SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 10 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT
AUGUST 4, 2014
UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
[Hour One]
-A video package aired on last week’s angles with Roman Reigns, Randy Orton, Triple H, and Kane including Reigns getting RKO’s through a table by Orton.
-Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, Randy Orton, Kane, and Seth Rollins walked to the ring as Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL introduced the show. Cole said in two weeks at Summerslam, live on WWE Network, Orton vs. Reigns will take place. They went to the announcers on camera to react to that news. Cole said Steph will sign a contact to face Brie Bella later on the show.
Triple H said they are just two weeks away from the biggest PPV of the summer, “and you can see it all live on the WWE Network for just nine-ninety-nine.” He said he’s not the type of guy to pat himself on the back, but he’s going to do just that. He said this could be the biggest Summerslam card in history.
(WK Reax: Are they allowed to say “card” in WWE? It’s so ‘rasslin and 1970s sounding, right?)
Triple H plugged Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt, then plugged the WWE Network again with the same price-pitch. He then plugged Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose, which Hunter again said you watch on WWE Network for just nine-nintey-nine. He said Rollins gave him a spectacular idea earlier. He said tonight there will be a Beat the Clock challenge, with both Seth and Ambrose trying to beat his opponent sooner than the other does, and the winner will get to name the stipulation for their Summerslam match. Hunter said Ambrose will have to face Alberto Del Rio, and to prove they’re not taking it easy on Rollins, he’ll have to face Rob Van Dam.
(WK Reax: It would have been way more heelish to assign Zack Ryder as Seth’s opponent.)
Steph bragged about wearing boots in Texas. Then she plugged her contract signing for her match against Brie. Triple H plugged WWE Network again.
(WK Reax: Hunter is being over-the-top on purpose for laughs, but this does spotlight an issue with the fact that if Hunter and Steph are effective heels, that means fans wouldn’t want to make them more money by supporting their pet project.)
Steph then said if Brie gets out of line tonight, she will slap her so hard, she’ll end up in a hospital bed right next to her husband, Daniel Bryan. A loud “Yes! Yes!” chant broke out. Hunter shifted to pushing “what could be the biggest fight of the summer,” John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the “championship,” as Hunter briefly called it. He noted that you watch every minute of that match on WWE Network for just “nine-ninety-nine.” (In the U.S. only, of course.)
Orton guaranteed that he’d continue to methodically decimate Reigns at Summerslam, making last week look like just a taste of what he can dish out. He was interrupted by Reigns’s music. Reigns walked through the crowd. A woman dove at Reigns and hugged him while screaming like she was at a Beatles concert in the ‘60s. The camera cut away quickly. Reigns held his position and said he took everything Orton had last week and he’s still standing right here.
(WK Reax: He stressed “here” as if that was an important part of the statement, which made it sound rehearsed or scripted. That’s part of the subtle amateurish stuff he has to clean up. Talking naturally and not like he’s doing a demo tape to try to get a job as a pro wrestler is a factor for him getting accepted.)
Hunter then announced Kane vs. Reigns in a last man standing match next. [c]
(1) ROMAN REIGNS vs. KANE – Last Man Standing Match
Lawler said, “I think nine-ninety-nine should be trending.” Cole said they have big news regarding WWE Network later regarding international access. JBL said #999 should trend. WWE is trying hard here. Lawler said he just got handed a note from Triple H that says “for only $9.99” and he trailed off. A few minutes in Kane began using a kendo stick. JBL said winning by keeping your opponent down for a ten count is like “owning him.” Reigns had a red splotch on his forehead after Kane threw the ringside steps into his head. The announcers didn’t mention it, and then Cole threw to a break. [c]
Cole noted fans could have watched the action during the break on the WWE App. Reigns reversed Kane into a chair wedged in the corner. Reigns continued to dominate the segment of the match after the commercial break, whipping Kane into the ringside steps stacked on the entry ramp. Kane rose at the seven count. Back in the ring Reigns landed a Samoan drop. Kane breathed heavily as he got up. Reigns dove at Kane with a Superman punch, but Kane caught him mid-air and slammed him through a table. Kane would’ve won if it was a Table match. Reigns stood just at the nine count.
Kane attacked Reigns immediately again and went for the chair that was wedged in the corner. Kane bent over to call a spot and then tried to slam Reigns on the chair, but Reigns countered with a DDT. Reigns then hit a Superman punch. Kane came back with a chokeslam attempt, but Reigns escaped and speared Kane. He counted Kane down for the full ten count. Kane was reaching for the top rope but couldn’t reach and fell back right at the ten count.
WINNER: Reigns at 15:17.
-Cole hyped the Beat the Clock Challenge. He then said a video package preview of the Cena vs. Lesnar match was up next. They showed a snippet of Lesnar talking (answering my challenge of who would talk on WWE TV first – Lesnar or Jack Swagger). [c]
-The announcers plugged “Lights Go Out” by Fozzy as the official theme song for Summerslam.
-Cole, on camera, threw to the Cena-Lesnar preview video. Lesnar said he’s “an ass-kicking son of a bitch” who “doesn’t respect anybody” and he “doesn’t care who he pisses off during his entire day.” He said he came back to be WWE Champion again. He said as long as he gets his hands on his opponent and makes them feel pain, that’s what makes him happy. “I enjoy hurting people,” he said. That’s how you understand him. He said he has conquered everything put in front of him. He said he’s coming off of the biggest win of his WWE career, having defeated The Undertaker. He said he knew he was going to beat the Undertaker, and everybody knew it, but nobody wants to believe it, because “for God’s sake, why wouldn’t Brock Lesnar be able to beat the Undertaker? Because he’s some mythical God. Why wouldn’t Brock Lesnar be able to beat the Undertaker? Why couldn’t Brock Lesnar beat John Cena at Summerslam?”
The video shifted to Cena next. Cena said he has had many successes because he only looks forward to his next challenge, not behind at his accomplishments. He talked about Lesnar’s mean streak. He said he knows what he’s in store for because he’s been in the ring with him before. Lesnar said he’s going to rip Cena from limb to limb and “it’s going to be ugly.” Cena said, “I want to be the one who beat The One.”
Lesnar said he left WWE and made a name for himself, “but if I would have stayed here, there would be no such thing as John Cena.” He said if he had stayed in WWE, Cena would be eating Fruity Pebbles instead of getting paid to eat them.” Cena said Lesnar left at the right time because had he not left, there would have been no Brock Lesnar. He said he left, he found something he was extremely successful at, where he had one fight every so often, and now he comes back for one fight every so often. He called him a mercenary and a hired gun. He said he is passionate about WWE and loves it and is dedicated to it and it is his life. He said, “Twelve years, every show, all the time.”
Lesnar said he’s going to rip Cena apart at Summerslam and then stand over him holding up the WWE World Heavyweight Championship with pride. “I’m going to leave him in a pile of blood and urine and vomit.”
(WK Reax: Stellar video that makes you feel like you have to see that fight. So much was tremendous about the way it was produced, but Cena and Lesnar were especially each great in projecting their point of view going into the match. The line contrasting that Lesnar is good at a fight once in a while while Cena is an every night guy is a great marketing contrast between them, and a bit of a dig at UFC in general – which is fine, because WWE should give their fans a reason to have pride in pro wrestling versus mixed martial arts in the fantasy land where they might be compared, and when you’re watching pro wrestling, you should want to “believe” at least for that time you are immersed in the drama of the product before you. The line about “urine” and “vomit” at the end works because nobody in WWE says stuff like that very often, so when someone does, it stands out.)
-Lawler pitched the original WWE Network programming such as Legends House and Total Divas. JBL stressed again if you sign up you get every PPV this year and every PPV ever made.
(WK Reax: It continues to be suspicious language, especially now that a six month commitment takes you into February, past the Royal Rumble.)
-”Boomer Sooner” music played, the music used for Jim Ross, but in this case meant to just get the Texas fans worked up. Damien Sandow walked out wearing a Oklahoma Sooners helmet and t-shirt. He said the Sooners have dominated the Texas Longhorns. Then Justin Roberts introduced Mark Henry, a former Texas Longhorn. The crowd popped as he walked to the ring.
(2) MARK HENRY vs. DAMIEN SANDOW
Henry won quickly and easily with a running powerslam.
WINNER: Henry at 0:48.
-Backstage Adam Rose looked into a special mirror and it showed him dressed in a suit carrying a briefcase. He said that was him as a lemon and he acted petrified and ran away. [c]
-A plug aired for next week’s Raw honoring Hulk Hogan on his birthday. They showed Hogan’s latest ring entrance and said there would be special surprise guests. Let’s hope one of them is Bubba the Love Sponge.
[Hour Two]
(3) DEAN AMBROSE vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO – Beat the Clock Challenge
The hype for this concept should also be that if both guys lose, the guy who lasted the longest advances. JBL said it’s jumping the gun to assume Ambrose will win. Lawler then said he hoped the match lasts 10:39 because that would be nine minutes and ninety-nine seconds. Groan. Around 7:00 they cut to a break. [c]
Back from the break, Del Rio had Ambrose in an armlock. Del Rio DDT’d Ambrose as Ambrose attempted to escape. I’m not crazy about the DDT being used as a transition move in any context. Ambrose took a long beatdown on his arm, then finished Del Rio out of nowhere with his Dirty Deeds finisher. Ambrose bled from the bridge of his nose. They didn’t shy away from showing it as Ambrose celebrated his win.
WINNER: Ambrose at 15:42.
(WK Reax: Good enough TV match, but I’m surprised it was the top segment in the second hour.)
-Cole hyped the Stephanie-Brie contract signing, and threw to a highlight package of their feud.
-Lana and Rusev came out. Cole said Rusev was in action next. He didn’t name the opponent, though. [c]
(3) RUSEV (w/Lana) vs. SIN CARA
By the time they were back from the break, Rusev had already beat Sin Cara. They showed highlights of what happened, which was seen exclusively on the WWE App. Cole said it had been downloaded 9.95 million times.
WINNER: Rusev.
-Lana gloated about a Tweeted photo by Dmitri Rogozin, the deputy prime minister of Russia, of Vladimir Putin with a tiger and President Obama with a white puppy poodle. She laughed and said it is President Obama’s birthday today, so she will sing Happy Birthday to him in Russian. She so. Cole asked, “How disrespectful was that?” It was actually kind of sweet of her.
Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger had enough and walked out onto the stage to their music. Zeb entered the ring and told her to please shut up. He said he’s tired of that shrill voice of hers. He said no wonder so many Russian men drink vodka – to drown out the sound of that voice in their heads. He said he’s also sick of hearing her say Vladimir Putin’s name and Mother Russia and Rusev Crush. He said Jack Swagger will fight for the 50 stars and the 13 bars at Summerslam.
He said Rusev won’t just be fighting Swagger, but every American in the world. He said he had a visual aid for her. He showed a picture of “Nick,” a carpenter who works hard supporting his wife and two kids. He showed “Megan,” who works sometimes 60 hours a week giving medical care to those who need it. And then a picture of U.S. troops “who choose to put their lives on the line defending this country against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” A loud “USA!” chant broke out.
He said the last thing they will see at Summerslam is “old glory waving in the breeze” and the only thing getting crushed is Lana’s ego. He, of course, called Lana “Natasha.” He closed leading the crowd in “We the People!” Swagger stared down Rusev as the “USA!” chants grew louder. Rusev jabbed Swagger with the Russian flag pole, taking him down, and then jabbed him several more times. He then clotheslined Swagger over the top rope with the flag pole. Lana and Rusev then moved toward Zeb in the corner, still holding the U.S. flag. Lana told Rusev to back off. She mockingly said, “We the People” at Zeb, who looked both worried and ready to defend himself if needed.
(WK Reax: Zeb and Lana continue to be really strong in their roles in these segments. It’s a blast to watch them go back and forth. Swagger isn’t asked to do much, but he’s good standing next to Zeb looking serious and intimidating without overshadowing Zeb or distracting from him.)
[Hour Three]
-Cole hyped Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper. [c]
-A WWE Network ad aired with clips of Hogan, Steve Austin, Reigns, Rollins, and Cena pitching it in the past.
-Cole announced that a week from tomorrow they are launching the WWE Network globally in over 170 countries. JBL said it will also be made available in the U.K. on Oct. 1.
(4) DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. CESARO
Cesaro opened with a running boot to the face for a super-early near fall. Miz joined the announcers on commentary. He talked about how in demand he is, and how Summerslam is in his new hometown, Hollywood. He said a lot of friends from his town are headed to Summerslam. Cesaro showed off with a one-armed suplex attempt, and Ziggler countered into the Zig Zag for the win. Miz was happy, saying he wanted a perfect Ziggler at Summerslam.
WINNER: Ziggler at 2:09.
(WK Reax: This seems like a frustrating setback for Cesaro’s push once again. He deserves better than taking Wade Barrett’s pre-Bad News role as basically a mid-card TV jobber.)
-After the match Miz walked into the ring with the IC Title over his blue sports jacket complimented by white pants, no socks, and loafers. Oh, and of course sunglasses indoors. He held up the IC title. Ziggler went for a surprise kick, but Miz dropped down to avoid it. Ziggler smiled and left. Cole said Ziggler was playing mind games. JBL said it’s not fair to go after his money-maker.
-They went back to the announcers who plugged a few things and then threw to a clip from Smackdown of Paige attacking A.J. Lee.
-Tom Phillips interviewed Paige, who called A.J. her best friend and wished her a speedy recovery. She said she admires A.J. and it’s a dream to face her idol for the Divas Title at Summerslam. She wished her well and said she misses her so much. “Bye, Tom,” she said. Then she skipped away.
(WK Reax: Paige is good in this role.)
-A commercial aired for the Paul Heyman DVD with a wide array of clips from his entire career. “I fight a lot of battles it makes no sense for me to fight,” he said. Steph said, “It makes no sense to do business with someone you cannot trust.”
(5) RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL vs. GOLDUST & STARDUST
JBL said, after pre-match strangeness from Goldust and Stardust, “This has to be Dusty’s fault.” The screen crawler noted that Sting was added to the Summerslam Confidential Panels. It also plugged Lesnar vs. Cena from Extreme Rules would air after Raw on WWE Network. Cody finished Axel with a swinging facebuster, which is now called “Dark Matter.”
WINNERS: Stardust & Goldust at 2:48.
-The camera happened to be filming Hunter and Steph going over some paperwork just as Kane barged in. What great timing to be filming them. Kane took off his mask with the attached hair and handed it to Steph. She held it up and looked like she was holding a dead rat. No explanation offered for what that meant.
-As Lawler plugged Jericho vs. Harper, JBL broke in and said they should be talking about Kane taking off his mask means. [c]
-Jericho beating Rowan last week on Smackdown was the sponsored Slam of the Week.
(6) CHRIS JERICHO vs. LUKE HARPER (w/Erick Rowan)
When Jericho applied the Walls of Jericho at about 4:30, the lights went out just as it appeared Harper was going to tapout. The Bray Wyatt sounder played. He appeared at ringside, laughing maniacally. Jericho called him into the ring. He turned just in time to give a charging Rowan a Code Breaker. Then Harper hit Jericho from behind, but Jericho gave him a Code Breaker. Bray then attacked Jericho, so the ref DQ’d Harper. Bray gave Jericho his Sister Abigail finisher.
WINNER: Jericho at 5:15 via DQ. [c]
-Cole plugged the return of A.J. Lee on Main Event on WWE Network on Tuesday night.
(7) FANDANGO (w/Hornswoggle) vs. DIEGO (w/El Torito, Layla, Summer Rae)
The Diego group was dressed in Wild West/Texas themed outfits. Hornswoggle came out dancing in a glittery outfit just like Fandango. The announcers couldn’t believe what they were seeing. This didn’t last long, with Diego winning thanks to Fandango bumping into Hornswoggle who was standing on the ring apron dancing.
WINNER: Diego at 0:42.
-Afterward Fandango was upset with Hornswoggle and he threw him out of the ring. That partnership didn’t last long. Diego came to Hornswoggle’s aid, whipping Fandango into El Torito who tackled Fandango. Lawler said, “Fandango got the short end of this deal.”
-Rene Young interviewed Orton, who threw to a video package of the beating he gave Reigns last week. He said Kane comes nowhere near him in terms of viciousness and intensity, so Reigns beating him doesn’t mean anything. He said at Summerslam he’ll prove to the world he can strike anytime, anywhere.
(WK Reax: That came across as a further write-off of Kane as an enforcer for The Authority. I expect he’ll disappear for a while now.)
-Bo Dallas made his ring entrance. [c]
(9) BO DALLAS vs. R-TRUTH
A clip aired of Truth’s win over Bo last week on Raw. Bo got his win back in a short, but fast-paced match, ending when Truth missed his scissors kick and then Bo rolled up Truth and yanked on his pants for illegal extra leverage. Cole called it a cheap victory. After the match Truth attacked Bo during his victory lap. Bo countered by shoving Truth into the ringside steps and then Bo-dogging him onto the mat.
WINNER: Dallas in 1:00. [c]
-A new ad aired for WWE Network narrated by The Rock.
-The announcers plugged WWE Network again. JBL held up a sign that said “$9.99.” Lawler hyped Legends House and Total Divas.
-A pre taped Bray Wyatt promo aired. He said he is the nightmare at the end of Jericho’s dreams. He sang his song.
-The announcers then pushed that the Extreme Rules 2012’s Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena match will air right after Raw. Then they reared the stellar video package from earlier in the show.
-RVD’s ring entrance aired. [c]
-Rollins’s ring entrance aired. RVD stood ready to fight. Justin Roberts announced that per The Authority, Heath Slater would replace RVD in this match.
(10) SETH ROLLINS vs. HEATH SLATER – Beat the Clock Challenge.
Early in the match Dean Ambrose came to ringside and distracted Rollins by examining the Money in the Bank briefcase. He even opened the case and pulled out a contract and began tearing it up. That really upset Rollins. Ambrose’s facial expressions here were hilarious. Ambrose took a fans’ drink and began sipping from it. Then he took the lid off and poured the cola drink in the briefcase. JBL said it was like filming a crime scene. Ambrose, fortunately, dominated the match even with the distractions. Slater didn’t put up much of a fight. Ambrose added popcorn to the briefcase. Then Ambrose took JBL’s hat and paraded around ringside in it. He put the hat in the briefcase and crushed it inside. JBL said to call the police. Ambrose stood on the table and held the case up. It began leaking cola. Slater rolled up Rollins and pinned him in a big upset. Rollins threw a fit at ringside.
WINNER: Slater at 4:49.
(WK Reax: That was a more creative and fun way to end the Beat the Clock Challenge than a straight-up RVD vs. Rollins match. It also made a ton of sense for The Authority to use their power to try to give Rollins an easy ride, only to have it backfire because Rollins took Slater lightly.)
-Lawler plugged the Brie-Steph contract signing by noting that contract signings never go smoothly.
-An ad aired again for Hulk Hogan’s birthday celebration. [c]
[Overrun]
-The announcers hyped that Ambrose would reveal his Summerslam stip on Smackdown this Friday. Then Lawler and JBL plugged the Lesnar-Cena match again. A video package aired on that match with a heavy plug for WWE Network.
-Stephanie McMahon strutted to the ring with Triple H. Then Brie Bella came out with her sister Nikki. Hunter said normally when an icon steps out of retirement, it is his job as COO to oversee events, but because the icon is his wife and mother of his children, he must recuse himself. He asked Cole to step in to officiate the contract signing. Hunter and Steph kissed. Brie asked them to get to it before they all start throwing up. Steph said Brie should understand what having a supportive husband is all about. She asked if her puny husband is recovering still, with a proper smarmy stress on “still.”
Brie asked if Steph had recovered yet from “this.” A clip then aired of Steph being arrested two weeks ago. Steph did not like that. Brie took an odd shot at Steph and her cellmate “big Beulah.” Brie said not only will she beat her, she will embarrass her. She said she will show Steph is a fraud and an embarrassment to the whole McMahon family. She said her win will be dedicated to her sister, her husband, Vickie Guerrero, Big Show, the Rhodes Family, and for every other person on the roster she has tortured week after week for their own amusement. A loud “C.M. Punk!” chant broke out. Brie said one thing about karma is that it always comes around, and hers is about to come crashing down on her in ways she can’t imagine. She signed the contract and shoved it to her to sign it, calling her a petty stuck up conniving piece of trash.
Steph’s turn. She mockingly said she was so rattled by everything Brie said, she’s not sure what to do. Steph condescendingly said those families would all love to be represented by her. She said she is a fourth generation McMahon, whereas Brie is nothing. She said she is nothing more than a wanna-be reality star who abandoned her injured husband and stole the spotlight from her sister, just to make a name off of her at Summerslam. Steph said if Brie looks in the mirror, she’ll see a shell of a woman. She called her a piece of trash. She said she’s embarrassed to be standing in the ring opposite of her. She said she’ll put an end to her pathetic attempt to make history. She signed the contract and then vowed to tear her heart out.
Steph swung the contract folder into Nikki’s head. When Brie wanted to retaliate, Hunter shoved the desk into the corner, wedging Brie. When Brie broke free by shoving desk into Hunter, Steph attacked her and gave her a Pedigree, too. Steph then gave Nikki a Pedigree. Steph kissed Hunter with, well, authority, and then stood over the fallen bodies of Nikki and Brie.
(WK Reax: I think they had it right two weeks ago and most of the way last week when Steph was scared to death of having to come out of retirement and face Brie. It’s like they had a random and sudden change of booker mid-segment last week, with the new person deciding Steph was mean and vicious and anxious and ready and eager to fight Brie. I think more people would have paid to see Brie beat a scared Steph who wanted no part of the match than the arrogant heelish Steph.)
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: McGuire’s Mondays: Overthink Mondays – WWE SummerSlam edition
CHECK OUT LAST NIGHT’S WADE KELLER POST-SHOW AFTER WWE RAW ON YOUTUBE: CLICK HERE
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.