AEW COLLISION HITS & MISSES (7/20): New cheugy setting looks like the budget has been slashed, Hikuari Shida vs. Sky Blue ends with Blue injury, Darby promo, So Long Elton John, Hologram, FTR say a lot in front of very few, more

AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JULY 20, 2024
ARLINGTON, TEXAS
AIRED ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness

– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes! Fresh off another outstanding episode of AEW Dynamite, tonight was the first night of AEW Collision’s weeks-long residency at the E-Sports Arena in Arlington, Texas, where AEW unveiled an exciting new era brought to you by Temu.

NEW MUSIC — MISS

The timeless melody of Elton John’s “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” was replaced by the percussive sounds of what I assume was this show’s budget being smashed by a hammer.

NEW SETS — MISS

Before tonight, I had not yet Googled images of the interior of Arlington’s E-Sports Arena, but I was unaware that it was located next to the Impact Zone in 2004.

DARBY ALLIN VS. THE BEAST MORTOS — HIT

AEW kicked off Collision’s “residency era” with a deeply meaningful and well-built match between Darby Allin and The Beast Mortos, and the in-ring action exceeded my expectations.

Side Note: While the match itself was enjoyable, and Darby Allin reminded me of just how good he is at both wrestling and bouncing, The Beast Mortos reminded me of what would happen if The Scapegoat and Killswitch reunited for a match and had kids.

DARBY ALLIN SPEAKS AFTER THE MATCH — HIT

Darby Allin cut a vicious post-match promo on Jack Perry, dishwashers, and Harry Potter fans.

THE ACCLAIMED CUT A PROMO — MINOR-HIT

Standing in the wings of what looked like a middle school talent show, The Acclaimed cut a promo about Max Caster’s wrestling abilities, Anthony Bowen’s badassery abilities, and how it was time to “nut up or shut up” (which sounds like a brand of arsenic flavored ice cream).

HIKARU SHIDA VS. SKYE BLUE — NO RATING

This match started well, and I was in the middle of commenting to my boyfriend about how much I liked Skye Blue’s choice to wear her “evil” persona’s T-shirt to the ring and how impressed I was by her continued improvement when, suddenly, tragedy struck.

While taking a crossbody from Shida, Blue fell backward into the barricade. After this, the U.S. feed almost immediately cut to a commercial break, but because my boyfriend is Australian and we were watching his Triller feed, I was able to listen to the commentators during the aforementioned commercial break, and whatever had happened did not sound good.

There were several replays of the fall, and when my boyfriend and I initially paused the replay, it appeared that Blue had hit the back of her head against the leg of the barricade. Because of how brutal her head’s recoil looked, we were both concerned she might have suffered a concussion; however, Tony Khan later clarified on Twitter that Blue had instead suffered an ankle injury.

I hope this injury is an easy one for Blue to overcome, and I hope it does not hamper her career because she has clearly worked hard to become a quality in-ring performer. I’ve been wanting to see Blue featured more in the wake of Julia Hart’s absence (I miss her character so much), and it was starting to look like that was going to happen, making this new injury all the more disheartening for Blue’s fans.

LANCE ARCHER ATTACKS LOCAL WRESTLERS PRETENDING TO NOT BE LOCAL WRESTLERS — HIT

Speaking of performers I wish were featured more often, Lance Archer was shown backstage beating up random people (and nobody cared?), and he promised to remind us exactly who the “Murderhawk” was before disappearing down the damp, dark labyrinth of Tony Khan’s memories like a jacked up version of the monster from “It.”

CHRIS “THE LEARNING TREE” JERICHO CUTS A PROMO — HIT

“Hi, guys!”

In this promo, Jericho demonstrated why AEW should invest in microphones that don’t sound like they are trying to record their talent from the backroom of an alternate universe. However, this promo’s contents are the thing that I’m actually “rating” in this column, and therefore, I’m “rating” this segment a hit.

Jericho is doing some of the best work of his career with his new “Learning Tree” character. I used to just think this character’s usefulness would be outlived once Hook defeated him, but I’m starting to see even more potential for Chris Jericho’s “The Learning Tree” persona if AEW is willing to think outside of the box with how they use this particular character.

Most characters are not meant to be what I would call “meta” characters. In fact, most “meta” characters are cringe AF, but this (along with the Young Buck’s current EVP characters) is a notable exception to that rule.

In some ways, what Jericho has created here is the perfect villain. Think about it — everyone knows someone who thinks they know everything because of their experience, and we don’t hate them because they are wrong; we hate them because they go about being right in the wrong way. Chris Jericho’s new gimmick personifies that kind of person.

Also, this version of Jericho’s character has done wonders for both Redwood and Bad Apple, giving them a redefined purpose, a new layer to their wrestling personas, and something to work with other than the name “Bill.”

I know a lot of people online are not as enthusiastic about this character as I am, and I’m open to the idea that I’m just weird and wrong because I often am, but before AEW decides to change or ditch this character based on the loudest parts of Wrestling Twitter, I hope they will do a survey of their average, less vocal fans to see if they are enjoying Jericho’s newest gimmick even half as much as I am. I suspect that many of them are.

TONY NESE VS. RAY FENIX — HIT

This was my second favorite match of the night. (It was a close call between this match and the Strong vs. Ishii match). Few people are as good at using their in-ring abilities to overcome God-awful gimmicks as Tony Nese. Now, if only Nese would stop acquiring God-awful gimmicks. It’s almost like he saw only the bad parts of Jeff Jarrett’s career and said, “I will aspire to this and nothing more.”

FTR CUT A PROMO — MEGA-HIT

This was far and away the best non-wrestling segment of the night. In fact, FTR should have cut this promo on AEW Dynamite. They deserve better than to have to cut a promo of this caliber in a wannabe bingo hall that holds 300 fewer people than my high school gymnasium.

Side Note: Will someone please close the rear exit door on the hard camera side? It was standing wide open and letting in more sunlight than it should have been letting in which is zero.

HIKARU SHIDA CUTS A PROMO — MINOR-HIT

Hikaru Shida’s English is miles better than my non-existent Japanese will ever be, but moments like this are the reasons managers exist. Shida made a compelling case for why she should face Britt Baker on Dynamite, and Shida even reminded Baker that she had previously broken her nose. However, I couldn’t help but think that this would have been delivered better if they’d either used a manager or pre-taped the segment and used subtitles so that Shida could speak in her native language.

Side Note: Why doesn’t wrestling use subtitles for foreign wrestlers more often? It’s 2024; nobody is going to tune out. We have foreign language films snagging multiple Oscars, iQIYI has over 100 million subscribers, and Netflix turned Squid Games into an interactive “immersive experience” in Los Angeles — subtitled promos would bother virtually no one.

RODERICK STRONG VS. TOMOHIRO ISHII — HIT

This was almost my second favorite match of the night. (It was a close call between this match and the Nese vs. Fenix match). I especially enjoyed seeing someone of Strong’s size and build attempt to do power moves on someone of Ishii’s size and build. It was also nice to hear the announcers hype the match as a big deal, but it was unfortunate that they forgot that Strong is about to wrestle for the ROH Championship, and because of that, AEW’s booking patterns made this match’s outcome a forgone conclusion.

MJF VS. WILL OSPREAY RECAP VIDEO — MEGA-HIT

This match was one of the best things I have ever seen, and I literally attended an arts school and have seen more shows on Broadway than I can immediately recall. I am awed and even humbled by how good this was. This match was the kind of match that makes me wish I were a better writer because I cannot find the words to adequately describe it.

I am so glad to see AEW presenting this recap video and keeping this match in people’s minds. AEW should play highlights from MJF and Ospreay’s 58-minute epic match on every single program they produce between now and “All In” in London.

HOLOGRAM VS. GRINGO LOCO – MINOR-HIT

Hologram (Gravity’s brother and rejected “Kickass” prototype) faced off against Gringo Loco (a wrestler with a vaguely offensive name who is unfamiliar to AEW’s general audience outside of a single match he wrestled in over a year ago on Rampage), and the results were four minutes of me wondering when Demetri Martin would go on tour again.

THE VON ERICHS APPEAR WITH DUSTIN RHODES — HIT

This felt like a blast from the past. It was nice and nostalgic without feeling forced.

MARK BRISCOE CUTS A PROMO — MINOR-HIT

This was better than last week’s rambling promo, but I just don’t think Mark Briscoe’s promo style is for me. His in-ring work is very much up my alley, and I look forward to his match against Rodrick Strong at Death Before Dishonor, but every time Briscoe speaks, I can’t help but imagine that he recently swallowed one of the Bushwhackers.

THUNDER ROSA VS. DEONNA PURRAZZO — MISS

This feud deserved better than to be blown off in a clustermatch with a gimmick that hasn’t enhanced anything since ever.

THE PATRIARCHY VS. THE JUICY GUNNS — HIT

Christian Cage is a mastermind, both as a villain and as a man who knows how to get the most out of every move he executes, and because of this, it is not surprising this match was far and away the highlight of the night. Everyone involved in this match played their part perfectly, including Mother Wayne. It is just a shame that a match this good took place in a building that looks like it was built in an attempt to personify the word “cheugy.”

FINAL THOUGHTS: This show’s layout and setup looked worse than AEW Dark at the end of its lifecycle. I know the ratings for AEW Collision are on the low side, but cutting the budget this drastically and doing so this clearly is only going to cause the show’s ratings to spiral further. It doesn’t help that the last three episodes of Dynamite have been some of the best episodes of Dynamite that AEW has ever produced, and by comparison, that makes these more recent episodes of AEW Collision look like they belong to the sister show of WCW Pro than to the sister show of AEW Dynamite.

SHOW GRADE: C-

DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:

• Match of the Night: The Patriarchy vs. The Juicy Gunns.
• Second Best Match: Tony Nese vs. Rey Fenix
• Third Best Match: Rodrick Strong vs. Tomohiro Ishii

Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, the great sign of one’s worthiness of power is their willingness to give it up.

(David Bryant’s new bathroom selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor and seller of the world’s first pair of pre-lost socks which are both affordable and invisible. Less impressively, he studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)