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This report was originally published on PWTorch.com 20 years ago this week…
WWE Smackdown review
September 21, 2003
Taped 8/19/03 in Detroit, Mich.
By Sean Radican, Torch Team Phenomenon
Will Smackdown achieve the standard set for by your Smackdown reviewer?
The Big Picture: I’ve had a long couple of days so I’m going to keep this short. Last week was one of the worst editions of Smackdown I have ever seen. VKM and his daughter overshadowed all of the good things that took place on last week’s show. This week, I look for Smackdown to showcase the talent that is going to be featured at Summerslam. I really like Brock Lesnar as a heel and I think that Vince fits in well with him. I look for Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar to have the standard pre-PPV showdown. I’m also looking forward to seeing what Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Rhyno, and Tajiri have in store for us this week. Guerrero and Benoit showed some never before seen chemistry last week that was really enjoyable and entertaining. Let’s see where Smackdown takes us on the road to Summerslam!
On to my weekly picks…
Book of the Week: Foley is Good by Mick Foley.
Game of the Week: The Getaway on PS2. This is a great game that is like an interactive movie.
DVD pick of the week: The best of Chris Farley from SNL . This is a great look back at some of Farley’s funniest skits on SNL.
…And now, on to Smackdown!
[HOUR ONE]
1st Quarter Hour
Highlights air from the Angle-Lesnar feud. Hey, at least they aren’t from A-Train-Steph match.
Kurt Angle makes his way down to the ring. I think it would be great if they sold the Kurt Angle hooded outfit rather than some of the crap that is peddled on the shopzone.
Kurt says that he has no revenge plan tonight. “I don’t need some pumped up, whacked out billionaire to fight my battles for me.” Kurt says that he will get his revenge the old fashioned way, by finding Brock and kicking his ass. The crowd pops are really phony sounding this week. Same exact pop for each time Kurt says he wants a fight against Brock Lesnar and Vince at the same time. Kurt says that he isn’t going anywhere until he gets a fight.
No chance! VKM struts out as only he can. Vince says that he is impressed with Kurt Angle. “You see Kurt, it’s not about what you want. In this business it’s not about what you want.” Vince says he doesn’t give a damn about what the people want either. All that matters is what Vince wants. Vince says there will be no fight between Kurt and Lesnar or Kurt and Vince. Kurt tells Vince to say it to his face. Vince storms towards the ring, but stops. Vince says that if he had entered the ring, Kurt would have done something he would have regretted for the rest of his life. Vince says that if Kurt touches Vince or Brock that he will be stripped of the title and suspended. Furthermore, Vince says he will be fired if he touches either of them before Summerslam. Vince says he has an opponent for Angle, the Big Show. Kurt says he is going to explain something very slowly to Vince. He wants a fight, not a match. The Big Show comes out and stands beside Vince. Kurt says he is going to fight the Big Show. Angle walks up the ramp and attacks the Big Show, but the referees come out and pull them apart.
Grade: 2 points. Good opening segment.
(Commercial Break)
2nd Quarter Hour
Vince is backstage with Big Show. Show throws some furniture around and Vince tells him to take it out on Kurt Angle. Vince says there will be a falls count anywhere street fight between Show and Angle.
Matt Facts: Matt has never lost his cellphone and Matt’s pants are hipper than Rey’s.
(1) Rey Mysterio (w/Billy Kidman) defeated Matt Hardy (w/Shannon Moore) in a non-title match via pinfall when he hit the West Coast Pop. Matt Hardy gets a couple of early two counts, but Mysterio hits a springboard huracanrana. Rey comes off the ropes and hits a dropkick on Hardy. Shannon Moore comes up on the ropes, but Kidman takes him off. Hardy thumbs Mysterio in the eyes to take the advantage. Mysterio sends Hardy to the outside and hits a rolling senton on him. Mysterio sets up for the West Coast Pop, but Hardy pops up and punches him. Moore tries to hit Mysterio with a chair, but misses. Kidman comes over and picks up the chair so the referee kicks him out because he heard the sound of the chair and saw him holding it. Those good guys always get the shaft.
(Commercial Break)
***Moment of Zen: No Stephanie McMahon backstage looking for revenge on A-Train.
Back from the break, Hardy throws Mysterio into the ring post. Hardy steps on his neck. Cole says that Hardy likes to be in control, but Tazz counters with, “Who doesn’t like to be in control Cole.” Mysterio hits Hardy with a spinning heel kick, but to no avail as Hardy pulls a Side-Effect out of his ass. Hardy applies a hammerlock after Mysterio kicked out of a two count. The sweetener pipes in a Hardy sucks chant. Mysterio reverses a slam attempt into a spinning DDT. Mysterio and Hardy trade punches as they get to their feet. Mysterio bounces off the ropes, nailing a huracanrana. Mysterio springs off the ropes, nailing Hardy with a Senton. Hardy hits a reverse Side-Effect on Mysterio for a two count. Hardy puts Mysterio on the top rope, but Mysterio fights out and sends Hardy to the Mat. Mysterio hits a great moonsault for a near fall. Shannon Moore tries to interfere, but Mysterio stops him. Both men are set up for a 619, but Hardy tackles Mysterio when he tries to land the 619 on Moore. Gowen comes down and cracks his cane across Hardy’s back, allowing Mysterio to hit the 619 and West Coast Pop for the three.
Grade: 3 (Achieved the standard.) This was a good television match between Hardy and Mysterio that also served to set up the match between Gowen and Hardy at Summerslam.
(Commercial Break)
3rd Quarter Hour
Highlights air from the previous match. This is what Smackdown should be known for.
Vince is backstage talking to Brock Lesnar. Brock wonders what happened to his office, so Vince explains that Show trashed the office. Vince tells Brock that he is a sportsman and the number one contender. Brock says that he should have a match with a worthy opponent. Vince makes a match between Brock Lesnar and Zach Gowen. Wow, that’s a fair match. Brock says that because the match is in Gowen’s hometown it makes it even better. Brock says that he is going to break Zach’s leg and it won’t be the fake one.
Bonus: 1 point for Brock saying he isn’t going to break Gowen’s fake leg.
Cole and Tazz seem concerned with Gowen’s welfare.
This is great (note the sarcasm). Highlights air from Stephanie’s big return last week. People across the nation are reaching for their remotes as I write. I dare anyone to tell me they enjoyed the Stephanie McMahon show from last week. I forgot how good Sable looked last week. Cole says that Stephanie is suffering from internal injuries as a result of her match from last week. Isn’t it a shame that someone like they air this again rather than another backstage segment or match? Instead, we see Steph “put over” the A-Train as he heads to Summerslam.
Noble and Gunn, who are accompanied by Nidia and the hot looking Torrie, are shown walking backstage.
(Commercial Break) It seems like the night of 1,000 commercials.
*** Have you ever had to sit through an incredibly long meeting where someone keeps asking a question that has already been answered 8 billion times when you just want to leave. If so, shoot me e-mail and I’ll tell you a nice little story about the dumbest woman on earth.
Cole introduces us to Zach Gowen’s mother, who is sitting in the crowd. She says that she is very proud of Zach. Furthermore, Zach’s mother says that she hates seeing him thrown around the ring. Zach’s mom goes on to say that she doesn’t know why a man twice the size of Zach would want to break his leg.
4th Quarter Hour
(2) The Basham’s (w/Maniqua) defeated Billy Gunn (w/Torrie) and Jamie Noble (w/Nidia). The action begins outside the ring. Gunn brings Doug Basham into the ring and nails him with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Gunn works him over in the corner, but misses a splash. Danny comes in without a tag and works Gunn over in the corner. BO-RING! BO-RING! These guys are bland and Cole is talking about how the Basham’s like to be whipped on the ass by Maniqua. Doug hits Gunn across the face with his forearm and tags in Danny, but Gunn fights out of a double team and tags Noble in. Noble cleans house; landing a nice back suplex and swinging neck breaker on one of the Basham’s. Shades of Macho Man as Noble hits a top rope elbow on Danny Basham. Doug tries to interfere, but Gunn clotheslines him out of the ring. Noble had a three count, but Maniqua broke it up. Gunn gets hit in the head with the cattail. The Basham’s switch and Doug rolls up Noble for the pin.
Grade: 1 point (Below Standard.) The Basham’s are as bland as can be.
Zach Gowen runs into Brock Lesnar backstage. Brock tells him to shut his mouth. Brock says that after tonight, Zach won’t have a leg to stand on.
(Commercial Break)
Highlights air from the Lesnar-Spanky match from last week. Credit to Spanky for selling like a madman for Lesnar to build him up as a monster.
(3) Zach Gowen defeated Brock Lesnar via DQ. Gowen gives his mom a hug as he comes out to a huge ovation. Cole calls Lesnar a manster again. Someone should tell Cole to stop that because it sounds really gay. Lesnar goes over to Zach’s mom and stares at her as if she’s holding his Stacker 2. Brock offers to shaker her hand, but she refuses. Zach takes Lesnar out with a splash from over the top rope, but Lesnar shoves him down.
[HOUR TWO]
5th Quarter Hour
Zach hits Lesnar with his fake leg! Brock kicks Zach down and throws him into the post. Brock throws Gowen into the ring and the bell rings. Lesnar tosses Zach around the ring, as Mrs. Gowen looks concerned. Lesnar hits a huge double powerbomb on Gowen. Lesnar looks huge when he is standing over Gowen. Lesnar tosses Gowen out of the ring and gets a steel chair. Gowen’s mom is urging him to get up and Lesnar lays Gowen out with a HUGE chairshot.
Lesnar laughs at Gowen’s mother again. You know, sometimes the WWE really knows how to play the emotional card right and they’ve done that here. Brock picks up a bloody Gowen and F-5’s him into the post as his mother screams, “It’s over!” Lesnar gives him several chairshots to the leg and then gives him a second F-5 into the steel post. Lesnar gets into the ring and he is covered with Zach’s blood, which is all over his face. This is how you establish someone as a monster. The camera goes blurry they zoom in on Zach. Lesnar runs up the ramp and knocks Gowen off of the stretcher. Lesnar brings the bloody stretcher back into the ring. He wipes the blood on his chest as we go to break.
Grade: 4 (Above standard.) This grade is for the entire segment. Two points for the match and two points for the vicious beating that Zach took. The bloody stretcher was a great visual. The bleeding that Zach did reminded me of something out of ICP’s Stranglemania videos.
(Commercial Break)
Highlights air from the previous segment. It was creepy how he looked at Gowen’s mother right before he F-5’d Zach into the post for the second time.
Cole says they are paid to be unbiased, but tonight he has to say Lesnar acted like ass tonight. Tazz says he thought he knew Lesnar, but he’s not so sure now. Cole is so much better now than he was even a year ago. Cole and Tazz do a textbook job of putting Lesnar over, which is something that has been lacking on RAW. Cole says he hopes Lesnar gets his ass kicked on Sunday.
Summerslam video package is aired. Bonus: 1 point for an another awesome video package to hype a PPV from the WWE.
6th Quarter Hour
Word Life! Cena is about to bust out some Thuganomics. He says that Zach sucks because he is from Detroit. He says that Joe Luis Arena is the world’s biggest crackhouse. “You people think I suck…but you’re the one’s who…Word Life!”
(Commercial Break)
(4) John Cena & A-Train defeated Undertaker & Orlando Jones when Cena pinned Taker.
The new lyrics to Taker’s music:
You’ve done it now
You’ve gone and made a big mistake
Asking me to sell
Tell Vince but it’s gonna take more than that
You’re gonna pay! You’re gonna pay!
No cut of the PPV money
I took it all; it’s all mine!
Nice Guys, always finish last
I’ll try and make you look good
While I beat your ass!
Taker and Cena begin the match. Taker snaps Cena ‘s neck over the top rope. Taker gives Cena the old school as Cole mumbles on about respect. Jones is tagged in and goes one on one with A-Train. A-Train misses a splash and Jordan connects with nice DDT. Cena and Taker get tagged in and Taker nails Cena with Snakeyes and follows up with a big boot. A-Train interferes and Taker pummels him. Taker eventually locks in the Dragon Sleeper on Cena. A-Train comes in with a steel chair, but Jordan stopped him. Taker Chokeslams A-Train for his troubles. Cena comes from behind and hits a nice spinebuster on Taker for a near fall. Cena tries to hit Taker with the chair, but Taker shoves it in his gut and sets him up for The Last Ride. A-Train comes in and hits Taker with Cena’s chain and Cena covered Taker for the three.
Grade: 2(Nearing the standard.) I’m glad they didn’t give this match the 20 minutes that Show and Taker got last week. It fit well into Smackdown’s fast paced show tonight.
(Commercial Break)
7th Quarter Hour
*** Questions for the next half-hour:
1) Will Stephanie make a Raven like comeback and make it to Smackdown this week?
2) Will Lesnar interfere in Kurt’s match?
3) Can Smackdown be this good after being so bad last week?
4) Where is Sable?
Sablelicious is backstage and rubs up the A-Train. She says Vince wants Sable to personally thank A-Train for what he did to Steph last week. A-Train licks the room card that Sable gave him. I really like Sable, but if she takes a ride on the A-Train I’ll have to fantasize about Torrie.
Rhyno and Eddie come to the ring in a low-rider. Great stuff as they both laughing while Eddie operates the hydraulics.
(5) Eddie Guerrero and Rhyno defeated Chris Benoit and Tajiri when Rhyno pinned Tajiri. Benoit begins the match slapping the crap out of Guerrero. Rhyno is tagged in and goes to work on Benoit. Benoit applies the Crossface, but Eddie breaks it up. Rhyno tags Guerrero in and he takes him down for a submission hold. Benoit fights out, but Guerrero gains the advantage and hits several suplexes. Guerrero goes to the top rope, but Benoit meets him there and gives him a huge superplex. Benoit and Guerrero tag out. Tajiri hits his hand spring elbow on Rhyno and dishes out a stiff kick to Benoit. Tajiri has Rhyno in the Tarantula, while Benoit delivers the flying headbutt to Guerrero. Meanwhile, Rhyno got out of the Tarantula and gored Tajiri to pick up the win.
After the match, Benoit applied the Crossface on Rhyno. Guerrero came in and hit Benoit over the head with the US Title. Guerrero waited until Rhyno turned his back and nailed him with the belt. Guerrero shrugs his shoulder and the crowd pops. Eddie goes back into the ring and hits Tajiri with the belt for good measure.
Grade: 2(Nearing the standard.) It was a cool visual to see Rhyno in the Tarantula as Benoit came off the top rope to hit Guerrero with his flying headbutt. It was a short TV match, but good.
(Commercial Break)
8th Quarter Hour
(6) Kurt Angle defeated Big Show via pinfall in a street fight when he Angle-Slammed Show through a table. Angle waits for Show at the top of the ramp and attacks him. They brawl down the isle and Show takes out a table from under the ring. Show tosses Angle in the ring and decks him with a huge right hand. Show slams Angle on the Table, which was flat and then gives him a legdrop. Show gets a two count. Angle drives Show into the corner, but Show reverses it and gives Angle a couple of huge chops. Show sets the table up against Angle, but Angle throws it into Show. Angle follows that up with an awesome looking Angle-Slam for a near fall. Cole says that this is another match setup by Mr. McMahon. Show sends Angle outside and sets up the table. Kurt grabs a chair and nails Show in the kidneys, but Show punches the second chairshot into Angle’s head. Show tries to powerbomb Angle, but he fights out and grabs the chair. Show tries bring Angle back up, but Angle nails him in the head with the chair. The action spills outside and Show takes the advantage. Show sets up the steel steps in front of the announce position, but Angle grabs his jewels. Angle sends Show into the steel post and grabs a chair. Angle tries to nail Angle, but Show grabs him around the neck. Angle reverses the Chokeslam into his anklelock. Show eventually powers out. Show looks much better against Angle than he did against Taker. Kurt bulldogs Show on the steel steps. Kurt climbs up the steps and hits a legdrop on Show using the steel chair. Show slides off the table and Angle covers him for a two count. Angle throws Show back into the ring. Show gets up and goes for another Chokeslam, but Angle counters and gives Show the Angle-Slam through the table for the pinfall.
Lesnar’s music plays and Angle and Lesnar lock eyes to end the Show.
Grade: 3 points (Achieved the standard.) This was a good match between two people who know how to work a good match with each other.
Bonus: 1 point for no Steph!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Smackdown was a good show tonight. It started out with a good segment between Kurt and Vince and never slowed down from there with the exception of the tag match between the Basham’s and the team of Gunn and Noble. Vince kept his on-screen presence to a minimum this week, which is a plus because he is very effective in small doses. I think the best thing about this show was the establishment of Brock Lesnar as a monster. I think fans care more about Zach Gowen than they do Spanky and because Lesnar beat Gowen up in front of his own mother, it really gave him a huge boost heading into Summerslam. It leaves me wondering what he will do to Kurt Angle in order to regain his title. Lesnar has come a long way with his mannerisms and facial expressions. It was downright creepy when he stared into Mrs. Gowen’s eyes before F-5ing her son into the post for the second time…I thought that Smackdown did a good job of pushing everyone from the roster who is going to appear at Summerslam. Hopefully last week was a small hiccup and Smackdown is right back where it needs to be. I’m looking forward to all the matches at Summerslam this Sunday, but I have to compliment Smackdown for doing a better job of promoting its half of the card than Raw.
Drum roll please…
There were seven matches for a total of 24 available points to be had for Smackdown this week. Smackdown scored a 20, giving it a B-.
This report was originally published on PWTorch.com 20 years ago this week…
WWE Smackdown review
September 21, 2003
Taped 8/19/03 in Detroit, Mich.
By Sean Radican, Torch Team Phenomenon
Will Smackdown achieve the standard set for by your Smackdown reviewer?
The Big Picture: I’ve had a long couple of days so I’m going to keep this short. Last week was one of the worst editions of Smackdown I have ever seen. VKM and his daughter overshadowed all of the good things that took place on last week’s show. This week, I look for Smackdown to showcase the talent that is going to be featured at Summerslam. I really like Brock Lesnar as a heel and I think that Vince fits in well with him. I look for Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar to have the standard pre-PPV showdown. I’m also looking forward to seeing what Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Rhyno, and Tajiri have in store for us this week. Guerrero and Benoit showed some never before seen chemistry last week that was really enjoyable and entertaining. Let’s see where Smackdown takes us on the road to Summerslam!
On to my weekly picks…
Book of the Week: Foley is Good by Mick Foley.
Game of the Week: The Getaway on PS2. This is a great game that is like an interactive movie.
DVD pick of the week: The best of Chris Farley from SNL . This is a great look back at some of Farley’s funniest skits on SNL.
…And now, on to Smackdown!
[HOUR ONE]
1st Quarter Hour
Highlights air from the Angle-Lesnar feud. Hey, at least they aren’t from A-Train-Steph match.
Kurt Angle makes his way down to the ring. I think it would be great if they sold the Kurt Angle hooded outfit rather than some of the crap that is peddled on the shopzone.
Kurt says that he has no revenge plan tonight. “I don’t need some pumped up, whacked out billionaire to fight my battles for me.” Kurt says that he will get his revenge the old fashioned way, by finding Brock and kicking his ass. The crowd pops are really phony sounding this week. Same exact pop for each time Kurt says he wants a fight against Brock Lesnar and Vince at the same time. Kurt says that he isn’t going anywhere until he gets a fight.
No chance! VKM struts out as only he can. Vince says that he is impressed with Kurt Angle. “You see Kurt, it’s not about what you want. In this business it’s not about what you want.” Vince says he doesn’t give a damn about what the people want either. All that matters is what Vince wants. Vince says there will be no fight between Kurt and Lesnar or Kurt and Vince. Kurt tells Vince to say it to his face. Vince storms towards the ring, but stops. Vince says that if he had entered the ring, Kurt would have done something he would have regretted for the rest of his life. Vince says that if Kurt touches Vince or Brock that he will be stripped of the title and suspended. Furthermore, Vince says he will be fired if he touches either of them before Summerslam. Vince says he has an opponent for Angle, the Big Show. Kurt says he is going to explain something very slowly to Vince. He wants a fight, not a match. The Big Show comes out and stands beside Vince. Kurt says he is going to fight the Big Show. Angle walks up the ramp and attacks the Big Show, but the referees come out and pull them apart.
Grade: 2 points. Good opening segment.
(Commercial Break)
2nd Quarter Hour
Vince is backstage with Big Show. Show throws some furniture around and Vince tells him to take it out on Kurt Angle. Vince says there will be a falls count anywhere street fight between Show and Angle.
Matt Facts: Matt has never lost his cellphone and Matt’s pants are hipper than Rey’s.
(1) Rey Mysterio (w/Billy Kidman) defeated Matt Hardy (w/Shannon Moore) in a non-title match via pinfall when he hit the West Coast Pop. Matt Hardy gets a couple of early two counts, but Mysterio hits a springboard huracanrana. Rey comes off the ropes and hits a dropkick on Hardy. Shannon Moore comes up on the ropes, but Kidman takes him off. Hardy thumbs Mysterio in the eyes to take the advantage. Mysterio sends Hardy to the outside and hits a rolling senton on him. Mysterio sets up for the West Coast Pop, but Hardy pops up and punches him. Moore tries to hit Mysterio with a chair, but misses. Kidman comes over and picks up the chair so the referee kicks him out because he heard the sound of the chair and saw him holding it. Those good guys always get the shaft.
(Commercial Break)
***Moment of Zen: No Stephanie McMahon backstage looking for revenge on A-Train.
Back from the break, Hardy throws Mysterio into the ring post. Hardy steps on his neck. Cole says that Hardy likes to be in control, but Tazz counters with, “Who doesn’t like to be in control Cole.” Mysterio hits Hardy with a spinning heel kick, but to no avail as Hardy pulls a Side-Effect out of his ass. Hardy applies a hammerlock after Mysterio kicked out of a two count. The sweetener pipes in a Hardy sucks chant. Mysterio reverses a slam attempt into a spinning DDT. Mysterio and Hardy trade punches as they get to their feet. Mysterio bounces off the ropes, nailing a huracanrana. Mysterio springs off the ropes, nailing Hardy with a Senton. Hardy hits a reverse Side-Effect on Mysterio for a two count. Hardy puts Mysterio on the top rope, but Mysterio fights out and sends Hardy to the Mat. Mysterio hits a great moonsault for a near fall. Shannon Moore tries to interfere, but Mysterio stops him. Both men are set up for a 619, but Hardy tackles Mysterio when he tries to land the 619 on Moore. Gowen comes down and cracks his cane across Hardy’s back, allowing Mysterio to hit the 619 and West Coast Pop for the three.
Grade: 3 (Achieved the standard.) This was a good television match between Hardy and Mysterio that also served to set up the match between Gowen and Hardy at Summerslam.
(Commercial Break)
3rd Quarter Hour
Highlights air from the previous match. This is what Smackdown should be known for.
Vince is backstage talking to Brock Lesnar. Brock wonders what happened to his office, so Vince explains that Show trashed the office. Vince tells Brock that he is a sportsman and the number one contender. Brock says that he should have a match with a worthy opponent. Vince makes a match between Brock Lesnar and Zach Gowen. Wow, that’s a fair match. Brock says that because the match is in Gowen’s hometown it makes it even better. Brock says that he is going to break Zach’s leg and it won’t be the fake one.
Bonus: 1 point for Brock saying he isn’t going to break Gowen’s fake leg.
Cole and Tazz seem concerned with Gowen’s welfare.
This is great (note the sarcasm). Highlights air from Stephanie’s big return last week. People across the nation are reaching for their remotes as I write. I dare anyone to tell me they enjoyed the Stephanie McMahon show from last week. I forgot how good Sable looked last week. Cole says that Stephanie is suffering from internal injuries as a result of her match from last week. Isn’t it a shame that someone like they air this again rather than another backstage segment or match? Instead, we see Steph “put over” the A-Train as he heads to Summerslam.
Noble and Gunn, who are accompanied by Nidia and the hot looking Torrie, are shown walking backstage.
(Commercial Break) It seems like the night of 1,000 commercials.
*** Have you ever had to sit through an incredibly long meeting where someone keeps asking a question that has already been answered 8 billion times when you just want to leave. If so, shoot me e-mail and I’ll tell you a nice little story about the dumbest woman on earth.
Cole introduces us to Zach Gowen’s mother, who is sitting in the crowd. She says that she is very proud of Zach. Furthermore, Zach’s mother says that she hates seeing him thrown around the ring. Zach’s mom goes on to say that she doesn’t know why a man twice the size of Zach would want to break his leg.
4th Quarter Hour
(2) The Basham’s (w/Maniqua) defeated Billy Gunn (w/Torrie) and Jamie Noble (w/Nidia). The action begins outside the ring. Gunn brings Doug Basham into the ring and nails him with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Gunn works him over in the corner, but misses a splash. Danny comes in without a tag and works Gunn over in the corner. BO-RING! BO-RING! These guys are bland and Cole is talking about how the Basham’s like to be whipped on the ass by Maniqua. Doug hits Gunn across the face with his forearm and tags in Danny, but Gunn fights out of a double team and tags Noble in. Noble cleans house; landing a nice back suplex and swinging neck breaker on one of the Basham’s. Shades of Macho Man as Noble hits a top rope elbow on Danny Basham. Doug tries to interfere, but Gunn clotheslines him out of the ring. Noble had a three count, but Maniqua broke it up. Gunn gets hit in the head with the cattail. The Basham’s switch and Doug rolls up Noble for the pin.
Grade: 1 point (Below Standard.) The Basham’s are as bland as can be.
Zach Gowen runs into Brock Lesnar backstage. Brock tells him to shut his mouth. Brock says that after tonight, Zach won’t have a leg to stand on.
(Commercial Break)
Highlights air from the Lesnar-Spanky match from last week. Credit to Spanky for selling like a madman for Lesnar to build him up as a monster.
(3) Zach Gowen defeated Brock Lesnar via DQ. Gowen gives his mom a hug as he comes out to a huge ovation. Cole calls Lesnar a manster again. Someone should tell Cole to stop that because it sounds really gay. Lesnar goes over to Zach’s mom and stares at her as if she’s holding his Stacker 2. Brock offers to shaker her hand, but she refuses. Zach takes Lesnar out with a splash from over the top rope, but Lesnar shoves him down.
[HOUR TWO]
5th Quarter Hour
Zach hits Lesnar with his fake leg! Brock kicks Zach down and throws him into the post. Brock throws Gowen into the ring and the bell rings. Lesnar tosses Zach around the ring, as Mrs. Gowen looks concerned. Lesnar hits a huge double powerbomb on Gowen. Lesnar looks huge when he is standing over Gowen. Lesnar tosses Gowen out of the ring and gets a steel chair. Gowen’s mom is urging him to get up and Lesnar lays Gowen out with a HUGE chairshot.
Lesnar laughs at Gowen’s mother again. You know, sometimes the WWE really knows how to play the emotional card right and they’ve done that here. Brock picks up a bloody Gowen and F-5’s him into the post as his mother screams, “It’s over!” Lesnar gives him several chairshots to the leg and then gives him a second F-5 into the steel post. Lesnar gets into the ring and he is covered with Zach’s blood, which is all over his face. This is how you establish someone as a monster. The camera goes blurry they zoom in on Zach. Lesnar runs up the ramp and knocks Gowen off of the stretcher. Lesnar brings the bloody stretcher back into the ring. He wipes the blood on his chest as we go to break.
Grade: 4 (Above standard.) This grade is for the entire segment. Two points for the match and two points for the vicious beating that Zach took. The bloody stretcher was a great visual. The bleeding that Zach did reminded me of something out of ICP’s Stranglemania videos.
(Commercial Break)
Highlights air from the previous segment. It was creepy how he looked at Gowen’s mother right before he F-5’d Zach into the post for the second time.
Cole says they are paid to be unbiased, but tonight he has to say Lesnar acted like ass tonight. Tazz says he thought he knew Lesnar, but he’s not so sure now. Cole is so much better now than he was even a year ago. Cole and Tazz do a textbook job of putting Lesnar over, which is something that has been lacking on Raw. Cole says he hopes Lesnar gets his ass kicked on Sunday.
Summerslam video package is aired. Bonus: 1 point for an another awesome video package to hype a PPV from the WWE.
6th Quarter Hour
Word Life! Cena is about to bust out some Thuganomics. He says that Zach sucks because he is from Detroit. He says that Joe Luis Arena is the world’s biggest crackhouse. “You people think I suck…but you’re the one’s who…Word Life!”
(Commercial Break)
(4) John Cena & A-Train defeated Undertaker & Orlando Jones when Cena pinned Taker.
The new lyrics to Taker’s music:
You’ve done it now
You’ve gone and made a big mistake
Asking me to sell
Tell Vince but it’s gonna take more than that
You’re gonna pay! You’re gonna pay!
No cut of the PPV money
I took it all; it’s all mine!
Nice Guys, always finish last
I’ll try and make you look good
While I beat your ass!
Taker and Cena begin the match. Taker snaps Cena ‘s neck over the top rope. Taker gives Cena the old school as Cole mumbles on about respect. Jones is tagged in and goes one on one with A-Train. A-Train misses a splash and Jordan connects with nice DDT. Cena and Taker get tagged in and Taker nails Cena with Snakeyes and follows up with a big boot. A-Train interferes and Taker pummels him. Taker eventually locks in the Dragon Sleeper on Cena. A-Train comes in with a steel chair, but Jordan stopped him. Taker Chokeslams A-Train for his troubles. Cena comes from behind and hits a nice spinebuster on Taker for a near fall. Cena tries to hit Taker with the chair, but Taker shoves it in his gut and sets him up for The Last Ride. A-Train comes in and hits Taker with Cena’s chain and Cena covered Taker for the three.
Grade: 2(Nearing the standard.) I’m glad they didn’t give this match the 20 minutes that Show and Taker got last week. It fit well into Smackdown’s fast paced show tonight.
(Commercial Break)
7th Quarter Hour
*** Questions for the next half-hour:
1) Will Stephanie make a Raven like comeback and make it to Smackdown this week?
2) Will Lesnar interfere in Kurt’s match?
3) Can Smackdown be this good after being so bad last week?
4) Where is Sable?
Sablelicious is backstage and rubs up the A-Train. She says Vince wants Sable to personally thank A-Train for what he did to Steph last week. A-Train licks the room card that Sable gave him. I really like Sable, but if she takes a ride on the A-Train I’ll have to fantasize about Torrie.
Rhyno and Eddie come to the ring in a low-rider. Great stuff as they both laughing while Eddie operates the hydraulics.
(5) Eddie Guerrero and Rhyno defeated Chris Benoit and Tajiri when Rhyno pinned Tajiri. Benoit begins the match slapping the crap out of Guerrero. Rhyno is tagged in and goes to work on Benoit. Benoit applies the Crossface, but Eddie breaks it up. Rhyno tags Guerrero in and he takes him down for a submission hold. Benoit fights out, but Guerrero gains the advantage and hits several suplexes. Guerrero goes to the top rope, but Benoit meets him there and gives him a huge superplex. Benoit and Guerrero tag out. Tajiri hits his hand spring elbow on Rhyno and dishes out a stiff kick to Benoit. Tajiri has Rhyno in the Tarantula, while Benoit delivers the flying headbutt to Guerrero. Meanwhile, Rhyno got out of the Tarantula and gored Tajiri to pick up the win.
After the match, Benoit applied the Crossface on Rhyno. Guerrero came in and hit Benoit over the head with the US Title. Guerrero waited until Rhyno turned his back and nailed him with the belt. Guerrero shrugs his shoulder and the crowd pops. Eddie goes back into the ring and hits Tajiri with the belt for good measure.
Grade: 2(Nearing the standard.) It was a cool visual to see Rhyno in the Tarantula as Benoit came off the top rope to hit Guerrero with his flying headbutt. It was a short TV match, but good.
(Commercial Break)
8th Quarter Hour
(6) Kurt Angle defeated Big Show via pinfall in a street fight when he Angle-Slammed Show through a table. Angle waits for Show at the top of the ramp and attacks him. They brawl down the isle and Show takes out a table from under the ring. Show tosses Angle in the ring and decks him with a huge right hand. Show slams Angle on the Table, which was flat and then gives him a legdrop. Show gets a two count. Angle drives Show into the corner, but Show reverses it and gives Angle a couple of huge chops. Show sets the table up against Angle, but Angle throws it into Show. Angle follows that up with an awesome looking Angle-Slam for a near fall. Cole says that this is another match setup by Mr. McMahon. Show sends Angle outside and sets up the table. Kurt grabs a chair and nails Show in the kidneys, but Show punches the second chairshot into Angle’s head. Show tries to powerbomb Angle, but he fights out and grabs the chair. Show tries bring Angle back up, but Angle nails him in the head with the chair. The action spills outside and Show takes the advantage. Show sets up the steel steps in front of the announce position, but Angle grabs his jewels. Angle sends Show into the steel post and grabs a chair. Angle tries to nail Angle, but Show grabs him around the neck. Angle reverses the Chokeslam into his anklelock. Show eventually powers out. Show looks much better against Angle than he did against Taker. Kurt bulldogs Show on the steel steps. Kurt climbs up the steps and hits a legdrop on Show using the steel chair. Show slides off the table and Angle covers him for a two count. Angle throws Show back into the ring. Show gets up and goes for another Chokeslam, but Angle counters and gives Show the Angle-Slam through the table for the pinfall.
Lesnar’s music plays and Angle and Lesnar lock eyes to end the Show.
Grade: 3 points (Achieved the standard.) This was a good match between two people who know how to work a good match with each other.
Bonus: 1 point for no Steph!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Smackdown was a good show tonight. It started out with a good segment between Kurt and Vince and never slowed down from there with the exception of the tag match between the Basham’s and the team of Gunn and Noble. Vince kept his on-screen presence to a minimum this week, which is a plus because he is very effective in small doses. I think the best thing about this show was the establishment of Brock Lesnar as a monster. I think fans care more about Zach Gowen than they do Spanky and because Lesnar beat Gowen up in front of his own mother, it really gave him a huge boost heading into Summerslam. It leaves me wondering what he will do to Kurt Angle in order to regain his title. Lesnar has come a long way with his mannerisms and facial expressions. It was downright creepy when he stared into Mrs. Gowen’s eyes before F-5ing her son into the post for the second time…I thought that Smackdown did a good job of pushing everyone from the roster who is going to appear at Summerslam. Hopefully last week was a small hiccup and Smackdown is right back where it needs to be. I’m looking forward to all the matches at Summerslam this Sunday, but I have to compliment Smackdown for doing a better job of promoting its half of the card than Raw.
Drum roll please…
There were seven matches for a total of 24 available points to be had for Smackdown this week. Smackdown scored a 20, giving it a B-.
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Edge comments on his future, says he has a contract renewal offer from WWE
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