SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the WWE draft, and no I don’t mean a light beer, branded with 2 consonants and a vowel. Grab yourself a Cody-style libation, and Yeet it down your gullet like Jey Uso, because we’re about to drink in all of the most overrated and under-appreciated moments from SmackDown.
OVERRATED – MR. RED ON THE BLUE SHOW?
Why is Cody Rhodes wearing red when he’s a Smackdown guy? Knowing the champions aren’t eligible for the draft sucks some of the fun out of the night, but equally perplexing is his choice of shiny red suit. Is it a secret love letter to Raw? Was it the closest color to a Prime hydration bottle he could find? Maybe he’s just blushing so much from pride that it extends to his attire… adorable.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – TRIX ARE FOR KIDS
Cody Rhodes in bright Kool-aid red, Corey Graves in orange, and the blue table clothes in this segment with Cody and A.J. Styles signing their match contract makes me feel like I’m looking at a bowl of Trix cereal. Here’s why that’s a problem. I thought Trix were for kids, but they’ve been saying all day that the PG-era is over, so where does that leave us? Hungry. I haven’t eaten dinner yet and now I want some cereal with a mascot. And no, I don’t want to eat the mascot too. I just want cereal that has one. I’m not a cartoon cannibal. Also, I love Trix. Don’t tell anyone though as it’s clearly illegal for a 40-year old man to like the cereal.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – A.J. TAKES CONTRACTS SERIOUSLY
Notice while Cody Rhodes was soaking in fan adulation, A.J. Styles was studiously reading the contract. He’s super into it. I wonder if he enjoys reading contracts more than conditioning his hair. Nah. That would be ridiculous. He clearly does take agreements very seriously though. As far as clauses he doesn’t like, he don’t want none. He also apparently don’t want none English grammar classes.
OVERRATED – CODY OVERLOOKS A GREAT LINE
There was a glaring missed opportunity for Cody Rhodes to have a memorable line while trash talking A.J. Styles before signing the contract. He said “It’s not a dream match for me. It’s a must win.” Really, Cody? Really?? How do you not see the obvious path to trash talk immortality here. Ahem. I believe what he meant to say was “This is not a DREAM match for me. It is a NIGHTMARE for you.” I’m just gonna drop the mic here and hope Cody picks it up.
OVERRATED – TRIPLE H TRIES TO BE COOL
I love seeing Bianca Belair and Jey Uso go first in the draft. What I don’t love is seeing Paul “Triple H” Levesque attempt to do the Yeet wave. He looks like Uncle Fester from “The Addam’s Family” trying to do Michael Jackson’s thriller. I found that confusing, frightening, and thought provoking. And what I think, is he should never, ever, ever dance on live TV again. Please and thank you. Yeet.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CARMELO HAYES
I am so unbelievably happy that Carmelo Hayes got drafted #3. That guy has the it factor to be an almost instant main eventer. I think the promo he cut showed he belonged. He didn’t seem nervous, and he even reacted to a chant of “Whoop that Trick” with “Oh I already did.” They say money doesn’t grow on trees, but Carmelo’s green thumb begs to differ. And I don’t mean a green thumb like what’s under Solo Sikoa’s bandages. That thumb is just mutilated and sickeningly actual green. On a side note, how did he know to be at SmackDown? Is he THAT confident? A little would go a long way here, WWE. Take the logic-defying presence, and weaponize it as pure ego. I am so excited to see what he does on the main roster. I feel like I just found out it was a four day weekend.
OVERRATED – NO HUM, ALL BERTO
Watching L.W.O. take on Legado del Fantasma, aside from stressing me out knowing I have to type that out, has me thinking. Why oh why did Humberto change his name to Berto? Does he not like the idea of reliving songs without singing actual lyrics? Is he so passionate about the environment that it’s a silent protest against Hummers? Does he aspire to be a “Sesame Street” character? Also, Dragon Lee looks like Batman and a bluebird had a crime fighting baby. #JustSaying
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BRON THE CARNIVORE
I think the Bron Breakker versus Cedric Alexander match could have gone on a few seconds longer. It was one clunky spot and done. I want to see Bron run the ropes and just be an inhuman cardio machine before demolishing Cedric like a mac truck versus a deck of cards. I get the logic behind the squash, but I’d still like a little more meat on the bone. Man oh man, does Bron eat some meat. Aside from red meat being bad for your heart, and a blood pressure level I find very concerning, he’s definitely a steak guy. His intensity makes Jonathan Van Ness from “Queer Eye” look like Eore from “Winnie the Pooh.” Fun fact, I was a part of developing the revamp of “Queer Eye” for Netflix. Humble brag, but I digress. I have to boost myself up after feeling emasculated by Bron breakking everyone while rocking a pink singlet. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, Bron. Don’t hurt me. Bron Breakker has so much machismo, that I think if you put him in front of a shelf with a bottle of Scotch, beard wax, a boxed set of John Wayne movies, and a chest hair trimmer, they’d all say that’s too much man for them. If you look up “machismo” in the dictionary, it actually says “Books are for nerds. See Bron Breakker.” Miriam and Webster get it. Just like Tom and Nick Mysterio.
OVERRATED – NOT SO GLOWING RECAP
The WWE promos team is fantastic, undeniably. But watching this Bayley versus Naomi match, they tried a little to hard to make it look like people were cheering for
Naomi during her entrance. If you go back and watch it again, you see her enter the ring, and they cut to fans going crazy. I assure you, dear reader, that did not happen. Skilled and charismatic as she may be, Naomi has struggled to reconnect with the audience in a meaningful way. This is painfully obvious by her chant-friendly “Glow” entrance that everyone seems to get laryngitis during. Bayley, on the other hand, really seems to have reignited her fan base, and she really deserves the flowers she’s getting right now. On a side note, once the recap gets to Tiffy time, the shots they use are absolutely stellar. You see a very subtle shot of Tiffany Stratton walking past the title, HINT HINT. I love that subtle yet super obvious messaging. Subtle yet super obvious, that’s the most contradictory thing I’ve ever typed. Speaking of contradictions, how does it make any sense that Tiffany Stratton gets a number one contenders match against Naomi, after assaulting someone and ruining a main event? The only thing I liked about that exchange, aside from a very blue brand-forward suit adorned by Nick Aldis (those threads were slick), is the fact that he said “Someone convinced him” not to send her to the back of the line. I hope this is an Easter egg of some sort.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BAYLEY RIGHTS THE WRONGS
Well excuse me while I grab a fork to eat my words with. Bayley enters the scene and rights all the wrongs, pointing out it was her that requested Nick Aldis afford her the #1 contender match. Her reasoning is that this way, Naomi gets the shot she was cheated out of (if she wins), and if not, then Tiffany Stratton is gonna get got by Bayley. Admitting you’re wrong is not easy folks, but it’s the first step to redemption. Nick, Bayley, I’m sincerely sorry I doubted you. I hope we can move past this, because as soon as I pointed out the fallacy of your doings, logic arrived (quite literally) with a “Ding dong hello.” Special props to Tiffany Stratton for having top notch confidence in everything she says. She really believes every word that comes out of her mouth and it’s effective. Tiffany-piphany, in particular, cracked me up. Tiffy time is always a good time for talking segments.
OVERRATED – INEXPLICABLY INVOLVED LEGENDS
Why are we seeing Michelle McCool exit the Smackdown war room? Why is Torrie Wilson exiting the Raw war room? Why did we see a shot earlier that showed John Bradshaw Layfield in one of the war rooms? Why are legends there? This could be easily fixed by having Corey Graves point out that the general managers wanted to enlist the help of trusted icons of the ring. Considering I was wrong about Bayley before, I’ll keep my fork handy in case I have to eat these words too.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BRON BREAKKS INTO RAW
Moving Bron Breakker to Raw is very smart. He is a great candidate to feud with Damian Priest, who definitely feels more on his level than white hot Cody Rhodes right now. I could see him jumping into a mid card title feud almost immediately too. Randy Orton staying on Smackdown feels like a lukewarm case of same old same old. I really like seeing the graphics with the superstars’ accolades after they’re drafted. In particular, I like that WWE is finally embracing that he’s the son of Rick Steiner more. It’s nothing to shy away from. Some of the younger viewers may have no clue who that is, but luckily they’ll have a phone nearby for a quick Google search. Special mention to Michelle McCool for reacting with shock when the crowd booed her announcing Nia Jax being drafted to SmackDown. I loved that. McCool’s reaction, not Nia’s drafting. Be on notice SmackDowners, the hurt train has arrived on the blue brand. I mean that literally by the way, not as a character moniker.
OVERRATED – ANGERING RONDA
On Liv Morgan’s draft graphic, the very first thing you see is that she defeated Ronda Rousey. This seems deliberate considering the trash talking Ronda has been doing behind WWE’s back. This was an ill-advised decision, as Ronda is not shy about firing back, and this is likely just going to reignite more trash talking.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SOFT-SPOKEN SOLO
I really like the eerily calm, soft spoken words of Solo Sikoa to a terrified Paul Heyman in the parking garage. He’s just downright creepy. That said, his pregnant pauses are long enough to give birth to triplets. He sounds like you’re talking to someone on a 90s flip phone, that keeps cutting in and out. Upgrade your service a bit Solo. It’s been 20+ years. You’re definitely eligible for said upgrade.
OVERRATED – ATTENDING A DRAFT SNOW
I feel bad for the people attending this show. What a boring event this must be to experience live. It’s a whole lot of talking, signing and drafting, most of which isn’t even in the ring. If you look out in the crowd, people definitely look bored. Hopefully they got some good dark matches to compensate. This mediocre live experience is further exemplified by seeing Kayla Braxton interview Bianca Belair on the entrance ramp. The shot looks amazing, but they literally have their backs to the entire audience. That must be incredibly unrewarding to see in person. At least the main event of Cody Rhodes versus Carmelo Hayes should be stellar, and hopefully make up for it.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – FLUID SEGUES
I LOVE these fluid transitions that WWE keeps experimenting with, segueing from storyline to storyline. Seeing Kevin Owens and Tama Tonga fight their way through the Kabuki Warriors, Jade Cargill and Bianca Belair is another successful swing and a home run for WWE’s TV direction. They deserve an Emmy for the work they’ve been doing lately. Special mentions to Solo Sikoa’s murder gloves, and Tama Tonga’s homicidal crazy eyes. That guy has one of the scariest, most sadistic angry looks in all of pro wrestling. Can you imagine growing up with Tonga, and you eat the last Pop Tarts and get that look from him? Even as a kid I bet that was terrifying. Here, Tonga, take all the Pop Tarts. Just chill.
OVERRATED – LEFT TURNS CAN NEVER BE RIGHT
To each their own, but I’m sick of having to be fed NASCAR promos during WWE shows on Fox. All this does is drive me to hit the skip 10 seconds button. I’m sure Tide is a great sponsor, and cars are cool, but just remember, left turns can never be right, and your entire sport is built around it.
OVERRATED – TEDDY LONG RUNS OUT OF BEARD DYE
Why does Teddy Long look like he ran out of beard dye, while exiting the SmackDown war room? I think it’s very obvious who is responsible for this travesty…Dominik Mysterio. He clearly stole Long’s remaining dye, and used it to make his mustache sleazier. For shame, Dom. For shame.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – GETTING TO THE POINT
Do we really need to say the entire name of the draft and what pick of what round we’re on, for every single announcement? It’s getting painfully redundant. It’s starting to feel like the 863rd match between John Cena and Randy Orton. I wish they’d appreciate the art of getting to the point a bit more. We know what we’re watching, WWE. We don’t have short term memory loss, and we certainly don’t need to be reminded of what this is every 3.2 seconds.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SELLING THE DISASTER KICK
While I think Carmelo Hayes has some shades of being nervous in the ring with Cody Rhodes, he definitely proved he belonged. I especially enjoyed his selling of the disaster kick. He flipped more than a pancake at Waffle House, and landed harder than a one winged plane in a hurricane. That kind of athleticism, combined with his undeniable it-factor, is going to pave his road to glory in this business. I also don’t think I’ve ever seen someone take a Cross Rhodes like he did. He made it look painful and impactful.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY’S CLASS ACT
Huge props to Cody Rhodes for being willing to lift up a new (to SmackDown) star in Carmelo Hayes. I wouldn’t be shocked if this entire match was his idea. Cody did the same thing in AEW. His very first match was with an (at the time) unknown Sammy Guevara. I love seeing him lean into being a star-maker (and obviously not Stardust). Giving Melo the offense he did tonight, and selling it with gusto was a class act on Cody’s part.
I’ll be back Monday for another show, which is probably better to watch from home than be there live (at least for another week or so). See you then!
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: WWE Friday Night Smackdown results (4/26): Barnett’s review of the WWE Draft night one, Cody Rhodes and AJ Styles contract signing for the WWE Championship match at Backlash France
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.