By Keith Lipinski, Torch Team Contributor

Last week..

09/19/2003 At the Major League Wrestling "War Games" show, Sonjay "Playa from the Himalayas" Dutt went through 8 of the best junior heavyweights the world had to offer (or could offer without visa problems) in a tournament to win the first Super J Cup USA tournament and become the first MLW Global Junior Heavyweight Champion from the headquarters of Spring Break 97, the War Memorial in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

First round tournament matches: Sonjay "Playa from the Himalayas" Dutt pinned "Purist" Tony Mamaluke after Hindu Press (moonsault and 450 splash combo off of the top rope) in a short and fast paced match. Former WWC Light Heavyweight Champion Eddie Colon upset a bloody Jerry "New F'n Evil" with a reversed sunset flip. WWE developmental signee, former Jung Dragon and flying Elvi Jimmy Yang survived two Juvi drivers to defeat Juventud Guerra with Yang Time. "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels defeated the (not so) Super Dragon with the Last Rites.

Semi-Final Round: Dutt defeated Colon to send him back to Daddy in Puerto Rico, Daniels (with Mikey Whipwreck) defeated Yang with the Angel Wings.

Final match to determine the first MLW Global Junior Heavyweight Champion, and J-Cup USA tournament winner: Dutt defeated Daniels to win J-Cup USA tournament and title with the Hindu Press. After the match ring announcer Steve DeAngeles announced "Remember this night. A star is f---ing born. Now, who's ready for pie?"

Also on the show, The Funkin Army (Terry Funk, Sabu, "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, The Sandman, the man who calls it right down the middle and manager of champions Bill Alfonzo) defeated the Extreme Horsemen (MLW World Heavyweight Champion Steve "King Of Kings" Corino, Global Tag Team Champions Simon Diamond & CW Anderson, PJ Walker, and Barry Windham) in a five on five war games match when CW quit for his team as Corino was being branded and burned by Terry "middle? aged and crazy" Funk with his "Double Cross Ranch Dressing" branding iron.

09/23/2003 Yoshihiro "Bow To Me" Tajiri defeated Rey Mysterio in Philadelphia, PA to win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship for the second time. The match will be remembered as the first instance of the Red Mist in the WWE. The match saw Tajiri attempted to mist Mysterio early with the green mist, however a kick from Rey prevented that from happening. Tajiri kept the Mexican high flyer on the mat, and knocked out the referee with a roundhouse kick (or kick of death, non-Test version). Tajiri used the red mist in Mysterio's eyes, and hit the kick of death for the win and the title.

09/26/2003 During the rumored to be second to last show at the historic Elks Lodge, the "Madhouse of Extreme" in Queens, New York, Deranged defeated the "All Around Best" Xavier to win the USA Pro X-Treme Championship at the "Extreme Resurrection" show. Special K member Deranged, young, vastly underrated and a nice guy to boot, went into the match with a sixty-five-weight disadvantage over the experienced champion Xavier. Xavier attempted his 450 splash for the pin, but met a corkscrew kick from Deranged, Deranged then hit his "They Made Me Do It" flipping powerbomb for the victory. "Bullet Proof" Billy Reil (with Knight Life) used the ring ropes to upset Slyk Wagner Brown (with former "Freak" April Hunter) to win the USA Pro United States Championship.

09/27/2003 During Jersey All Pro Wrestling's "Funkin' Homicide" show, Slyk Wagner Brown, possibly sad after losing his USA Pro United States Championship the day before, came back with a vengeance and teamed with squeeze April Hunter to defeated the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz to win the JAPW Tag Team Championship in Rahway, NJ. Most of the match saw the DRS beating on April until she got the hot tag on Slyk who ran wild with Slykamania, however April rolled up KC Blade for the pin. At the Warren YMCA in Warren, Michigan "The New Household Name" Frankie The Face defeated "The Next" Bryer Wellington to win the IWR King of the Indies Title with a reverse of a rollup for the big win. Finally, a sad note: Jimmy HUSS! Jacobs & Gavin Starr lost the IWR Tag Team Championship to "The Dark Omen" Elvis Elliot & The Original Sinn.

09/29/2003 In the main event of "Raw" last week, in front of a hot Chicago crowd including yours truly with my Mr. America unmasked tribute costume with copy of the "Piledriver - Wrestling Album 2" album, Ellen Amy Cohen's favorite wrestler Rob Van Dam defeated Christian in a ladder match to WWE Intercontinental Championship for the fourth time. Both men worked their asses off in the best match on Raw since Jim Ross vs. Jonathan Coachmen in a country whippin' match earlier in the show. Many different spots with the ladders, proving once again the WWE is trying to tone down their in ring style to avoid injuries. The finish came when Rob Van Dam climbed up one of the "Home Depo" ladders, and delivered a five-star frog splash to Christian who was down next to another ladder on the ground. Van Dam then climbed the ladder and got the belt to win the title and do the traditional awkwardly falling off the ladder after winning the title.

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This Week in Title History

10/01/1989 On a Rush Limbaugh-less ESPN, WCW's very own "Minnesota Wrecking Crew II" (non-Powell, Keller version) Wayne "The Train" Bloom & "Mean" Mike Enos defeated Paul Diamond & Greg "I could defeat the monster Kane without any of that damn dancing if my daddy was running the WWE too" Gagne in Rochester, MN to win the AWA World Tag Team Title. Former champions Greg Gagne & Ken Patara vacated the title when the "Destruction Crew" injured the former Olympian Ken Patera. Rumor has it, the Crew was paid off my a mysterious benefactor named "The Grimace" due to an incident in Wisconsin in the early 80's that was not during a Ted Nugent show or involving a "Wisconsin Dream."

10/01/1993 Hardcore Icon, former WCW Commissioner, owner of the "twisted" Funks Grill, Bradshaw Mentor, Egg Sucking Dog and professor of anti-social activities, Terry Funk defeated Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka inside a steel cage in Philadelphia, PA to win the ECW Television Title. Other results from Extreme Championship Wrestling's "NWA Bloodfest: Night 1" saw The Bad Breed (Ian & Axl Rotten) defeated Chad Austin & Todd Shaw, Rockin' Rebel defeated Don E. Allen, The Public Enemy (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) defeated lucha legend Silver Jet & "Rhyming Playboy" Gino Caruso, former AWA Tag Team Champions Badd Company (Paul Diamond & Pat Tanaka without manager Diamond Dallas Page) defeated The Bad Breed (Ian & Axl), Sandman defeated the Metal Maniac menace, Abdullah The Butcher, Full Blooded Italian JT Smith, & Terry Funk defeated Jimmy Snuka, Kevin "Taskmaster" Sullivan & Don "The Rock" Muraco when Smith pinned Muraco, Sabu defeated future Smackdown announcer and tag team partner The Tazmaniac, Tag Team Champions and specialists Tony "Ten Gallon" Stetson & Johnny Hot Body defeated Badd Company, Rockin' Rebel defeated Richard Michaels, Kevin Sullivan and Abdullah The Butcher fought to a bloody double disqualification after Abdullah used a fork in a futile attempt to eat the former head of the Varsity Club and WCW's booking committee (proving once again the jocks run the show).

10/01/1996 The Harlem Heat of Stevie Ray and Booker T. defeated The Public Enemy ("Flyboy" Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) in Canton, OH to win the WCW World Tag Team Title for the seventh time. TPE's title reign lasted one glorious week. As parting gifts they received, two WCW Public Enemy hockey jerseys, two WCW "Where The Big Boys Play" tote bags, a celebrity hosting of the TBS series "Movies For Guys Who Like Movies" and a severe beating by The Acolytes. Harlem Heat would later update its core programming for the year 2000 by adding such service enhancements as Ahmed "Big T" Johnson, J. Biggs, Swoll, and removing Booker T's "T."

10/01/2000 In front of his hometown, and all of the Minneapolis metal heads, Jerry "New F'N Show" Lynn defeated the former Portuguese Man Of War Justin Credible in St. Paul, MN in 19:33 to win the ECW World Championship. The dueling piledriver fest saw Jerry use his cradle piledriver first, then Justin hit "That's Incredible" for a two count. A "heelish" referee runs in after a ref bump, Justin knocks out Jerry with his belt for a two count. New Jack comes out and introduces the evil referee to the joys of old school electronic football. However, electronic football sucks so New Jack just hits him in the head with the game. Lynn & Justin exchanged piledrivers until Jerry hits the cradle again for the win. Also on the show: Danny Doring & Roadkill defeated Christian York & Joey Matthews with their "Buggyback" at 7:18. Even with fellow "Hot Commodity" members Julio Dinero and "Confederate Currency" Chris Hamrick interference, Kid Kash defeated EZ Money with a top rope powerbomb attempt by EZ into a Kash huddacaronna for the pin at 9:36. In a "dream match" Joel Gertner defeated "The Network" Cyrus in 2:24 when the Sandman spit beer in Cyrus' face. During the match, Cyrus was able to plug "Rollar Jam", "We Got Pop", and "the reality zone with Kevin Nealan." Da Baldies (DeVito & the former Spanish Angel or Spangel) defeated Balls Mahoney & St. Paul's favorite homeboy Chilly Willy in 7:36 with multiple unprotected chair shots. Chilly is currently in Iraq with the American troops, Balls is possibly enjoy a "good lie down." In a match to determine the number one contendor for the ECW World Title, Steve Corino defeated CW Anderson (both members of MLW's Extreme Horsemen) when Corino reversed CW's spinebuster into the Old School Expultion in 12:42. In another attempt to duplicate the greatness of thie Hammerstein Ballroom match, The FBI (Tony Mamaluke & Little Guido with Twix pitchman Sal E. Granzanno) defeated The Sinister Minister's nicely haircutted army of Mikey Whipwreck & Yoshihiro "Bow To Me" Tajiri in 8:36 with a beltshot and Tomikaze on Whipwreck. The velvety manbeast and ECW World Television Champion Rhino defeated Rob Van Dam in 12:40 with a piledriver and another evil referee. RVD hit the five star frog splash on Rhino for a two count, Rhino gored RVD and piledrives him off the apron. RVD hits the Van Daminator, and tried the Shane O'Macinator but Fonzie felt the pain.

10/02/1989 Demolition (Ax & Smash) defeated The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard) to regain the WWE World Tag Team Titles for the second time. Regular readers (as opposed to the "Lipinski Poseurs") of the "Strap On" will remember a young Keith Lipinski crying when the Demolition lost the titles unfairly during a summer edition of "Saturday Nights Main Event." Young Keith Lipinski was enthusiastically happy after watching this title change. A 28-year-old Keith Lipinski was wondering what the hell young Keith Lipinski was thinking while watching this match earlier this year.

10/02/1993 On the second night of Eastern Championship Wrestling's "NWA Bloodfest: Night 2" Sabu defeated Shane Douglas to win the Eastern Championship Wrestling Heavyweight Title at the corner of Swanson and Ritter in South Philly. The show was one of the first to be booked by "Dangerous Alliance" and "Sarsdale" figurehead Paul E. Dangerously (Heyman). Also on the big show (non-diarrhea version): Tag Team Champions Tony Stetson & Johnny Hot Body defeated Sandman & JT Smith, The Tazmaniac defeated a nicely suspendered Tommy Dreamer, Kevin Sullivan defeated Gino Caruso to save the city once again, World Champion and Dynamic Dude Shane Douglas defeated JT Smith by disqualification, Badd Company (Paul Diamond & Pat Tanaka) defeated Public Enemy (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge), Sir Richards Michaels (later to be known as "Unskinny Bob") defeated Rockin' Rebel by disqualification, The Bad Breed (Ian & Axl Rotten) defeated Don E. Allen and Chad Austin, Magnificant Muraco & Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka defeated Public Enemy (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) via forfeit, Jimmy Snuka pinned Chad Austin, Kevin Sullivan defeated Abdullah the Butcher in a steel cage match, and in a "Triangle Steel Cage Match" Public Enemy defeated Bad Breed and Badd Company in a "triangle steel cage" match.

10/02/1999 Naoya Ogawa defeated Gary Steele in Thomaston, CT to win the NWA Heavyweight Championship for the second time. Ogawa is a former Judo medallist, and more importantly does the greatest "Ziggy" impersonation the side of Margot Cho.

10/02/2000 Booker T defeated Jeff Jarrett to become a three time, three time, three time WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Booker had lost it (much like he lost his "T" and his "smile" earlier in the year with a massive feud with Harlem Heat 2000) the week earlier in a shocking cliffhanger to WCW Head Writer Vince "Yankees fan but swerves us with his Giants jerseys" Russo. Vince Russo vacated the title after "living his dream, but he doesn't deserve to be in the ring." By the way, who headlined the NWA-TNA PPV last week? Russo also claimed Goldberg could learn how to be a man from him, which I think, any man would pay to listen to Russo's "Be A Man" seminar (not to be confused with Randy Savage's CD). Anyway, this show saw the introduction of the Russo-Mobile, which was a popemobile like car driven From The Inside by Jeremy Borash (get it?) Russo, reinstated "The Streak" (Ray Stevens?) and said Goldberg had to start from the bottom (Hugh Mortis?) and win 176 matches without a loss to get a WCW World Title shot. Goldberg responded by kicking one of the doors of Russo-Mobile, which was not so smart because Goldberg at the time was 0-1 against automobiles (I think the streak is now 1-3).

The Booker vs. Jarrett world title match was a traditional San Francisco 49er's Match, a favorite of Lou Theaz. Four boxes we're laid in the ring corners ten feet in the air, and one of these has the title. Its like 3 card montee or "the shell game" in the wrestling ring. Lets see what was in each of the boxes:

1. A blow up sex doll
2. A velvet framed painting of "Magnum" Scott Hall from Kevin Nash's personal collection
3. Howard Stern "Wack Pack" member Beetlejuice. Wait, it was a Coal Miners Glove
4. The greatest world title that's been devalued by man, the WCW World Heavyweight Title.

The match saw Jeff Jarrett going to the top rope under the last box, however Beetlejuice, who was hit with a "Slapnuts" guitar the week earlier, came out and hit Jarrett in the "slapnuts" as Booker opened the last box for the win at 13:02.

"Above Average" Mike Sanders (who was in charge of the show after Vince Russo left for the evening) defeated Elix "I might be a pimp, but I'm no Beetlejuice" Skipper in San Francisco, CA to win the WCW 100 Kilograms and Under or Cruiserweight Title, in a fantastic match filled with wonderful stipulations. What stipulations you ask?

1. Team Canada cannot interfere
2. You must powerbomb your opponent to win the match.
3. The match will be a handicapped match with Commissioner Sanders & "Coach" Nash vs. Elix Skipper

Nash powerbombed "Canadian Millionare" Skipper in 3:10 for the win for the "Natural Born Thrillers." Also the show: Filthy Animals Rey Mysterio Jr & Konnan defeated Boogie Knights (Disqo & Happy Dancing Berlyn) in 4:28 of a Ladder-Disqo Duck match. After the match, The Boogie Knights were so upset about losing the duck and Tokyo Magnum; they took steel chairs to the animals and their precious duck. With Hulk Hogan's biker buddy (while the Hulkster was stalking David Flair in 1999) Chuck Zito on color commentary, Reno defeated the Wall to win the vacant WCW Hardcore Title. The match originally saw Big Vito interfere and hit his "brother-in-law" with a stickball bat, and Reno take a Wall chokeslam through a table for the loss at 2:30. However, Col. Mike Sanders reversed the decision due to "outside interference." In a hardcore match? Is nothing sacred in WCW 2000? Shane Douglas (with second part of the "first couple in sports entertainment" Torrie Wilson) defeated "Awesome" Mike Awesome when Torrie flashed Awesome, causing his feathered mullet to stand up on ends, and Douglas hit him with the franchiser for the pin. Post match saw the beginning of the Shane Douglas and Filthy Animals feud which amazingly did not turn WCW's fortunes around. Meng (the official wrestler of Surge, the official soft beverage of WCW) lost a "Loser Leaves Town" by Goldberg after a spear in 39 seconds, restarting Goldberg's mighty streak at 1-0. After the match Kronik attacked Goldberg, starting another feud that low-and-behold did not reenergize the business. In a match to determine who would wrestle for Vince Russo's vacant WCW World Heavyweight Championship, Jeff Jarrett & Booker T defeated Sting & Scott Steiner when Jarrett went to hit his own partner with a "Slapnuts" guitar, but Booker ducked and the guitar hit Sting instead. Jarrett pinned Sting as Steiner pinned Booker, but Jarrett was the legal man and thus Jarrett & Booker were placed into the finals for the world title. Goldberg extended the streak by going through Heavy D & Big Ron of the Harris Brothers with the spear on Skull and the jackhammer on Eli Bleu to go 3-0. In a "who's your kidnapped daddy" match, Buff Bagwell defeated David Flair with his Buff Blockbuster. During 1999 Buff used the same move to defeat Roddy Piper in a "boxing" match, insert sarcastic comment about WCW downfall here.

10/03/1983 Rick Steamboat & Jay Youngblood defeated fantastic brother tag team of Jack & Jerry Brisco in Greenville, SC to win the NWA Tag Team Title.

10/04/1960 In possibly the greatest named tag team of this weeks title change update, Hardboiled Haggerty & Len Montana defeated Tiny Mills & Stan Kowalski in Minneapolis, MN to become the inaugural AWA World Tag Team Champions.

10/04/1981 In a tournament final, GI Joe hero who could never quite bring the evil Cobra Commander to justice, Sgt. Slaughter defeated Rick Steamboat in Charlotte, NC to win the NWA United States Heavyweight Title.

10/04/1993 The youthful dancing team of 2 Cold Scorpio & Marcus Alexander Bagwell defeated The Nasty Boys in Columbus, GA to win the WCW World Tag Team Title.

10/04/1997 Wrestling Legend and Current NOAH Global Honored Crown Champion Kenta Kobashi & Ohio Valley Wrestling top heel Johnny Ace defeated "Dr. Death" Steve Williams & the late Gary Albright in Nagoya, Japan to win the All Japan Tag Team Title. Williams is currently working for MLW and IWA Japan where he recently did an angle with fifty eight year old sword sallower Tiger Jeet Singh.

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Keith Lipinski is quite a busy contributor to PWTorch.com. His Lounge will finally be back this week after a two week SPRING BREAK in which he went to Raw, Smackdown, Two "Saves The Day" concerts, One "Lawrence Arms" record release show, and the Chicago Bears first victory of the year over the course of seven days. If you have any questions, corrections, feedback, comments and ideas, or any sleep to donate, he can be reached at: keith@gumgod.com

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