SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Happy Monday, J.D. McDonagh fans! It’s your lucky day, all two of you, because he is the proud recipient and participant of a pre-advertised match against Ricochet! Aside from this anti-clickbait, we’re in (C.M.) Punk Land tonight. That means a raucous crowd, unstoppable Punk chants, more heat for Drew McIntyre than a microwave full of aluminum foil,and hopefully, at least one reference to unnaturally thick pizza. We also have the king of strong style, Shinsuke Nakamura against “Main Event” Jey Uso, in a match that Jimmy Uso will definitely not interfere in, and only half of that statement is true. With the palpable anticipation for McDonaghMania, let’s dig into the most overrated and under-appreciated moments of Monday Night McDonagh! Too much? In the words of L.A. Knight, “Nah nah!” When it comes to J.D., there is no amount of bashing that is excessive. It’s simply necessary. Let’s go!
OVERRATED – I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
I’m such a big Cody Crybaby that I need drops for the rawness (see what I did there?) of my eyes. That said, I think Cody needs to add a new catchphrase to his verbal repertoire. I just can’t imagine “What do you wanna talk about?” being added to the Then, Now, Forever, Together open as a sound bite. “I am the one,” could scratch that itch, but he’d need to figure out how to use that more often, and in creative ways. I have no doubt Mr. Nightmare will find it. He’s like fire dancing around kindling right now. He’ll find that hot topic (and no I don’t mean Damian Priest’s favorite store).
OVERRATED – C.M. PUNK’S GHOST TOWN
We see C.M. Punk entering the parking lot of the arena and he seems to react to people cheering him, but when they pull out wide, all you see is an empty parking lot and a fence in the distance. No one had the forethought to get a closeup of the rabid fans? This felt empty without that shot. I’ll forgive it if WWE continues breaking new ground with some killer new shots tonight.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CUTOUT HEADS
Seeing giant cutout heads of Seth Rollins and Cody Rhodes cracked me up, especially since the one of Seth IS him cracking up, or rather, cackling like a sociopath. I’m way more amused by these two getting the Dave LaGreca treatment than I should be. It’s almost as strange as Seth Rollins wearing a bright red outfit while trying to be covert on Smackdown. Yes, I know he wore a dark hoodie over it. Don’t pull a Roman Reigns and tell me I’m unfit for this job. I’m THE ONE to tell such jokes.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY ABIDES
I’m going to assume (or at least pretend) Cody Rhodes read my column last week, and was so moved by my heaps of praise for him not wearing a sports jacket that he decided to bless us with the same style tonight. I’m inVESTed in this moderately less formal version of Captain Nightmare. You’re welcome, Cody. On a side note, that was the most perfectly shot version of Cody’s open I’ve seen to date. From the follow shot that didn’t cut, and ended up in front of him for the money shot, to the timing of the pyro, and the very subtle, but effective, dip of the camera in tandem with Cody air punching the final bang, this was cleaner than the leather seating on his luxury bus. The visuals here popped more than a colorful tattoo on someone’s neck, and who would do such a thing?! Pure gold. Give your eyes a special treat and go back and watch it again. It’s that good.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY’S TSUNAMI OF FANS
After the first “Wow” during Cody Rhodes’ entrance, when he runs over to the side of the stage to greet fans, the crowd is so thick, rabid and overwhelming that it looks like a tsunami of fandom is on the verge of crashing onto him. The WWE product is hot enough to melt steel right now.
OVERRATED – SIGN UNIFORMITY
Do we really need to pass out matching blue “We want Cody” signs? I don’t know if this is WWE’s doing, a fan that enjoys laminating signs, or Cody Rhodes’ mom in the audience, but this just feels heavy-handed and detracts from the organic response of the fans.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY OUT WOWS HIMSELF
Somehow, the cameraman managed to top his own shot during the second “Wow”, with a heroic shot of Cody Rhodes facing a hurricane of fans as they all raised their arms in unison. Side note, I’m fairly sure Cody eyed the giant cutout head of himself and cracked up. Or maybe he’s laughing at the ridiculously accurate depiction of the human clown emoji known as Seth Rollins. Some things are just meant to be mysteries forever, like who was really behind the computer G.M. that Edge feuded with several years ago.
OVERRATED – AWKWARDLY POINTING OUT AWKWARDNESS
I’m not sure how I feel about Cody Rhodes bringing us into the awkward 2-week home stretch before WrestleMania, by pointing out, literally, that we’re in the awkward 2-week phase before WrestleMania. That said, the mere mention of Roman Reigns elicited enough boos to make you think Vicky Guerrero just returned to WWE. Roman has got to be feeling great about that well-earned heat.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY GOES ALL IN ON HIS PROMO
Cody Rhodes’ subtle nod to how Chicago, more than any other city, knows when he makes a promise, he keeps it, with regard to the original ALL IN pay per view, was absolutely glorious. Some WWE loyalists may not get the reference, but this is just enough inside baseball to reward the smart wrestling fans out there. I feel both smart and vindicated. Thanks, Cody! I also adore hearing the Cody kindness stories. I knew about a few of these, but hearing him recount them is just endearing. He’s a legitimately great human being. How can you not root for this guy? The book he’s writing is heartwarming and deserves a great ending. I still can’t decide if it’s flowers or jellyfish on his tie, but hey, you can’t win them all.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY MAKES A GOOD POINT
Juvenile jokes aside in Cody Rhodes’ promo, (though wankfest cracked me up) having everyone in the crowd point at the sign with him was a nice tough. It made for an absolutely stunning visual, like a calm, singular “Yes” but aimed at the sign that gets more points than a pencil sharpener in geometry class.
OVERRATED – VESTS
First of all, whoever in the truck was pushing the music button timed it gloriously, having The Rock interrupt Cody Rhodes. What a great surprise. And my God, how cool was the shot of The Rock’s entrance? It was like something out of The Avengers. Rock has gone full Thanos. Good things aside, there are so many vests over muscles in this ring that I feel like I’m watching Baywatch, and not the glorious 90s version, the crappy Rock remake. Too many of these sleeve-allergy shirts make it hard to stay inVESTed in the story. It makes it even harder when “This is awesome” devolves into a “C.M. Punk” chant. Rock and Rhodes had to anticipate this. I’m curious how they’ll respond. And…Rock said nothing! Oh my God. He is a genius. If you want to get heat, have one of the greatest talkers in history show up, and not bless the ears of the crowd with a single word. That was absolutely priceless, almost as valuable as the diamonds around The Final Boss’ neck. I have to give kudos to The Rock for having enough self-control to deliver an amazing, heat-building moment, and avoid stroking his own ego. Special mention to the lip twitch of Cody trying to hide his anger.
OVERRATED – COMING UP
Teases before commercial breaks are meant to make sure you don’t change the channel. Hyping J.D. McDonagh versus the jump roping champion, Ricochet, does the exact opposite for me. I feel like someone just told me that we’re going to see a bobble head fight against a G.I. Joe. I just don’t care. No stakes. Nothing and no one to invest in. I anticipate a few cool moves and some boring back and forth. I’m hoping Dominik Mysterio is by McDonagh’s side and we get some Papa Mysterio interference. That’s the only justification I can envision for making and hyping this match.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – RHEA SAYS WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKING
In this Judgment Day scene backstage, I loved hearing Rhea Ripley tell J.D. McDonagh (and I quote) “Just win something… please”. Amen, Mami. That pretty much sums up McDonagh as a whole. The guy is just an anchor to this gothic sailboat trying to catch the wind. Mami doubled down on her motivation with “Win something”, and I’m here for it. It’s coming from a true, justified feeling about how McDonagh brings the Judgment Day, down to a mere Judgment Hour. On a side note, did anyone else notice that J.D. McDonagh’s entrance didn’t warrant use of The Judgment Day’s augmented reality graphic? Accident or act of God? Either way, I can’t argue with it. Sometimes I wish the J.D. stood for Just Dom.
OVERRATED – J.D. MCDONAGH FORGETS HIS PANTS
Okay, maybe it’s just me, but for some reason, whenever J.D. McDonagh is out here rocking his purple trunks, it truly looks like he just forgot to put his pants in. Have a little modesty to go with that big head of yours, Mr. McDonagh. You’ve McDonagh-nuff to make me dislike you. No need to add fuel to the fire. On a side note, I feel like J.D. has likely been lobbying behind the scenes to add another E to Judgment Day and make it Judgement Day. Why? Because being inexplicably annoying is his favorite pastime. J.D. if you would just find your purpose, and a pair of pants, you’d be in a much better place. If “Wheel of Fortune” has taught us anything, it’s that vowels are expensive. One E in Judgment Day is plenty. Apparently McDonagh is upset about receiving a 71 rating in WWE2K24. I don’t get why he’s so mad though. That’s right on par with the rest of the lollipop kids.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MICHAEL COLE OWNS HIMSELF
Michael Cole just owned himself by saying he loves seeing Ricochet when he flies in mid-air. Um, Michael, all flying is done in mid-air. That’s like saying you like dolphins that swim underwater, or groundhogs that dig underground, or Hardy Boys that do moves off of ladders. I hate to be the canary in the Cole mine, actually no I don’t, but Michael Cole just dug himself a creative grave, and belly flopped into it.
OVERRATED – WRESTLING IS LIKE A BOX OF CEREAL
Did anyone else notice the low quality of the aerial camera during the J.D. McDonagh versus Ricochet match? I don’t know if it’s just soft-focused, or the material isn’t 4k, or if someone is just shooting on their iPhone, but this is quite a blemish to an otherwise visually crisp show. This feels like you’re gloriously crunching your way through a bowl of Frosted Flakes, only to get the unsatisfying discovery of a soggy flake that just ruined your day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, WWE, must you deprive me of the nutritional, and cartoon mascot-led benefits of over-sugared cereal?
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE PIPE BOMB BUFFET
As self-serving as this C.M. Punk talk-a-thon may be, I’ll be damned if it isn’t a pipe bomb buffet for us to feast on. My personal favorite line in this diatribe of dehumanizing people, has to be his jab, no, Mortal Kombat-esq uppercut to Seth Rollins. He said that he and Seth don’t see eye to eye because Seth wears high heels now and is magically taller than him. Ouch. I’m really hoping all this bashing of Seth “Fashion Faux Pas” Rollins is leading to him snapping, ditching the eccentricities, and becoming a much more serious wrestler again. In the meantime though, the book written by the woman whose closet he steals from comes out tomorrow!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MORTAR WARFARE
This back and forth between C.M. Punk and Drew McIntyre is beyond just a pipe bomb fest. This is all out, mortar warfare. I don’t even know who to rally behind with all of these good jabs. They are going punch for punch here, with each line one-upping the other. I feel like I’m standing between peanut butter and hot fudge, both giving me whiffs of why I love them, but making it impossible to choose a side. Between Punk’s jabs at Drew’s kilt, to McIntyre rebutting with threats of getting Punk canceled, to Punk saying he never had to put another man’s name on a shirt to sell it, this is like Thanksgiving for my ears. Delicious bite after delicious bite, and sure it’s all a little excessive, but damn if it isn’t fulfilling. Excuse me while I loosen my belt and listen up more.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DREW UNDERSTANDS IRONY
I’d like to congratulate Drew McIntyre on being the first person in wrestling history to truly understand, and weaponize, the concept of irony. Pointing out how straightedge C.M. Punk is as being ironic since he spends all of his time in rehab (for injuries) is right on the money. If I had money to spare, I’d present you with an oversized grammar check, Drew. Well done. I commend you for understanding something Alanis Morissette never did.
OVERRATED – C.M. PUNK’S EMPTY BLUFF
C.M. Punk is wildly over. There is no denying that. But for whatever reason, the crowd did nothing when he said “Boo this man” to Drew McIntyre, and that hollowed out his next response saying he can’t hear Drew (because of the boos). This is like someone saying they can’t go to the park because it’s raining, when the sun is shining brighter than Emma Stone’s career in 2024.
OVERRATED – DREW LOVES TABLES MORE THAN THE DUDLEYS
Drew McIntyre mocking C.M. Punk’s famous criss cross applesauce-sitting, on the announce table, without actually pointing out what he was doing, was a nice subtle touch. That said, are we in Dudleyville? Because Drew is stroking the table he’s sitting on like Marilyn Monroe sitting on a piano. Either he loves tables more than the Dudleys, or he’s about to sing Happy Birthday Mr. (WWE) President. Go back and watch it again. It’s like he just discovered the table was softer than someone on the other end of an Enzo Amore promo.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – UNEXPECTED HEEL MOVES
I really like hearing Drew McIntyre talk about how he feels like a fan watching C.M Punk, and how exciting it is. This really plays into the anti-heel heel that Drew is being. He truly doesn’t believe he’s the bad guy, and it’s a refreshing angle. I also think it’s a brilliant move to have McIntyre suggest Punk be the special commentator during his match. 99.9% of the time, this move would come at the hands of a babyface forcing themselves into the mix. But having a heel do it? That’s just pure arrogance, and I love it more than Drew McIntyre loves beard dye.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – C.M. PUNK GIVES BIRTH TO A HEALTHY NEW MEME
C.M. Punk’s hilarious overreaction to Seth Rollins’s music hitting is destined to become a new meme. I anticipate seeing thousands of uses of him dropping to his knees, and hitting himself in the head with the microphone, by the end of day tomorrow. Props to Rollins for almost dressing normal. I’m okay with this though. There’s just a touch of eccentricity but he still feels serious, even if he’s dressed like he’s heading to a wedding in a motion capture suit. There are so many dots that I think if I stare long enough, I’ll see a constellation… maybe Orion firing an arrow through Rollins’ sense of fashion. On a side note, I found it wildly amusing that Rollins threw a pair of Dior sunglasses to the outside of the ring, which I’m fairly sure broke upon impact. He’s going to be super bummed later when he finds his catwalk goggles in more disarray than his own character development. It was almost as funny as Punk reacting to Seth clearly showering him with phlegm, while talking. I could honestly watch Punk just react to things all day.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – C.M. REFEREE
I have to give C.M. Punk, Seth Rollins and Drew McIntyre props for spinning an unexpected crowd reaction into gold. When Seth polled the audience as to whether Punk should be on commentary during his match at WrestleMania, the crowd rejected it and chanted “Referee”. Seth ad-libbed that Punk’s injured arm is his counting arm. Punk promptly dropped to the mat and slap counted to 3 with his other arm. Drew then hilariously raised his hands and said “New champ.” That was pure improvised greatness right there, by all involved. I really wish Punk wasn’t injured so we could have had weeks of triple threat banter. Though I suppose if Punk wasn’t injured, we wouldn’t be getting this amazing new version of Drew, so I take it back faster than WWE with a Rock main event.
OVERRATED – SETH DOESN’T UNDERSTAND IRONY
Seth Rollins asked C.M. Punk if he wants to know what he thinks about him. After Punk responded with a deadpan “Nope,” Seth said “You know what’s ironic, Punk? I don’t think anything about you.” Seth, that is not irony. I think you should spend some time with Drew McIntyre, so he can teach you the proper use of the term. What you should have said here was coincidental, not ironic. I think you’re more confused about the concept of irony than you are about character development. Here’s a good use of irony. Every week you come out with wildly eccentric outfits, in an attempt to establish a character, when in fact all this does is dig you into a ditch of having no character more and more. Irony.
OVERRATED – SETH NON-IRONICALLY DOUBLES DOWN ON NOT UNDERSTANDING IRONY
Dear Seth Rollins, saying the irony of having C.M. Punk narrate your finest hour is not lost on you, is in fact lost on you, because that isn’t ironic. Sincerely, 4th grade English. Please consult The Man of the house, a soon to be successful literary force, who I’m sure can explain irony more clearly to you. Before you say anything, no, that isn’t ironic either.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SETH “TINY POCKETS” ROLLINS
If you go back and watch the moment where Seth Rollins fails (for the second time) to properly employ irony, he tries to casually put his hands in his pockets. Amazingly, the pockets of his pants are too fashionable to be functional, and he barely fits a few fingertips into them, and then abandons his efforts. It’s fantastic to see. Do yourself a favor and treat your eyes to this delicious dish of absurdity. On a side note, I’m so happy that Punk pointed out that Drew McIntyre dyes his beard, but he also takes a dig at the sword he used to bring to the ring, which has been missing for quite some time. I wonder if Drew just couldn’t get it through airport security anymore. C.M. Punk’s jabs went a little too far with mentioning Seth’s wife. That’s not fair game, and she’s beloved. He teetered a little too far into being edgy there, so much so that it was a little heelish. He can get away with this in Chicago, but he needs to be careful about not going into business for himself. He needs to enhance the match at WrestleMania, not distract from it. That said, I love multi-layered stories that can pay off down the line. As long as Punk can stay in his lane a bit, I’m all for this.
OVERRATED – SHINSUKE DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
I’m normally a big fan of these Shinsuke Nakamura, Japanese promos. He oozes charisma and seems so confident. But, he didn’t make any sense tonight. He said Jey Uso wants to have his dream match against Jimmy Uso at WrestleMania. Then he says he’s going to turn Jey’s dream into a nightmare. Pray tell, how are you going to do that, Shinsuke? Unless you have Jimmy waiting in the wings to attack Jey, which is super plausible, I don’t see how you can turn a future match into a present nightmare. Did your WrestleMania match with A.J. styles a few years ago buy you a DeLorean? Do you have a hot tub time machine? This is confusing, mildly incoherent nonsense. I feel like I’m listening to Seth Rollins try to use irony a third time.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MEEK MILL
Wait a second, is Meek Mill going to perform at WrestleMania? That brief mention of him with the hashtag WrestleMania, is cryptic but I’m insanely excited about the possibilities here. He is monumentally talented, beloved in my area (of Philly), and could get the crowd rabidly amped up. I’d personally love to see him perform a hip hop version of Cody Rhodes’ song during his night one entrance.
OVERRATED – IVY NILE AND CANDICE LERAE’S COLD START
No recap of Candice LeRae’s mean turn before her Ivy Nile match? No context? They started cold with the bell ring, and did absolutely nothing to remind me of why I should care about this match in any way. They may not be the most over wrestlers, but they deserved better than a cold start to the match. Cole did a decent job catching us up during the match, but the beginning still felt random and empty. Side note, Ivy Nile’s strength is incredibly fascinating to watch. I’m happy they kept this match short and sweet. I also like that Candice dyed her hair purple, which is the color of evil in comic books. Indi Hartwell’s acting is horrendous and kind of ruined what should have been a subtle seeding of discontent with LeRae’s actions.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – D.I.Y. DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
The New Day cracked me up by pointing out that D.I.Y. doesn’t make sense because there are two of them, so they don’t “Do It Yourself”. This was a light, fun way to plant the seeds of competition to grow into short-form storytelling in the ladder match. I like it. We don’t often get any meat between two face teams to sink our teeth into. This is at least a few appetizers worth here. Also, R-Truth is a national treasure. While the DX joke about D.I.Y. is a little tired now, mixing up J.B.L. with Pat McAfee is funny. Having Miz correct him by saying “McAfee” and then Truth thinking he sneezed is even funnier. I love this man. Just when I thought the joke was over, Truth (completely straight faced) says J.B.L. changed his name…and got another laugh out of me. This guy could read the ingredients of Cheetos and make it funny.
OVERRATED – JEY USO’S UNAPPETIZING HUNGRY FOR WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT
The only thing appetizing about Jey Uso’s Hungry For WrestleMania Moment is that it was brought to us by Snickers. Jey looked like a deer in headlights. He was timid, nervous-looking, and not main event-level. This did him no favors.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH
Awesome Truth is gloriously joining us on commentary for D.I.Y. versus The New Day and I literally almost spit out my coffee when R-Truth asked Pat McAfee where his cowboy hat was. By now I should be expecting such quips from him, but dammit, he caught me off guard again. I really hope he keeps this schtick of being confused going when he’s inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame someday. I’d love it if he came out carrying a ladder, thinking he was in a Money in the Bank match. His levity is a great buffer between serious moments on the show. It disarms the viewer so when something dramatic does happen, it feels even more impactful. I honestly can’t handle the Truth sometimes, in the best way possible.
OVERRATED – DISTRACTING COMMENTARY
I love The Awesome Truth but them being on commentary is almost too good to focus on D.I.Y. and The New Day’s match. It’s just distracting, albeit entertainingly so. I do have to give two special mentions to moments I wasn’t distracted from, though. First, Tomasso Ciampa’s insane clothesline sounded like he just knocked the Booty O’s out of New Day. That hit was so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if it lowers someone’s WWE2K24 score. Secondly, when Kofi Kingston gave Gargano a Fameasser, someone shrieked like they saw a spider. I don’t know if it was Kingston squealing with pride and excitement, or Gargano being overcome with fear, but it was absolutely unexpected and hilarious. Go back and watch it again with a mouth full of water and I guarantee you’ll be doing your best Triple H entrance impression by the end of it. Go ahead. I’ll wait. You’re welcome. Now here’s a paper towel to clean up the mess.
OVERRATED – NEW DAY CHANNELS THE YOUNG BUCKS
I really hope New Day doesn’t continue with this trend of Young Bucks-esq, synchronized moves. It really detracts from the realism of the match and makes it feel choreographed. I’m hoping this is just a small dose of this tongue-in-cheek style, and not an overdose that is going to kill their reputation. You can have a quick superkick party, but please don’t turn it into a superkick bender.
OVERRATED – JUDGMENT DAY’S WEAK PLAN
So let me get this straight. The Judgment Day’s great plan to even the odds at WrestleMania was to storm the ring, and beat people up 2 weeks before the big event? This seems poorly thought out, and with so much time left before WrestleMania, completely moot. Everyone will have recovered by then. Also, J.D. McDonagh forgot his pants again. Can he at least borrow one of Dominik Mysterio’s aprons? I liked seeing Miz hop into the ring and show a little fire though, and having Judgment Day attack R-Truth was a very effective way to reignite heat on the faction. People love him and seeing him get beat down definitely built up a ton of sympathy. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they give Awesome Truth the titles at WrestleMania for a feel good moment, that probably turns into a short-lived reign.Truth alone deserves it for getting himself massively over recently. He hasn’t been this hot since Little Jimmy was by his side.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – GREAT STORYTELLING
This whole angle of The Rock whispering something to Cody Rhodes, and then Cody refusing to tell us what it is, but that it’s a promise The Rock can’t keep, is brilliant storytelling. It created a bit of a cliffhanger we have to stay tuned to see play out. This feels like Stephen King and Dean Koontz teamed up to write some suspense promos for Raw. Is it a promise The Rock made for tonight, or for ‘Mania? This makes the rest of the show can’t miss, just in case the promise reveals itself.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – EFFECTIVE JUXTAPOSITIONS IN SIZE
This backstage segment between Cathy Kelly and Gunther is worth it for the aesthetics alone. Gunther looks like an absolute Terminator next to Cathy. This fuels the narrative of his unbeatable aura. Cathy Kelly is essentially serving as a tiny step stool to make Gunther look more dominant and menacing. This works for me better than peanut butter and jelly…and that’s just a delicious combination. I also loved Gunther weighing in on thinking that Sami Zayn won’t beat Bronson Reed tonight. It gives us a little bit of doubt and more anticipation with which to root for Sami. It was a nice touch to have Cathy ask if he’ll be ringside, and Gunther simply reiterate (in a non-answer) that he doesn’t believe Sami can beat Reed. Another planting of seeds that we have to stay tuned to see come to fruition. Will Gunther be ringside? Will he cost Sami the match? Is this all just beneath him? We’ll find out soon enough. WWE is getting so good at planting seeds they’re borderline botanical now.
OVERRATED – ANDRADE EL IDO-SLOW
Andrade el Idolo looks like he stole a sparkly Halloween costume from Seth Rollins’ closet, who probably stole it from The Man’s closet. I can forgive the sparkliness that’s enough to make vampires in Twilight cringe. What I can’t forgive, is how long it took you to remove said mask, Andrade. You took so long removing that mask that Roman Reigns could have walked to the ring twice before you finished. Were you waiting for a cue that we were back from the commercial break? Did one of the sequins get stuck in your hair? This, like The Rock’s promise, is one of the many mysteries in WWEville tonight. Please hurry up next time, Andrade el Ido-Slow.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SHOWBOATING
I loved seeing Andrade catch himself in the ropes and pose arrogantly. Showboating is such a lost art these days and this kind of charisma could get him over even more, with some variety and clever usage.
OVERRATED – MISSING THE G SPOT
This is a rare criticism these days, but WWE’s shot of Andrade’s moonsault to the outside of the ring, onto Giovani Vinci, one might even call it a“G Spot”, was horrendous. You could barely see what happened. WWE has raised the bar so high with production value recently, that this is bound to happen, but it doesn’t change the fact that it sucked the life right out of the moment. On a side note, Giovani looks like a taller version of the little person pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean, and I can’t unsee it. His name is Martin Klebba. Google image it. And now you can’t unsee it either. Misery loves company. Welcome to my pity party. Tiny pirates aside, Andrade’s The Message finisher looks very cool. It’s a bit of a Crossroads ripoff, but I just consider it the international translation.
OVERRATED – POOR BOUT GRAPHIC CHOICES
Again with the lazy still selections for bout graphics, WWE? In this Rhea Ripley versus Becky Lynch graphic, Rhea looks calm, cool, collected and determined. Becky looks like she said she can eat spicy food, and is struggling to save face while trying to swallow a jalapeño. Is it that hard to find an image of each woman with a look that says “I’m going to kick your ass”?
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BECKY’S COOL FACTOR
She’s going to struggle to stay popular while in Rhea Ripley’s white hot shadow, but Becky Lynch looks cool as hell tonight. I no longer believe Seth Rollins is raiding her closet, because Becky’s fashion sense is leagues above her husband. He would look more normal and cooler if he DID steal from her closet.
OVERRATED – IN-GAUGED RHEA RIPLEY
Gauged earrings are a choice. I respect it. But if you’re going to have gauged piercings Rhea Ripley, do you really need to wear normal earrings in those gigantic holes? It just creates a very gross looking aesthetic of a giant hole stretching out like playdough. Gross earrings aside, this was a good showing by both women. Rhea Ripley coming out with Dominik Mysterio already gave her an edge to get booed, but mentioning how Becky’s daughter should call her Mami was an amazing below-the-belt shot. Becky oversold it with the mouth twitch of anger a bit, but the entire back and forth was effective and helped counteract Rhea’s white hot rise in popularity.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BECKY KNOCKS THE MULLET OFF OF DOMINIK MYSTERIO
Becky Lynch clocking Dominik Mysterio in the face may be the pop of the night. People love to boo Dom, and seeing Becky take what looked like a very real shot at him, exploded the crowd. I think WWE cracked the code in getting the crowd to turn (at least somewhat) on Ripley.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – COACH GABLE
While I think Chad Gable’s acting is less than desirable, I do like this angle of him being the Mick to Sami Zayn’s Rocky. It gives Gable a nice way to be present, even just in spirit, at WrestleMania. I wish he’d try to come off more natural with his lines, but it’s a step in a much-needed, more serious direction for Gable. That said, you can’t make a cartoonish cereal like Lucky Charms a 4 star meal, but you can certainly lose the mascot and cheesy presentation. Here’s hoping that Gable is less magically delicious, and more fierce flavored going forward. I’m also hoping he enrolls in the Sami Zayn Acting Academy. He’s the Juilliard of WWE.
UNDER-APPRECIATED- BRONSON’S BIG SLAP
Bronson Reed just chopped Sami Zayn so hard, I’m fairly certain he collapsed at least one of his lungs. That felt like someone in the audio truck turned the sound up to 100 right as the shot connected. I’m genuinely concerned that Sami may have a permanent handprint on his chest now. I was just thinking some tattoos could help edge up Sami’s appearance, clearly Bronson agreed and took it upon himself to give Zayn an unconventional permanent bruise. Nice of Mr. Reed to lend a hand. I know I know, dad jokes for days. Also, is that blood splattered on Bronson Reed’s face? Is that from Sami Zayn’s internal bleeding that clearly evacuated his body from the blunt force of impact?? Reed looks like he just walked out of a Quentin Tarantino ending.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MCAFEE PROMOTES DAVE LAGRECA
Pat McAfee’s line about Bronson Reed’s nose being busted open and “we’re not talking Sirius XM” was a hilarious nod to Dave LaGreca’s top tier wrestling podcast. Well done, sir. Well done indeed. That will surely go over the casual wrestling fans’ heads, but I feel like a majority of us are listening to podcasts and reading columns…right here…on PWTORCH! That was my absolute best Mick Foley impression by the way.
OVERRATED – BRONSON REED IS A VAMPIRE
Blood in wrestling, when done tastefully (no pun intended here) can be match and talent-enhancing. Hell, Nia Jax breaking Becky Lynch’s nose made her a star. That said, I draw the line at consuming human blood. Seeing Bronson Reed wipe blood off of his nose and onto his tongue, made me throw up in my mouth, which I’m sure still tasted better than nose blood. Bronson, unless you’re legitimately a vampire, was that really necessary? Ew. That made me want to Helluva all over myself.
OVERRATED – BACKSTAGE SEGMENTS SHOT LIVE
If you’re going to shoot a promo backstage, at least pre-tape it so the talent gets a few tries. There is no excuse for a backstage promo to be anything but perfect. Seeing Jey Uso stumble over his words, when he could have done multiple takes of this, is unforgivable. Take the time to make sure you’re setting up talent to be their best selves, WWE. There was no reason that couldn’t have been redone until he nailed it. This felt like I was watching a bicycle go by with one flat tire. It wasn’t smooth, the pacing was clunky, and there were far too many ebbs and flows to make it an enjoyable ride.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – PAT MCAFEE’S PLAY BREAKDOWN ACTUALLY PLAYS
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Pat McAfee actually, finally, made great use of his NFL-esq play breakdown schtick by showing us that Becky Lynch legitimately punched Dominik Mysterio in the mouth. McAfee’s terrible Irish accent aside, that was a fantastic use of a very annoying segment that he’s been trying to get over for a long time. Keep using it like that, J.B.L., I mean Pat, and it’ll sing.
OVERRATED – MICHAEL COLE BECOMES HIS OWN COLE MINER
I thought the Godzilla x Kong trailer commentary from Michael Cole and Corey Graves was a nice touch in promoting one of tonight’s sponsors. That said, did Cole need to brag to Pat McAfee about how great he was in the trailer? Show me, don’t tell me Cole. Also, don’t be your own Cole Miner. Haven’t you ever heard of not getting high on your own supply? I don’t know if you can get high on incorrectly spelled fossil fuels, but let’s not experiment, okay?
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE YEET DANCE
Tonight hasn’t been the best night for Jey Uso showing he’s at a main event level of mic work. But I’ll be damned if that doesn’t fade every time he gets an entire arena on their feet for (what Cole calls) the Yeet dance. I still like the Yeet sway sounds better, but I digress. I don’t even think I can technically call this under-appreciated, judging by the 110% participation from the live audience.
OVERRATED – BLAND MATCH ENDING
I thought the ending of Jey Uso versus Shinsuke Nakamura was totally fine, nothing more, nothing less. It’s like a free vanilla ice cream at the end of a Friendly’s dinner. Is it the greatest thing ever? No. But it’s free, and tasty enough to make you happy. It’ll do.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – FINALLY…THE ROCK…HAS GONE FULL HEEL
I had totally forgotten The Rock was in the arena, so when he emerged in the middle of Cody Rhodes brawling with Jimmy Uso and Solo Sikoa, it caught me off guard. Hearing him call Cody “boy” as he beat him down, gave me literal goosebumps. I won’t annoy you by pointing to them like Dwayne does, though. Rock seems all in on his character now, and thank God. He needs to get booed for Cody’s (hopeful) win to be stronger. Props to Mother Nature for making it rain (literally and metaphorically) in this segment. Everything about this was gritty, and borderline shocking. From the belt gag, to the blood, The Rock putting his fingers in the wound like a sadistic movie villain, and the censored F bomb, I can’t wait to see him get his comeuppance at WrestleMania. Also, it was a very nice touch for Mr. Johnson to call back to Dusty Rhodes’ famous hard times promo. This really did make Rock seem like an absolutely invincible final boss. The Rock definitely said “Look at you now” one too many times, and the Mama Rhodes-targeted lines were a bit overdone, but there was a lot of meat here. I can’t believe we still have another 3 shows before ‘Mania. I’m ready now.
I’ll be back Friday for more of the Mama Rhodes love-fest hosted by The Rock.
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Powell’s WWE Raw Hit List: The Rock and Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, Seth Rollins, and Drew McIntyre, Rhea Ripley and Becky Lynch, Jey Uso vs. Shinsuke Nakamura, Sami Zayn vs. Bronson Reed
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