SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Grab some Tim Horton’s, douse it in maple syrup, and pet a moose, because it’s time for the Canadian edition of Over and Unders. Let’s see what it’s all aboot. Side note, I really hope someone gets escorted out by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police tonight. I want to see some mounty security action, horses and all.
OVERRATED ON RAW – MITB GRAPHIC
What in the sweet baby Jesus is this MITB graphic supposed to be? Is it a riff on “Catch Me if You Can,” a retro video game, maybe a vintage ’90s cartoon I don’t remember? Whatever it is, I don’t like it, because I don’t understand it. And as we all know, anything we don’t understand we’re allowed to dislike. Right? Right?! Christopher Nolan and I are still in a fight about “Tenet” by the way.
UNDER-APPRECIATED ON RAW – KAISER TALKS THE TALK
Man oh man can Ludwig Kaiser talk. This guy is destined to be a mainstay on the mid-card for years to come, with some pinch hits in the main event scene when needed. I selfishly want to see him do something on screen with his real life girlfriend, Tiffany Stratton. Their shared arrogance would compliment each other on camera, as they, inevitably, compliment each other on camera. Kaiser is surpassing all of my expectations, the exact opposite of how I felt about Giovani Vinci, whose future I was lower on than Kaiser’s percentage of body fat. By the way, Ludwig, please put a shirt on, you’re making the rest of us look like the humans in “Wall-E,” which actually doesn’t sound that bad. I’d like a motorized chair with a TV mounted in it.
OVERRATED ON RAW – MISUSE OF FUNDS
I think the Wyatt Sicks need a CFO. They’re spending so much money on production value for their entrances, smoke machines, lighting, costumes etc., that all they can afford for their character-building videos is a VHS camcorder. I think an experienced Chief Financial Officer could help them properly distribute their funds to maximize every ounce of their air time. Right now it’s unbalanced and retro out of necessity. Yes I know it’s actually a stylish choice, but the only other logical explanation is that someone on the production team is the 6 in Wyatt Sicks. Jamie Noble? Billy Kidman? D-Von? D-Von! Get the light switch!
UNDER-APPRECIATED ON RAW – IVY NILE’S DOUBLE MOVES
Did anyone else catch Ivy Nile’s super inventive tandem punch + kick combo in the ring? It was wildly entertaining to see her take shots at two opponents at once. I hope she leans into this light gimmick in the ring and continues to be inventive with her offense. It’s more fun to watch than Carlito in the Judgment Day clubhouse, which inexplicably has locations in every arena in America.
OVERRATED ON RAW – KROSS OFF THIS PUSH
Dear WWE, can we please Kross off Karrion Kross on the list of wrestlers we need to push? Love, Kevin. It’s ironic that he keeps doing this whole schtick of “there’s more time” when it’s painfully too late for him to do anything of substance. His upside is lower than Ludwig Kaiser’s body fat, and that’s already at an unbeatable zero. I’m not jealous of Kaiser’s physique. I swear! What I’m saying here, in a long, A.D.D.-fueled way, is that Karrion needs to take a vacation, ride some Harleys, get some more tattoos, and come back refreshed and anew, maybe spell his name better, before I can care about anything he does. But I guess we’ll Kross that bridge if we ever Kome to it.
UNDER-APPRECIATED ON SMACKDOWN – MONTEZ FORD’S AMAZING LEAP
Montez Ford’s flip into the ring for his match with Pretty Deadly was a thing of absolute beauty. I was still adjusting to the shock of seeing Pretty Deadly was still employed, when what doth my eyes see? The single most perfect flip into the ring perhaps in WWE history. If you go back and watch it, take a look at Ford’s face after he lands if. He is overwhelmed with his own abilities and has a look of “Well, that just happened. You’re welcome.” Seriously, that was higher than Rob Van Dam at a Matt Riddle birthday bash.
OVERRATED ON SMACKDOWN – OUT OF FOCUS INTRO
Did anyone else notice during the D.I.Y. and A-Town Down Under in-ring intros that the camera guy was shooting completely out of focus? At first it seemed like a stylish choice, having the announcer in focus and the wrestlers slightly soft, but once introduced, we stayed focused on the announcer, and inexplicably had to watch blurry superstars amp us up. As if that weren’t bad enough, his framing kept cutting off half the heads of D.I.Y. Can someone please give this camera op a sobriety test? I’m going to go ahead and give myself a D.I.Y. pat on the back for being so observant, and because I have low self-esteem and need the self-induced ego boost. Sue me.
I’ll be back next week to discuss Andrade’s inevitable main event push post Money in the Bank! Kidding. There’s a greater chance of Mr. Kennedy making a WWE return than that happening.
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