chris Benoit;
(3) Edge; and
(4) Randy Orton.
Bischoff continued by saying tonight Orton would have to earn his way onto the ballot in a no disqualification match with Batista. If Orton didn't win, he'd be out of contention.
Triple H came out to object to the fans picking his opponent at the PPV. He said it was a load of crap. Fans were only allowed to be in the presence of greatness, not touch it and certainly not decide its fate. He insulted a few folks in the crowd, then assured viewers that he would walk out of Taboo Tuesday as the champion.
Triple H offered a few choices as to what fans could do with their lives:
(1) Go screw themselves;
(2) Rot in hell;
(3) Try to get a life; or
(4) Roll themselves into a ball and...
Before Triple H could get the last one out, Shelton Benjamin came out and snatched away the microphone. He had a few choices to offer Triple H.
(1) Quit your whining;
(2) Quit your complaining;
(3) Stop crying, since there was not enough Kleenex in Kansas City to wipe his big nose; or
(4) Let's get it on...right now.
One thing led to another and the match was on.
(1) Shelton Benjamin over Triple H via DQ. It started with a cheap shot that left Benjamin at a disadvantage, but he made up for lost time by raining punches on Triple H in the corner. Benjamin got slammed into the ring post. As the show went to commercial, both were down on the mat.
Quarter Hour 2
Back from commercial, J.R. reminded viewers that Triple H had never defeated Benjamin. He was concentrating on Benjamin's sore shoulder, nearly twisting it out of its socket. Benjamin got back to his feet, but Triple H wasted no time in regaining control. Benjamin managed to pull Triple H off the top rope and both found themselves being counted out, but they got to their feet and back to business. Big back body drop by Benjamin and a near fall. Power slam by Benjamin and another near fall. Triple H set Benjamin up for the Pedigree, but Benjamin countered. He went up top and landed on Triple H with a modified bulldog. Triple H got dumped out of the ring and Benjamin followed him and slammed Triple H's head into the steps. Triple H picked up the title belt and clocked Benjamin with it. The winner, via DQ, was Shelton Benjamin.
Poor sport Triple H Pedigreed Benjamin on the concrete floor, then posed victoriously as the fans booed him.
Last week, Christy Hemme won the Diva Search. Trish had a surprise for her tonight.
Simon Dean was back with another infomercial about fat, smelly, weak losers. Call now.
(2) Hurricane & Rosey over Rhyno & Tajiri. They teased dissention between Hurricane and Rosey. The Japanese Buzzsaw and Rosey started things off, then Rhyno tagged in. He doesn't look nearly so Man Beastly next to big Rosey, although he's still tough as nails. Rhyno collided with Rosey several times, but was unable to get him off his feet. Finally, he got big Rosey down. Hurricane tagged in and picked up the pace. Rhyno and Tajiri seemed to be getting the better of Hurricane, who ended up in the tarantula. Rosey broke the hold. Rosey sidewalk slammed Tajiri and got the winning pin.
Todd Grisham was with a morose Kane, getting ready for an interview.
Clips were shown of what led up to last week's miscarriage.
Kane said Lita would not be joining him for the interview. She was still in a state of shock. She loved the baby even if she didn't love him, said Kane. Now they have no common bond.
Todd Grisham, master of the obvious, described the couple's situation as agonizing. Kane said there were no words to describe it. It was a baby boy, he added with profound sadness in his voice. Their son may be dead, but he wouldn't die alone. Gene Snitsky would be a dead man.
Smackdown Rebound: Undertaker took on big-as-a-barn Viscera and bloody Gangrel and prevailed; Eddie did a spectacular frog splash off Big Show's shoulders; Big Show got a haircut.
Benoit and Regal were discussing Benoit's chances in the voting when Eugene walked up with a pair of scissors. He was practicing to cut Bischoff's hair. He walked over to Benoit with the scissors, and the Rabid Wolverine told him not to even think about it (but he said it with a smile).
Quarter Hour 4
In a promo, Gene Snitsky apologized (insincerely) for the accident that cost the life of Kane and Lita's baby. But it wasn't his fault. Blah, blah, blah. If Kane had a problem with that, he could find Snitsky on Raw next week. (Why is this guy on my TV?)
(3) Gene Snitsky over Val Venis. Snitsky pummeled Val Venis and dominated the match. Venis went up top for the Money Shot, but no one was home when he landed. Side slam by Snitsky followed by the winning pin. UGH!
J.R. said WrestleMania 21 had sold out in less than one minute. Think of the bucks they could have raked in if they'd chosen a bigger venue and given more people an opportunity to attend.
(Commercial break) The new Burger King commercial with breakfast in bed with the Kind is strange. Very strange. I'll stick to Egg McMuffins, thanks.
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" hit and Ric Flair walked down to the ring. Lots of "Whoos" from the crowd. Flair said he had a problem with Randy Orton, the use of the word "great," and the use of the word "legend." When he'd won the title, Orton had become great. However, he disputed Orton's claim to be a Legend Killer. Shawn Michaels, Harley Race, Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan, and Mick Foley could not be considered legends, insisted Flair. There was only one legend that could walk the aisle and that was Flair, the 16-time champ. Orton might be great, but until he beats the Nature Boy, he'll never be a legend. Great, yes. Legend Killer, never.
Orton's music hit and he came out and grabbed the mic. Orton said he had no problem saying that Flair was the greatest legend the business has ever seen. He'd idolized him as a kid. He'd styled and profiled in his father's bathrobe as a youngster. If not for Flair, Orton said he might not have beaten Benoit for the title. Flair was the man, which was why it was so tragic to see what he'd become. He said Flair was full of it for telling the world that Triple H is the best wrestler there is.
Flair maintained that Triple H was, indeed, the greatest.
Orton wasn't buying it. "Ric is the man, but he does whatever Triple H tells him to do. He's not a legend, he's a lap dog and a glorified cheerleader."
Flair's eyes were bugging out.
Orton said this generation would remember Ric Flair for kissing Triple H's ass. Only one man can save the legend, and that man is Flair. A true legend takes crap from nobody, cautioned Orton.
Orton appeared to have struck a nerve, as Flair looked thoughtful as Orton walked to the back.
(4) Christian & Tyson Tomko over Shawn Michaels & Chris Jericho. The match started on the outside and when it moved into the ring, Michaels was getting double-teamed by Christian and Tomko. Jericho drop-kicked Tomko, then Jericho and Michaels teamed to send Tomko and Captain Charisma to the outside.
Quarter Hour 6
Back from commercial, Jericho nearly had Tomko pinned. During the break, the Problem Solver had interfered with Jericho's Walls of Jericho on Christian. Jericho was being double-teamed. Michaels got the crowd to rally behind Jericho and he battled back. Hot tag to Michaels, who was on fire. Jericho rammed Michaels into the ring post and set him up for the Unprettier. Jericho stopped it. Sweet Chin Music by Michaels on Tomko, but Christian cheated and rolled Michaels up for a pin.
Backstage, Batista told Triple H he was glad Orton was gone. It should have been all about Batista, not Orton and he would not let Orton get a title shot. As Batista walked away, Triple H smiled, knowing he'd successfully manipulated the big guy.
Quarter Hour 7
William Regal was in the ring with several members of the audience who were dressed to represent match stipulations. He said it was to help Eugene prepare for his match with Uncle Eric. One was dressed as a servant. One was wearing a dress, and Regal said he reminded him of an old girlfriend from Blackpool. Lastly, one poor guy got a haircut from Eugene and it was a mess.
Bischoff stormed down to the ring as the crowd chanted "Asshole." He said Regal and Eugene had had their fun, but they would NOT shave his head. Eugene would not beat his Uncle Eric. Bischoff gave the haircut guy a martial arts kick and said Eugene had his work cut out for him.
Earlier today, Vince McMahon, Randy Orton, Trish Stratus, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H had appeared at a Taboo Tuesday press conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
J.R. announced that next week at Madison Square Garden, Shawn Michaels would go one-on-one with Christian.
Trish Stratus, Molly, and Gail Kim headed to the ring. It was decorated with colorful balloons and a red carpet. They were there to welcome Christy, "who'd been in a little contest while they'd worked their butts off."
Christy bounced out, as hyper as ever. The real Divas shook her hand and Trish started to say something. Christy grabbed the mic away from Trish and thanked the fans for voting for her. She said it was an honor. (Were those adoring fans booing her?)
Trish got the mic away from Chatty Cathy Christy and introduced Carmella, who appeared on the TitanTron and said what she should have said last week. She was sure she could have beaten Christy. The fans had booed her only because they knew they would never have a shot at her snooty self. She called Christy the bitch who'd robbed her for a quarter of a million dollars. One day Christy would get her ass kicked and Carmella would enjoy it seeing it. (Could we please have one Carmella-free show. I thought when she lost she'd go away.)
Speaking of ass-kicking, said Trish, Bischoff had given her leeway to make a match. It wouldn't involve ice cream selling or pie eating. No, no, no. It would be a handicap bra and panties match.
(5) Trish Stratus, Gail Kim, and Molly over Christy Hemme. Much to the delight of Lawler, Trish had Christie in her drawers within seconds. For somebody who spent the entire Diva Search contest wearing little more than dental floss, Christy trying to cover up and look modest was preposterous. Then she decided she was comfortable in her bra and panties and began to prance around like a stripper.
Backstage, Ric Flair was deep in thought. Batista asked him if he was ready to go to the ring. Flair snapped back that he didn't answer to Batista.
J.R. announced that Kane would return to action next week at Madison Square Garden. Gene Snitsky would also be there--not too hard to put two and two together.
Quarter Hour 9
(6) Batista over Randy Orton. Good start by Orton, but Batista soon got the advantage. J.R. pointed out that Flair was not a ringside. Orton was wobbly from the continued beating, but began to battle back and took Batista off his feet. With each move he grew stronger, but was distracted as Triple H made his way to the ring. Orton had Batista covered, but Triple H hopped into the ring and pulled Orton off.
Triple H grabbed a chair and was ready to smack Orton with it when Ric Flair came to the ring. It was unclear who he was there for. Then he grabbed the chair, slowly turned...and pasted Orton with it. Batista went for the pin and got the win.
The Legends stood over the Legend Killer as the show went off the air. Randy Orton is now out of the running for a shot at Triple H at Taboo Tuesday. So much for audience participation.
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