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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JANUARY 4, 202
CHARLOTTE, N.C.
AIRED LIVE ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness
– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes!
Tonight’s show (which was, to my great surprise, in no way, shape, or form a pre-show for AEW’s upcoming WrestleDynasty PPV that aired that same night) kicked itself off with a series of promos:
MARK BRISCOE CUTS A PROMO — MISS
None of this. Just… none of this. It’s all bad.
I’m not saying Mark Briscoe is bad. Mark Briscoe is an immensely talented wrestler, but his promos sound like the ramblings of a homeless man I met on the red line at 1 in the morning.
DANIEL GARCIA CUTS A PROMO — HIT
This was simple, to the point, and touched on the city’s name, the show’s name, and hyped up the significance of tonight being Collision’s first-ever simulcast on Max.
Are Daniel Garcia’s promos brilliant works of art? Oftentimes, no; however, after watching Mark Briscoe randomly duct tape bananas to walls for 30 seconds, this felt like watching the Mona Lisa.
THE LEARNING FOREST CUT A JOINT PROMO — IN-THE-MIDDLE
There was nothing explicitly wrong with this joint promo. However, it is my personal opinion that having Jericho speak so briefly was a missed opportunity to showcase one of AEW’s best speakers at the start of the show.
FTR CUTS A PROMO — HIT
From now on, anytime Adam Copeland starts to speak, AEW should dub whatever he was going to say with a pre-recorded promo by Dax Harwood.
ADAM COPELAND CUTS A PROMO — MISS
Good to know that Adam Copeland dislikes ugly kids. That was vital information, and it will surely garner cheers from the crowd.
NO OPENING PYRO — MISS
I know the Bojangles Coliseum is a smaller (although not minuscule) arena, but AEW has set off pyro in that same building in the past and it wasn’t a problem. Not having pyro in the opening of a major, modern-era wrestling show looks bush-league — it did when WWE did it, and the same criticism applies when AEW does it.
MARK BRISCOE VS. DANIEL GARCIA — HIT
Like I said earlier, Mark Briscoe’s character-related issues have nothing to do with his in-ring skills. This man may not be able to articulate anything remotely associated with words, but he can put on one hell of a show in the ring.
THE DEATH RIDERS (I KEEP WANTING TO TYPE “EATERS”) CUT A PROMO — IN-THE-MIDDLE
I love Jon Moxley’s promo style, but sometimes (not always) I wish he would state his goals in a more straightforward manner. This new “Death Rider” take on Moxley’s character is one of my favorite versions of Moxley to date, but I’d love to see what would happen if he experimented with writing out all of his promos beforehand. (Or, maybe he does, and if so, wow.)
JEFF JARRETT VS. AARON SOLO – MISS
I’m enjoying Jeff Jarrett’s more serious take on his current character, but Aaron Solo did not deserve to lose in a 90-second squash. I’m not saying Solo deserved to win if AEW truly has plans to use Jeff Jarrett, but if you want to prove that Jarrett can still go in the ring, then the best way to do that is with longer matches.
Side Note: I wish that rather than setting his sights on winning AEW gold, Jarrett would set his sights on winning the Owen Hart tournament. Having Jarrett win that would be both poetic and a great capstone to his already historic career.
PRIVATE PARTY VS. LEO RUSH & ACTION ANDRETTI (no team name?) — HIT
This match was solid, and it had more than enough enjoyable moments to garner a “hit” from me, but the ending was rough. The referee had to scoot his torso underneath the ring ropes in an awkward attempt to avoid seeing Andretti use both the ropes and Rush’s hand as leverage. Please stop making referees look stupid; it not only cheapens the referees, but it also cheapens the outcomes that they are inevitably involved in deciding.
ADAM COPELAND CUTS A PROMO — MINOR-HIT
This promo was going well until Adam Copeland invoked kangaroo pouches.
CHRIS JERICHO CUTS A PROMO — HIT
Chris Jericho was lighting up the mic until Copeland interrupted him to remind viewers that this “is the 4th decade you and I will compete against each other.”
TONI STORM VS. DEONNA PURRAZZO — MEGA-HIT
Coming fresh out of the entrance of Mercedes Mone’s closet, Deonna Purrazzo and her Gaga-haired friend, Taya Valkyrie, wore high-quality outfits that sparkled as if they’d crashed into an Inch-Of-Gold booth on their way to the ring. Toni Storm wore an outfit that sparkled like a brand-new car because she’s only ever worn that outfit once or twice and never at any other point in her career.
As for the match itself, this was a great use of the respective talents of Storm and Purrazzo. The match capitalized on Storm’s uncanny ability to present her character’s story arcs within the confines of the ring and Purrazzo’s unique ability to work well-paced matches around Storm’s ever-evolving mythology.
Side Note: I loved that Toni Storm’s post-match celebration contained subtle aspects of her “Timeless” Toni Storm gimmick without being overly conspicuous about it.
Second Side Note: Valkyrie is the queen of ringside facial expressions.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
Check out the latest episode of the “All Elite Conversation Club” with Joel Dehnel and Gregg Kanner, part of the PWTorch Dailycast line-up: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “pwtorch” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS AND ADAM PAGE FIGHT BACKSTAGE — MINOR-HIT
I liked the energy both men brought to this segment, and I especially appreciate Hangman’s acting skills here. I am also pretty sure the payoff match for this segment will be fantastic. That said, having Hangman ask Christopher Daniels what he gave to this company (literally his eyeball) was so over-the-top that it verged on absurdity rather than invoking anger.
THE ACCLAIMED FIGHT BACKSTAGE — HIT
While Anthony Bowen’s acting outshone Max Caster’s, both men gave good performances here, and unlike the aforementioned Daniels-Hangman spat, their performances made it feel like we were spying on a legitimate disagreement.
Side Note: I wish that disagreement did not seemingly revolve around Bill Gunn, but maybe I am mistaken, and they will better clarify their motivations in the coming weeks.
KOMANDER VS. DANTE MARTIN VS. THE BEAST MORTOS VS. BRIAN CAGE — HIT
This match was for “$100,000,” and I’m not sure if those stakes made it better or worse, but if we’re working with entirely fictional numbers, why stop at $100,000? Also, why is a $100,000 match taking place on a show with only 400,000 viewers?
Side Note: It was nice to see Brian Cage get the win here.
FTR CUT A PROMO WITH THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS — HIT
The best part of this exchange was watching Dax Harwood’s reaction to Ricky Morton bringing up that time Harwood piledrove him in an attempt to “almost break (his) neck and paralyze (him).” Thankfully, Harwood is an artful promo and managed to tiptoe his way around that proverbial minefield.
THE OUTRUNNERS MAKE THEMSELVES PART OF IT — MISS
Seeing FTR, The Rock ‘N’ Roll Express, and The Outrunners in the same promo was a reminder of the differences between the words “tribute” and “parody.”
CHRIS JERICHO & BIG BILL & BRYAN KEITH VS. FTR & ADAM COPELAND — HIT
The only thing that kept this from being a “Mega-Hit” was the terror I felt when Chris Jericho landed a Lionsault on his face. Other than that, this match was fun, energetic, and it made me hope that we will get Copeland vs. Jericho on a PPV rather than on free TV.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The match-to-storyline ratio of tonight’s show reminded me more of Rampage than Collision, and we don’t need a two-hour Rampage. That said, the matches were fantastic, even if the promos were lackluster. Because of this, I’m going to give this show an A- “match-grade” and a D- “storyline-grade” to come up with an overall average grade of C+.
Match Grade: A-
Storyline Grade: D-
SHOW GRADE: C+
DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Match of the Night: Toni Storm vs. Deonna Purrazzo
- Second Best Match: FTR & Adam Copeland vs. The Learning Forest
- Third Best Match: Mark Briscoe vs. Daniel Garcia
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, life is what you make it; so, pay attention in shop class and learn to make things because if you don’t, you will die.
(David Bryant’s bathroom-selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the creator of the world’s freshest chicken sandwich, but be careful because it’s alive. Less impressively, David studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)
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