AEW COLLISION HITS & MISSES (6/1): FTR’s passionate promo, Jack Perry in the shower, Strong yells at TK and TK likes it, Ospreay vs. Kyle O’Reilly, Thunder Rosa, more

AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JUNE 1, 2024
PALM DESERT, CALIF.
AIRED LIVE ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness

– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes! To anyone who visits this column each week, I just want to say thank you for supporting PWTorch, me, and the wacky writing style of this shameful yet shameless column. I make a lot of bad jokes in this space each week, but your support is no joke to me.

THE LOCATION OF TONIGHT’S SHOW — HIT

While tonight’s crowd wasn’t huge, they helped to carry this show, which (spoiler alert) needed carrying. Also, I am biased towards tonight’s locale because my dad grew up in Desert Hot Springs which is less than 30 minutes away from this arena, and then he spent most of his teen years in the Palm Springs and the Palm Desert area. I’ve flown across the country to visit all three of these aforementioned locations, and I can tell you firsthand that they are outstandingly hot.

FTR CUTS A PROMO — MEGA-HIT

Tony Schiavone introduced FTR as one of the greatest tag teams of all time, and he is not lying (he is sitting). As if to prove Schiavone’s point, FTR cut a classic babyface promo that hit all of the right notes without being overly flashy (which would be inappropriate because wearing clothes in public is important.) Another amazing aspect of this promo is Dax Harwood’s acting. It is mind-blowing to me that he more or less said that he would die for AEW, and I believed him. (To be fair, I also believe in angels, and those are basically giant, magic fairies except real.)

Side Note: During his promo, Harwood said that he would fight for every person in AEW who gets a paycheck because he hates interns, and I immediately thought of how quickly we’ve forgotten the sins of Paul Heyman (and we should; he’s awesome).

SEEING JACK PERRY IN THE SHOWER — HIT

After FTR’s promo, Jack Perry cut a post-Double or Nothing promo in a shower in the backstage locker room at the Forum. (AEW really missed a great opportunity to showcase the iconic exterior of the legendary Forum this past Sunday. I know that is a small thing to harp on, but if you’re emanating from a building that iconic, you should show it.)

Despite being distracted by Perry’s unfortunate decision to wear clothes in the shower (which is an inappropriate decision because Jack Perry wearing less clothes in public is important.), I was impressed by how much this man’s promos have improved. If disappearing for eight months does Perry this much good, I hope he gets canceled for things other people did more often.

Side Note: The burns on Perry’s arm and hand did not look comfy, and I hope they heal quickly. That said, I feel like getting set on fire should require more than a shower to cool down. Rather than being filmed in a locker room, this promo should have been cut in a hospital.

RODERICK STRONG vs. LIO RUSH — MINOR-HIT

This match had some stunning moves, and it’s nice to see Lio Rush (who you may remember from having recently wrestled in every promotion on Earth) return to AEW after being used so badly last time. It was not nice seeing Lio Rush being used so badly this time.

Seriously, in a company that prides itself on give-or-take matches in situations where they aren’t warranted, it would have been nice to see Rush get in more offense against Roderick Strong.

KYLE O’REILLY CUTS A PROMO — MINOR-MISS

Kyle O’Reilly (who may remember from having not been on last weekend’s PPV) told us that he is scheduled to wrestle Will Ospreay for the AEW International Championship due to a recent hot streak of losing to Adam Copeland, Malakai Black, and Roderick Strong.

RODERICK STRONG YELLS AT TONY KHAN, WHO LIKES IT — MISS

Roderick Strong accosted Tony Khan, who was sitting in the Gorilla position while auditioning for the role of a melodramatic mime. Khan responded by saying he hasn’t been yelled at that good since C.M. Punk and gave Strong an AEW World Heavyweight Championship match against Swerve Strickland because wait, what?

Side Note: Every time I see Tony Khan attempt to act, it feels like he’s acting out instructions he got from a book about how facial expressions work, but because the alien pulling the levers in his head can’t read, he’s having to improvise, and it’s all going horribly wrong.

Second Side Note: For anyone wondering why I’m going at Tony Khan’s acting so hard, here is a brief clip of his performance.

DANIEL GARCIA & SHIBATA vs. THE WORKHORSEMEN — MINOR-MISS

While this match got a “Holy shit!” chant from the fans, it got an “okay” chant from me, and it is a great example of how tonight’s local crowd helped to carry this show.

Side Note: Wasn’t Anthony Henry released from AEW two months ago?

THUNDER ROSA vs. REINA DORADO — HIT

Thunder Rosa came out wearing a stunning new version of her traditional facepaint, and Reina Dorado came out wearing a terrifying new version of the traditional mask worn by Leather Face.

It is nice to see AEW’s women stepping up to the plate (even during short squash matches like this one) because now is the time for AEW to strike the proverbial iron. This past Sunday featured two of the best matches in the history of AEW’s women’s division, and there are even some out there calling Mercedes Mone vs. Willow Nightingale the best match of the night. I’ve always believed that AEW’s women’s division could be every bit as good as WWE’s women’s division if they were treated with the same respect and care as WWE’s women’s division, and this Sunday reinforced that belief.

As for the match itself, it was fast-paced, technically sound, and a bright spot in the women’s division. As for Dorado’s mask, it was a dark spot in my nightmares and will remain there for years to come.

Side Note: Dorado also seemed to be wearing the gold tablecloth we used at my brother’s wedding as a cape.

STOKELY HATHAWAY & KRIS STATLANDER CUTS A PROMO — HIT

I am enjoying Stokely Hathaway’s recent turn towards seriousness, and I hope he keeps it up. I am also enjoying Kris Statlander’s recent turn towards verbal adeptness, and while I can’t believe I’m saying this, I hope she keeps it up. Statlander has always been great in the ring, but these recent backstage segments of hers are the first time she’s felt great outside of it.

BRIAN CAGE & THE GATES OF AGONY vs. DANNY ROSE, DANNY GEE, & K.M. — MINOR-HIT

It’s interesting how Danny Rose, Danny Gee, and K.M. each look approximately one foot shorter than the other. This size difference allowed Brian Cage to get in a few impressive spots, and the ending of the squash match saw a three-man vertical Biel throw that looked like attempted murder.

Side Note: Danny Rose landed feet first from that super-high Biel throw, and given AEW’s luck with feet-first landings, I hope he is okay.

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CHECK OUT THE LATEST EPISODE OF THE AEW-FOCUSED WEEKLY PWTORCH DAILYCAST, the “AEW Conversation Club” with Joel Dehnel & Gregg Kanner.

TOPICS…

• Potential offer from WBD for renewal
• Tony Khan “very open” to additional hour of TV
• MJF return at Double or Nothing
• Mercedes Mone return match
• Adam Copeland fractured tibia
• Bump in Dynamite rating
• Analysis of AEW Dynamite
• Emails and trivia

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TONI STORM & MARIAH MAY CUT A PROMO — MEGA-HIT

This promo featured all of Toni Storm’s usual shenanigans (which are one of AEW’s greatest treasures), plus we got to watch Mariah May run headfirst into Storm’s title belt for some reason. Then, at the end of the promo, Nigel McGuinness became possessed by the spirit of Jerry Lawler and jumped up to rush to join May in whatever object she chose to run her head into next.

Side Note: During this promo, May and Storm taunted Saraya about her recent “downfall.” And while I know they were making a reference to how the film about Saraya’s life left out her neck injury, I couldn’t help but think about Saraya’s AEW run. I wish Khan realized just how talented some of the performers on his roster are. He is literally (I am intentionally misusing that word for effect) sitting on a gold mine of talent.

CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI vs. JOHNNY TV — HIT

I loved this match from start to finish, and if it weren’t for the Ospreay match, this would have easily been my match of the night.
Side Note: Taya Valkyrie was very entertaining at ringside, but I remember the days when she was entertaining in the ring. Can we have those days back? Taya’s last match was literally (I am using that word correctly this time) in April!

SHANE TAYLOR & LEE MORIARTY vs. I DIDN’T CATCH THEIR NAME — MINOR HIT

While the in-ring work was good, this match, like the majority of tonight’s matches, felt superfluous, thrown together, and surprisingly short — something that is making tonight’s show feel surprisingly long.

WILL OSPREAY vs. KYLE O’REILLY – MEGA-HIT

This was a marvelous match. Will Ospreay vs. Kyle O’Reilly was easily 3.5 to 4 stars, and upon rewatching it a second time, it made me briefly forget how humdrum the rest of tonight’s show was. During the match, Ospreay told a compelling in-ring story about injuring his arm, and he continued to sell that injury after the match.

SWERVE STRICKLAND CUTS A PROMO — HIT

Live from Stanely Kubrick’s office, Swerve Strickland cut a promo about tonight’s episode that seemed surprisingly not live and pre-taped. If it was pre-taped, it’s amazing he was able to find a painting that I assume belonged to Cruella Devil and glasses I assume he borrowed from Tilda Swinton all in time to respond to the happenings of tonight’s show while relevant clips of previous matches played in between his words. If this promo wasn’t supposed to be live, it is even stranger that he was able to send it to us from the future.

That said, Strickland’s delivery was spot on, and I kind of hope he shocks the world by beating Will Ospreay at Forbidden Door. Were that to be the case, AEW would leave Forbidden Door with not just one mega-star (Ospreay) but two (Strickland).

FINAL THOUGHTS

Tonight’s episode of Collision featured A+ promos and C- matches. It was not that the in-ring work was in any way bad; it was that the matches felt like they were borrowed from an episode of Dark Elevation, and I should know because I used to write the Dark Elevation reports. The only match that felt like it wasn’t as pointless as an undrilled bowling ball or like it was borrowed from Dark Elevation was the title match, which felt like it was borrowed from Battle of the Belts, which is the “Dark Elevation” of TV specials.

SHOW GRADE: C+

DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:

• Match of the Night: Will Ospreay vs. Kyle O’Reilly
• Second Best Match: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Johnny TV
• Third Best Match: Thunder Rosa vs. Reina Dorado

Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. As always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, if your day feels crazy, don’t let anyone know about it because Frances Farmer was administered insulin shock therapy, and she was way more famous than you.

(David Bryant’s new bathroom-selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor of the world’s most effective sleeping pills, which did not contain cyanide, except when they did. Less impressively, he studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)

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RECOMMENDED NEXT: AEW COLLISION RESULTS (6/1): Osprey vs. Kyle O’Reilly for International Title, Roderic Strong vs. Lio Rush, Claudio vs. Johnny TV, plus FTR, Garcia, Thunder Rosa

OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: AEW Collision results (6/1): Powell’s review of Will Ospreay vs. Kyle O’Reilly for the AEW International Title, Claudio Castagnoli vs. Johnny TV, Thunder Rosa vs. Reina Dorada