Hoodslam presents “Boyz N the Hoodslam: The 37th Chamber”
Friday, July 5, 2013
Oakland, Calif. at Oakland Metro Opera House
Est. paid attendance: 500

On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as “Red, White, and BLUUUUUGH.” Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch), your Juggalo homie, “KG” Kevin Gill, and special guest commentary from El Flaco Loco.

(1) “Broseph” Joe Brody beat “The Russian Lover” Zangiev (with Kammy & Kammy’s ass) with an ElBro Drop off the top rope in the first-ever BrOpen Challenge. Kammy and her ass left with Brody.

(2) Anthony Butabi beat Johnny Drinko Butabi in a “High Life” match with special guest referee Balki Butabi. Anthony won by smoking a blunt before Drinko could chug a fifth of whiskey, earning Anthony a shot at the Golden Gig, held by the Stoner Brothers, later that night.

Following the match, Balki Butabi revealed that he was the one who called the Sacramento PD on the night of Saturday, June 22, resulting in the shut-down of what would have been Hoodslam’s Sacramento debut, because he had a date that night with Officer Foxy of the Sac PD. Drinko attacked Balki, but was chased off when Virgil Flynn III stormed the ring, challenging Balki to a match.

(3) Virgil Flynn III beat Balki Butabi (w/Officer Foxy) with a 450 splash off the top rope.

(4) Scorpion & Sub-Zero & Kano (w/Sindel) beat Ken & Dan & “Ms. Marvel” Brittany Wonder (w/Kammy and Kammy’s ass) in a six-person Mortal Kombat vs. Street Fighter tag team match. The match ended with a double uppercut from Scorpion and Sub-Zero following Scorpion’s “GET OVER HERE” spear.

(5) Peanut Butter n’ Jelly Banana beat E. Honda via count-out when Honda removed his wig, revealed that he wasn’t Japanese, was fed up with playing the E. Honda character, and walked out.

- Next was a black-light body-paint burlesque performance from Francine Dead.

(6) Planet Rock (B-Boy & Boombox & Soundwave) beat The James Gang (James C. & Drugz Bunny & Stony Montana) in a six-man tag match when Planet Rock hit a flurry of top-rope offense on James C. after Drugz Bunny refused to tag in.

(7) Juiced Lee beat Akeem Jabdul Kabar (WWE Tough Enough’s Eric Watts) with a top-rope moonsault in a “Kung-Fu Theater Game of Death” match.

(8) Golden Gig champions The Stoner Brothers (Rick-Scott & Scott-Rick) retained the Golden Gig Titles by defeating Anthony Butabi with the Rizz Bomb. Drake Younger joined Anthony mid-way through the match as his tag-team partner, but señor official El Sparko removed Younger from the match on the grounds of his participation not being sanctioned.

Following the match, Doc Atrocity led the United Sideshows and Atrocities (USA) to the ring to inform El Sparko that he was to be put on trial for treason against Hoodslam and would be forced to face Super Mutant Red Rhino 2099. El Sparko panicked and repeatedly called for the bell, somehow compelling SMRR2099 to turn on the USA clowns and ignore Doc Atrocity’s commands.

Suddenly, a time portal appeared and four resistance fighters from the future arrived to inform everyone that if the trial of El Sparko were to take place, it would mean the imminent destruction of Hoodslam. Doc Atrocity introduced his latest abomination, “The Hound of Hell” Cerebrus, who joined Doc Atrocity and “The Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra against the resistance fighters, who identified themselves as Major Meathook, Corporal Clawhammer, and an enormous un-named masked creature.

(9) USA beat Resistance Fighters in a six-man tag team match when El Chupacabra hit a Spanish Fly off the top rope on Major Meathook to officially arrange the trial of El Sparko to take place at Hoodslam’s next show at the Oakland Metro Opera House on Friday, August 2.

Of note, Hoodslam debuts in Berkeley, Calif. on Friday, July 26 and returns to the Oakland Metro Opera House on Friday, August 2 for the annual “Battle Royale of Supremacy: Daze of Future Past.”

Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube @Hoodslam. Their website is BirdsWillFall.com.

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