A Different Kind Of Dynamite: McNEILL Previews WWE Roadblock End Of The Line 2016 (with a Wrestling History Lesson)

by Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it’s time for our exclusive WWE Network/pseudo pay-per-view projections!

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DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul “NXT” Levesque, Runjin Singh, Ed Koskey and WWE Chairman Vincent Kennedy Trump McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year’s supply of Minwax Wood Finish. America’s finest line of interior stain products, in twenty-two colors. Minwax makes and keeps wood beautiful. Pat McNeill’s wardrobe provided by Mr. Guy of Beverly Hills. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the part where he moves WWE headquarters from Connecticut to the office park two miles from his house.

If you missed the Raw postgame show I did with Wade Keller on Monday, check it out here. The only thing more impressive than the awful pun I delivered on this broadcast was how long the setup took.

Before we preview tonight’s show, let’s get to this month’s edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that’s why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on December 21, 1996, World Championship Wrestling presented WCW Saturday Night (pretaped) from Montgomery, Alabama. That show opened with two former WWF superstars in action, as Jeff Jarrett took on Rex King. Tony Schiavone and the late Dusty Rhodes had the call.

What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment fifteen years ago? I’m glad you asked! On December 15, 2001 the World Wrestling Federation aired an episode of “WWF Metal” (pretaped) from Anaheim, California. In the opening match, we saw Bob Holly & the late Crash Holly against Frankie Kazarian & Mikey Henderson. No, really. Kevin Kelly & Jonathan Coachman had the call. (Good luck finding this on WWE Network. Or…anywhere else.)

Did you catch the opening match on WWE Tribute To The Troops? Watch it now (sort of). It’s The Golden Truth vs. The Shining Stars vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Gallows & Anderson. Michael Cole, JBL & Byron Saxton have the call.

Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, & Corey Graves will be announcing the show. Renee Young will be doing the Kickoff Show and the Raw Talk postgame, while Tom Phillips will be in the social media lounge, slogging through an interview with Seth Rollins. On with the program!

Colin Cassady vs. Alexander Rusev (Kickoff Match): Sure, Big Cass makes for a tall singles wrestler, but he doesn’t feel like a potential player on the Raw brand. (Yet.) Projection: Despite the reach of Big Cass, Rusev kicks Cass in the head and wins the match.

We’ll also need a seventh match for the main show. And we haven’t done Emmalina’s debut yet. So let’s get on with it. During the Kickoff show, Emmalina arrives at the building, and is greeted by Dana Brooke. Dana is happy to see her old friend. Emmalina informs the bubbly bleached blonde that things have changed, and that Emmalina only associates herself with beautiful people. Then, on the main show, Emmalina defeats local wrestler Brittany Baker.

The New Day vs. Antonio Cesaro & Sheamus Farrelly (WWE World Tag Team Titles): The New Day have held the Raw tag team titles for 407 years, so it’s high time we get a switch. Projection? A long match, ending with Shayzaro catching Kingston with a Brogue Kick/Neutralizer combo for the long over due tag title change. We also need a long rematch on Raw, because we’ll have 3.25 hours to fill.

Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman (Ten Minutes of Trepidation): All Sami Zayn has to do is last ten minutes with Braun Strowman. Logic also dictates than we, as fans, also have to last ten minutes with a Braun Strowman. I don’t see that happening. Projection? Zayn frustrates Strowman for the first five minutes of the match. Braun starts ramming Zayn into the ringpost and choking Zayn against the ropes, giving the official no choice but to disqualify Strowman. Zayn wins by disqualification. You can keep Braun as a killer while also acknowledging that Strowman is not a great technical wrestler.

Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins (WWE Cruiserweight Title – Triple Threat Match): All three weeks of “205 Live” has led us right up to this moment. If you watched “205 Live”, you may have noticed that the TJ Perkins video package featured TJP delivering what used to be called a “heel promo”. File that away for later. Projection? Kendrick hits Perkins with a shiranui. Swann boots Kendrick in the head and covers Perkins for the victory. At this point, we need fewer cruiserweight title changes, not more.

Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho: WWE has done such a fine job hyping this match that I’d almost forgotten how many time these two have wrestled each other. Projection? Owens offers to show up at ringside for Jericho. Jericho tells Owens to get bent. Rollins blocks the codebreaker, and wins with a pedigree.

Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte Flair (WWE Women’s Title – 30 Minute Iron Person Match): Let’s all take a deep breath and book the Raw Women’s Division together. Tonight is supposed to end the Sasha-Charlotte, so we need to figure out what comes next.
If Charlotte gets the title back tonight, who are her babyface opponents?
– Bayley
– Dana Brooke
– Maybe Tamina?

If Sasha keeps the title, who are her heel opponents?
– Alicia Fox
– Nia Jax
– Emmalina

Projection? Charlotte wins, three falls to two. If you want to have Nia Jax interfere and becomes Charlotte’s new associate/bodyguard, be my guest. But we’re setting up for Bayley as the next challenger, and we can’t do that unless Sasha Banks is turning heel. Sorry, Boss.

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns (WWE Raw Comcast Universal Title): If WWE is series about Roman Reigns being The Guy, there are two paths the company can take.
1) Turn Roman heel and let him be himself. Eventually, the fans may come full circle on Reigns and start cheering him. Or…
2) For the love of Zod, try to make Roman more likable than the guys he’s fighting.

Want some examples? Okay. Remember last year at this time? The fans decided they liked Roman Reigns better than they liked Sheamus as WWE champion. So when Roman took out Sheamus and The Authority, people approved. When Roman Reigns feuded with Rusev over the United States title, fans like reigns a little more than they liked Rusev, so Reigns got a decent reaction. Which option will WWE choose tonight?

Projection? WWE takes neither option and goes with the obvious finish, as Chris Jericho runs in and whacks Reigns with the championship title belt to help Owens retain the WWE Universal Title. It can either be a swerve or Jericho not wanting Reigns to become champion. Do we get Jericho vs. Reigns for the US Title at Royal Rumble? Maybe.

Yes, I know the betting lines have moved in Reigns’ direction. But a babyface Roman Reigns as champion going into the Royal Rumble sets up a rematch with Kevin Owens, which WWE should be trying to avoid. I don’t see WWE making a Roman Reigns vs. Bruan Strowman title match at WrestleMania. Roman Reigns vs. John Cena also doesn’t work as a title match. (Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe does work, but Smackdown needs Joe a hundred times more than Raw.)

Aftermath: Kevin Owens defends against Seth Rollins & Sami Zayn in a three-way at the Royal Rumble. Plus AJ Styles vs. John Cena at Royal Rumble. We’ll see you there.

Pat McNeill of Greenville, South Carolina has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He likes the Dallas Cowboys to beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Sunday night’s NFL game. You know, if gambling were legal.