25 YEARS OF BRUCE MITCHELL – DAY 17 (2006): 15th Annual Year-in-Review Quiz

This month marks the 25th Anniversary of Bruce Mitchell becoming a Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter columnist. No single person has influenced the editorial tone and direction of the Torch brand over the years than Bruce, who brought a hard-hitting, supremely well-informed, speak-truth-to-power approach to his writing. He went after sacred cows out of the gate, such as the beloved among “smart fans” (today’s “Internet fans” or “IWC,” I suppose) Eddie Gilbert and Jim Cornette. He also went hard after people in positions of authority and power who were abusing or misusing that power, or just not delivering a worthy product. He has also applauded and paid tribute to the greatest moments and movements in pro wrestling over the last 25 years, with a style of writing that has yet to be matched anywhere, I contend (despite Bill Simmons’s arrogant and uninformed contention last year that no one wrote at a high level about pro wrestling until his “Masked Man” columnist came along).

To celebrate and highlight Bruce’s stellar 25 years of influential and eloquent truth-telling about this fascinating industry, we’ll be featuring a single column from each of the last 25 years each of the first 25 days this month. His long-form columns were a pioneer approach to pro wrestling journalism, and the next 25 years you’ll experience a slice of what it is that has earned Bruce Mitchell widespread recognition within the industry over the years as being “Pro Wrestling’s Most Respected Columnist.” We began on Oct. 1st with his very first column, from Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter #89 (cover dated Oct. 5, 1990).

Today we feature his column from the January 21, 2006 edition of the Pro Wrestling Torch Weekly Newsletter (#896) titled “Bruce Mitchell’s 15th Annual Year-in-Review Quiz: The year of values: family, compassion, sacrifice, accountability” one of the favorite annual features Bruce produced over the years. It’s not your usual “quiz.”

NOTE: VIP members can access hundreds of Mitchell columns instantly in the BRUCE MITCHELL LIBRARY here, part of the massive unmatched online archives of insider wrestling coverage from over the past 28 years.

===

 

Headline: “Bruce Mitchell’s 15th Annual Year-in-Review Quiz”
Subheadline: “The year of values: family, compassion, sacrifice, accountability“
By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist
Originally published January 21, 2006
Pro Wrestling Torch Weekly newsletter #896

…with a PLAN FOR VICTORY and an EXIT STRATEGY.

See if you, the loyal TORCH reader, can detect the overall theme of this year’s quiz:

1. What happened when WWE deliberately aired an angle where Arab-American Muhammad Hassan sent black hooded terrorists to cut off Undertaker’s head with piano wire on the same day terrorists attacked and murdered several London citizens?

A. Muhammad Hassan became the hottest heel in wrestling history.

B. Every subsequent Smackdown show for the rest of the year sold out as fans wanted to be there when Hassan and his henchman Daivari got theirs from an angry Dead Man.

C. The next Smackdown pay-per-view featuring Undertaker’s first chance for revenge against Muhammad Hassan had the highest non-WrestleMania buyrate of the year.

D. WWE received an award from The Department of Homeland Security for raising awareness of the terrorist threat worldwide.

E. After several dozen articles in the press decrying the lack of human feeling in WWE’s attempt to make money off murder by terrorism, the UPN network banned the offending characters from ever again appearing on Smackdown.

2. After this public relations debacle damaged the reputation of WWE in the eyes of viewers, advertisers, and their own networks worldwide, the punishment from WWE management was swift and severe. Who did WWE hold responsible for what happened and what punishment did this person receive?

A. WWE Creative head Stephanie McMahon, who was required by her father, WWE CEO Vince McMahon, to write a heartfelt letter apologizing on behalf of the company for her egregious lack of judgment in conceiving, writing, and producing this segment.

B. WWE Executive producer Kevin Dunn, who had an official Letter of Reprimand in his WWE personnel file for his inexplicable decision to not order the segment off the American airing after the London attack.

C. The anonymous young members of the WWE Creative writing team who somehow talked an appalled Stephanie McMahon into OKing the segment, who found their employment contracts terminated for gross misconduct.

D. Marc Copani – who played the character of Muhammad Hassan and objected every time angles were written changing his character from an Arab-American bitter from facing unfair discrimination to an Arab terrorist – found himself publicly blamed for this debacle, fired, and for all intents and purposes kicked out of the business.

3. How was Copani’s closest friend in the company Shawn “Khosrow” Daivari punished for betraying his friend and ratting out his plans to file a potentially expensive and embarrassing lawsuit against WWE for forcing him to portray such a derogatory Arab stereotype on national television?

A. He was shunned by the Smackdown locker room for his unconscionable treatment of a fellow wrestler, a complete violation of the fabled unwritten locker room rules.

B. He was sent on a tour of middle schools across America to lecture students on the evils of prejudging other people by their ethnic background.

C. He was dropped from the roster because what use did WWE have for a pro-terrorist Arab character after what happened on Smackdown?

D. He was rewarded for being a rat by being brought back to television and allied with Raw’s biggest heel, making him the top manager in the entire wrestling business.

4. The Total Non-Stop Action promotion pulled off the biggest coup of its three years existence when it signed a major broadcasting deal with Spike TV, the former home of Monday Night Raw. With its TNA Impact show airing in both the coveted Saturday 11 p.m. slot and a midnight Monday airing immediately following the hot, up and coming new UFC show, Spike TV even upped the ante, promoting TNA actively on the network as part of its Slamming Saturday night package. How many of the estimated one million new viewers to the TNA promotion made the decision to order their product on pay-per-view, as compared to when TNA had no broadcast home at all?

A. One in Ten, adding a hundred thousand new buys, immediately putting the promotion strongly into the black.

B. One in Twenty, adding fifty thousand new buys, immediately putting the promotion into the black.

C. One in Fifty, adding twenty thousand new buys, giving TNA a foundation to build upon and hope for the future.

D. None. Buyrates after four pay-per-views remained exactly the same.

5. Principal TNA owner and backer Bob Carter, having poured over twenty million dollars into the promotion with no sign of any return, put his foot down after the buyrate results came in. What strong move did he make to ensure TNA’s future financial viability, or at least stop his own financial bleeding?

A. He took the offer of Morphoplex, the “dietary supplement” company whose cheesy commercials were the show’s principal sponsor, to buy the promotion for twenty million dollars and got himself back to even.

B. He enrolled his daughter Dixie in Interior Design School.

C. He immediately ordered Jeff Jarrett to lose the NWA title and announce his retirement.

D. He gave even more political power to Jarrett, knowing he would feature himself even more strongly as the biggest star in the promotion despite fans totally rejecting him in that role for over three years.

6. TNA founder Jerry Jarrett, in an attention-seeking snit after losing power in the promotion after selling out to the Carter family, showed up everyone in the promotion by appearing at WWE’s Titan Towers. He allowed WWE.com to take his picture for a story hinting he was negotiating for his flop NWA champion son to pull the ultimate betrayal and jump to WWE after TNA had poured all those millions of dollars into promoting him. TNA principal owner Bob Carter punished the Jarretts for the arrogant grandstand stunt by…

A. immediately releasing Jeff Jarrett from his performer’s contract and publicly “wishing him the best in his new career in World Wrestling Entertainment.”

B. suing Jerry Jarrett and WWE for tortuous interference in a contract.

C. not allowing Jerry Jarrett to assume his normal “gorilla” position during TNA pay-per-views.

D. giving even more political power to Jeff Jarrett, knowing he would feature himself even more strongly as the biggest star in the promotion despite fans totally rejecting him in that role for over three years.

7. Pioneer woman’s sports entertainment impresario Stephanie McMahon took a stand for women in the workplace everywhere when she…

A. kept on the Director of Talent Relations despite one screw up after another because he looked like a handsome executive and kept telling her what a wonderful job she was doing, when she wasn’t.

B. looked the other way when he dropped a female performer from the roster when she rightfully complained about sexual harassment from a male member of management.

C. fired the husband of the woman performer when he rightfully complained his wife was being harassed.

D. gutted the women’s division of trained wrestlers in favor of nameless bimbos willing to stumble through endless bra and panties matches.

E. looked the other way when a top performer serially harassed and abused female employees and fans.

F. firing a pregnant female employee after the handsome Director of Talent Relations had promised her they would never do something so crass.

8. How many years had pioneer woman’s sports entertainment impresario Stephanie McMahon been a fan of professional wrestling before she was installed in a job in her father’s company?

A. 18 years

B. 10 years

C. 5 years

D. 1 year

E. None

9. According to the autopsy results, Eddie Guerrero died of:

A. whatever it was, it wasn’t WWE’s fault

B. because he had been clean for four years

C. and inspiration to everyone so

D. it was just unfortunate past abuses when he was elsewhere that came back to haunt him.

E. heart problems due to his overuse of steroids and other muscle enhancers.

10. Special Essay Section: Write an essay explaining why, if Bob Carter is upset TNA hasn’t starting breaking even months after its debut on Spike TV, he doesn’t remove Jeff Jarrett from power in the promotion. C’mon, someone reading this knows the guy. I’d love to hear this one.

11. Why did the Best Wrestler In the World Today, The King Of All Kings, The Game, Triple H take such a long sabbatical from the business to which he devotes his heart and soul?

A. The sabbatical would freshen up his character, allowing him to be an even bigger icon when he returned.

B. His absence would allow the new guard, Batista and John Cena, to grow their characters without suffering in comparison to The King Of All Kings.

C. He could spend the time becoming an expert in the behind the scenes part of the business, just as he is on the performing side.

D. He could have plenty of time to read up on the BALCO investigation.

E. He could get off the stuff and grow his testicles back so he had a shot at getting his wife pregnant and not getting behind two-to-nothing in the McMahon Baby Derby.

12. When Vice President Dick Cheney visited the troops stationed at Bagram Air Field in Afghanistan he told the delighted soldiers, “I’m only sorry I didn’t come earlier this month. Somebody told me I missed a chance to meet Vince McMahon, Big Show, and, Triple H.” Then he whispered to the general next to him:

A. “Tell McMahon to stop calling the compound. This little mention is all he’s getting. No Medal of Honor!”

B. “It figures. The Greatest Generation gets Bob Hope. We get those clowns.”

C. “What do I look like, Reagan? I’m a serious person. I’m not reading these inane pop culture references so people don’t think I’m past it.

D. “Boy, those McMahons sure live in a bubble, huh?”

E. “You know, the character of Stone Cold Steve Austin was based on me.”

13. Why did the 2005 Survivor Series do a better than expected buyrate?

A. Fans were on the edge of their seats waiting to see who would come out on top in the rivalry between the Smackdown and Raw brand rivalry.

B. The switch back to the USA Network rejuvenated the audience and the product

C. Triple H was making his long-awaited return to pay-per-view, facing his long time bobo Ric Flair.

D. WWE strongly hinted on the previous Raw in Montreal that Bret Hart was going to appear, knowing full well he wasn’t.

14. Why did Rey Mysterio put his eight year old son Dominic on TV so he could see his Uncle Guerrero claim in front of millions of people he was his true father, not Rey, the only father he had ever known?

A. So Dominic could lose his sense of place in a stable family.

B. So Dominic could learn what it’s like to be taunted by grown wrestling fans about his parentage.

C. So Dominic could get traumatized by the people he trusted the most suddenly acting very differently toward him, then the same, then differently…

D. So Dominic could get an early start in the business that has brought Rey, his family, and friends so much…

15. WWE fans and newsstand browsers were shocked in March to see WWE legend and movie star Rock on a cover of OUT Magazine that shockingly proclaimed The Rock Goes Gay. According to the shocking article inside, how exactly did the Rock “go gay”?

A. He played a gay man in a bomb Hollywood movie.

B. He worked with a gay man (Pat Patterson) in WWE.

C. He respects gay people.

D. He got married again (a dead giveaway).

E. He got his friend his own title.

F. He told him he “better go get his kneepads” on national television

G. He cut back on the “fag bashing promos” for a while.

H. He put out his own calendar where he posed with his back to the camera and no pants on.

I. He had a gay affair on the road with a major WWE superstar that caused a good deal of snickering in certain quarters.

J. A, B, & C

K. D, E, F, & G

L. H & I

16. Daniel Puder won the last One Million Dollar Tough Enough Contest, a contest that drew high ratings for WWE programming among viewers anxious to see who would become the next WWE Superstar and win the lucrative one million dollar contract. What happened to Daniel Puder after he won the Tough Enough Contest and that lucrative prize?

A. He was punked out in less than a minute in the Royal Rumble.

B. He was sent down to the Ohio Valley Wrestling developmental territory.

C. He was cut from the talent roster entirely, despite being the top star in the territory.

D. He wasn’t paid three quarters of his lucrative one million dollar contract, due to a convenient codicil in the contract that was never revealed to TV viewers allowing WWE to cut TE winners at the end of any year of the four year contract and WWE didn’t have to pay the rest of the prorated contract.

E. All of the above

17. Christie Hemme won the One Million Dollar Diva Search Contest, a contest which drew high ratings for WWE programming among viewers anxious to see who would become the next WWE Diva and win the lucrative one million dollar contract. What happened to Christie Hemme after she won the Tough Enough Contest and that lucrative prize?

A. She posed nude in Playboy.

B. She was put in an angle with World Champion Batista that was suddenly dropped.

C. She was sent down to the Ohio Valley Wrestling developmental territory.

D. She wasn’t paid three quarters of her lucrative one million dollar contract, due to a convenient codicil in the contract that was never revealed to TV viewers allowing WWE to cut Diva winners at the end of any year of the four year contract and WWE didn’t have to pay the rest of the prorated contract.

E. All of the above

18. How could you tell the McMahon family was torn up emotionally by the sudden death of the well respected and loved WWE Superstar Eddie Guerrero?

A. They set up scholarships for Guerrero’s three young daughters’ college education.

B. They sat down with the talent to hammer out changes in the grueling tour schedules to allow talent to rest and rehab their bodies.

C. They paid key talent such as Guerrero’s close friend Batista to stay home and rehab their injuries so they wouldn’t have a strong financial incentive to work hurt and injure themselves further.

D. They sent home injured and addicted wrestlers so they could get well before another tragedy occurred.

E. WWE Creative wrote in segments on the highly-rated Eddie Guerrero TV Tributes so everyone could see Vince, Stephanie, Shane, and Triple H crying over his death.

19. True or False: In the same year Vince McMahon taunted Randy Orton on live television for returning from a serious spinal injury with a skinny neck, later announced a stringent drug testing policy for all “contracted talents” which included steroids, and quietly removed himself from the list of “contracted talents” ostensibly because he was earning an estimated forty million dollars plus in stock dividends and that was plenty.

20. What miracle did the 59 year old Vince McMahon rely on to miraculously recover from double torn quadriceps in less than half the time it would take a normal human?

A. His secret McMahon Quadriceps Workout Program.

B. His remarkable will.

C. He’s a McMahon.

D. Advice from Triple H.

E. Nah, that ain’t it.

21. What was the most surprising method devoted father Hulk Hogan used to jump start his beloved daughter Brooke’s nascent singing career:

A. Hogan allowed VH-1 producers to follow him around being a good father to his children in the hit reality series “Hogan Knows Best.”

B. Accompanying her to Hollywood movie premieres so they can both get their pictures taken for the tabloids

C. Choosing not to sing a duet with her, like Frank did with Nancy, during her singing gigs

D. Lied about her age on national television so she would appear to be Brittany Spears type jailbait and booked skits on national television where porno stars and wrestlers twice her age would be sexually attracted to her.

22. True or False: WWE Creative kept pushing Jonathan Coachman into the normally two man Raw broadcast team because they thought he brought a fresh, new attitude to Raw. There was no conspiracy to get rid of Jim Ross. That’s ridiculous.

23. True or False: WWE Creative booked the babyface Linda McMahon to turn on Jim Ross, punch him in the groin, and fire him at WWE Homecoming as part of a master plan to use his status as the most beloved figure in the company as a key part of a major fall storyline. There was no conspiracy to get rid of Jim Ross. That’s ridiculous.

24. True or False: WWE Creative booked a twelve minute segment on Raw where Mr. McMahon callously ripped Jim Ross just days after major colon surgery. McMahon portrayed a doctor who pulled larger and larger objects, including the hand Mae Young gave birth to on Raw years ago, out of a dummy Ross’s ass, then had sex with his nurse right on top of him in order to put even more sympathetic heat on Ross. Jim Ross would return to his job after his surgery more beloved than ever. There was no conspiracy to get rid of Jim Ross. That’s ridiculous.

25. True or False: WWE Creative booked “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, the most popular Superstar in the history of the company, to make one of his rare pay-per-view appearances in a stipulation match where he put up his WWE career to get the beloved Ross his job on Raw back. Austin, Ross’s biggest ally in front of and behind the camera, was the perfect person to get revenge for Ross. There was no conspiracy to get rid of Jim Ross. That’s ridiculous.

26. True or False: WWE Creative ruined their relationship with an already wary Steve Austin and any chance of getting him to wrestle Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania, a dream match with the potential to draw tens of millions of dollars, by informing him he was actually losing his match to Coach, a sissy comedy announcer, a loss that would do permanent damage to his bad ass character when his fans realized he was impotent to help his best friend get his job back. Screw everybody, Jim Ross had his head up his ass, he was out.

27: Pick the one reason listed below that was NOT one of the reasons why Vince McMahon thought Jim Ross “has his head up his ass” and had to be punished and taken off television.

A. Jim Ross actually loved calling great wrestling matches and watching great wrestlers.

B. John Laurenaitis was doing a poor job as Director Of talent Relations and he was Vince and Stephanie’s handpicked candidate for the job.

C. He was the on-air employee closest to Vince McMahon’s age and that reminded McMahon he was getting older and would die one day.

D. He knew more about how to book/write successful sports entertainment programs and storylines than Stephanie McMahon and didn’t hide the fact all the time.

E. His inconvenient Bell’s Palsy.

F. His hillbilly Okie accent.

G. He was still the best wrestling announcer in the business and the most trusted performer with WWE fans.

28. So, Jim Ross was out, to the delight of Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, Kevin Dunn, and Triple H, who smoothly moved which person right into his chair at the Raw announce table, causing fans to finally forget Ross?

A. Handsome UFC play by play announcer Mike Goldberg

B. Handsome Kevin Dunn protege Jonathan “The Coach” Coachman

C. Handsome Kevin Dunn protege Todd Grisham

D. Handsome Kevin Dunn protege, what’s his name, the one who’s Coach’s buddy

E. Handsome Kevin Dunn protege, you know, the one with the spiked hair

F. Award winning Oregon newsman Jim Valley.

G. Hated “Voice Of ECW” Joey Styles.

29. Legendary booker Paul Heyman made his triumphant return to mainstream wrestling when he conceived and wrote the best pay-per-view show of the year, the emotional ECW One Night Stand, the dream return that ECW fans had fantasized about even when the promotion was in its prime. The quickly produced and released show DVD was one of the fastest selling releases in WWE history. He was rewarded for his hard work and the financial windfall and future marketing opportunities it produced the company when WWE…

A. released suspiciously low sales figures on the pay-per-view so as not to embarrass better connected WWE personnel.

B. never followed up on any ECW television concepts, unless you count bringing in Blue Meanie for a couple of shows to avoid a lawsuit.

C. rejected out of hand any ECW Invasion plans

D. exiled him to Ohio Valley Wrestling to keep him out of Stephanie McMahon and WWE Creative’s hair, and out of the hands of possible competitors.

30. Match the Beloved Wrestling Legend with their 2005 Well Earned Happy Ending:

Match above lettered names with numbered items below…

A. Scott Hall

B. Jeff Hardy

C. Ricky Morton

D. Marty Jannetty

E. Sean Waltman

F. Sting

G. Lex Luger

1. Disappeared for two weeks after no-showing a TNA pay-per-view

2. Earned a WWE contract after a great performance on Raw, couldn’t show up for work after being jailed for months on DWI charges.

3. Close friends couldn’t find him for long periods. Despite making millions of dollars, both he and his ex-wife lost custody of their children. Rumored to have spent much of the year in jail.

4. Jailed for several months for non-payment of child support

5. Jailed for several months for non-payment of child support, drug charges, DWI, and Fugitive From Justice Charges.

6. Guest-hosted popular TV Evangelism show. Signed lucrative contract to return to wrestling business he had ignored for half a decade.

7. Claimed he missed an important pay-per-view date because “there was a snake in the basement.” Went from one of Wrestling’s Hottest Free Agents to virtually unemployable.

31. Legendary booker Jim Cornette cracked up a final time under the pressure of running Ohio Valley Wrestling under the constant sabotage of WWE Creative, slapping an OVW student in the traditional General George Patton style. John Laurenaitis fired him from his position as OVW booker and Jim Cornette’s life changed dramatically as for the first time in 15 years he was no longer a wrestling booker. Cornette, at wits end, his WWE career over, responded to this sadly inevitable turn of events by…

A. reuniting with all three members of the Midnight Express and basking in the adulation of appreciative fans at independent shows and wrestling reunions.

B. becoming the in-ring Ring Of Honor commissioner where he could perform for fans without the pressure of booking.

C. losing a noticeable amount of weight and looking ten years younger…

D. then falling down a flight of stairs

E. All of the above

32. True or False: Iowa farm boy Brock Lesnar returned to the WWE fold in 2005, properly humbled and ready to make up to the company and most of all WWE fans for all he selfishly took from them.

33. So why did fans finally forget about what the McMahons did to Jim Ross?

A, Joey Styles blossomed in his job under the adroit direction of Vince McMahon.

B. Jerry Lawler, one of the greatest takers in the history of the business, picked up the slack.

C. Jonathan Coachman, finally confident that the job was his, repaid Kevin Dunn for all his confidence.

D. The sad death of Eddie Guerrero distracted them.

34. How can we be sure Eddie Guerrero would have been proud to know WWE exploited the legitimate grief surrounding his death just a week after their highly rated heartfelt Tribute shows by having his best friend Rey Mysterio dedicate a match to him, then get beaten up and bigfooted by the Undertaker who then had his skull crushed in by Randy Orton, who then wrecked Eddie’s low rider, setting it on fire?

A. Guerrero refused to participate in disrespectful angle ideas that used his father, the late wrestling legend Gory Guerrero, as a way to sell tickets.

B. Guerrero refused to participate in angle ideas that disrespectingly used his partner, the late Art Barr, as a way to sell tickets.

C. Guerrero’s family privately told people he would never have participated in something like that.

D. Guerrero’s friends in the company privately told people he would never have participated in something like that and the angle was wrong

E. Rey Mysterio did it so it must have been okay with Eddie, right?

35. When WWE Creative head Stephanie McMahon found out about answer “C” above she vowed to…

A. be sensitive to the grieving families in the future when she wrote shows following the sudden death of WWE wrestlers.

B. called Eddie Guerrero’s widow to apologize, then sent her an extra check.

C. appear on the next Smackdown episode to apologize for what they saw on the last show and promise not to never let anything appear like that again.

D. drop everything until she found out who said it and fire them for disloyalty until, of all people, her father told her to drop it.

36. WWE finally got the Ultimate Warrior back for screwing them over all those times by releasing the best selling The Self Destruction Of the Ultimate Warrior DVD. The highlight of this disc documenting the career of the worst working WWF main eventer ever (so far) was Vince McMahon’s line: “I couldn’t wait to fire him” after Ultimate Warrior held him up for more money the day of Summerslam. Hulk Hogan and The Iron Sheik wanted to break his leg in the ring, but McMahon, recognizing that “my job is to make sure the needs of the fans come first,” waited until the match was over to fire the Warrior. Great story, only what’s wrong with it?

A. McMahon didn’t run out and yell “Ring The Bell” and start the Attitude era five years early

B. Warrior made McMahon agree to his financial terms to the match in writing weeks earlier.

C. In fact, Warrior made McMahon write the contract himself and…

D, McMahon told everyone Warrior held him up the day of the show.

E. All of the above

37. Also on the Warrior DVD, Hulk Hogan, who never, ever held up a wrestling promoter over money, angrily remembered that Warrior “committed the one unforgivable sin in this business.” According to the Immortal Hulk Hogan, what is the one, unforgivable sin in this business?

A. Writing editorials in the New York Post about the dozens of drug related deaths in pro wrestling.

B. Stealing the spotlight from an opponent who just worked with you to create a memorable WrestleMania match.

C. Calling the man from whom you took your act “a drug addict” on national television.

D. Never passing the torch despite talking about it all the time.

E. Truthfully talking about once beating Hulk Hogan on national television, the selling point of the whole angle.

38. WWE also released Jake “The Snake” Roberts DVD, Pick Your Poison, which despite the title in no way exploited Roberts the way the documentary movie “Beyond The Mat” did. Pick Your Poison told the inspirational story of Jake Roberts’ successful struggle to overcome years of chronic drug addiction caused by a painful childhood. Vince McMahon summed up Roberts’ life story in the end by stating “For Jake Roberts, the best is yet to come.” Roberts celebrated the release of the DVD by…

A. volunteering to help out at a local church rehab center.

B. taking his daughter out to dinner.

C. joining WWE Creative as Senior Consultant

D. no-showing his scheduled appearance at a wrestling show that weekend.
39. Why didn’t Kurt Angle get the big heat when he committed the one unpardonable sin in our society and called our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan cowards?

A. Even the dumbest fan knew it was a cheap trick by the company to get cheers for John Cena.

B. See A.

40. Matt “You Can’t Kill Me” Hardy made his mark in the wrestling business, finally moving out from under the shadow of his more colorful brother, the Charismatic Enigma Jeff Hardy. What was the key moment in Hardy’s pivotal year that brought him to the heights he achieved?

A. He got dumped by WWE when Director of Talent Relations John Laurenaitis told him, “We don’t have anything for you.”

B. He got dumped by his longtime girlfriend Amy Dumas.

C. He got cuckolded by his best friend, newlywed Adam Copeland, who snaked his longtime girlfriend Amy Dumas after Hardy asked him to look after her on the road while he stayed home to rehab an injury.

D. He started a relentless campaign on the Internet to get over as a star by garnering sympathy for his personal problems

E. He played Hamlet for months as he publicly agonized over whether to revolutionize the business by joining TNA or make a triumphant “I Told You So” return to WWE.

F. He snubbed TNA after agreeing to sign with them, only to resign with WWE, who immediately punished him for second guessing them on the Internet, forcing him to participate in humiliating skits where he got beaten up and abused by his cuckolds.

G. He found himself back in the same doghouse he started in by the end of the year when he upset the Undertaker by sliding out of the ring to escape a planned chokeslam at the end of a televised Smackdown show.

41. Who said “Today the truth means nothing; perception means everything. We are a lost society of lost souls: liars, con artists, manipulators.”?

A. Paul Heyman, cutting a promo on Eric Bischoff at ECW: One Night Stand.

B. Vince McMahon, apologizing to Bret Hart at the beginning of the “Bret Hart: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be” DVD.

C. White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove, explaining the Administration’s difficulties to Bill O’Reilly

D. Jose Canseco, explaining baseball’s drug scandal to Sports Illustrated.

END COLUMN

CHECK OUT PREVIOUS YEARS’ SELECTIONS OF BRUCE MITCHELL COLUMNS OVER THE LAST 25 YEARS: CLICK HERE