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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
FEBRUARY 22, 2025
PHOENIX, ARIZ.
AIRED ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Excalibur, Jim Ross (Hell yeah!)
– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes!
After last week’s near-homerun of an event (Grand Slam Australia — not Dynamite), this week’s episode of Collision has big shoes to fill and throw at Mariah May.
THE VENUE — HIT
AEW’s continued use of unique venues has made their shows look desirable again. Would I prefer it if they were able to sell out 20,000-seat arenas night after night? Sure, but they can’t, so until they can, this is genuinely the next best option.
Side Note: However, AEW needs to do more to showcase the unique settings they are utilizing. The Arizona Financial Theater is a marquee concert theater operated by Live Nation (the largest live event promotion company in the world), and its iconic rafters and impressive double-balcony would have looked amazing on camera. In fact, it did look amazing the few times we got a glimpse of it, but we shouldn’t have to hunt for glimpses; AEW should be shoving them in our faces.
AEW should have cameras mounted on the stage that are ready for the director to cut to any time the crowd is reacting in an overtly positive manner. (I can think of plenty of ways to hide those cameras within the sets, and it has been years since I was in film school. I would imagine newer filmmakers would have even better ideas than mine.) Either way, this is an impressive venue that holds 5,000 people (by comparison, Broadway’s legendary Palace Theater in New York only holds 1,648 people under its current setup,), and AEW should flaunt the fact that they are in it.
COLD OPEN — MEGA-HIT
To anyone who has read my columns, it is no secret that I have always been a big fan of AEW’s cold opens (although, as you guys may have noticed from his column a couple of weeks back, my fiancé is not), but tonight’s cold open might just be the best non-C.M. Punk cold open they have ever done.
First, the cold open included Harley Cameron, and you cannot go wrong with this rising star (but watch them find a way.) Second, I got to see more of Chris Jericho on my TV screen, and as the last living person on planet Earth who still enjoys seeing Chris Jericho on his TV screen, I feel obligated to mention it. (Thank you AEW for not giving into the opinions of the vast majority of your fans and listening to only me.) Thirdly, this cold open continued one of the hottest stories in professional wrestling today — Toni Storm vs. Mariah May.
Here is what happened: Toni Storm (dressed like the sexiest CIA agent to ever be shot out of a cannon by two teenagers who were left in charge of DOGE) was walking down what I assume was AEW’s backstage runway when Mariah May (dressed in a pastiche of Ivory’s entire wardrobe from Right To Censor) blindsided her with a malicious and unfair attack.
These are the real words that I said to my fiancé while we were watching this: “I am so angry right now; I’m having to constantly remind myself that this isn’t real.” What I neglected to say after that sentence (but definitely should have said) was, “And that is both a good and rare thing in professional wrestling in 2024.” And then, had I said that sentence exactly as written, I should have followed it up by saying, “2025! I meant 2025. Crap. I’m still writing 2024 on checks, but don’t worry! I’m not cashing them because nobody takes checks anymore; it’s fun to pretend you’re timeless.”
Anyway, Mariah May, looking so much unlike her traditional self that the choice had to be intentional*, introduced Toni Storm’s beautiful face to a road case with the letters 1,4, 7, 3, 9, and 0 written on it (and as a true Swiftie, I have spent the last 48 hours trying to decipher it’s hidden meaning). After this, May grabbed Storm’s angelic hair and dragged our favorite (and by “our,” I mean me) performing arts genius from backstage onto the main stage, and delivered a Storm Zero piledriver onto Storm on what the announcers assured us was a concrete stage.** And you know what? I believe them. Toni Storm sold that finisher the way a pile driver-based finisher should be sold.
God, she is good.
May then grabbed a mic and demanded the production truck turn on Toni Storm’s signature “spotlight.” May then pulled Storm’s rag-dolled body into that iconic circle of light and posed with Storm’s head in her arms. This is where we finally got to see Mariah May deliver a performance that was clearly outside of her comfort zone.*** That said, despite a rough start with the first line, May executed this task far better than I ever thought she would or could. May wailed, “Look what you made me do!” (As a true Swiftie, I have spent the last 24 hours trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind the mention of this song.)
Then, a crazed May cradled an unconscious Storm as she smeared Storm’s lipstick and told Storm, “You never did know how to write an ending did you? So, I guess, I’m going to (have to) write one for you, and I am going to write it in your own blood. This is our spotlight! This is our moment! Let’s be stars together! At Revolution, let’s have a Hollywood ending!” May then performed a modified version of Storm’s “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up” hand gesture that managed to include both women at once.
*Normally, May dresses like a sex kitten, and while I don’t think there is any way to make May look ugly (short of calling in legendary makeup artist Rick Baker), there is an easy way to make May look less sexy, and that is by dressing her in conservative outfits so as to irritate the men who can’t stop cheering for her boobs. Hopefully, May will continue this look for the remainder of her feud with Toni Storm — kind of like how Jungle Boy went heel by ditching his tight, revealing trunks for thick, modest pants. (I assume we all agree that is the reason he is now booed.)
**Concrete would not be my material of choice for an interior stage, but given that the Arizona Financial Theater is mostly a concert venue, I can see it would be their choice. Musicians and their equipment are absurdly abusive to stage floors. Running a show after a concert is like running a figure skating competition after a hockey practice.)
***I want to be clear that I believe, overall, that Mariah May did a good job of acting out this segment, but the director in me wants to point out that May’s attempt to cry at the beginning was working out about as well as lemon mascara, except that one of those two things would bring tears to your eyes. (To her credit, May quickly realized her attempt at crying was going over like a pink flamingo on a palace lawn and immediately abandoned that portion of her performance — a mark of a good actor.)
If May wants to master “distraught weeping,” one of the best ways to learn is to watch, and I would point her toward Mikey Madison’s BAFTA-winning performance in this year’s film “Anora.” (I have never seen tears more chilling than Madison’s, and I have seen more films than any singular Blockbuster Video has ever contained.) However, I really want to emphasize the meat of May’s performance because this is the part that matters the most, and May’s delivery of everything that came after her first two lines was perfect, and I am so glad to see her character evolve this dramatically.
FOLLOW UP ON TONIGHT’S COLD OPEN — MISS
AEW opened their show with a major twist in one of their hottest storylines since C.M. Punk vs. MJF, and they quickly threw all of their resources behind following up on none of it.
Is Toni Storm still alive?
Is Mariah May going to be arrested?
Is the concrete stage okay?
Does Lexi Nair want to interview May, or does she strive to be the Maria Bartiromo of professional wrestling?
Are we going to cut to the trainer’s room at any point during the show?
Will this shocking moment be addressed in a dedicated second-hour segment?
Will Tony Khan release a statement to be read on air about what just transpired?
The answers to all of these questions are either “no” or “Maria Bartiromo.”
DAVID SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON TONI STORM — MEGA-HIT (WITH ME. YOUR MILAGE MAY VARY)
Sadly, given I just wrote an approximately 2,000-word essay on Toni Storm and Mariah May, I am going to have to be quick with the rest of this show because I have a life and so do you… unless you’re in a coma. If you are in a coma, I am so sorry to hear that, and you should inform your doctors that you are able to read; it seems like that would help your situation.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
Check out the latest episode of the “All Elite Conversation Club” with Joel Dehnel and Gregg Kanner, part of the PWTorch Dailycast line-up: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “pwtorch” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
HOLOGRAM vs. “THE BEAST” MORTOS — HIT
Dollar Tree Naomi and Spirit Halloween put on a good match, tonight, and I’m going to label this match a “Hit” because I’m rating the in-ring action and not everything else. I am very impressed with the in-ring ability of these two wrestlers, but I struggle to relate to them because they feel like action figures that were manufactured for a movie franchise that does not yet exist because its source material has not yet been written.
These two characters feel so far removed from reality that it is hard to imagine them ever being relatable to me. So, I have a challenge for Tony Khan: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write and execute a story about these two characters that is as compelling as the story you have written about Toni Storm and Mariah May. If you can meet this challenge, I am an honorable man, and I will gladly admit that I was wrong.
“SPEEDBALL” IS COMING! — MINOR-HIT
I enjoyed this video package, and I’ve heard a lot of hype surrounding both Mike Bailey and the benefits of combining heroin and cocaine. I’m excited.
LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS HARLEY CAMERON — MEGA-HIT
In the winter of 2021, I attended a special Holiday episode of AEW Dynamite that was being taped at The Greensboro Coliseum, and one thing I will never forget about that night was Hook. Outside of the Attitude Era, I have never attended a wrestling event where one individual felt bigger than the company they were in. This event took place at the peak of “Hook-a-mania,” when everyone was buying his very first t-shirt and clamoring to witness his next “big moment.”
That “big moment” never came.
I’m sure people in the back had plenty of reasons why they thought Tony Khan should allow this lightning-in-a-bottle opportunity to escape him. I’m sure they said things like: “He’s too green.” (Jade Cargill). “He has a limited arsenal” (Goldberg). “He needs more experience on the mic” (Half of AEW’s roster). And last, but not least, I’m sure someone said something along the lines of, “If you cool him off now, you can always heat him up again later.”
Later never came.
Don’t get me wrong, some efforts were made, and eventually, Hook got pushes, but AEW was never able to “heat him up” to the level he was at in December of 2021, and of course, they weren’t. People are not microwaveable, and warmed-up leftovers are never as good as they were on Thanksgiving day.
I could write an entire column on this topic, and maybe someday I will. But for now, let me leave you with this thought: “When the iron is hot, strike it; when you feel a breeze, sail it, and when you catch lightning in a bottle, cork it.”
Harley Cameron is lightning in a bottle.
GABE KIDD vs. THE BUTCHER — IN-THE-MIDDLE
This happened and much like that Madonna song, it took place in under 4 minutes. Also, much like that Madonna song, it left wanting for reasons to care.
LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS DON CALLIS AND KYLE FLETCHER — HIT
In a segment that I can only imagine gave my fiancé an orgasm, Kyle Fletcher and the unholy offspring of Lex Luther and Harry Potter delivered a fantastic promo that was in no way hindered by the distraction of the 4D immersive experience that has become Don Callis’s scar of many colors.
JULIA HART vs. QUEEN AMINATA — HIT
I really wish they hadn’t “lightened up” Julia Hart’s gimmick. I still think the House of Hart, complete with red mist and the linguistic musings of Brody King, would have been a hit; however, AEW felt otherwise. I hope everyone involved with this new presentation knows what they are doing because Julia Hart is one of AEW’s best “fully original” success stories in the women’s division. Hart is so far removed from her hard-to-watch matches on Dark Elevation, that it is mind-bending to believe this is even the same person.
Still, Julia Hart has truly shown us that she shines brightest in the darkness, and I hope AEW does not intend to take that darkness away from her. Let Hart emerge as the true leader of “Hounds of Hell” (which sounds like the name of a song from a heavy metal band)*, and not as a lackey hanging out in the background of a trio or as a solo act with only a cursory connection to Brody King and Buddy Matthews. Hart was far too good at the role she played in The House of Black to abandon it completely, IMHO.
*I checked, and it is indeed the name of a song from a heavy metal band. Here is a link to the lyrics.
MURDER MACHINES vs. WAIT. WHAT? — IN-THE-MIDDLE
The Murder Machines opened their match by helping their opponents find their way to the ring. (There are two entrances; it is confusing.) And the match closed with both of their opponents passing out from the Ambien I assume they took beforehand.
MVP’S PROMO — HIT
Note To Kris Statlander: Do you see how Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin are standing beside MVP and doing nothing? Do you notice how they’re not miming, performing interpretive dance, or lip-syncing for their lives? That is how it should be done. Please, because I believe in you and want you to succeed, reunite with Stokely, stand next to him, and look impressive. That’s all you have to do because you were blessed with all of the other prerequisites to be a star.
DADDY MAGIC & COOL HANDS & DANNY VON DICK-DANCE vs. THE DEATH RIDERS — HIT
Okay, sound off: Who all ended up involved in this trio’s match? Now, and not to be pedantic about it, but remember, the word “trio” implies three.
(Cue the “Yakko’s World” song.)
This trios match contained: Danny Garcia, Daddy Magic, Angelo Parker, Pac, Claudio Castagnoli, Wheeler Yuta, Adam Cole, Roderick Strong, Kyle O’Reilly, and Cliff!
That was 10 names.
10 is more than 6.
You can’t even divide 10 by 3. When you try, it makes your calculator have a seizure.
Anyway… at least AEW’s storyline came back around to Cliff keeping his promise of hunting down the members of the Death Riders one by one so that Jon Moxley will be alone come Revolution. However, this does make me wonder, “What is Cliff’s plan for Marina Shafir?” Considering how hitting a woman seems to be the most terrifying thing AEW’s otherwise murderous, felonious, and pyromaniacal roster has ever contemplated doing, I imagine Cliff will have to accidentally knock her off the apron at least a dozen times.
With all that said, I liked the match. It was fun, and in my opinion, it was a “hit.”
TWO CONCHAIRTOS TO PAC (NOT TUPAC) — NO
I swear on the life of every person I’ve ever hated, if I see Pac walking upright and fine come Dynamite there will be issues. Unless Pac is leaving the company, severely injured, or incredibly pregnant — no. Just no. The agent in charge of this angle should have said, “No.” Because if Pac shows up next week all fine and dandy, how will I ever buy into the storyline the next time AEW sets someone on fire with a flame thrower?
MAX “THE CHALAMET MUSTACHED*” CASTER vs. BRODY KING — MINOR-HIT
Max “Cheap Picture Frames*” Caster has once again astounded us with the absolute breadth of his bouncing skills. There is hardly a surface in the building this man can’t bounce off of and still have the strength and stamina to raise that Staples-printed patent above his head. At this point, I am actually wondering if they are going to have Max “The Bounce Bucket*” Caster do his trampoline act for a no-name, no-gimmick, no-entrance wrestler in the first ever buried alive match to not feature a grave.
I do assume, or at least I hope, they are guiding this storyline into the vicinity of Max “The Trampled Lean*” Caster realizing that without Anthony Bowens, his place on the roster is in jeopardy. If that is the case, I’d really like to see the other side of this story.
Where is Bowens, anyway? Is he alive? Wouldn’t this plan work better if he were on our TV screens busying himself with being the antithesis to Max “The Shakespearean Tragedy*” Caster by going on an astounding winning streak? I mean, that is the plan, right?
They do have a plan?
What am I saying! Of course, they have a plan. I should be more trusting considering all of the goodwill they’ve built up over the years.
*Patent Pending
CHRIS JERICHO vs. BANDIDO — HIT
Was this match well-choreographed? Yes.
Did Chris Jericho manage to deliver one of the best Lionsaults we’ve seen in months? Yes.
Did we get a well-executed Hey-icane Ranna that should have happened earlier in the match when the announcers weren’t trying to sell how tired both athletes were? Yes.
I barely have anything bad to say about this match except for the time and place. While I know a world title match deserves to be seen by more than five people, this should have aired on ROH’s Honor Club because the last time I checked, YouTube TV had this program listed as “AEW Collision,” not “ROH Collision.”
Side Note: Also, AEW should keep Chris Jericho’s matches “special.” Jericho’s years as a full-time wrestler are winding down, and as an unapologetic fan of Jericho (his art; not his politics) AEW would be wise to remind fans that they are witnessing the closing act of the tale of a living legend and that because wrestling at any age is dangerous, every match Jericho performs could potentially be his last.
FINAL THOUGHTS
First, I want to thank August Strachan (David’s hot, flexible fiancé) for helping me write and flesh out the final four segments of this column. I also want to thank those of you who were in the YouTube chatroom for being so welcoming to August when he appeared as a call-in guest on Wade Keller’s Pro Wrestling Post-show for this past week’s Dynamite. August means the world to me, and so does your kindness. It is nice to be a part of a wholesome wrestling community — those kinds of communities are becoming harder and harder to find online these days.
As for the show, I really enjoyed this week’s episode of AEW Dynamite. It wasn’t as good as last week’s PPV-adjacent event, but it would be unreasonable to hold a regular program to the PPV-like standards set by Grand Slam Australia.
Tonight’s episode of AEW Collision felt like it embraced the idea of furthering storylines on Saturday nights, and I really enjoyed this episode’s in-ring work, even if it wasn’t flawless. Therefore, I will give this week’s storyline progression an “A,” and I will give this week’s in-ring action a “B+.”
So, if on a 7-point grading scale, a solid “A” is the equivalent of a 97 and a “B+” is the equivalent of a 91, that averages out to an overall show grade of 94, which is the equivalent of an “A-”
Overall Match Grade: B+
Overall Storylines Grade: A
SHOW GRADE: A-
DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Match of the Night: Hologram vs. “The Beast” Mortos
- Second Best Match: Chris Jericho vs. Bandido
- Third Best Match: Daddy Magic & Cool Hands & Daniel Garcia vs. The Death Riders
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, idioms are just one letter away from idiots, and that is why I prefer paronomasias.
(David Bryant’s bathroom-selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor of the world’s first spray tan that doesn’t turn MJF’s hands brown. Less impressively, David studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)
August Strachan (David’s hot, flexible fiancé) contributed to this column.
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