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The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE Smackdown Review
August 26, 2004
Taped 8/24/04 in Fresno, CA
Aired on UPN
Report by Greg Schiller, Lounge Janitor’s Replacement
Hello, Dusty couldn’t make it this week, something about Musk Oxen. So instead of watching the football game on ESPN I get to do this review for you, lucky me, lucky you.
Now for some words and trivia from Seth:
Live on tape, from the archives of wrestling history. . . Raw Is Trivial!
Y’know, some weeks it just gets harder to come up with good stuff for this part of the Express. I mean, let’s face it, some weeks this is the best part of the column. There is an unwritten law that says both Raw and Smackdown cannot be good at the same time – one has to blow chunks and make you feel embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Luckily for us, Raw is headed in that crap direction while Smackdown is looking to shape up pretty well. JBL is growing on people. (He may be a lousy champion, but he has a character people can grasp.) Eddie and Kurt at another go. I’d say Spike’s turn revitalizes the Cruiserweight division, but when two of the lighter guys are holding the tag straps, that kinda leaves Nunzio and Jamie Noble on the home of Cruiserweight action (Velocity) as the remaining contenders. So, with SD on the upswing, you may be asking why I do Trivial. I look at it like this: without the past, we cannot grasp the future. If JBL and Undertaker were not in the Ministry together, would they have a surprisingly decent match at SummerSlam? Sorry folks, but without Antonio Rocca leading the way, there would be no Billy Kidman or Paul London today. Without Bruiser & Crusher whipping ass in the ’60s, there would be no Dudleys putting guys through tables. Hell, if Reagan remained just a B-movie actor and not President of the United States, Bradshaw would still be beating people up for beer money.
But, enough of the preaching. . . onto Trivial!
1. This is, as always, the easy question. Multiple choice. “Twenty-five years ago this week, Dusty Rhodes won his first-ever NWA World title from Harley Race. With Dusty being a Florida guy, where did this historic title change occur?”
a) Orlando
b) Tampa
c) Ft. Lauderdale
d) Jacksonville
2. This is our weekly analogy question. Find the connection between the first line to figure out the correct choice. “Mankind is to Jim Ross as. . .”
a) Roddy Piper is to Vince Russo
b) Mark Madden is to David Arquette
c) Nikita Koloff is to David Crockett
d) Bob Geigel is to Magnum TA
3. This is the Kevin Nash True-or-False question, our most popular feature. Not as easy as the multiple-choice. “Kevin’s first title was the WWF Tag Title he shared with Shawn Michaels.”
4. This is become the ultimate challenge. Anything can be asked, usually something topical. “On August 4th, 1989, Eric Embry defeated P.Y. Chu-Hi (Phil Hickerson as a Japanese sympathizer) to end the World Class era. With this win, Max Andrews assumed control of the newly-named USWA. The question is this: If Embry had lost, who would have controlled World Class?”
Answers at the end of the second hour. . .
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed above by Seth do not necessarily represent the views this author and have not been reviewed or approved by said author.
Smackdown!
The show opens with highlights of last week’s interaction between Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle as well as the ending of their tag team match and the subsequent paint job Angle did on Guerrero’s car followed by the opening theme.
A scoreboard is shown of John Cena leading Booker T in their best of five series for the “Undisputed” United States Championship, one match to none, as Michael Cole and Tazz announce that the second match will be, you guessed it, tonight.
Eddie Guerrero comes out to the ring minus a car. Cole says that it was regular household latex paint that Angle used on Guerrero’s car last week and that the car will never be the same again, ugh. Guerrero grabs the mic and says some Latino lingo. Guerrero says that Kurt Angle defaced his personal property last week just like he is going to deface Angle tonight. Guerrero states he doesn’t want to wrestle Angle, he wants to fight him. Guerrero calls Angle out to the ring, right now. Cole says Eddie is furious as Kurt Angle’s theme plays. Instead of Angle, Luther Reigns comes out with mic in hand. Reigns says he knows a lot about fights and that if Kurt Angle came out to the ring right now, he’d destroy Guerrero. Guerrero tells Reigns to get Angle out to the ring and we’ll see who destroys who.
Angle shows up on the TitanTron (is it even called that anymore?) dressed for success. Angle tells Guerrero that if he wants to fight, come to the parking lot, right now. Guerrero charges out of the ring and heads to the back towards the parking lot. They show Angle taking his jacket off as Guerrero appears in view on the far side of the parking lot. Angle then takes off as Guerrero follows in pursuit. Angle hides behind a car that he tells Guerrero is his and not to lay a hand on it. So, of course, Guerrero dumps some garbage on it. Then Guerrero bashes the car all over the place with the a lead pipe that just so happens to have been a part of the garbage. Reigns comes from behind and throws Guerrero onto the car as they take off in another vehicle. Guerrero then continues to trash the car with the lead pipe. General Manager Theodore Long comes out and tells Guerrero that the car is not Angle’s but his. Long has security escort Guerrero from the premises and then whines about the condition of his car as we take a commercial break.
The Subway highlight of the week shows us a replay from last week of the sneak attack on Rob Van Dam by Kenzo Suzuki at the end of Van Dam’s match.
Sure enough, as we come back from break, Rob Van Dam comes out to the ring as Cole says he can’t figure out why Suzuki did what he did last week to Van Dam. They cut to an interview done early today with Kenzo Suzuki as he explains that he saw Van Dam driving a Japanese car. Suzuki thinks Van Dam should be driving a car from the best country in the world, America. He says his name is Kenzo Suzuki and that he loves America. Suzuki gets brought out to the ring on his throne as we get set for a match, yes, there is going to be wrestling tonight.
(1) Rob Van Dam defeated Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko).
Before Suzuki can get off of his throne and enter the ring, Van Dam kicks him off onto the floor, about time someone did that. Van Dam takes care of the throne carriers and tosses Suzuki back into the ring. Suzuki comes back with a spear and some chops. The crowd gets behind Van Dam as he attempts a come back but is cut off by a knee to the gut. Suzuki lays on the abdominal stretch which RVD gets out of and then follows with a standing kick to the head. Back and forth until RVD hits a flying drop kick, pin attempt gets two. RVD on the offense with the Split Legged Moonsault, two count again. Spinning wheel kick followed by a flying body press to the outside on Rene Dupree who came down to ringside. Suzuki then goes for his Claw Leg Sweep finisher that gets reversed into a small package by RVD and the three count. 1/2*
After the match Van Dam gets double teamed by Suzuki and Dupree. They hit a Double Brain Buster that lays RVD out cold.
Back to the parking lot as GM Theodore Long is still upset about his car being trashed by Eddie Guerrero. WWE Heavyweight Champion, John Bradshaw Layfield, pulls up in limo with Orlando Jordan by his side. JBL still has the body brace on, hilarious. JBL is upset that Long didn’t return any of his calls and that they had to come all they way out to Fresno to talk to Long. “Where we at Orlando?” “Fresno,” replies Jordan. “Fresno?” JBL asks. “Yea, I know,” answers Jordan. Good stuff. JBL demands to know what Long is going to do about the Undertaker. Long tells JBL that he’s going to defend the WWE Title tonight. If JBL can’t do that, due to his physical limitations, then JBL’s Chief of Staff, Orlando Jordan, will have to defend the WWE Title for him. JBL and Jordan don’t like the idea but Long says, “That’s the way it goes playa,” and that the opponent will be the Undertaker as we take a commercial break.
Smack of the Night replays the victory of Chavo Guerrero and Jamie Noble over the WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman and Paul London.
Cole and Tazz analyze GM Long’s decision to have Orlando Jordan defend the WWE Title against the Undertaker tonight and think that JBL might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Chavo Guerrero comes out to the ring with Jamie Noble as he’s set to take on Billy Kidman, who comes out with Paul London.
(2) Billy Kidman (w/Paul London) defeated Chavo Guerrero (w/Jamie Noble).
Back and forth as Kidman hits his Head Scissors move, well, barely hits let’s say. Noble distracts Kidman which allows Guerrero to take over and sends Kidman shoulder first into the steel post. I think that’s one of Dusty’s favorite moves, if I remember correctly. Chavo’s pin attempt gets one. Chavo works on the arm but Kidman comes back with some offense and gets a two count. Kidman favors the arm as Chavo nails a flying armbar that gets two. Chavo works on the arm and shoulder some more but Kidman comes back with a standing dropkick that knocks Chavo down to the mat. As Kidman was going to the top rope, Noble pulls him down and Kidman splits the top turnbuckle. London, seeing the interference from Noble, goes after him with a hilo off the steel steps. Chavo grabs London by the hair but he kicks Chavo in the head knocking him flat on his back in front of Kidman. Kidman nail the Shooting Star Press for the three count as London stops Noble from interrupting the count. **
The $1,000,000 Tough Enough commercial takes us to a break.
We’re back with a cool guy, Razor Ramon? No, Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming.
Back in the parking lot GM Long is having his trashed car towed away as Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns return. Long goes after Angle saying that he set the whole thing up to which Angle admits to. Angle shoots down the car, to which Long informs him that the car belongs to him. Angle apologizes but Long says he is going to pay for it next week in a two out of three falls match against, you guessed it, Eddie Guerrero. Tonight, though, Long puts Angle in a match against Rey Mysterio. Long tells Reigns he has to sweep up the parking lot.
John Cena comes out to the ring as we get set for match number two against Booker T.
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(3) Booker T defeated John Cena.
No mic time for Cena and that’s okay by me. Cena with a quick school boy right at start gets one. Booker takes to the offense with some chops and kicks and gets a one count as well. Booker nails Cena with a sloppy forearm shot that gets two. Snap suplex gets another two count for Booker T. Cena comes back with a hip toss that gets two. Cena with another two after some kind of body block knockdown. Cena with a key lock to Booker’s arm. I guess working the arm is the thing tonight. Booker comes back with heel kick that gets two. Booker lays on the rear naked choke, Cena gets out and hits his shoulderblock for two. Booker nailed Cena in the back with high knee that knocks Cena out of the ring. Booker follows him out, smashes Cena against the ring railing, then throws him back into the ring. Booker then goes to the top rope hits his missile dropkick for two and a half. Booker hits a spinning heel kick for two and then goes back to the rear naked choke. Cena comes back but runs into another heel kick from Booker for two. Booker goes back to choke and another two. Cena comes back but runs into a spinebuster this time for another two count. Tell me Cena isn’t going to win. Booker with another surfboard-like hold that Cena battles out of. Cena with, you guessed it, another shoulderblock that gets two. Booker goes for the Bookend but Cena bails out and hits a bulldog. Cena with the Five Knuckle Shuffle that gets two. Cena pumps up the sneaks and goes for the F-U. Booker gets out of it and hits a knee to Cena’s forehead. Booker with a backslide and feet on the ropes gets the three count. **1/2
Back from commercials with a replay of the ending in the John Cena and Booker T match. Cole and Tazz announce that match number three will be in Australia and that they will replay footage of that match next week.
Josh Matthews is in the ring with Paul Heyman. Heyman explains that he bought himself a guard dog and introduces John Heidenreich. Heyman says that no one will push him around with Heidenreich around. Josh asks Heyman if big Heidenreich can live up to the hype, insert joke here. Heidenreich asks Josh if he looks like hype and then proceeds to do the beat down on Josh. Nice slingshot back breaker followed by a cobra clutch that leaves Josh laying. Heyman says, “That’s not hype, that’s Hypenreich.”
Up next, Rey Mysterio goes against Kurt Angle, as we take another break.
Back with a Big Show video as he’s set to return.
(4) Kurt Angle defeated Rey Mysterio.
Angle comes out followed by Mysterio, “here we go.” Rey throws his shirt out to his good friend, Jorge Paez, who’s with us tonight in the front row, ugh. Angle starts with his mat wrestling offense. Angle gets a two count with a side headlock. Mysterio comes back with an armdrag and then does the Olympic Twirl. Angle goes back to the mat with a front facelock. Mysterio comes back with a drop toe hold and side headlock. Angle counters with a back suplex and some uppercuts in the corner. Mysterio hits the headscissors that takes Angle to the outside as we go to a commercial break.
We’re back with Angle regaining control with Mysterio on the mat. Angle goes for some pin attempts that get, you guessed it, two. Angle with a body slam for a series of two counts. Release German suplex by Angle followed by a bear hug. Rey breaks out with a headbutt, but, then runs into another release German that gets two. Angle Slam gets reversed by an armdrag. Drop toe hold by Mysterio followed by an RVD Split Legged Moonsault. Standing dropkick for Rey gets two. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors followed by another drop toe hold lands Angle on the ropes. Rey goes for the 619 but Angle avoids it. Back and forth leads to Rey hitting the 619 this time. He goes for the West Coast Pop that Angle turns into a powerbomb pin attempt that gets only two. Straps come down as Angle goes for the Angle Slam that again gets reversed by Mysterio into a reverse DDT, which gets a two count only. Mysterio tries to reverse another powerbomb but Angle rolls up Rey and plants the knees on the shoulders for the three. ***1/4
Back from commercial break with this week’s Smackdown Throwback. November 11th, 1999, Arnold S. (I don’t feel like looking up the spelling of his last name) is presented with the title belt from Vince McMahon and lays out Triple H.
Raw Rebound of Triple H, Randy Orton, and the Wedding From Hell.
Cole and Tazz talk about GM Long’s decisions tonight and about the $1,000,000 Tough Enough.
Backstage JBL is talking to himself as he then goes into the dressing room to talk to Orlando Jordan and how unfair GM Long’s decision is to have Jordan defend the WWE Title on JBL’s behalf against the Undertaker. Jordan says he under a lot of pressure defending the title. JBL tries to pump up Jordan with pep talk but he keeps bringing up wrong ideas. Jordan asks JBL if he could wear the title to the ring. JBL gives Jordan the title but thinks, “I’m screwed.”
Back from break, Cole and Tazz pimp the two out three falls match for next week between Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero. They also replay the beat down from SummerSlam by the Undertaker on JBL explaining why JBL is unable to defend his WWE Title.
(5) The Undertaker defeated Orlando Jordan (w/John Bradshaw Layfield) by disqualification.
JBL is still wearing the his hat on top of his body brace, great stuff.
Undertaker comes out as only the Undertaker can as JBL cowers behind the ring post, hilarious. Taker starts the offense, of course, beating down Jordan. Jordan actually comes back with some offense but is stopped and laid out with the big boot followed by a two count. Undertaker goes Old School and then hits a Lariat for two. Jordan comes back and stomps the Undertaker to the outside. Jordan throws Taker back in and nails the foot to the ribs. Jordan drops the elbow and gets two. Body slam followed by a legdrop gets another two. Taker fires back with the soup bones but Jordan counters. Taker comes back with Snake Eyes and a big boot. JBL grabs Taker’s foot, Taker goes outside, Jordan nail Taker into the ring railing. Jordan throws Taker back in for a two count. Taker goes for the Tombstone but Jordan reverses it into Jeff Jarrett’s Stroke for two. Taker does the sit up and nails a shoulderblock, which I think was supposed to be the flying clothesline, but eh. Stinger Splash in the corner on Jordan followed by another. Taker nails JBL who was on the ring apron. Taker nails a chokeslam on Jordan and then signals for the end. Tombstone piledriver gets two before JBL pulls the referee out of the ring causing a disqualification. **
JBL reminds everyone that the title can’t change hands via a disqualification. As he shows the belt off, Taker comes up from behind and rips JBL’s neck brace off. Taker then slams JBL into the announce table and rips off the body brace. Taker stalks JBL into the ring and then lays him out with a chokeslam. Jordan and JBL lay motionless in the ring as the Taker’s theme hits. Taker grabs the belt and does the Taker pose in a purple haze as we end the show.
I don’t do quotes of the night but I found this one:
“The pinnacle of this icon garbage came in last night’s cage match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper. . . WCW had the gall to say this was the greatest cage match in history. . . You’ve got a 46 year old bald movie star wannabe, who looks like Uncle Creepy with a good build, taking on a guy with an artificial hip who hasn’t wrestled a full schedule in ten years. It’s a tribute, in my mind, to the massive egotism of both men and an indictment of WCW’s promotional policy that this match even took place, much less in the main event, when the card was probably the best WCW is capable of having. At the ten-minute mark, they were sucking wind so bad the first three rows passed out of oxygen depravation. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. . . I’m sick of guys claiming to be the icon especially when it usually comes from guys who just didn’t know when to quit. Roddy Piper was my idol when I was a teenager, but that was 20 years ago. Hulk Hogan during his best years was 50% media creation and that was long gone. This match was a slap in the face to every wrestler that takes pride in his profession. . . On a personal note to Hulk Hogan, you are a household word but so is garbage and it stinks when it gets old too.” – Jim Cornette, Monday Night Raw 10/27/97
Trivia Answer Time:
It’s time for the answer man to make his long-expected step forward. Throw out all your pencils, pens, crayons, felt-tip flair markers. . . time to grade your tests.
1. I’m getting too predictable. Maybe because the first question always ends up as b). No wonder it’s not so hard. But, yes, Dusty beat the “Handsome One” in Tampa. Seems like ages ago when I first watched the NWA June 8th 1985, the night Black Bart beat Ronnie Garvin for the National Heavyweight title – with help from Baby Doll’s loaded elbowpad. (Didn’t even have to look that one up.)
2. I must be on an NWA kick this week. If you remember in May 1997, Mankind assaulted Jim Ross at the end of his three-part interview. The correct match is c). Way before Nikita turned good after Magnum TA’s auto accident, Nikita received cheers all around the country after giving the pandering, loud-mouthed announcer David Crockett the Russian sickle, the most devastating clothesline this side of Stan Hansen.
3. “You’ve got to be joking.” Kevin Nash’s first title was the WWF Intercontinental belt, won in April, 1994, which pre-dates the Tag belts by a few months. Shame if you missed this question. I may punish you with a picture of Nash “rehabbing.”
4. This is hard, I know. But, in these days of internet capabilities, you should have the answer figured out in a few moments. . . I can wait.
Okay, long enough. When Embry won the match, World Class switched to the USWA. But if he lost? General Scandor Akbar and Tojo Yamamoto’s Yamasaki Corporation was to absorb all remaining stock and control of the former Von Erich stronghold. Maybe if they had won power Akbar could have had the company spell his name one way or the other. You thought the NWA was bad with Mike Rotundo/Rotunda – WCCW was worse with names. It was almost like if you weren’t a Von Erich, your name had to be spelled 100 different ways. I mean, how hard is it to spell David, Mike, Kevin or Kerry?
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