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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JULY 13, 2024
CALGARY, ALBERTA, CANADA
AIRED ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness
– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes! Coming fresh off the heels of one of the best episodes of AEW Dynamite in recent memory, I have high hopes for tonight’s episode of AEW Collision. Here’s hoping they can keep the momentum going!
Side Note: Given the recent, tragic, and still-unfolding news happening in the real world tonight, I’m not in a “humorous mood,” so this column might not have that many “jokes” or “lukewarm takes,” but if I ever needed a night to escape the real world for two hours, tonight is one of those nights.
TAKESHITA VS. TOMMY “THE DYNAMITE KID” BILLINGTON — MINOR-HIT
This was a solid match (albeit one that saw a signed talent spend over 10 minutes fending off an unsigned talent), but outside of an early “Tommy” chant, it didn’t seem to connect with the live audience. Still, it didn’t “not” connect with the live audience, but up until Tommy Billington performed a jaw-dropping tombstone piledriver on Takeshita, there wasn’t a single “pop” in the match.
That said, Billington is clearly talented in the ring, and if he were given more opportunities to connect with AEW’s audience via promos, hype videos, and the articulation of a well-told backstory, I could see him having a bright future with the company. Then again, I once saw Takeshita having a bright future with the company, and while AEW hasn’t exactly chosen to “fade to black” on Takeshita’s future, they haven’t exactly chosen to turn on the light either.
DON CALLIS’S POST-MATCH PROMO & BEAT DOWN OF BILLINGTON — HIT
Don Callis’s forehead is looking very Gorbachev tonight.
During this segment, Callis looked to add a new member to his bloc, and Billington was looking to add a new pair of lips to his ass. This impasse led to Kyle Fletcher running to the ring in a shirt in the style of things Billy Gunn wore in 1999, and Fletcher and Takeshita proceeded to execute a stomp-oriented beatdown of Billington. Because of this, FTR ran to the ring in shirts in the style of things 2024 thinks were worn in 1989, and together, they saved Billington from getting stuck in Don Callis’ snarrative purgatory in the year of forever.
VIDEO RECAP OF THE ENDING OF AEW DYNAMITE — MEGA-HIT
This was one of the best-executed heel turns in AEW’s short history. The emotions I felt watching this reminded me of the emotions I felt seeing Christian con-chairto Edge in 2001, and that is a good thing. I can’t believe that at one point in my life, I actually felt sorry for Mariah May and how Toni Storm had treated her. And don’t get me started on how Mariah May callously Serpentico-ed Luther off the top of the ramp and through a table. Poor, poor Luther. He did nothing to deserve this other than everything he did to Serpentico, but then again, that happened on Dark Elevation, which was basically in-house fanfic, and nobody reads fanfic anymore.
Anyway, good on AEW for emphasizing this segment and making sure it remains at the forefront of their viewer’s minds. This moment should be treated as a monumental moment in the history of AEW’s Women’s Division because every story ever told is only as powerful as its storyteller portends it to be.
THE GUNN CLUB & JUICE ROBINSON VS. ALREADY IN THE RING — MISS
The Gunn Club entered in a way that made it clear they have no idea how wearing title belts works, and their opponents (Richard Clark, Shaun Moore, Michael Allen, and London Lightning) entered in a way that made it clear AEW has no idea how foreshadowing works.
As foreshadowed, team “Already In The Ring” lost in under three minutes.
THE GUNN CLUB & JUICE ROBINSON CUT A PROMO — MINOR-MISS
The Gunn Club announced that because Jay White was injured, Juice Robinson would inherit his championship belt because they have no idea how winning title belts works either.
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS TRIES TO EXPLAIN HOW THINGS WORK — HIT
Using logical logic, Christopher Daniels explained that titles are not bequeathed (despite that one-time Shane McMahon randomly handed the European Title to Mideon and everyone went with it.) Daniels also announced that he would be stripping the Gunn Club of the Trios titles.
CHRISTIAN CAGE INTERRUPTS DANIELS TO CUT A PROMO ATOP THE STAGE — HIT
Looking like a college professor who’s so cool he sits in seats backward, Christian Cage demanded that he be allowed to hold the Trios Titles alongside his slimy-looking, lizard-like lackey and Kill Switch.
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS PROPOSES A MATCH — MINOR-HIT
This led to Christopher Daniels proposing a match between the not-champions and The Patriarchy (also not champions) to determine the new champions.
CHRISTIAN CAGE IS A C—TEASE — MEGA-HIT
After asking the crowd if they would like to see that match take place right there in Calgary, Christian told them that he had no intentions of granting their wish because of course he didn’t; he is literally dressed like he runs an antique store owned by the devil.
Side Note: Mother Wayne is very, very good at playing her role in the Patriarchy, which is even more impressive when you remember she was unexpectedly thrown into it less than seven months ago.
A VIDEO RECAP OF JACK PERRY VICTIMIZING MARKO STUNT — HIT
Last week, Marko Stunt returned for one night only, and I’m still astonished that AEW never saw how valuable Stunt could be to their roster. Stunt manages to “Darby Allin” himself better than Darby Allin, and he is the ultimate “dreamer-turned-underdog” style character just waiting to have his goals thwarted time and again by AEW’s most monstrous of dream-crushers.
Just because someone will never hold a major championship doesn’t mean they don’t have a ton to offer a wrestling promotion. Marko Stunt is incapable of looking unsympathetic in a ring with a wrestler-sized wrestler. In fact, the most heat Lance Archer ever got out of me was when he sent Marko Stunt’s (surprisingly still-alive) body hurling over the ring ropes, across the barrier, and into the front row. It felt so unfair, so cruel, and it left me wanting to see Archer’s character take a beating from another wrestler-sized wrestler at Double or Nothing.
Bring back Marko Stunt, keep him away from baby dinosaur masks, and use him properly. Tell us why he wants to be a professional wrestler, give him a few minor wins, and then allow bullies like Jack Perry to rip his heart out on live TV.
Also, the recap video was good.
HOUSE OF BLACK CUTS A PROMO — IN-THE-MIDDLE
This was neither good nor bad. It was just short.
JEFF JARRET AND MARTHA HART SPEAK ABOUT THE OWEN HART CUP — MEGA-HIT
Continuing his exploration of not-sucking, Jeff Jarret talked about the Owen Hart tournament, and Martha Hart (who has a hat for literally every occasion) was joined by her son, who talked about his relationship with his late father.
RODRICK STRONG VS. DALTON CASTLE — HIT
Dalton Castle (I’m still trying to figure out if he’s gay or just does enough cocaine that he thinks Grindr is an app-based kitchen utensil) lost to Rodrick Strong in a thoroughly enjoyable match for a shot at the ROH World Heavyweight Championship. This bout was a lot of fun to watch, and Strong vs. Briscoe will be a good match to headline ROH’s upcoming Death Before Dishonor PPV, taking place on July 26, 2024.
MARK BRISCOE CUTS A RAMBLE — MISS
Mark Briscoe is a great wrestler, but when it comes to promos, he always sounds like he’s trying to pick a fight with a barstool he thinks has become sentient. Also, there was a random bird flying around in the background that I assume escaped from his head.
At one point during this promo, Mark Briscoe actually said the words, “Do you understand what I’m saying?” That feels too much like a setup, so I’m going to walk away from the temptation.
STOKELY HATHAWAY CUTS A PROMO — HIT
Stokely Hathaway cut a stellar promo, and all Kris Statlander had to do was stand there and look intimidating.
KRIS STATLANDER CUTS A MIME SHOW — MISS
Stokely Hathaway cut a stellar promo, and all Kris Statlander had to do was stand there and look intimidating, but for some reason, she spent the entire segment translating it into interpretive dance.
KRIS STATLANDER SPEAKS — HIT
Statlander grabbed the mic from Hathaway and said, “This is never going to end for you,” and she delivered her line with a level of seriousness that was not foreshadowed by anything she did before it.
Literally, all she had to do was stand there, let Stokely talk, and then deliver this line. Statlander is so good in the ring; she is genuinely one of my favorite in-ring wrestlers, and Hathaway is delivering for her on the mic in ways I never thought he would. Statlander should play to her strengths, and by “play to her strengths,” I mean she should be portraying a stoic female Lesnar and not a female charades champion.
NYLA ROSE VS. ALREADY IN THE RING – HIT
For the purposes of this match, the character of Already In The Ring was portrayed by Ava Lawless, and she played her role perfectly. This is how Nyla Rose should be portrayed all of the time. Normally, I prefer beans and greens to squash, but this time, I enjoyed what I was served.
RECAP VIDEO OF ADAM PAGE VS. BRYAN DANIELSON — MEGA-HIT
AEW’s video production team keeps on winning.
TOP FLIGHT VS. SHANE TAYLOR PROMOTIONS — HIT
This was a good match and what I expected from these two teams. It wasn’t a showstopper, but not every match should be, and both teams (and especially Shane Taylor) did an excellent job telling the post-match story they were supposed to tell. If AEW truly believes in this rivalry, I hope they will show that by giving it more air time and higher stakes.
DEONNA PURRAZZO & THUNDER ROSA CUTS A PROMO — HIT
Deonna Purrazzo and Thunder Rosa were doing a great job tearing into each other (Rosa was doing an especially good job) right up until….
CUTTING TO A COMMERCIAL IN THE MIDDLE OF DEONNA PURRAZZO & THUNDER ROSA’S PROMO — MISS
What?
No.
Less of this.
Actually, none of this.
Never this.
NYLA ROSE CUTS A PROMO WITH LEXI NAIR — MEGA-HIT
I have never seen Nyla Rose portray an unabashed face, and she should continue playing this character forever. I literally watched this promo twice because it was that entertaining. This promo was better than most of the MATCHES on this show. Please, go find it and watch it!
Here are the opening lines of this promo:
Lexi Nair: “Is there anything you’d like to say?”
Nyla Rose: “I looked great!” (Runs away.) “Oh, wait, actually…” (Returns to the mic.)
Other great moments contained within this promo include:
- “Y’all like wrestling? Let’s talk about it.”
- “I ain’t calling it ‘X.’”
- “Beyonce’s Internet!”
- “C.E.O! See, I love that dance! Right?”
- “Last time I checked, I ain’t no dentist, but I do be knocking people’s teeth out!”
- “I ain’t never driven a Mercedes, but on Dynamite 250, I’m damn sure gonna wreck one.” (Pretends to drive off in an invisible car.)
SKYE BLUE VS. HARLEY CAMERON — HIT
This was way better than I thought it would be. In fact, I was very prepared for this to be awful in the full amount of God. However, I found nothing upsetting about this match at all.
Harley Cameron is a fast learner, and she will have a bright future if AEW chooses to use her correctly. My one note for her is that she should be less apprehensive when striking her opponents. If you look closely, you can sometimes see that she is still nervous about making contact, and in some instances, she appears to pull her strikes more than is absolutely necessary. All that said, good job to both competitors. This match was an enjoyable watch!
Side Note: Wasn’t Skye Blue supposed to be infected by an evil magic mist? They spent ages on that. What happened? I was invested. Did she use a Tide pen? Botox her eyeballs? Capture the mist’s soul in a voodoo doll? You can’t just pretend that didn’t happen!
A RECAP VIDEO OF JERICHO DRIVING SAMOA JOE THROUGH PAPER — MISS
Hi guys!
Speaking of things we’d like to pretend didn’t happen… As much as I love Chris “The Learning Tree” Jericho’s new gimmick (and I very much want his new t-shirt), this footage should be parlayed into a segment in which Chris Jericho teaches AEW’s prop department how walls function.
SKYE BLUE CUTS A PROMO — HIT
This was one of Skye Blue’s best promos, and it appears to be the introduction of a new style of character. However, zero mist-related questions were answered in this promo, and I still have no idea how she removed its effects. (Was Febreze a part of it? Was there a new TikTok bleach challenge I missed? Is that why you’re wearing all white? Why are you still entering to your “evil” music?)
ORANGE CASSIDY & KYLE O’REILLY VS. MIKE BENNETT & MATT TAVEN — HIT
This was a well-executed match, and it was clear to me that the fans enjoyed it. This wasn’t as spectacular as many of Collision’s main events have been in the past, but maybe that’s a good thing because storytelling requires ebbs and flows.
For example, if someone were to shout all the time (*cough* Iron Savages *cough*), then their shouting would become meaningless. Likewise, if every match were to have five-star aspirations, it would make the extra-ordinariness of such efforts feel like ordinariness due to the lack of contrast.
POST-MATCH ANGLE WITH CASSIDY & BERETTA & O’REILLY — HIT
I feel like a lot of people are going to dislike this angle because they aren’t going to like seeing Orange Cassidy use a monkey wrench (a drastic and theoretically deadly weapon) to hit Trent Beretta in the head. However, I liked it, and I’ll tell you why.
For most of his career, Orange Cassidy has been seen as a comedy act. Sure, he can “Hulk up” if you break his sunglasses, and he is apparently fantastic at verbal debates with Chris Jericho, but the quickest way to make this feud with Beretta feel dark and personal was to see someone with Orange Cassidy’s traditional demeanor juxtaposed with a serious and potentially lethal attack on his former friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the people I’m assuming did not like this segment are incorrect in not liking it. Their opinions are valid, and they make good points. Storylines featuring potentially lethal weapons are a fraught place for professional wrestling writers to go, and they should be used sparingly, if at all. However, to my knowledge, and I may be wrong, I don’t think Cassidy has ever had his character taken down this route before. This is something new for him, and as a one-off moment, I can see it being an effective storytelling tool if it is handled with care and treated with the significance it deserves.
When all is said and done, how this segment turns out will depend on AEW and their ability to follow it up. Will this moment define Orange Cassidy forever, or will its memory disappear into the same wind as Skye Blue’s magical mist?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Tonight’s episode of AEW Collision was good, but it wasn’t great. It certainly wasn’t as good as this week’s episode of AEW Dynamite, nor was it as good as last week’s episode of Collision (which is a shame because despite being wonderful, few people saw it due to WWE’s Money In The Bank PPV airing on the same night.)
SHOW GRADE: B-
DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Match of the Night: Rodrick Strong vs. Dalton Castl
- Second Best Match: Orange Cassidy & Kyle O’Reilly vs. Mike Bennett & Matt Taven
- Third Best Match: Takeshita vs. Tommy “The Dynamite Kid” Billington
- Honorary “Moment” of the Night: Nyla Rose’s Kickass Promo!
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, Miro is alive.
(David Bryant’s new bathroom-selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor of the world’s first seamless toilet paper because why should you settle for something that has been torn up before it even arrives at your door? Less impressively, he studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)
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