SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
MARCH 21, 2005
LIVE FROM BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and promoted the “Pick Your Poison” match with Kane vs. Triple H later.
1 — SHAWN MICHAELS vs. ROBERT CONWAY (w/Sylvain Grenier)
Grenier interfered early including using a flag pole at one point. Michaels dove over the top rope onto both at ringside. Ross and Lawler talked about the reunion of The Rockers last week. Ross said Marty Jannetty was not in the building tonight. They said it looked as if the Rockers had never been apart. Ross said La Resistance were upset with what happened last week and wanted revenge.
[Commercial Break]
Ross stressed that Michaels and Angle had never met inside the ring despite having both been in so many big matches over the years. Michaels fended off more Grenier interference and won with a top rope elbow and superkick.
WINNER: Michaels at 8:38.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-Ross and Lawler introduced a highlight video of Kurt Angle presented as if some Raw-only viewers may not know a lot about him. It showed childhood photos, included a voiceover of Angle talking about how when he won the Gold Medal, people kept asking him about Shawn Michaels and it’s always irritated him. It included footage of his King of the Ring and Elimination Chamber wins.
-Christy Hemme, William Regal, Tajiri, and Lita approached the entrance tunnel for a six-person tag.
[Commercial Break]
-An official announcement was made that Sylvester Stallone would be inducting Hulk Hogan into the WWE Hall of Fame. They gave a full-fledged plug to the boxing reality show Stallone cohosts, certainly part of the deal to get him to be at the induction ceremony.
2 — CHRISTY HEMME & TAJIRI & WILLIAM REGAL (w/Lita) vs. MOLLY HOLLY & SIMON DEAN & MAVEN (w/Trish Stratus)
During ring intros, they showed ribboned-off photos from Christy’s Playboy spread. After ring intros, Trish made a surprise entrance to be at ringside. The men wrestled until 2:45 when Christy and Molly tagged in for the first time. Christy threw several kicks, then hit a sunset flip for a near fall. Molly came back and hit a bodyslam. Christy side-stepped the Molly-Go-Round and then hit the Twist of Fate for the clean win.
WINNERS: Christy & Tajiri & Regal at 4:28.
STAR RATING:
-Triple H headed toward the entrance tunnel, knocking over a backstage worker who got in his path.
[Commercial Break]
-A clip aired of Steve Austin, dressed as a doctor, attacking Vince McMahon while hospitalized on a 1998 Raw. Ross and Lawler then plugged Austin on Piper’s Pit at WM21.
-Triple H walked to the ring to his full ring intro. He sat in a folding chair in center ring, leaned back safely, and said he never ceases to be amazed at how underappreciated he is. He said there was a time when Evolution was seen as unstoppable. He said the only things that could stop Evolution were greed and selfishness. He said Orton split off and now has been reduced to grovelling for the scraps of WrestleMania, a chance to make a name for himself against Undertaker. I’m sure Undertaker loves being portrayed as being “scraps.” He said Orton had a name before leaving Evolution.
Hunter told Batista that he could have defeated both Cena and JBL at the same time, but instead he made the mistake of staying on Raw and facing him for the World Title. “You… will… lose,” he said. Hunter asked him what made him think he was good enough to be at his level. He said winning the Royal Rumble wasn’t enough. He said last week Batista tried to prove something by putting him against someone he hadn’t defeated. He said Benoit’s name is now added to the list of people who have fallen before him. “Dave, you are making bad decisions,” he said.
He told him the way to make a good decision is to choose someone like Kane. He added that the ring will be surrounded by lumberjacks he handpicks, any anything goes. “That is how you make decisions,” he said. “You were like a brother to me, and when you turned on me, you broke my heart and crushed me inside. I was devastated and very angry. But Dave, I’m over it now and I’m ready to make the difficult decision that needs to be made.”
He then drew an analogy between grooming and feeding a pet, but when it turns and bites your hand, a difficult decision must be made. “And there will be no Supreme Court decision to stop it, no act of Congress to stop it. I will pull the plug. There will be no life support. At WrestleMania 21, Batista, I will not hesitate, there will be no remorse and no regrets. I will put the animal down.” Ross said, “The framing of that last sentence is shocking to say the least.” Very good Hunter promo. Bruce Mitchell called me mid-promo and observed that Hunter must be watching Ole Anderson vintage promos. He said even his hair looks like Ole’s at one point.
[Commercial Break]
3 — CHRIS JERICHO & SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN (w/Tyson Tomko)
Ross and Lawler talked at length about the six-person ladder match at WM21. Shelton did a graceful flip dive over the top rope onto all three heels at ringside. Eventually the heels isolated Shelton until he hot-tagged Jericho at 4:30. Jericho got in a flurry of offense until Christian interfered from behind.
[Commercial Break]
Just once every year they need to have a finish come right after they return from the break and once during the commercial break to bring some sense of urgency to sticking around during the commercial. Matches always last several minutes after commercials and it makes those first few minutes after the break skippable or at least less dramatic. Four-way broke out. Shelton hit a Stinger Splash at 10:00, then caught Edge with a kick. Christian surprised Shelton with a shot to the head with the belt and then Edge hit a spear for the win. Afterward, the heels beat on the faces, so Chris Benoit ran to the ring in lime green tights (still celebrating St. Pat’s Day) to make the save, clearing the ring. Tomko then entered the ring and jabbed Benoit with a ladder, making sure the heels ended up with the heat. Benoit writhed in pain as the heels gloated.
WINNERS: Edge & Christian at 8:20.
STAR RATING: **1/2 – Good tag action.
[Commercial Break]
-Ric Flair gave the lumberjacks a pep talk backstage. He told them all that Batista screwed all of them by not going to Smackdown, taking away their chance at the title match at WM. Flair told them to think of tonight as “their own little WrestleMania.” He told them there is an opening in Evolution and they are looking for the right man to step up. He then talked about the Evolution lifestyle.
-Eric Bischoff talked to Batista backstage, acting as if he was shocked about the lumberjack stip. Bischoff asked him if he understands what it means to be a marked man. He said he doesn’t yet, but he will after he beats Triple H to become the World Hvt. Champion. Bischoff intentionally insincerely told him that he wants him to know that at WM21, if he beats Triple H, he will be so proud of him and proud to have him “as my World Hvt. Champion.” Batista said, “Really,” and then patted Bischoff’s on the shoulder patronizing. Batista asked Bischoff if he’s ever thought of running for office. Bischoff said he lives in a small town and they are planning to have a run-off for mayor. He said: “Take this how you want it, but I think that you would make a great politician.” That didn’t get the pop I expected. Then Batista stepped back into the screen and said, “On second thought, used car salesman.”
-Backstage Orton asked if Stacy was skeptical that he could beat Undertaker at WrestleMania. Orton said if Taker thinks he delivered him a message last week on Smackdown, he has a message for him right now. He invited Stacy to accompany him to the ring. Stacy hesitated, but agreed upon further urging.
[Commercial Break]
-Orton said he wanted to prove he is not intimidated by Undertaker and refuses to be afraid. He said despite what happened after last week’s contract signing, his confidence is at an all-time high. He then opened up a box and out came a t-shirt that said “Randy Orton: Legend Killer” on the front. On the back. Undertaker’s name was added to the list of other people such as Fabulous Moolah, Shawn Michaels, and Sgt. Slaughter. Michaels, by the way, seems to a legend who hasn’t exactly been killed. He threw to a video showing his career highlights including his memorable Mick Foley feud and his World Title win last year.
Back in the ring, Orton said there is something he’s been meaning to do for a long time. He then moved in and kissed Stacy. There was a mix of cheers and boos. The guys in the crowd saw it as someone eating their piece of cake at the party. Orton said he thrives on positive energy “and that is just why I won’t listen to all the critics, all the negativity.” He said he has a message for everyone who thinks the Undertaker is going to defeat him.
He then gave Stacy an RKO. A little kid in the front row was waaaayyy too happy, jumping up and down and clapping. Ross was nearly speechless. He said he was shocked. Ross then said he understands what the message is. He said if this means if Orton is willing to do that to Stacy, “god only knows what he will do to defeat the Undertaker at WrestleMania 21.” Medics came to the ring to check on Stacy, who was crying while lying flat on her back.
[Commercial Break]
-A video tribute aired on Hulk Hogan, including Hogan vs. Randy Savage from 1989’s WrestleMania. Hogan won, by the way. The segment was five seconds longer than the segment on Steve Austin, per Hogan’s insistence. (Not really, but I wouldn’t be surprised, either).
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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4 — TYSON TOMKO vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Tomko attacked Benoit as he entered the ring. Benoit immediately took over, though, with three suplexes. He went for the top rope headbutt, but as can happen with that move, it showed a few inches of light. Benoit sold it as if his taped ribs were severely aggravated by the dive. Unfortunately, as Ross acknowledged the obvious, which is the headbutt didn’t make much if any contact, Tomko sold it as if it did. Tomko went on brief offense, but Benoit leveraged him into a Crippler Crossface for a tapout win.
WINNER: Benoit at 2:26.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — That missed headbutt was unfortunate.
-Backstage Muhammad Hassan walked up to Shawn Michaels and told him they share a lot in common. He said they have both faced a lot of adversity in their careers. He said he knows nothing about the blatant discrimination that faces him on a day to day basis. He said to this day he has not been pinned on Raw. Daivari began screaming in Michaels’s face. Michaels, with one yell, got Daivari to shut up. Michaels told him next week he was giving him a chance to prove he deserves to be on WrestleMania because he was giving him a singles match next week.
[Commercial Break]
-The latest WrestleMania movie spoof aired with a variety of WWE wrestlers screwing up the “You talkin’ to me” line by Robert De Nero in “Taxi Driver.” Big Show, Tazz, Shawn Michaels, Chavo Guerrero, Hardcore Holly, Molly Holly, Batista, Michelle McCool, and Carlito Cool were among those screwing up the line of having a mic drop on their head.
-Ross and Lawler said voting would begin on Thursday at WWE.com for the best movie spoof so far.
-Triple H and Ric Flair led the lumberjacks to the ring.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross and Lawler announced that next week on Raw there would be a “face-off” between Hunter and Batista next week on Raw. Hunter reacted with concern, as if he was blindsided by the announcement. When Kane made his way to the ring, Hunter laughed and said he had nothing to worry about.
5 — BATISTA vs. KANE
On his way to the ring, Batista stepped and shot a look toward Hunter. Hunter stood up, but told Batista that he had his hands full with what was waiting for him inside the ring. Batista got in an early bodyslam on Kane, then when Daivari mouthed off from ringside, Batista jumped to ringside and got in his face. Hassan hit Batista from behind. Kane then took control inside the ring. Ross asked Hunter if this was fair. Hunter said it is no less fair than when Batista turned his back on him.
Hunter asked Ross if he was World Champion before he welcomed Batista into Evolution. Ross said he was. Hunter said he took Batista under his wing out of the goodness of his heart. When Ross said he didn’t like the terminology he used, saying he was going to put “the Animal down,” Hunter laughed and said, “I’m going to beat him like a bag full of Muppets.” Now that competes with Ross’s BBQ line last week as the Raw Line of the Month. Batista and Kane continued to have a back and forth big man battle sans any semblance of grace. At 6:00 they collided mid-ring.
Gene Snitsky then attacked Kane. Simon Dean and Mabel then attacked Kane. Hunter screamed, “What are you doing!” The other heels then attacked Batista on the other side of the ring “like a pack of rabid dogs,” said Ross. In the ring, Tomko, Christian, and Edge attacked their WM foe Kane. Batista fought back and clotheslined masterpiece, Maven, and Grenier. He then dropped Coach face-first over the security wall. He returned to the ring and gave spinebusters to Edge and Christian. Kane stood up and set up a chokeslam.
Batista kicked out at the last second. Hunter screamed, “No!” Kane set up a Tombstone. Batista fought out of it and then gave Kane a spinebuster. He showed fire, then he gave Kane his Batista Bomb for the clean win. “We have witnessed the impossible,” screamed Ross. “Batista has overcome every odd!” Ross is the best. That grinding voice was a great backdrop to a staredown between Batista and Hunter from across the arena to close the show.
WINNER: Batista at 8:42.
STAR RATING: * — Ugly as a shiny, very over bowling shoe.
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