SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE SMACKDOWN
JANUARY 6, 2005
TAPED TUESDAY IN UNCASVILLE, CONN.
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, PWTORCH EDITOR
-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show. Joy was the guest bell ringer this week.
1 — EDDIE GUERRERO vs. REY MYSTERIO
Rey brought a 619 cam to the ring. The showed the view from it, a la ECW Fan Cam. Guerrero took the camera and filmed Joy who smiled as if she was being paid to look like she really liked the attention – just like Hooters girls and strippers. The gushing by everyone over the presence of these women is degrading and embarrassing for these grown men. It’s like they’re 30 year old men playing parts scripted originally for 13 year old boys. It’s one thing to have one Joey Tribiani womanizer on a show, but to have every wrestler and announcer and referee and backstage worker all acting equally juvenile and pathetic is a sad reflection on the writing team’s maturity or their respect for the audience they’re writing for. Guerrero got sustained advantage working over Rey’s arm. He hung him upside down in the corner and kicked him. Cole said that was Guerrero’s “vicious side.” When he charged at Rey, Rey moved and Guerrero slid crotch-first into the ringpost. They cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
They showed Rey diving onto Guerrero during the break. In the ring Rey worked over Guerrero’s arm. They exchanged sleepers. Guerrero went for a powerbomb but Rey flipped out and kicked Guerrero into the ropes. When he went for the 619, Guerrero moved. Guerrero caught Rey with an extended leg. Rey dove at Guerrero, but caught a boot to the crotch at 14:00. They went into a series of exchanges that led to Guerrero trying to get Rey DQ’d. When the ref went down, Guerrero put a tag belt on top of Rey’s chest. He lay on his back. Th ref got up, but Rey quickly slipped the belt onto his chest first. Guerrero hid the belt. Rey lied to the ref about being hit with the belt. The ref asked Guerrero, who denied it. The ref then saw Guerrero had the belt. The crowd was laughing and applauding their attempts to fool the ref. Guerrero explained that his trick was used against him. Rey went for a 619, but Guerrero ducked. Guerrero small packaged Rey, but Rey countered and scored the pin on the former heavyweight champ.
WINNER: Rey at 17:06.
STAR RATING: **1/2 — A bit heavy on armbars, but enough action to be above average with a fun finishing sequence.
-Heidenreich told someone out of view that he knew he could count on him. It was revealed to be Paul Heyman. Heyman said everyone knows he can beat Undertaker, but the casket stip is wrong. He said he used to be G.M., so he knows how to get rules changed. He told him to follow him.
-Cole announced that Kenzo Suzuki challenged John Cena to a BattleRap.
[Commercial Break]
-Carlito Cool walked to Cole and Tazz with a clip board. He said he was starting a petition to get Long removed as Smackdown G.M. He began circling the ring and having fans sign it.
2 — FUNAKI vs. AKIO — Cruiserweight Title match
The match in the ring was just a sideshow for the main storyline or Carlito getting signatures. Joy rang the bell and seemed quite satisfied with her effort. Less than a minute into the match, Carlito entered the ring to try to get the ref to sign his petition. The ref ordered him out. Lots of short arm bars mixed with nice exchanged. Funaki won after a flying DDT off the second rope.
WINNER: Funaki at 3:11 to retain the Cruiserweight Title.
STAR RATING: * — Short, but good action.
-Carlito tried to get Joy to sign the petition. She wouldn’t and didn’t look comfortable. He chewed an apple and spit it on her.
[Commercial Break]
-Heyman approached Long backstage about reconsidering the stip. He called it a “monumental mistake.” Heyman loves those alliterations. Heyman asked Long if he’s ever been stuffed into a casket. He said it was cruel and unusual punishment. He described the total darkness and the air running low. Heidenreich began freaking out as Heyman described the worms and maggots that crawl over someone inside. Heyman said he was “giving Long the opportunity” to change the stip. Long said he would change the stip if he could beat Taker later. Heyman was happy until Long revealed that he was part of the match, too. Heidenreich told Heyman not to worry.
-Angle was telling cops backstage to guard his gold medal. Amy walked in and asked to talk to him in private. Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak left the room. She said she wanted to talk about potential opportunities after the Royal Rumble. Angle said she was trying to cover her bases in case JBL didn’t win at the Royal Rumble and he did. He said if they are going to have a business relationship, maybe they need to get more acquainted. She said she was thinking “the exact same thing.” She told him to come to her private locker room after his match.
[Commercial Break]
Check out the latest episode of the Wade Keller Pro Wrestling Post-show covering the latest episode of Raw: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “wade Keller” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
3 — KURT ANGLE vs. BRIAN BLACK — Kurt Angle Invitational
This continues to be a clever way to get Angle on the air each week without him actually having to take bumps or risk further injury to his neck. Cole plugged the Angle vs. JBL vs. Big Show match at the Rumble. Angle said if he didn’t make his hometown opponent tap or score a pin within three minutes, he will personally give him his gold medal. Black revealed, “I am from right here in Connecticut.” That’s so dumb. As the local correspondent pointed out at PWTorch.com earlier this week in his report on the taping, they couldn’t even be bothered to come up with an actual town in Connecticut for him to be from? Angle won quickly with the anklelock.
WINNER: Angle at 0:26.
STAR RATING: n/a
-Backstage Torrie Wilson and Jackie Gayda approached Puder to congratulate him on winning Tough Enough. Puder told Jackie she did great in winning Tough Enough. He said he watched the show and it was great when she tried to talk her boyfriend into staying with her even after cheating on her. He said, “What goes around comes around,” referring to Charlie Hass dumping her. The women were upset and walked away. Puder said: “The women, they’re all the same. They’re just after my money.”
[Commercial Break]
-Michael Cole stood in the ring and introduced Kenzo Suzuki and John Cena for the Battle Rap. Cole announced that next week Cena would defend the U.S. Title next week against Kenzo. WWE is getting better making a bigger deal out of title defenses on TV and not just throwing them out there with two minutes notice. Kenzo was dressed up as Uncle Sam. He told Cena he was “about to get served.” He then rapped. Cena chuckled. When Kenzo ended with “word life,” Tazz said it sounded more like “wild rice.” The crowd chanted “Cena, Cena.” Cena then rapped back with a record-breaking array of homosexual references.
Cena rhymed “USA” with “gay.” He made Cole hold up a sign that said, “Chain Gang.” There was a picture of a strange penis on the sign. He told Kenzo he “always swallows trouser trout.” He told if Kenzo “wants a pole,” he can “go on a date with Michael Cole.” He said then he could be alone with Hiroko. She was offended. Her facial expressions are priceless. Cena told her, “Let loose, have a glance, take a look at the dragon, in my pants.” He told her put her face on his spinner, then he spun his U.S. Title belt.
Kenzo told Cena that Hiroko loves him (Kenzo). Kenzo then had Hiroko sing. She did. The crowd booed. Cena said he had something everyone wants to see. Then three of the Smackdown Divas walked out – Michelle, Rochelle, and Lauren (or something like that). Kenzo was a little too happy for Hiroko’s liking. Hiroko jumped on Rochelle’s back. Cena then knocked Kenzo out of the ring. Cena said with the Chain Gang, if you don’t start something, you won’t get nothing, but if you want some, come get some. That’s “street” for “we’re good guys, we don’t instigate, but we will retaliate.”
[Commercial Break]
4 — ROB VAN DAM (w/Rey Mysterio) vs. DOUG BASHAM (w/Danny Basham)
The ref sent Rey to the back at 1:30 after he retaliated at ringside against Basham interference. RVD then dove off the top rope and flipped onto Doug at ringside. After Rolling Thunder by RVD, Danny yanked on RVD’s leg. As the ref turned to Danny, Orlando Jordan threw a pipe into the ring. When RVD kicked Danny, the ref saw the pipe and investigated what happened, distracting RVD as the Bashams switched placed. Danny then small packaged RVD for a near fall. He followed up with a powerbomb and a pin. At least Doug and Danny look a little bit more alike than Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair. Remember way back when the announcers had to pretend they couldn’t tell the difference between their body types?
WINNER: Doug Basham at 5:42.
STAR RATING: * — Solid short TV match.
-Kurt Angle knocked on Amy Weber’s dressing room door, looking like a high school boy on prom night at the hotel room.
[Commercial Break]
-Angle waited impatiently for Amy. He snuck into her bathroom and heard a shower running. He walked in, which was entirely appropriate, and decided to undress and join her, which was the logical next step. I wish I could show a tape of this to the Kurt Angle of ten years ago and take a picture of his reaction. He rubbed his nipples before stepping into the shower. Then he pulled the curtain aside and it was revealed to be Joy, not Amy She screamed. He screamed. Everyone laughed on cue. She ran through the arena in her towel. Angle tripped over his dropped pants in his green briefs as he tried to chase after her. He eventually caught up to her as she fell into Show’s protective arms. Angle said, “This is not what it seems,” then pulled up his zipper. Now that was funny. He said it was a misunderstanding, you know, like in Frasier. Show chased after Angle, who ran into the ring, the logical place to run if you’re trying to get away from someone. Show caught up to him and beat up Angle. Then he clotheslined Luther Reigns out of the ring and kicked a chair into Mark Jindrak’s face. Cole asked if Show was fired up for the Royal Rumble. If the TV sound was any indication, the crowd didn’t care much for the entire angle. “Confusion reigning supreme,” said Cole, never one to fall back on a meaningless, overused cliche when descriptive, original phrases like that are available.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole said at times Angle has been accused of being a pervert as he introduced a recap of what just happened. That, from the guy who embarrassingly gushes over any hot female who is shown on TV despite being a married near-forty-year old, in an attempt to “seem cool” and “relate” to his younger viewers?
-Cole plugged the TV main event of Undertaker vs. Heidenreich & Heyman.
-JBL, Jordan, and Weber chatted backstage. JBL removed the Amy Weber sign on the locker room door and it revealed Joy Giovanni’s name behind it. JBL and Jordan laughed. Cole said he can’t believe how manipulative JBL is. Tazz said he loves it when a good plan comes together.
-Raw Rebound aired.
-Heidenreich punched a brick wall backstage with gloves on to protect his knuckles. Heyman walked in and told him they were up next. He asked him if he was ready. Heidenreich said he was ready because he’s not afraid of Undertaker. He said he’s not afraid of anybody or anything other than that casket. Heyman said if they win, then they can change the stipulation of the Taker-Heidenreich match at the Royal Rumble. Heyman said he believes in him.
[Commercial Break]
-Tazz and Cole announced there would be a four-way tag team title match next week.
5 — HEIDENREICH & PAUL HEYMAN vs. UNDERTAKER
I get chills every time Michael Cole tells me he gets chills every time Undertaker enters the arena. I hope somebody out there gets chills every time I get chills every time Michael Cole tells me he gets chills every time Undertaker enters the arena. Heyman was dressed in a suit and tie while standing on the ring apron “waiting for a tag.” Heidenreich applied a chinlock at 2:00, which in Heidenreich’s case I endorse since it avoids any major screwups. Taker fought out of it, but Heidenreich then gave Taker a boot to the face. Taker soon took over and did hit top rope walk and forearm. Then he signalled to the back and out came druids with a casket and eerie music. Heidenreich got so scared, he tagged in Heyman and ran off through the crowd. Heyman sat in the ring scared to death. He begged off as Taker dramatically turned and shot him a killer look with bulging eyes. Taker gave Heyman a Tombstone, then rolled him into the casket and closed the lid to win.
WINNER: Undertaker at 6:25.
STAR RATING: * — The match wasn’t much, but they did a good job setting up intrigue over how Heidenreich will deal with a casket match at the Royal Rumble. The special effects were well done.
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: R-Truth on nearly losing a leg to an infection, his favorite comedy segment, whether he tries to make people break character, the possibility of a heel turn
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.