DEJ Experience District DEJ's Eric Nelson: No reason WWE shouldn't try to get the real Clinton and Obama Apr 10, 2008 - 11:59:25 PM

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(This is what happens when there is literally nothing to write about. Thanks a lot, wrestling.)

With the taste of Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump barely Scoped out of our mouths, WWE, for its three-hour Raw in two Mondays' time (April 21), is inviting Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to come to the show to "settle their differences." The promotional video/commercial, which you can access from the home page of WWE.com, suggests the two have a showdown in the ring. Oh lord.

(Before I go any further, that night's Raw eminates from Greenville, S.C. I fully expect a live, in-person account, Maes.)

Now, this could be a way to get Nattie Neidhart, Hade Vansen and that lame Bill Clinton impersonator from WrestleMania X and Survivor Series 1995 on TV for a few minutes, at the same time turning off a bunch of wrestling fans and garnering absolutely no media coverage whatsoever for WWE.

Or they could remember that this is the same Hillary Clinton who had to loan herself $5 million to keep her campaign running, the same Barack Obama who might lose support in Philadelphia because he doesn't feel like spending his money to bribe voters (or something like that; look it up yourself here), and the same Bill Clinton who, well, is kinda white-trashy, if you ask me. God love him.

That's right, WWE needs to scoop up some of that sweet, sweet WrestleMania/Floyd Mayweather money and throw it at the real Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Why not? I don't know what anyone is expecting out of the imposters who will probably show up, but it isn't a five-star classic. So don't deliver a match at all. And while Ace Steel and the Rosie impersonator weren't the worst thing on the microphone since Ahmed Johnson, any "debate" or verbal sparring session WWE has planned for its pretend politicians is going to come off horrible. So don't deliver imposters, either. Put your money where your mouth is and bring us Clinton and Obama.

WWE has two weeks to come up with a sales pitch for these two. If they promise to take the segment seriously, if they explain how they encourage people to get out and "Smackdown Your Vote," if they turn this into a lesson in politics on WWEKids.com, if they offer to donate a percentage of the live gate that night and the pay-per-view income from Backlash to certain health awareness or, uhhh, "change" organizations, as well as grease the palms of the candidates, they'd be taking steps in the right direction.

The benefits are obvious. Again, WWE can expect absolutely zero national media exposure for what everyone assumes will be a farce. So if they can cough up the real candidates, they're guaranteed at least the "Oh my god" reaction from the press. Will Hillary and Barack be looked down upon after their appearance? Maybe, but appearing on a pro wrestling show would hardly be the worst or most embarrassing thing a person in their position (or possible future position) has done in the last, oh, 230-odd years.

And hey, both Clinton and Obama are natural talkers, so the segment might actually come across as interesting. They could let their proverbial hair down and cut some good-natured promos on each other. In fact, last time I remember a group of people being encouraged to talk trash to one other, Diva Search contestant Christy Hemme called Carmella DeCesare a "c*m-guzzling gutter sl*t"; how awesome would it be to revisit that moment?

Oops, I'm supposed to be taking this seriously. So, seriously, offer to line these politicians' pockets, maybe donate a little money to charity, offer them a whole new crowd to parade around in front of, maybe even bring in Mr. Backlund to moderate a debate, and it's really a win-win situation.

And if Bill brings his saxophone, the next logical step is to drag Man Mountain Rock back, guitar and all, plus Hulk Hogan and his bass, and Tito Santana and the drumset he probably owns (I think everyone named Tito has a drumset; the hospital gives a kit to the parents... Tito Puente, anyone?), and start a ska band.

Anything would be better than the junk WWE has in store in two weeks.

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