SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
HITS
The Main Event: The jumping off the top rope frog splash reversed into a cutter spot is easily my front-runner for move of the year so far. It’s going to be a tough one to top! OVE vs. LAX delivered an entertaining brawl but it wasn’t anywhere near enough to save this dreadful show. Still, check it out if you’re in need of a fun match from the week. If I didn’t already have so many misses, I would add the fact that there was no explanation as to why Konnan and Sami Callihan weren’t at ringside to the list, because that makes absolutely zero sense. But I have quite a bit complain about coming up so we’ll be generous for now.
That One ATT Guy Who Always Gets Hurt: He got hurt again. I laughed. Well, that’s it for the hits!
MISSES
The Global Championship Match: Without exaggeration, this is literally one of the top five saddest things I’ve ever seen in the history of TNA/Impact. I’m struggling to come up with something that can match it. Well, probably Jeff Hardy showing up wasted for a pay-per-view main event. Anyway, the company’s major title featuring two of their biggest stars was fought over in a high school gym that looked 75% empty. The lighting was atrocious and they cut out segments of the match, making the entire thing disjointed. It’s baffling they would air this in the first place, as the promotion has never, ever looked so low-rent. Whoever made the call to put this on TV should recuse themselves from the entire wrestling industry. Forever!
X-Division Title Change: Ishimori has been solid for Impact since his debut in the company but no one was exactly clamoring for him to win the X-Division Title. They should have held off on the switch until it actually meant something. Also, opening the show with this match once again reinforced the notion that the X-Division Title still doesn’t mean all that much.
Grand Championship Match: The Grand Championship has become a complete farce at this point. Don Callis, I politely advise you to KILL IT! KILL IT NOW! DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH THIS STUPID DIVISION’S HEART, BURN ITS CORPSE, AND BURY IT AT SEA!!!!! Sorry. Anyway, you just can’t apply MMA rules to a triple threat, points based system and not have it look like a joke. However, it is encouraging to see Fallah Bahh catch on a bit with the crowd. It reminds me of when Rikishi debuted on Raw and soon joined with Too Cool. That was fun for a bit. Due to Bahh’s reaction, it looks like there’s a bit more they should be able to do with him.
So Long Storm: Okay, so let me get this straight, Impact aired a video of James Storm talking (okay, mostly yelling as he tends to do) about how much this company meant to him and how much he helped the young guys behind the scenes and not ONE of them came out to help him as ATT beat him up for minutes? With this likely being it for The Cowboy in the company, it was a stupid way to go out. And why not have an actual wrestler retire him to get some heat? Dan Lambert may soon leave the promotion if Bobby Lashley decides to go when his deal is up, meaning any cache from forcing Storm out of the company will be completely wasted.
Bonus Archive Match: Stop showing long segments of matches when the company was more popular, featured more stars, and titles weren’t fought in gyms before high school basketball games! If I wanted to see Joseph Park fight Bully Ray for five minutes I’d go find it on YouTube. Actually, the only thing this segment reminded me of was that my three month subscription with the Global Wrestling Network is almost up (got it for free with Bound For Glory) and there’s no way in hell I’m paying $8 a month to keep it. So thanks, I guess?
Chandler Park’s Debut: Didn’t we just do the whole “person who doesn’t know how to wrestle somehow beats actual wrestlers” angle with Allie not long ago and with Joseph Park before that? If a lawyer can come in and beat a trained fighter it makes the entire “sport” of wrestling look like a dumb joke. Apparently, you can luck yourselves into victories on a regular basis so there’s no need to ever train. It’s also worth noting that Impact took a popular indy guy and turned him into a sidekick in a comedy act. Probably not what I would have done, but hey, the management team clearly knows what they’re doing here.
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS COLUMN: IMPACT HITS & MISSES 12/14: Konnan and Calliham, Alberto El Patron’s shirt, J.B. Award, Kongo Kong’s return, Lauren Van Ness’s big win
Some day some REA: bookers who know what the fuck they’re doing will come in and do it right. Until then this is the kind of shot you’re going to get. No thanks, I can find better indy wrestling stuff on YouTube that blowes this promotion away on a weekly basis.
This promotion has been shit since Jarrett came back and got fired again. Who in the hells thinks THIS, is a good product? Backyard wrestling would be better than this.
It’s a borderline great product. Wwe mark.
Another excellent show. Another terrible review. Nice mug shot, Bill.
Andrew,
I thought it was sports entertainment? All you WWE marks that bash the other promotions don’t seem to know the difference? Terrible review, by someone that knows very little to nothing about wrestling. Thanks for the comedy. Enjoy watching WWE Divas!
This review is probably a little harsh. I do agree, the Grand Championship concept has long been a miss- and they need to retire it now. Whoever laid out James Storm’s final match really must not understand how bad they made each and every single one of those babyfaces in the back look, either. All that said, there was a lot to enjoy on the show, too. They’re trying. They’ve caught some really bad breaks with the constant regime changes and resets. I appreciate the effort they’re putting in, even if it isn’t always a homerun.
King,
It is nice to see someone with a non-WWE mark perspective post here. The WWE is not hitting any homers either recently as their ratings continue to slide. New Japan has put on some good shows lately though, so there is still good wrestling out there. I don’t understand all the negativity these “sports entertainment” marks have towards the sport of pro wrestling. It is kind of sad actually. 🙁
I thought it was better than anything WWE put on this week or last week.
The one thing I did not like is the way they sent James Storm out. If this is how he wanted to go out, I don’t get it. All the talk of how he helped the guys in the back and he has been there from day one, then no one comes to help? Unless this is some sort of weird angle in which he will turn heel due to lack of support, what a terrible way to send him off.
LOL… T Bone and King sound like the same person.
Good review and yes this show was shit. Who wouldn’t think that the world title match on this show was shitty footage?
T Bone22 and King sound like they are fanboys and BIg Joe sounds like he may be in the TNA front office