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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JUNE 8, 2024
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA
AIRED LIVE ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness
– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of my AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes! Here’s hopin’ tonight’s show soars over the bar of expectations that I’ve set underground for it.
NEW OPENING VIDEO — HIT
This was nice. I really enjoyed the way AEW’s video team chose to pair close-up images of wrestlers alongside clips of those same aforementioned wrestlers wrestling in the ring.
CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI & WHEELER YUTA VS. FTR — MEGA-HIT
This should be good.
The BCC came out first, and I’m still accidentally typing BBC, which makes no sense because none of their members are news anchors, and none of their members are Black. FTR came out second, and as I said earlier… this should be good.
During this match, there was both a standing ovation and a Loud FTR chant.
Warning: FTR rant ahead…
IMHO, FTR are the best tag team in AEW, bar none, and I would argue that Dax Harwood (who I originally assumed was named after a pornstar) is not only a good wrestler, but Dax Harwood (who, again, and not to belabor the point, picked that name on purpose) is is easily one of my top five favorite “in-ring” wrestlers in AEW. Sure, most of us would agree that as a tag team technician, Harwood is an artistic genius, but I feel like people don’t talk enough about how good he is all by his lonesome. Again, IMHO (which should be taken with a grain of bolder), Harwood’s skillset deserves to be considered alongside the likes of Bryan Danielson, Kenny Omega, Will Ospreay, and Jay White. I literally wish I could be as good at doing things as Dax Harwood is at wrestling.
Anyway, back to the match…
It was good.
THE MATCH ENDING IN A TIME-LIMIT DRAW — MINOR-MISS
One of the things that made this match more interesting than most of AEW’s televised bouts was the company’s decision to pit two teams of equal esteem against one another. Normally, I’d think this ending was unique, but in this instance, it felt like a cop-out.
BRANDON CUTLER IS A STICKLER FOR RULES — HIT
Brandon Cutler, dressed like a ZZ Top-inspired tiger clown, came out to announce that the FTR vs. BCC match could not be afforded an extra five minutes because it was only scheduled for 20. This was a good use of Brandon Cutler’s dignity.
Side Note: I wonder how Cutler managed to print a copy of that contract so quickly? I’m glad to see they thought these things through.
BEATING THE EVERLOVING TIGER SCAT OUT OF BRANDON CUTLER — MEGA-HIT
During this segment, Nigel McGuiness said, “This is unnecessary!”
He was wrong.
Side Note: I hope FTR and BCC go backstage and yell at Tony Khan about their match length because, as we all saw last week, Tony Khan gives people what they want when they yell at him.
KYLE O’REILLY CUTS A PROMO, AND RODERICK STRONG HAS SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT IT — MINOR-HIT
Kyle O’Reilly, the saddest stray dog to ever acquire anamorphic powers, cut a promo in a gray T-shirt so that Roderick Strong, the loudest car horn to ever learn to wrestle, could interrupt him.
Side Note: During this promo, Strong told O’Reilly, “Ever since you came back, you’ve looked good.”
Second Side Note: Roderick Strong wears thick glasses.
KRIS STATLANDER HAS A NEW ENTRANCE — MEGA-HIT
I am unexpectedly loving Kris Statlander’s new character pivot. I never thought Statlander would be something I looked forward to each week, but she has put in the work to improve her stage presence, and I hope she continues to build upon it. Likewise, I never thought Stokely Hathaway could make me take him seriously as a manager after so many years of playing the human equivalent of a Saturday morning cartoon about “fail memes.” However, here we are, and I hope AEW capitalizes on this fortunate turn of events.
Side Note: Imagine if Statlander was this good when she beat Jade Cargill? Actually, you know what? Don’t imagine that too hard because I’m 70 percent sure that’s how fairies die. But still, if only…
KRIS STATLANDER vs. ROBYN RENEGADE — HIT
I feel like we’re about to witness a murder, but I always… it’s over.
Side note: Just because Kris Statlander is capable of putting on clinics does not mean she always should. This style of match was the correct call for her present character.
STOKELY HATHAWAY SLAYS A PROMO — MEGA-HIT
During this promo, Stokely said he wished he could be as intense as Kris Statlander, and now he has two more wishes left.
THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS STATLANDER WAS PERFORMING BEHIND HATHAWAY — MISS
While Kris Statlander is doing good work in other ways, right now, this one particular way fell flat because her continuous movement subtracted from Stokely’s intensity rather than added to it, but that’s an easy thing to fix.
WILLOW NIGHTINGALE CUTS A PROMO — HIT
Willow Nightingale announced that she would be entering the Owen Hart Tournament alongside Kris Statlander, and depending on who else enters the tournament, that could make for an interesting final match.
DUSTIN RHODES VS. JOHNNY TV — HIT
This was a good by-the-numbers match, and I enjoyed Taya Valkyrie’s antics, which surprised the referee because wrestling referees have the brains and memory retention of goldfish.
DUSTIN RHODES CUTS A PROMO — HIT
What I liked about this promo is how much of it felt like a real conversation with a real, live human being. So many wrestling promos feel like a conversation with a real, live sentient bullhorn, but this one felt relatable, and it didn’t rely solely on screaming. This particular promo had highs and lows, which is an important thing for a promo to have because, without the lows, the highs become meaningless by lack of contrast.
DUSTIN’S RHODES’ INTERNAL LOGIC — MISS
During his promo, Dustin Rhodes accused Jack Perry of being a golden-spooned nepo-baby, and then he mentioned his father. (Rhodes’ father, not Perry’s.)
THE PREMIER ATHLETES VS. VICTIMS — IN THE MIDDLE
The Premier Athletes, who are so premier they’ve only been fired occasionally, destroyed Dante Leon and a twink whose name I did not catch because this match was over in 30 seconds.
Side Note: The twink’s name was Trip Jordy. I looked him up because of course I did.
SCORPIO SKY PROVIDES PROOF OF LIFE — HIT
I remember the days when Scorpio Sky had so much promise, and I remember the days when Tony Khan broke them all.
TONI STORM VS. LADY FROST – MINOR-MISS
Toni Storm’s character never gets old (for me, at least). I love the way she has finally found the perfect balance between her gimmick and her in-ring performances, which is a thing that should be lauded. However, I’m not sure how to feel about Lady Frost woman-handling AEW’s third longest-reigning women’s champion in such a dominant fashion.
Side Note: Sunset Boulevard is returning to Broadway: https://sunsetblvdbroadway.com/
TONI STORM CUTS A PROMO — HIT
Toni Storm sat Mariah May down on the ring apron and cut what is probably the closest her character will come to a “serious promo.” During this promo, Storm insisted that Mariah May be given a spot to compete in the Owen Hart tournament, and she did this without irony or the slightest glimpse of foresight.
DANTE MARTIN, SHANE TAYLOR, AND LEE MORIARTY CUT A PROMO — MINOR-MISS
My main takeaway from this promo was just how much Dante Martin needs to improve on his mic skills, especially when he’s verbally sparing with someone as gifted as Shane Taylor. Don’t get me wrong. I’m rooting for Martin; I like Martin; Martin is great, but he also sounds like a robot if robots could feel insecurity.
HOOK WALKS AND TALKS WITH SAMOA “THE LEARNING MOUNTAIN” JOE — HIT
My main takeaway from this promo was just how much better Hook sounds when he talks in his normal speaking voice rather than sounding like he swallowed a vocoder. I hope this is how Hook’s character is presented going forward.
HOOK AND THE LEARNING MOUNTAIN DESTROY THE PREMIER ATHLETES — HIT
Samoa “The Learning Mountain” Joe is the horror movie version of a professional wrestler and literally Sweet Tooth.
DANIEL GARCIA VS. ALREADY IN THE RING — MINOR-HIT
As talented as Daniel Garcia is, the setup for this match had “Dark Elevation” written all over it, and neither Garcia nor his opponent was able to pull it out of that overbearing shadow.
Side Note: Tate “Already In The Ring” Mayfairs is remarkably talented, and he definitely made the most of the situation he was placed in tonight.
ORANGE CASSIDY CUTS A PROMO — HIT
This was a very effective and straightforward promo, and it made me far more interested in tonight’s main event than watching Roderick Strong scream at Kyle O’Reilly for no reason.
KYLE O’REILLY VS. ORANGE CASSIDY — HIT
This was a hard-fought battle laced with devastating spots. Kyle O’Reilly and Orange Cassidy treated this match as if it were on a PPV, and it was a welcome bookend to the FTR vs. BCC match that started the show.
Side Note: Both the first match and the last match on tonight’s show got a standing ovation.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Tonight’s episode of AEW Collision felt like a bologna sandwich on a toasted sourdough bun; it had a great match on the front end, a great match on the back end, and a lot of “baloney” in the middle. Still, that’s better than last week’s episode of AEW Collision, and even this week’s “baloney” tasted more like the kind of sausage you get in the actual city of Bologna.
SHOW GRADE: B-
DAVID’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Match of the Night: FTR vs. BCC
- Second Best Match: Orange Cassidy vs. Kyle O’Reilly
- Third Best Match: Dustin Rhodes vs. Johnny TV
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, bologna cake is a thing, and there are people who eat it intentionally.
(David Bryant’s new bathroom-selfies can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant being knocked unconscious by an exploding television set can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor of the world’s first bottle of mustard that doesn’t pee on your sandwich if you forget to shake it. Less impressively, he studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)
RECOMMENDED NEXT: AEW COLLISION RESULTS (6/8): FTR vs. Claudio & Yuta, Dustin vs. Johnny TV, Toni Storm vs. Lady Frost, O’Reilly vs. Cassidy, Dustin-Jack Perry exchange
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: AEW Collision results (6/8): Powell’s live review of FTR vs. Wheeler Yuta and Claudio Castagnoli, Toni Storm vs. Lady Frost in a non-title match, Orange Cassidy vs. Kyle O’Reilly
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