SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE SMACKDOWN
DECEMBER 9, 2004
TAPED TUESDAY IN GREENVILLE, S.C.
-They opened with a black and white clip of the four-on-one attack on Undertaker from JBL and his Cabinet. Very cool sound effects were added to add drama. Then Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show as they went to a wideshot of the arena.
-John Bradshaw Layfield was standing center-ring with his Cabinet (The Bashams, Amy Webber, Orlando Jordan). He complained about the match stips at Sunday’s PPV, saying no WWE Champion in history had ever been put in such a tough situation before. He mentioned by name Bruno Sammartino, Andre the Giant, Bret Hart, Steve Austin and The Rock. No Triple H, because apparently if someone works for Raw, they don’t exist in the WWE Title history books except of course for hype for any movie they might be in or a Raw Rebound segment.
He said none of those champions could beat him on their best day. He ripped on Teddy Long and blamed his four-on-one match as Long’s use of affirmative action. He said that has never worked and never will. When JBL began talking about Undertaker, the lights went out, then when they came back on, Taker was standing in the ring and he attacked JBL and his Cabinet. He chokeslammed the Bashams as JBL and Jordan fled. JBL does a nice job talking a big game and doing everything he can to draw comparisons to all-time greats, which only makes it more likely fans are going to get frustrated with his ability to keep sneaking away from matches with the title and pay to see him lose. That’s the gameplan, at least, and JBL does a good job making the best of it with his consistently strong mic work. If they had., somewhere along the line, done something creative to explain how he went from a mid-card tag wrestler to a championship-level wrestler, he might have been a legitimate draw.
-Cole and Tazz promoted the TV main event – JBL & The Bashams & Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T & Eddie Guerrero & Undertaker. That’s a big match to give away just three days before the PPV.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz plugged the “bra and panties” match between Torrie Wislon and Hiroku later. They showed a clip of Hiroku getting jealous of Kenzo admiring Torrie on TV on the Thanksgiving Smackdown, ignoring Hiroku’s offering of an American Thanksgiving dinner.
1 — CRUISERWEIGHT BATTLE ROYAL – No. 1 Contender’s Match
Funaki, Paul London, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Chavo Guerrero, ad Akio took part. Of course, there’s no better way to feature Cruiserweights than to stand them in pairs in various corners of the ring and have them kick and punch each other. They went to the obligatory shot of Spike watching backstage while cunningly stroking his goatee. London managed to stand out, as usual, with a cool stomp off the top rope and a flip landing dropkick. Kidman, though, quickly eliminated him from behind. In the end, Funaki eliminated Chavo and Kidman as they were fighting. Funaki reacted with disbelief and elation.
WINNER: Funaki at 5:18.
STAR RATING: * — The match itself was pretty bland, but the post-match celebration by Funaki set up a nice feel-good underdog story headed into the PPV. It’s not a step toward making the Cruiserweight Title feel like anything prestigious or a belt that goes to a great athlete worth paying money to see, but for how WWE treats the title, it was a nice little angle.
-Miss Jackie Gayda begged Charlie Haas not to go to the ring for the scheduled street fight against Jesus. She said after getting his ribs beat on last week, he couldn’t compete. He said he was going to do what he was going to do and walked to the ring. Josh Matthews then asked him about being special ref on Sunday for the Jackie vs. Dawn Marie match. At first he said he’d call it down the middle, but then admitted he’d be biased toward Jackie because she’s his fiance. They showed a close-up of Haas’s eyes, which were blood-shot. Cole said that was from broken blood vessels in his eyes from gasping for air last week after being attacked.
[Commercial Break]
-A promo aired with Mike Mizanin in boxing gloves saying that Justice Smith and Daniel Puder keep talking about fighting each other and not factoring him in. He said, “I’m not going to be good, I’m not going to be bad. I’m a pure and solid Miz all up in your butts.” He trying to be more badass than in the past.
2 — JESUS vs. CHARLIE HAAS
Before the match, Carlito Cool was banned from ringside, so he spit apple in ref Charles Robinson’s face. Before the match got going, Carlito walked out onto the stage with Dawn struggling to get out of his grasp. He said, “I’ve got something of yours.” Haas was distracted, so Jesus punched him in the back with a chain from behind. Dawn ran to the ring to check on Charlie, then Jackie came out, too. Jackie gave Dawn an evil eye for being close to her man. Although it didn’t air on TV, at the taping both ended up helping him to the back. Haas didn’t give any strong clues about which he was with, or if he was with both.
WINNER: No contest.
[Commercial Break]
-Justice Smith cut a promo with boxing gloves on. He said he could be back in the street beating people up for free, but he was in WWE to kick some butt and make some money. He said it doesn’t matter whether it’s Mike or Dan. He tripped over his words a few times, but overall it was okay for an early promo. It seemed as if he ran out of things to say five seconds before the end of the promo, though.
-Luther Reigns approached Joy the make-up lady backstage. He told her to tell her boyfriend Big Show that he is looking for him and “I’m not a patient man.” Joy said Big Show is not her boyfriend. When Reigns stroked her hair, she overreacted badly as if Eric Bischoff had broken into her house or something.
-JBL approached Teddy Long backstage and got in his face, saying he is being treated unfairly. Jordan and Amy joined in, Jack Evans style, to back up JBL’s complaints. Long told JBL that he and “your travelling circus” are banned from ringside on Sunday and if any of them do interfere, he will strip JBL of the title. Jordan’s facial expressions were hilarious. JBL was outraged and dismayed. Then the Bashams walked up to JBL and told him that there had been a “security breach.” JBL said he didn’t have time to hear about it and walked toward his limo, only to discover the limo had been stripped of its tires. JBL was, well, even angrier than before.
-Eddie Guerrero rolled a tire to the ring. He told JBL that he just happened to know someone in Greenville, S.C. who could get him a good price on tires. “A steal, you could say,” Guerrero slyly said.
[Commercial Break]
-A promo aired with Daniel Puder. He said he’d rather fight Justice because he’s bigger and most people think he’s tougher. He said he actually thinks Miz is the tougher of the two, though. He said he will beat down whoever his opponent is to win the contract, “which I have earned.” Not smooth at the start, but his best mic work to date.
-Torrie Wilson was part of a photo shoot. Then flowers arrived. She was happy until she realized they came from Kenzo Suzuki. She said Kenzo was a jerk because he’s married and hitting on her. Hiroku came out and accused her of insulting her husband. Hiroku ripped off Torrie’s clothes, then Torrie ripped off Hiroku’s robe. Torrie chased Hiroku to the ring. Kenzo and Rene Dupree ran to the ring, then Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam evened the odds. Teddy Long came out and announced that he is booking the two teams in a match for the WWE Tag Team Titles right now. No waiting until Armageddon. The scheduled match between Torrie and Hiroku never took place.
[Commercial Break]
Check out the latest episode of the Wade Keller Pro Wrestling Post-show covering the latest episode of Smackdown: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “wade Keller” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
3 — KENZO SUZUKI & RENE DUPREE vs. ROB VAN DAM & REY MYSTERIO — WWE Tag Team Title match
The match was joined in progress after the break. Dupree almost made it through a whole match without trying to kill off the crowd with a boring chinlock, but at 5:15 he couldn’t resist and put RVD into it. RVD fought out of it quickly. Kenzo tagged in and tried to one-up Dupree with a boring facelock of his own, but RVD fought out of that even quicker. When Dupree did the French Tickler dance, RVD almost hot-tagged in Guerrero, but Kenzo interfered to stop that. Rey eventually got the hot tag. Rey got in his signature spots. They went into what seemed like a finishing sequence leading to a heel win, with Hiroku putting a KO’d Kenzo’s arms over Mysterio’s chest. When Mysterio kicked out, Hiroku yelled “Nooooooo!!!” as if she was watching her newborn triplets get eaten by a mountain lion right before her very eyes. In the end, Mysterio rolled up Kenzo, but then reached out and held RVD’s hand for added leverage to score the three count. Cole said, “Turnabout is fair play,” citing that Kenzo & Dupree cheated to win at No Mercy. Tazz, who is often sympathetic to heels, kept his credibility by admitting that was true and agreeing that Rey & RVD were right to fight fire with fire.
WINNERS: RVD & Mysterio to capture the tag team titles in 12:00.
STAR RATING: ** — Decent average tag match.
-A vignette aired on Smackdown’s visit to Madison Square Garden on Sunday. They did a nice job making it feel like “the place to be.”
[Commercial Break]
-A feature aired on how tough Triple H was on his co-star Ryan Reynolds during the movie filming. It made Hunter out to be a total bad-ass who got a little rough. The actors did a nice job putting over how tough wrestlers are to take such falls each night. Hunter said he didn’t go to Hollywood to take it easy on them. “I am intense and that’s why I’m the best,” he said. Hunter is so full of himself. Of course, that’s just part of his heel act.
-Cole said the movie was good. Tazz asked how he saw it. Cole said he was at the premier. Tazz asked who he went with. Cole hesitated, then said he went alone. Tazz called him a geek. Cole said, “I am NOT a geek.” I think the FCC can fine WWE for a lie that egregious. Cole and Tazz then ran down the entire line-up for Sunday’s Armageddon PPV.
-Al Snow came out with Justice Smith, Mike Mizanin, and Daniel Puder. Miz went back to being a dork, sticking his tongue out and yelling senselessly, which is exactly what he should do to try to win votes since it makes him different from his remaining opponent in the contest. Snow announced that Smith had been eliminated by fan voting. Smith didn’t seem shocked, so he may have been tipped off ahead of time. He handled it well. He hugged Miz and Smith before leaving, although Puder’s hug consisted of basically shoving Smith aside to get in Miz’s face. An energized Miz and Puder then moved to the ring for a jousting competition. Both stood on a pedestal and had padded sticks which they used to try to knock each other down onto a huge padded air mattress. Puder knocked Miz down easily twice in a row. Miz played up his facial expressions with a “tough guy” approach rather than a “jokster” or “rowdy” approach as he has in the past. Puder threw some air boxing punches toward Miz.
-The Raw Rebound aired focusing on Vince McMahon stripping Hunter of his title.
-Backstage, Booker T was stretching with the Stretching Diva. Booker said he had a message to send to JBL himself. He said JBL left his cowboy hat behind. He made a modification to it by popping a hole through the top, then shoving his dreds through the top. Booker said after Sunday he’ll be the new WWE Champion. He finished with his can you dig that sucka catchphrase.
-A feature aired on the WWE visit to Iraq, including Vince cackling in response to a soldier telling him that he was more excited by WWE’s visit than when President Bush visited. Guess who’s last in line to get proper equipment and armor shielded vehicles now.
[Commercial Break]
-A Paul Heyman-narrated commercial aired for the ECW DVD.
-Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, and Mark Jindrak came to the ring for Angle’s weekly Angle Challenge Series. Big Show then came out, answering Angle’s challenge. Cole played up that Show was born in South Carolina so he qualified. Angle said he knows Show’s gameplan, which was to soften them before Sunday’s PPV. He said the plan wasn’t going to work. He said Show would have to face all three of them come Sunday. Reigns stepped in and said one man was looking to get his hands on Big Show tonight even more than Kurt Angle “and you’re lookin’ at him.” He then said, “And he’s Mark Jindrak.” Jindrak didn’t seem pleased or prepared. Show immediately went after Jindrak.
4 — MARK JINDRAK (w/Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns) vs. BIG SHOW
Show dominated Jindrak, dressed in street clothes, tossing him around like a Cruiserweight Champion. Angle yelled at Show that he’d “get him this Sunday.” Cole asked, “Why didn’t Big Show get himself some tonight.” Tazz answered, “Because he’s a genius.” Jindrak fought back with some blows to Show’s legs, but Show easily fended him off and gave him a big boot to the face. Show then set up Jindrak for a chokeslam. Angle ran into the ring. Show knocked him back to ringside. Reigns followed. Show grabbed him for a chokeslam, but Angle hit him with a chair prompting the DQ. Show took a blow to the back of the head with the stairs from Angle. Angle and his men then retreated to the back as Show regained his senses.
WINNER: Big Show at 3:42.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Nothing wrong with it, but essentially a squash.
-Heidenreich was shown lying in a bed in a mental hospital with a ticking clock in the background. Paul Heyman walked in and said he had arranged for Heidenreich to get out of that place and return to Smackdown next week. Heidenreich said he was happy where he was because everyone there understood him and liked him. He said the people “out there” do not like him. He said he was never coming back to Smackdown. Heyman didn’t know what to say or do.
-Introductions were made for the TV main event.
[Commercial Break]
5 — JBL & THE BASHAMS & ORLANDO JORDAN vs. EDDIE GUERRERO & BOOKER T & UNDERTAKER
JBL did everything he could to avoid Undertaker including jumping into the crowd. Eventually JBL did tag in legally and worked over Guerrero, taking him to the mat with a sleeper. The Bashams and Jordan were funny in how enthusiastically they cheered on JBL during the sleeper. Guerrero suplexed out of it. Cole asked, “How badly does Undertaker want to get into this match-up.” JBL stomped on Guerrero before he could tag out. Taker got the hot-tag and worked over Jordan and the Bashams. Seven-way chaos broke out. Guerrero nailed JBL from behind with the title belt. With JBL down on the mat, the faces eliminated the other three heels. When JBL stood up, he was surrounded by all three challengers. They each took turns punching him. Taker then set up a chokeslam, but Jordan ran back into the ring. He was chokeslammed as Guerrero and Booker fought the Bashams. Booker then gave Jordan the scissors kick. Guerrero then hit Jordan with the Frog Splash. Taker, the legal man in the ring, gave Jordan the Tombstone. As JBL got bug-eyed at ringside, Taker laid out his title in mid-ring. All three challengers looked at JBL, as the worried champ slowly backtracked.
WINNERS: Guerrero & Booker & Undertaker.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Solidly booked, logic, by-the-numbers way to promote Sunday’s PPV match. The only thing they didn’t do, which surprised me, was tease dissension among Guerrero, Booker, and Taker.
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Bobby Lashley on signing with AEW, ideas for doing more with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman, working with Lana during the love triangle storyline in WWE
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