SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE SMACKDOWN
MARCH 3, 2005
TAPED TUESDAY IN ALBANY, N.Y.
-The show opened with John Cena giving the best interview of his career. Rather than forcing corny puns and bathroom humor (well, there was a little bit of that still), he created a “class warfare” promos about JBL and his stocks and limos and rich lifestyle. He said he broke up JBL’s party last week because “who throws a party for himself?” He talked about just a few short years ago being just like the fans, spending his hard-earned money on tickets and foam hands and WWE ice cream bars with Doink the Clown on it (“They’re milky going down, but they’re also milky coming out, so be ready for a long night.”).
He said JBL brags about how long he’s been champion, but what matters is how many days until he loses. He said at WrestleMania he’d be winning the title for the fans. That promo was the best at capturing who Cena is as a person for real without seeming to be “in character” for the cameras. He softened the “Chain Gang” aspect which was a little too “kiddie-oriented,” but the effect was “I’m one of you and I haven’t forgotten where I came from.” Really good, natural, enthusiastic delivery that didn’t seem the least bit phony or patronizing.
[Commercial Break]
1 — EDDIE GUERRERO & REY MYSTERIO vs. LUTHER REIGNS & MARK JINDRAK
During intros Michael Cole plugged Rock’s “Be Cool.” He said, “That’s the story of my life. Be Cool.” Did Cole just engage in self-deprecating humor about how uncool he is? That’s cool. A clip aired of Reigns and Jindrak breaking up last week. Cole said they’d worked out their issues. Reigns and Jindrak played up how well they are getting along now. Reigns began, then tagged in Jindrak at 1:00. Cole said Jindrak may be one of the “best pure athletes on the Smackdown roster.” That’s another way of saying, “He has so much potential, so why does he still suck so bad.” The heels isolated Rey until a hot-tag to Guerrero at 4:45. Four-way action soon broke out. Guerrero hit the Frog Splash on Reigns at 6:25 for the win as Rey 619’d Jindrak to prevent him from interfering. Jindrak chewed out, shoved, and slapped Jindrak for not making the save. Jindrak then KO’d Reigns with a punch. Oh good, just what Jindrak needs is the most boring finisher ever – the Kiss that Don’t Miss from Johnny B. Badd.
WINNERS: Guerrero & Mysterio at 6:25.
STAR RATING: *1/4
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz discussed the incident with Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels at Raw. They said Angle promised to discuss it later.
-Backstage Dawn Marie challenged one of the new divas, Michelle, to a tag match later. She said she is going to learn that she, Dawn, runs the locker room. Other rookie divas gave Michelle a pep talk after Dawn walked away.
-Teddy Long was on the phone when Carlito Cool walked in. Long handed Carlito a shovel and said it was his first assignment. He told Carlito there’s a lot of snow outside and he wants to be sure the fans have a clear path to leave the arena. Long told him he had to do what he said or he’d be gone from Smackdown. Carlito said, “That’s not cool.” Long laughed and said, “You’re right, it’s not cool, it’s cold.” You saw that one coming.
-They showed Booker preparing for his rematch with Heidenreich.
-A review aired for “Be Cool” starring The Rock.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz talked about Steve Austin being a guest in Piper’s Pit at WM21.
2 — BOOKER T vs. HEIDENREICH
A minute in they brawled at ringside. Heidenreich then applied a keylock and as usual seemed more concerned with making cartoonish faces than seriously applying a hold to help him gain victory. Booker punched out of it
The ref DQ’d Booker when he DDT’d Heidenreich onto a chair that Heidenreich brought into the ring.
WINNER: Heidenreich via DQ at 3:40.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
[Commercial Break]
-The “A Few Good Men” spoof aired.
(Keller’s Analysis: Again, I loved the execution of the skit. Well acted with good screen presence by both Cena and JBL. JBL talked about how his scheming to have his men interfere in his title defense against Big Show may have “saved this company” because it’s so important he remains champion. He challenged Cena to lace up his boots and meet him in the ring if he has a problem with it. That’s where I have a problem with it. It turned into a simulated challenge for a match in a scripted situation between two feuding wrestlers, which cheapens the genuine feeling of their hatred if they’re willing to don costumes and play-argue about that real life issue. Nothing was said by Cole or Tazz about how difficult it was for those two to work together for the filming of the WM21 promotional skit. That’s too bad, because that alone would have turned something that’s a small negative into a positive.)
-Kurt Angle entered the ring and warned parents to have their kids turn away because it’s very graphic. Black and white footage aired of Angle beating up Michaels at the end of Raw. It’s surprising they put this on in the first hour rather than after 9 p.m. Angle then bragged about beating Michaels on his hometown show. Angle then welcomed his latest challenger in the Kurt Angle Invitational. His challenger came out in a blue sweat suit with a hood covering his face.
Angle looked a little tentative, and then yelled that he knows the wrestler is Shawn Michaels. He yanked off the guy’s hood, but it wasn’t Michaels. Angle then said he knew it wasn’t Michaels because he wouldn’t have the guts to show up. As the wrestler introduced himself, Shawn Michaels removed a disguise (including a fake mustache) and attacked Angle from behind. Michaels superkicked a cop and then pounded away at Angle. More security entered the ring and held Michaels back. Michaels broke free and went after Angle again. Angle bailed out. Michaels yelled at him. Well done segment.
[Commercial Break]
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
Check out the latest episode of the Wade Keller Pro Wrestling Post-show covering the latest episode of Smackdown: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “wade Keller” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
3 — MICHELLE MCCOOL & BIG SHOW vs. DAWN MARIE & RENE DUPREE
Dawn revealed her secret partner was Dupree. Michelle revealed hers was Big Show. Dawn felt not-so-good about her choice at that point. Cole touted Michelle’s background as a fitness trainer before entering WWE. Dawn shoved Michelle to the mat to start the match, then slapped her when she got back up. Dawn stepped on her hair and yanked her up by the arms. The ref reprimanded her for that. Michelle nipped up and then cartwheeled away from an attempt by Dawn to toss her across the ring.
Dawn then begged off into the corner, but caught Michelle in the gut with a kick. Michelle did a handspring elbow into an elbow of Dawn in the corner, a bit awkwardly executed Dupree tagged and did the French Tickler. Michelle gave Dupree a kick between the legs. Show did a French Tickler dance imitation above Dupree, then chokeslammed Dupree for a clean win. Well, Dupree’s push has certainly stalled. Show lifted Michelle on his shoulders afterward. Dawn looked on from ringside bitterly.
WINNER: Big Show & Michelle at 2:48.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Not much to it, and Michelle definitely looked green.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed Carlito shoveling snow outside when a truck drove by and then someone tossed a bucket off water on him from off camera (it was suposed to look like the truck splashed water on him driving through a puddle, but it didn’t come close to looking realisttic). Cole got a big kick out of it. Cole then said this year they are inducting into the WWE Hall of Fame “perhaps the greatest of them all.” Slightly guarded praise, just as with Jim Ross. If not for Steve Austin, The Rock, and Triple H, Hogan would probably be openly referred to as the greatest ever by WWE announcers. But politically, they can’t with Triple H around, and realistically they can’t due to Austin’s success, and with Rock’s movie success, they don’t want to dis him too badly considerinig everything going on.
-JBL said he did not understand when a guy like him who “already belongs in the Hall of Fame more than a guy like Hulk Hogan, the greatest WWE Champion of them all” can have his celebration ruined. He followed up on the Cena “class warfare” approach by criticizing the fans for cheering when his party was ruined. “Like me, love me, hate me, you have absolutely no choice, I am your WWE Champion. You must respect me,” he said. He said he despises John Cena for what he is and what he stands for.
He said he hates the people who cheer for him and doesn’t want to be in the same place as them. He said it’s sad that WrestleMania he has to step into to the ring with a peice of garbage like Cena. JBL said he is proud that he was never from the stands ever. He said he doesn’t pay to see people like them, they pay to see people like him. He said there is a reason for that. He said he is a wrestling god. He said Gods do no pay to see others wrestle.
He then went into a diatribe about how he should be respected for being upper class, with parents who stayed together, childen who will go private school, and other such things. He said the problem is when the people from single family homes get on drugs and die before their 30, then he has to take employ those who are left but he only has so many servant position. That was heavy stuff, but very effective as drawing a line in the sand regarding the differences between Cena’s everyman approach and JBL’s rich-white-privileged
-JBL got backstage and was so worked up, he told Orlando Jordan that if he lost, he would be kicked out of the cabinet and could then go back to be with “his kind.” Jordan didn’t look pleased with the tone or the ultimatum.
[Commercial Break]
-Chavo Guerrero walked up to Rey and told him the reason Guerrero is teaming with him is because he’s upset with Rey’s winning streak against him, and Guerrero is “keeping his friends close and his enemies closer.” Chavo said Eddie is just waiting to strike. He closed with a healthy dose of irony, saying, “Never trust a Guerrero.”
-Funaki interrupted a Big Show conversation with one the divas about the Dawn Marie match earlier. He proposed to Show that he fight the legendary Akebono. Show said he’d be honored to fight him anyplace, anytime. Funaki was breathlessly excited.
-Raw Rebound aired.
[Commercial Break]
4 — JOHN CENA vs. ORLANDO JORDAN.
Cena dominated the first two minutes. Jordan bailed to ringside and threw a fit of frustration.
[Commercial Break]
Cole said it didn’t appear Jordan was fully into the match mentally due to JBL’s ultimatum. Jordan got some desperation leverage two counts and took control offense at 9:00. Cena came back at 13:30 and then went into his finishing sequence. The Bashams ran out and attacked Cena. JBL then KO’d Cena with his title belt, leading to Jordan scoring the pin. When JBL celebrated with Jordan with big smiles, Cole concluded that the threat of being ousted from the Cabinet was a ruse. JBL laughed as he spun the face of the U.S. Title belt.
WINNER: Jordan at 15:30 to capture the U.S. Hvt. Title.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Okay match. Not good or bad. Just average.
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