SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Well folks, we’re in the home stretch. It’s the last Monday Night Raw before WrestleMania. It’s a show where we’ve been promised both The Rock, and Roman Reigns, which can mean only one thing. The Bloodline is opening the show so they can catch their private jet back to Florida, with 6 days to rest up. Also, can you believe the WWE has decided to pre-induct Jade Cargill into this year’s Hall of Fame? I know they want to make her a big deal, but this seems like overkill. It also seems like April Fool’s. Gotcha. Let’s dig into the most overrated and under-appreciated moments of the show that gets more blood than raw meat. See what I did there? Here we go.
OVERRATED – SHOW OPEN UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Personally, I could do without starting the show by seeing the WrestleMania stage being built. I want to see it in all of its glory, not the lead up. That can come later. I don’t want to see how Criss Angel assembles a trick before he performs it. Actually, I don’t want to see Criss Angel do anything, so this analogy makes about as much sense as opening the show with a shot of construction workers. That said, the shot riding up the escalator that landed on a wide shot of a crowded Barclays Center, was great. More of this please, WWE. That should have been our opener.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE MAGIC OF PROMOS
The WWE promos team needs to start a movie trailer cutting subsidiary, because what they do is pure cinematic magic. I can’t believe they actually showed the f-bomb again, but my God was it effective. The Rock as an all-in heel is just too good to be true. I’d love to see him play another movie villain. He’s only dabbled as baddies, but he’s such a natural. On a side note, am I the only one that thinks The Rock’s right arm tattoo looks like the skull of an anteater? It’s fitting because, despite Paul Heyman’s statement to the contrary, The Bloodline ants go marching one by one at his hoorah…ya know…to get out of the rain. Rain wins the Oscar for best supporting actor in that Rock versus Cody Rhodes beat down. It’s almost like T.K.O. paid off Mother Nature to participate. Is there anything that Netflix money can’t buy? Yes. Time. And I wish they could go back in time to film Cody yelling 3 distinct times, so they can stop doing this weird, repetitive audio editing of the same scream.
OVERRATED – CASUAL MONDAY
I’m all for the announcers having their own distinct styles. Not everyone needs to look like they walked out of Nordstrom like Michael Cole. But did Pat McAfee get some kind of memo (that he didn’t realize was an April Fool’s Day joke) saying it was casual Monday? He looks like he just got off of a plane, and went straight to commentary. I wouldn’t be shocked if his carry-on is hidden under the desk. That would make for a great (albeit confusing) foreign object to use as a weapon later. Maybe Seth Rollins will cut holes for his arms in it, and wear the suitcase as a fashion statement. He could even light it on fire and run around screaming that he’s packing heat. It’s a disease folks. I’m 40, and well beyond changing now.
OVERRATED – HAPPY ROCK
Does The Rock really need to come out smiling? I’d much rather him emerge, still fuming from last week. He looks like he’s here to pander, and completely undermine the evil business he did last Monday. At least there’s no guitar. It’s fitting that he’s wearing a cow skin vest, because this bovine is here to milk the crowd’s response for everything it’s worth. If you’re The Rock, it’s understandable. You’d want to find some kind of silver lining after failing to mooooove the ratings needle. Speaking of mooooving, I worry about The Rock’s cardio being a let down, and hearing both Michael Cole and Pat McAfee remind us that he hasn’t wrestled in nearly a decade, doesn’t sew much confidence in his ability to go. Hell, he calls himself The Rock. How many rocks have you seen that move fast or often? They’re stagnant by definition. The bigger the rock, the harder the walk.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE ROCKSCHACH TEST
Now I’m starting to think Dwayne Johnson’s vest is less of a cow skin motif, and more of a Rorschach test. What do you see? I see a large man clinging to his youth, and an ego the size of Jupiter that needs to be stroked more than the keys of a stenographer’s typewriter. I also see a man who regrets making a movie about the tooth fairy, but I digress.
OVERRATED – THE ROCK’S BUMPY START
I loved what The Rock started to do in the ring. First off, catching a thrown mic was a risky move that could have been hilariously botched, but him pulling it off with swagger just fueled his arrogant demeanor. I even liked when he got the Dominik Mysterio treatment on the mic. But then he had to point to his goosebumps, which I’m not convinced are actually that. You can’t eat all that pie and expect to walk away clean. Don’t hate the messenger. I’m just a concerned fan that worries about what The Rock has contracted, after championing so many people. The amazing shots of the sea of fans almost distract from whatever is ailing him though. Their production value is higher than Wiz Khalifa on the top floor of The Rock’s mansion right now. It’s beyond epic to see how they’re shooting segments compared to six months ago.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE ROCK MAKES KIDS CRY
Showing kids’ reactions to The Rock making Cody Rhodes bleed, aside from shining an awkward light on poor parenting, is insanely effective. Hearing a kid say they’re never watching “Moana” again, through tears, just makes me hate this guy. But also, it makes me love him for his brilliant manipulation of my emotions. The only problem I have with this segment, is that it’s almost too good. He’s too good at being bad, and it makes us want to praise him, hence the vocal chants for him, instead of the desired (unless you ask Dwayne) heat.
OVERRATED – A ROCK-HARD LIE
The Rock just said the ratings have skyrocketed because of him. This is absolutely, inarguably, completely untrue. The ratings are up from last year, but have no correlation to the Rock’s return or appearances. In fact, the highest-rated segment last Monday was the banter between Drew McIntyre, Seth Rollins and C.M. Punk. He just pulled a Donald Trumpian, my crowd was the largest ever-type moment. Maybe he’s going for subtle heat with that, but my gut says that his ego got bruised, and he’s pulling the old, if I say it, they’ll believe it, card. Rock, you can say “You’re welcome” all you want, but that doesn’t mean I thanked you. What IS true though, is that the crowd at Barclays tonight is indeed the largest gate ever for Raw. That was all over social media today. I feel like this is less of a brag-worthy stat, and more that someone who is great at Tetris figured out how to fit more seats, but I’ll let them have it. I feel strongly that The Rock should have gone for a cheap dig instead of congratulating the crowd on buying tickets, but I’m holding out hope that Mr. Johnson is playing the long game like he did last week, and he has something despicable up his slee…oh right…he’s allergic to sleeves. Never mind!
OVERRATED – ROMAN REIGNS’ POOR TIMING
Roman Reigns needs to work on his entrance timing a bit more. He hits the crescendos when it counts, but occasionally, like tonight, he ends up in pre-pose position too early, and has to stare at his title for an awkwardly long time. He stared at his title almost as long as I had to eagle eye The Rock’s tattoo to come up with my anteater joke. Greatness isn’t among us all. Some of us have to work for it, Mr. Reigns. Are you listening or staring at your title for a ridiculously long time again?
UNDER-APPRECIATED – ROMAN REIGNS ON THE MIC
That was a stellar promo from Roman Reigns, until he flubbed his line, clearly waiting to be interrupted by Seth Rollins’ music. Roman was calm, cool, collected and poignant. He put over Jimmy Uso’s match, made The Rock look moderately subservient, and delivered a very clear, very justified mission statement. It’s truly amazing to see how good someone like Roman can be when he isn’t bogged down with scripts and beats that aren’t exaggerations of his own truths. He’s in his element right now, and is doing laps around everyone like the Michael Phelps of WWE that he is. Greatness aside, we need the C.M. Punk shirt that claims hell froze over, because Seth Rollins looks normal tonight!
OVERRATED – CREEPY KID FREAKS OUT ROLLINS
Go back and watch Seth Rollins promo from the crowd again. There’s a super creepy kid standing uncomfortably close to him, filming on his phone and smiling like Syd from “Toy Story” when his rocket arrives. I’m sure he’s a nice young man, and is just incredibly excited, but this is giving me some serious Jeffrey Dahmer vibes. He’s TOO happy. I wish WWE would notice little things like this and zoom in to conceal potential serial killers.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – ROCK TURNS THE CROWD
When Seth Rollins, the man whose mother is bad at middle names, challenged The Rock or Roman Reigns, there was never any chance either of those two would wrestle on a non-PLE show. Kudos to Rock for shooting down the offer, viciously depriving his fans of seeing him in action. He finally got his anti-Rock chant and it was well-earned. On a side note, when DJ started talking about someone having brain damage, my mind immediately went to creepy phone kid smirking at Seth in awkwardly close proximity, but I digress. Now here’s a tasty little moment you probably didn’t notice. Go back and watch the end of the segment. Watch Paul Heyman. He eyes up one of the production guys, then launches a microphone across the ring, into the crowd, to the man, who nonchalantly catches the mic and places it in front of him like it’s the easiest task in the world. That’s smoother than Pretty Deadly’s hair after a daily blowout.
OVERRATED – BECKY PHONES IT IN
I like the segment of Becky Lynch confronting Rhea Ripley on a radio show, on paper, but the way it played out was too convenient and clunky. Why would they let Becky into the studio, knowing the animosity between these two? It just doesn’t make logical sense. Also, why didn’t Becky just attack Rhea? If we’re going to do this segment, we might as well go for it. This felt really forced and ineffective. It’s ironic that she started this segment by phoning in, then showed up in person to phone it in physically. Yes, that’s a confusing statement. So is wearing hoop earrings in gauged earring holes, but if Ripley can take things too far, so can we.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – NEW DAY’S TIMING DOESN’T ROCK
If D.I.Y. and The New Day are going to continue to Young Buck up their matches with synchronized moves, I’d really appreciate it if they could actually time them better. It’s a silly goal to begin with, but if you’re going to polar bear plunge, at least go full skin. The four leaping out of the ring onto opponents was about as in-tune as Helen Keller playing the saxophone. It was very sloppy and made even worse by Pat McAfee praising them for doing the move at the same time. Pat, rub the fandom out of your eyes for a second and please make true statements.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – J.D. MCDONAGH SELLS LIKE HELL
Say what you will about J.D. McDonagh, and I have, but the man knows how to sell. He is selling for Tommasso Ciampa like a champ(uh). When WWE doesn’t work out for you, McDonagh, you could definitely go into ad sales, hocking Girl Scout cookies or selling timeshares, because you have the gift sir. You don’t have many gifts, but you at least have one. Cherish it. Nurture it. Pursue other avenues and stop dragging down The Judgment Day. Did I say that out loud? Sorry, I was distracted by the WWE turning on big head mode from WWE2K24 in real life.
OVERRATED – THE CARDIO MACHINE IS BUFFERING
In this Judgment Day versus New Day and D.I.Y. match, Michael Cole and Pat McAfee made a huge deal out of hyping Tommasso Ciampa as a cardio machine as he got stuck on repeat, throwing running clothes lines to men in the corners. The only problem is he was running slower than a 90s computer streaming Peacock. I don’t know if he just didn’t get enough rest last night, kept awake from patting himself on the back in his sleep, if Gargano wanted to vent about Candice LeRae’s new attitude until the wee hours of the morning, or if there’s a heavy parasite in that beard, but it was like watching him run at half-speed. The human cardio machine appeared to be buffering.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – TONGUE-IN-CHEEK
This is going to sound oddly suggestive, but Dominik Mysterio’s tongue is like a great sidekick to the man himself. He looks so arrogant, so sure of himself when he sticks it out pre-move, or when he flexes. He’s taken Michael Jordan’s famous schtick, and wrapped it in a veneer of douchebaggery that really works. Jordan looked like he was trying to catch snowflakes in his mouth while balling. Dom just looks like he’s trying to taste his own evilness in the air. I’m here for it. He has his character down to a capital T. The only other thing in Dom’s mouth that gives his tongue a run for its money, is whatever Judgment Day-branded gum the entire group chews. Missed opportunity WWE. I want my purple Judgment Day gum. Taste the gothic! Available at all local Spencer’s and Hot Topic stores today.
UNDER- APPRECIATED – DAMIAN PRIEST EMOTES
Go back and watch the finisher Damian Priest uses on Tommasso Ciampa. Is there anyone in WWE that emotes better than Priest while executing a match-ending move? While most wrestlers will default to teeth-gritted rage, he has a reserved ferocity to his emoting that says so much more than “I’m angry.” His face says “I’m a badass and I’m about to hurt you, because you deserve it.” His facial expressions give a 10-minute monologue in 2-seconds of emoting.
OVERRATED – KISSING THE BLOODIED HAND OF THE FINAL BOSS
I normally love everything Paul Heyman does, but did he need to kiss the blood-stained hand of The Final Boss? That was just odd to me. He never kisses Roman Reigns’ hand, so this is an odd over-showing of respect to the (presumptive) second in command. I do like that Roman decided to leave for more important matters while The Rock stayed behind to oversee things at his behest. There’s still a subtle confusion over who is in charge, but this helps a smidge. Kissing his hand like he’s the king of Winterfell on the other hand, does not. If he had thrown out a subtle, “tastes like blood” though, I would have given this an under-appreciated nod. Missed opportunity to highlight some O-negative with an A-positive joke. And yes, I did google The Rock’s blood type for maximum joke accuracy. I do my research people!
UNDER-APPRECIATED AND OVERRATED – GABLE GOES FROM “ROCKY” TO FULL CW
I like seeing this serious side of Chad Gable coaching Sami Zayn, especially when it involves his expertise and specificity on how to counter specific moves. I could have done without the “Rocky”-esq cardio montage with yelling, but it had some decent sound-ups peppered throughout that show us how Gable’s expertise can help Sami win. That said, I hated when the music turned dramatic, and the two acted out a scene straight from a sports-themed episode of a CW show. Sami has the acting chops, but Chad doesn’t, which makes for an imbalanced and borderline cheesy segment. It’s heart was in the right place though. And I did enjoy the second attempt of Gable to tap out Sami, only to be met with a reversal and both men pointing at each other as if saying “there it is.”
OVERRATED – LIES!
WWE said that tonight the first hour would be commercial free. However, right before the Sami Zayn versus Bronson Reed match, at exactly 8:53 pm ET, they cut to commercial. 7-minutes shy of the commercial-free hour, WWE. How can I trust you, if you’re going to lie to me? Communication is going to be key if this relationship is going to work WWE. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.
OVERRATED – WWE GOES FRENCH
What in the holy hell was this cross-promotion garbage for the 2024 Paris Olympics, having Judgment day dubbed over in French? This was a joke that landed about as well as Snoop Dogg in “Soul Plane.” What hot garbage. It’s almost like someone ran this by mistake. This should have been left on the cutting room floor, right next to any plans for a J.D. McDonagh push.
OVERRATED – WHO IS CHOOSING THESE BOUT STILLS?!
If you look at the graphic for Gunther versus Sami Zayn, it looks like Sami is focused on the match, while the ring general is reminiscing about some painful childhood experience. Maybe he visited Philly as a kid, and got beat up, leading him to build himself into a powerhouse fighter. But now that he’s returning, that weak insecure little boy is resurfacing. It’s okay, Gunther. It’s in the past. Philly is nothing if not a city of respect, kindness, and keeping its opinions to itself. None of that is true, but it’s going to be okay.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – TESTING THE LIMITS OF SPANDEX
And the line of the night goes to Pat McAfee for saying Bronson Reed is testing the limits…of spandex. Classic McAfee. When he’s subtle with his humor, he’s like a fine scotch on the rocks, a little kick, a lotta cool, and just the right amount of lingering aftertaste. On a side note, I’d like to know if Mama Reed survived giving birth to Bronson. I don’t see how anyone comes back from that. Condolences, Mama Reed, albeit belated ones.
OVERRATED – GUNTHER TALKS TOO LOUD
I love seeing Gunther showing some out-of-ring fire with regard to Sami Zayn, who is clearly getting under his skin. It’s a refreshing side of Gunther, who normally has a reserved demeanor. That said, it takes me out of the moment when I hear him tell Sami “big boot to the head” right before he delivers said move. How John Cena of you. At least try to hide it next time. I feel like I just found all of my birthday presents in the back of my mom’s car, because she didn’t love me enough to even try to hide them, which totally ruined my 7th birthday, causing me to seeth about it for 33 years. What were we talking about? That was just for, uh, dramatic effect. That definitely never happened to me. Excuse me for a moment, I have some real tears in my eyes from allergies. If Cody Rhodes had a similar ailment, he too could produce tears to go with his dry cries. Negatives aside, Gunther has better chops than a 5-star steakhouse.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – LIL WAYNE UPS WRESTLEMANIA’S WOW FACTOR
I’m a bit biased because I’m a huge Lil Wayne fan, but having Jey Uso invite him to WrestleMania, and him accepting AND promising a performance, is more gold than his teeth. The man once rhymed that his brand new hundreds had a bunch of zeros like a bag of new Funyuns. If that’s not down since day one ish, nothing is. YEET indeed.
OVERRATED – PAT MCAFFEE GETS TONE DEAF
During Candice LeRae’s match, Pat McAfee said that none of the guests on his show are as despicable as her. Oh how soon McAfee forgets that he had Aaron “Sandy Hook-denier” Rodgers on his air.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – EDDIE MUNSTER BECAME A REF?!
Okay, this is going to sound made up for comedic effect, but I assure you this is truer than a Matthew McConauhhey detective show. I was just about to say that the ref for Candice LeRae’s tag match looks like Eddie Munster. Then, much to my surprise, nay, shock, Cole pointed out that his name is actually Eddie Munster. What are the odds of that?! Well, it is WWE, where coincidental and convenient encounters run amuck, so I guess it’s not that shocking. Unless of course this is just an April Fool’s Day Joke, in which case I feel stupid.
OVERRATED – MAYBE CANDICE LERAE IS RIGHT?
I don’t mean to go full Candice LeRae here, but watching Maxxine Dupri wrestle (with Ivy Nile, against LeRae, and Indi Hartwell) is painful to watch. She’s so green in the ring that I’m starting to think she’s a distant relative of Shrek. It’s smart to put her in a tag match while she rounds out her skills, but making this as long as it is, isn’t doing her any favors. I’m starting to wonder if LeRae is right, and or if I’m also a terrible human being. Excuse me while I shoosh myself. On a side note, I’m not sure who or what was higher tonight, Lil Wayne backstage, or Samantha Irvine’s voice in announcing Maxxine Dupri as the winner. I honestly love it when Samantha Irvine has fun with people’s names, like with her “Clueless”-esq annunciation of Chelsea Green.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DREW GOES FULL SUPER VILLAIN
Oh my God, Drew McIntyre just went from bad guy, to super villain with his eulogy promo. This guy is just on another level right now. Saying that C.M. Punk’s tricep, like the rest of us, wanted to get as far away from
him as possible, was like a sadistic Walt Witman-level of evil poetry. Hell Silverstein here is printing money with everything he says lately. Just when I think he can’t possibly burn anyone down more (see where I’m going here?), he accuses Seth Rollins of modeling his entire career after Jared Leto’s version of the Joker, the most universally lauded depiction of the character. We’re about to have a double funeral here folks, because Drew McIntyre is straight up stacking bodies. This guy is making the killers in “Scream” look like trick-or-treaters. What’s my favorite scary movie you ask? Drew McIntyre’s promo this week. I also don’t think Seth will ever escape the moniker, Seth “Cringelord” Rollins, no matter how many new turns he has in 2024.
OVERRATED – SPONSORS WITH NO FLO
As Ricochet makes his entrance, we are introduced to one of our sponsors tonight, and it makes me sadder than Dominik Mysterio running out of gum. Progressive has been replaced by American Home Shield as the de facto Raw sponsor? I’m not okay with this, not just just because the name has no Flo (I can’t help myself). AHS has the single most bland, boring, generic J.D. McDonagh-like presentation of any sponsor in WWE history. Well, it’s a night for making history. On a side note, does anyone else think (or hope) Samantha Irvine announces Ricochet at home as he backflips into their love nest? I love love, especially when it’s filled with sweet vocals and athleticism. Think of that what you will.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – YOU TOO COULD JOIN AEW IF YOU WIN THE ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL
I like hearing Michael Cole (bay bay) and Pat McAfee giving some cache to the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Hearing that the likes of Jey Uso and Bobby Lashley won it, give it some weight as far as putting someone on the map. That said, they also named Cesaro and Big Show as past winners, which can only mean one thing…winning the battle royal can set you up for success…in AEW. Totally unrelated, how is Ricochet human? The man just did a back handspring, into a backflip, to the outside of the ring. I’d like to get the government to investigate this man as a possible extra terrestrial, because that was more out of this world than Ivar’s attire, which by the way, makes him look like someone who worked at Medieval Times for far too long.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – RICOCHET GETS TIMBERLAKED
It’s really a shame that Ricochet isn’t better on the mic, because he has an insane amount of talent. From picking up Ivar, to his insane 630, this guy is like a human video game character brought to life…with cheat codes activated. I wonder if they could give him a Paul Heyman-level mouthpiece so he can just be a superhuman force of combat, because he’s overqualified for the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. In the time it took me to write the entire name of that match, Ricochet could have done six more mind-blowing moves for his highlight reel. I’m either that slow, or he’s just that fast. Special props to the amazing cameraman who captured an epic wide shot of Ricochet’s 630, as a sea of fans cheered him on in the background. That moment made me feel like I was watching 90s Total Request Live again, and Justin Timberlake was performing. Okay, *NSYNC, but he was always the star. You’re welcome, Ricochet. I just Timberlaked you, which is the American equivalent of getting knighted.
OVERRATED – PAT GETS NEW FILTERS
Oh yay, the Pat McAfee Pat-A-Strator is back, this time to ruin Ricochets amazing 630 splash. And lucky us, Pat has new filters, like the amazing “Wizard of Oz” bubble he put around Ricochet’s face for no reason, or the Cyclops-like eye lasers that have no place in wrestling, lest we forget about the random textured circle he drew on the screen for zero reason whatsoever! WWE’s production value is through the roof right now, and I suppose rising tides lift all ships, so they might as well give McAfee more effects that he doesn’t need. And just when we think he’s done, he whips out 3 squiggly arrows. Did he just discover Clipart? McAfees Clipart-madness aside, that was a brilliant transition from seeing Ricochet in the ring, to pulling out of a screen in The Judgment Day’s locker room. WWE is getting bolder and more inventive with every show. They should get McDonald’s as a sponsor because I’m loving it. Also, now I’m hungry. Be right back.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DOMINIK MYSTERIO
I’m back and no longer famished. I can’t get enough of Dominik Mysterio pissing off the rest of Judgment Day. He has such a weasley charm to him that he even manages to annoy other heels. Dom playing off of an always-annoyed Damian Priest is the gothic buddy cop-like movie I didn’t know I needed. Give Dom a few years of heel antics, and this guy is going to become a beloved hero with an epic face turn. He has such a natural comedic timing that is going to grow on people, ya know, like poison ivy. But once that itch is fully scratched, people are going to rally behind him. They’re going to be begging for his face turn, and by the time it happens, he’s going to blow the roof off of an arena. Mark my words. It’ll be louder than the time Rey Mysterio had his eye ripped out at the hands of our very own Cringelord (Seth Rollins). The more I think about it, the more I realize that Seth has had more turns than a Nascar driver on Fox.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – WWE’S 16K SANDBOX
Just like a good Dominik Mysterio segment, I can’t get enough of these epic walking shots into the arena, completely drowning in fans. They’ve been doing it for weeks, but it’s still awe-inspiring. Every time they do it I feel like I’m seeing WWE in an ever-increasing level of quality. I know this is somewhere around 4k or 8k, but WWE plays in a 16k sandbox right now. Special props to the director for the fluidity of not cutting, and simply landing on the stage for Becky Lynch’s entrance. The smoothness of going from segment to segment is unparalleled right now. Kevin Dunn has to be kicking himself for being too safe with his direction prior to leaving. This is like going from watching an episode of Sesame Street to screening a Christopher Nolan movie…because it’s the bomb. I’d now like to have Drew McIntyre deliver the eulogy for the death of my column. It held on as long as it could, but one can only take so many puns. Very cool augmented reality graphic of Becky’s book, which is stellar by the way. I haven’t enjoyed a wrestling book that much since Mick Foley’s original “Have A Nice Day”.
OVERRATED – THE MAN COMES AROUND TOO MUCH
Can The Man stop coming around with the same catchphrase? Please and thank you. There are so many idioms with the word man, that surely she can find something else to latch onto. To be the man, you gotta…wait no that’s taken. I just wish she’d man up and try some new material. Don’t get mad, Becky, man to man, just take my advice…like a man. She is the true lady’s man after all, so why not just be man enough to move on from this schtick? Or she could just try being a man of few words. Man oh man. But I guess it’s every man for himself in this business, so I’m just going to be a yes man and move on…man.
OVERRATED – BECKY’S TODDLER JUMP
I loved almost everything about this impromptu fisticuffs (it’s my word of the day, sue me) between Becky Lynch and Rhea Ripley. I just wish Becky would man up if she’s going to jump off of the turnbuckle. She climbed to the top of it with fire and determination, then she timidly stepped off of it like a toddler jumping into a pool for the first time.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – ZOEY STARK’S FLYING MANNEQUIN
Did anyone else notice that when Zoey Stark springboarded herself over the ropes and into Dakota Kai’s boot, that she completely froze in mid air and looked like a mannequin falling? Go back and watch it again. It looks like one of those really bad 90s movie moments l, where they cut to a (very obvious) shot of a mannequin falling. It’s hilarious. This rivals the legendary cliff fall in “Mac and Me” that Paul Rudd famously shows every time he’s a guest on “Conan.” I think Zoey should embrace this absurdity and call this move the flying mannequin. You’re welcome, Zoey.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SOLO’S SOLO ACT
What an entrance with presence for Solo Sikoa. His music is great. His ferocious emoting is effective. I even like the towel on the head, which gives me shades of Taz from back in the day. I do wonder why his towel is all shredded though. Did he get attacked by a flock of seagulls, or maybe one solo, angry bird? Aviatory assaults aside, Solo is so cool that he even spits out water better than Triple H. This guy has the goods, and I really hope they give him a powerful push after WrestleMania. He’s a solo act worth promoting. Not to mention there are so many solo one-liners I can make with his name, so do the right thing, WWE!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SOLO CUTS TABLES LIKE BUTTER
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone in recent memory that goes through a table better than Solo Sikoa. Thanks to the guidance of Seth Rollins, Solo cut that table like butter. We should probably give the lion’s share of the credit to gravity, but watching him slice that thing like a human samurai sword was a moment of pure beauty.
OVERRATED – DWAYNE JOHNSON’S BOYS-R-US
Dwayne Johnson calls everyone “boy” now. From the Yeet master, Jey Uso, to Seth Freaky Rollins, and everyone in between. If he says “boy” any more I’m going to start thinking his next business venture is opening a Boys-R-Us where you can go talk down to, and beat up people poorer than you, who can’t afford cow print vests. On the bright side, when it fails faster than WWE New York, he can have an Everything Must Go, Final Boss sale.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SETH’S GREAT ACTING
Watching Seth Rollins stare at The Rock, with fear in his eyes, that slowly turns into a smile that cues Cody Rhodes’s music was picture perfect. The pacing, the acting, every ingredient made for a delicious payoff. Subtly isn’t Seth’s strong suit, but he definitely showed he has that range tonight in that single, dare I say, solo moment.
I’ll be back Friday to distract you with more useless observations on the final show before WrestleMania! Why, you ask? Because someone has to point out the Easter Eggs, even the rotten ones.
RECOMMENDED NEXT: WWE RAW RESULTS (4/1): Keller’s report on Reigns and The Rock appearing, DIY & New Day vs. Judgment Day, Candice & Indi vs. Ivy & Maxxine
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Powell’s WWE Raw Hit List: Seth Rollins vs. Solo Sikoa in a Bloodline Rules match, The Rock and Roman Reigns, Sami Zayn vs. Bronson Reed, Ricochet vs. Ivar, Judgment Day vs. New Day and DIY
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