SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
It’s Monday night! That means we’re all super depressed because we’re about as far away from the weekend as Darby Allin is from safety. Might as well drown our sorrows in a bath of newly-(re)named PRO WRESTLING. Thanks, Paul Levesque! Here are the most overrated and under-appreciated moments from tonight’s episode of Monday Night Raw….err Rollins…but really Rhodes. Storytime!
UNDER- APPRECIATED – POP CULTURE ISLAND OF RELEVANCE
It’s a nice touch mentioning the retirement of Eagles player, Jason Kelce. Jason and his brother (who needs no introduction) are at the peak of pop culture relevance right now, and using them to segue into showing Eagles stadium, where WrestleMania will be, is incredibly smart. WWE is firing on all promotional cylinders right now. I feel like they’re riding a rocket, while drinking a Red Bull, and spraying flames and lasers out just because they’re cool as hell. Okay, that’s a bit much, but hey, if you’re gonna say something, say it loud…like The Rock.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – JEY USO CAN SEE AGAIN
Someone said their prayers and took their vitamins because clearly it’s divine intervention that “Main Event” Jey Uso has ditched his snorkeling goggles for a pair of normal, human-appropriate sunglasses.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THE “WOW” FACTOR
The second “wow” during Cody Rhodes’ entrance was shot epically. Seeing him in front of the crowd, from behind, with a sea of enthusiastic cry babies, was absolutely insane. It looked like Moses parting the Red Sea. Yeah, that shot was so good it’s borderline biblical. That kind of camera work is elevating WWE and really showcases what a powerhouse they are when it comes to fans. How over is Cody right now? Honestly, I don’t think he could be more over if he did a Rikishi-style dance with Stone Cold Steve Austin, Timothy Chalamet, and Taylor Swift.
OVERRATED – SETH “NICKELODEON” ROLLINS
Seth Rollins’ outfit tonight comes to us from Nickelodeon. He’s rocking their finest gak-inspired ensemble. It has all the latest features, like making you shunned by friends, glowing in the dark, and you can even run at night without someone hitting you with a car. Unless of course they don’t like your outfit! I’m beginning to find his eccentric sense of style detracting from his tough, top guy demeanor. It doesn’t work for him. It’s like watching Antonio Banderas in Desperado, if he were fighting bad guys in a neon onesie. Props to Pat McAfee for sharing my sentiment, and pointing out that Seth looks like a highlighter. Classic McAfee.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CODY THE VERBAL JANITOR
Cody delivered a fantastic promo that really straightened the wobbly wheels that WWE pivoted its main event on. He’s a master on the mic, and really took a bumpy road and paved it smooth. It all makes sense now, and while we all know they called an audible, he did a good job cleaning up the narrative…like a verbal janitor with a neck tattoo. Special props to Cody for pointing out that Drew McIntyre is the only other guy to pin him, besides Roman Reigns. That’s incredibly smart. It gives Drew some of the Cody rub, and elevates the secondary title match.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SETH’S EASTER EGG
Did anyone else notice when Seth Rollins talked about The Rock in The Bloodline, he made an “L” sign with his fingers, then stared at it, and corrected it into a point? The internet was ablaze when The Rock held up the same “L” while standing tall with The Bloodline. Is this foreshadowing? Are Seth and Rock in on helping Cody? Is Seth on his way to join The Bloodline? God, I love the mystery, the breadcrumbs, all of it. This is elite-level storytelling.
OVERRATED – SETH “WET BABY POOP” ROLLINS
Seth Rollins, must we take the John Cena shortcut to cheap pops, with fecal matter? I get the justification for the moniker, “Diarrhea Dwayne”. Alliteration is fun, but you’re better than that. You’re an architect, a visionary, a revolutionary, but must you also summon the power of dookie references? You’re close to a number 1 guy…don’t lower yourself to number 2 jokes. See what I did there? Sorry, let me get my head out of the toilet. That was a crappy joke anyway. Flush it from your memory. Yep, I’m hopeless. I will say, that’s the first time I heard “diarrhea” chanted on Monday Night Raw. Other than verbally stepping in some, ya know, this dual promo from Seth and Cody Rhodes was wildly effective. I’m super stoked to see them confront The Bloodline on Friday. It’s amazing how easily you can tell a great story when you let it be steered by great storytellers.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DOMINIK MYSTERIO’S NON-TITLE MATCH
Oh come on! We’re getting Dominik “Human Heat Magnet” Mysterio against Gunther, and it’s not even for the title? Now we know this is going to lead to Damien Priest versus Gunther at WrestleMania. Honestly, I wish they’d go with Dom for this match. Between his heat, and Gunther’s skills, it would be a match that would get everyone in the arena on their feet. I feel like we were just given a delicious cup of coffee, but it’s decaf. Decaffeinated Dom isn’t as fun. Sigh. One day, young Mysterio, one day.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – GUNTHER’S SYMMETRY
I love seeing Pat McAfee deliver a callback to his previous disrespect of Gunther by standing on the desk saluting him. These kinds of arc’d moments really reward the weekly viewers. Also, the first shot of Gunther’s entrance is literally, perfectly simmetried. I didn’t know symmetried was actually a word until I typed it, and didn’t get scolded by spellcheck. Yay! Seriously though, that entrance is a work of barbaric art. I love it.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – RAGGEDY DOM DOLL
Gunther whipping Dominik Mysterio to the mat from a headlock sent him flying like a Raggedy Dom Doll across the ring. Kudos to Dom, that’s exactly how someone of his size and skill set should be selling against a hard-hitting beast like Gunther. He has some vocal heat against him (like most nights) that he really doesn’t get enough credit for.
OVERRATED – STAGNANT RATINGS
During the Gunther versus Dominik Mysterio match, Cole said that a win could earn Dom a title shot at WrestleMania. I like those stakes, but I don’t get why we can’t have wins that lead to increased rankings in WWE2K24. It would be amazing synergy and create crossover appeal to buy the game. Let Dom climb the mountain WWE. Give the kid a fighting chance!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – WELCOME TO CHOP CITY
I love the chop story they’re telling in the Gunther versus Dominik Mysterio match. Seeing Dom get in chop, after chop only builds to the inevitable receipt Gunther is coming for. And…it didn’t disappoint. I’m fairly sure Gunther chopped Dominik back to the days of thinking Eddie Guerrero was his real dad. Welcome to Chop City, Dom, a place known for chest hair removal, defibrillating by hand, and handprint art.
OVERRATED – EPIC BUT GAUDY
Seeing a shot from the entrance ramp, looking out into the crowd is absolutely epic. It makes you feel the power of WWE… until you notice about 3,465 graphics of Raw all over the arena. Everywhere you look it’s Raw. There’s big Raws, small Raws, even middle-sized Raws. I could see them on a box. I could see them with a fox. Too many Raws for just one man, let’s tone it down, if we can. Look what you’ve done, WWE. You’ve over-Rawd and made me go full Dr. Seuss. Or perhaps, my heart is just two sizes too small.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SALESMAN GUNTHER
I’m blown away by the amount of offense Gunther sold against Dominik Mysterio. The guy is half his size, half his skill level, and he still gave a masterclass in selling his opponents moves. That’s a seasoned vet who respects Dom’s heat, and is willing to sell it. Special mention to that handprint on his chest. Grab a sharpie, add some eyes and you could make that thing into a Thanksgiving turkey. Major props to Dominik Mysterio for taking more chops than a meat delivery truck.
OVERRATED – J.D. MCDONAGH THE CHEERLEADER
Dominik Mysterio doesn’t need J.D. McDonagh as a cheerleader ringside. He doesn’t add any value other than a little heel heat for coming with backup. Seeing him at ringside was just a distraction in my opinion. He was just kind of a bobble head that shook when the ring jolted. He’s like that annoying bobble head you keep in your car just because you forgot to get rid of it. Get off my dash, J.D.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SILENT SHINSUKE
Shinsuke Nakamura says more with body language than most wrestlers do with actual English words. That’s all he needs. The guy is a walking evil emoji, and I’m here for it. I loved seeing him say next to nothing verbally, and EVERYTHING with body language. Hips don’t lie, especially when they’re Shinsuke’s. Well, he didn’t shake his hips here, but he usually does while he bends his body like Gumbi on the way to the ring. He’s like one of those inflatable tube men, flopping in the wind to draw attention to some major sale, or a used car dealership.
OVERRATED – KATANA CHANCE’S LIP SYNC
Katana Chance is painfully scripted on the microphone. Kayden Carter on the other hand, seems so comfortable and natural on the mic. It’s a good thing she said “WrestleMania” with such pizazz that Katana lip sync’d along. That was the best thing she said (didn’t say?) during that entire backstage segment.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – IT HURTS TO SPEAK
I lost it when they showed Judgment Day backstage, Rhea Ripley asks Dominik Mysterio what he thought would happen, and over-selling his injuries he just pantomimes a title belt. Keep it up, Dom. You’ll be the Leonardo DiCaprio of WWE in no time. Okay maybe that’s a stretch. Dom, you’ll be the Michael Cera of the WWE in no time…you know…because you’re Super Bad. Yes, I know I have a pun addiction. I’m getting help. I’ll take all of this as a sign to stop…(it’s pointless).
OVERRATED – J.D. TAKES CARE OF GUNTHER
Okay, Damien Priest telling J.D. McDonagh to take care of Gunther is hilarious and also a complete waste of a Gunther match. I can’t figure out if I’m excited for J.D. to visit Chop City, or if I’m annoyed that I’ll waste 4-7 minutes of my life that I can’t get back. It’s like eating a hot pepper. It seems like a fun idea, but the pain lasts longer than the high.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – BECKY SMALL POP
I think it was incredibly smart of WWE to cut to a graphic of Becky Lynch versus Rhea Ripley just as Becky entered the ring. Her pops haven’t been nearly as good as they used to be. It’s like garnish on a burnt burger. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it certainly improves the flavor.
OVERRATED – NIA ACTS
During Nia Jaxx versus Becky Lynch, Pat McAfee said “None of them are as damaging as Nia Jaxx.” I agree, Pat, but the only thing she’s damaging is my suspension of disbelief in pro wrestling. Can we create a pro wrestling version of the Razzie Award (awards for bad performances)? I’d like to nominate Nia for worst actress of the year. Her ability to sell in the ring is incredibly slow, clunky and she doesn’t emote enough to make anything feel real. I honestly think I could sell snowballs to an Eskimo better than Nia sells in the ring. If I ever bought any of her performances in the past, I’d like to request a refund. Please and thank you, WWE.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – RICOCHET WITH THE WORDSMITHING
Did Ricochet make up “Closed mouths just don’t get fed around here?” That’s a great line. I’m stealing it. Thanks Riccy!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – J.D. GETS CUT OFF
J.D. McDonagh just got cut off when WWE went to a commercial right as he was talking. I don’t know who made that call, if it was purposeful or accidental, but I appreciate you. Thank you for sparing us the lollipop kid’s grumpy words. Did I mention I’m not a huge fan of J.D.?
OVERRATED – COLE EXPOSES WWE’S FORMULA
Michael Cole just said that Drew McIntyre made a comment about Jey Uso last week that led to a match tonight. Yep, that’s wrestling booking in a nutshell. I’m here for it though. It’s simple yet effective, and keeps shows arc’d versus self-contained. If you work in television (like yours truly) you know that arc’d series are where the real money is at. And we all know how WWE feels about money (spoiler alert, they like it).
OVERRATED – THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE LINEUP
The possible challengers for the Gunther’s title are kind of weak in my opinion. I think only Shinsuke Nakamura, Sami Zayn and Chad Gable are the only viable winners. I’m still wondering why J.D. McDonagh is in the match. Well, I suppose you can’t play tennis without a ball to hit, so they threw him in there to get served (I know, I know) some offense.
OVERRATED – IVARRATED
Ivar should just let Valhalla do all the talking. She can be his Paul Heyman. He’s more intimidating when he doesn’t talk. Also I can’t stop thinking Ivar is secretly Chris Farley, who faked his own death, built muscle, and became a Viking wrestler. You can’t beat Gunther, Sami…and you’re going to be living in a van down by the river.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – SENIOR MONEY IN THE BANK
Did anyone else forget Damien Priest has the Money in the Bank briefcase? Man, what a terrible time to have that. The main event scene is wildly top heavy at the moment, with major stars occupying spots he’d be vying for. That said, I wouldn’t be shocked if he steals one from Seth Rollins after the Drew McIntyre match. No chance he gets involved in Cody Rhodes’ story though. If he does I’ll write my words on a shoe and eat it.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DAMIEN PRIEST’S PUNCHES
I may be alone on this, but I think Damien Priest throws the most believable, brutal looking punches in the WWE. Props to Imperium for selling (or maybe actually taking) the hits and making them look amazing. His punches are so pretty, I wanna buy them dinner. I don’t think there could be a stronger punch if you filled a bowl with 8 gallons of Crown Royale. On a side note, that’s how much you’d need to drink to enjoy Ivar talking.
OVERRATED – PETER PAN IN A MID-LIFE CRISIS
I truly don’t understand Ivar’s outfit. He looks less like a Viking, and more like Peter Pan having a mid-life crisis. It’s a bit fitting though, since his moves never…land well.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MICHAEL COLE’S RIGHT TO CENSOR
Did anyone else notice that after Valhalla screamed “Kill ‘em” to Ivar (while fighting Sami Zayn)? Aside from making this premeditated murder, which would elevate his charges from manslaughter to homicide, it’s worth noting because Michael Cole responded with “Valhalla telling Ivar to get him.” Um, no Michael, that is not what she said. Can I have the court read that back please? Yes, as you can see, she clearly encouraged him to commit murder, in front of thousands of people. You can TV-PG yourselves all night, WWE but you can’t deny homicidal intent. I done seen it!
OVERRATED – VALHALLA YELLING
Why is Valhalla yelling all the time? What is she so angry about? Is it because her man never wants to grow up? Is it because he thinks he can fly in the ring when he thinks happy thoughts? Or, maybe she ran out of jungle leaves to finish her outfit? The world may never know.
OVERRATED – JEY USO’S GLASSES RETURN
Do we really need to make “Yeet” the new “What”? I was into Jey Uso’s promo until he marked the tragic return of his sunglasses that look like a snorkel. At least he wrote “Yeet” on them. That makes everything better. Right? Right?!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – DREW MCINTYRE GOES FULL JACK-IN-THE-BOX
Oh my God. Did anyone else notice Drew McIntyre’s insane whiplash when he took Jey Uso’s turnbuckle butt crash? I assume that’s what it’s called. His head snapped back like a jack-in-the-box that just got punched by a rightfully terrified child.
OVERRATED – SOLO’S NON-SOLO
I’m sorry, but after The Rock outed Solo Sikoa as having an amazing singing voice, I can’t take anything he does seriously, unless he does it in song form. Where is the solo, Solo? On a side note, if you teamed up with Gunther and claimed you were part German, you could be Hans Solo. Just food for thought, nibble on what you will.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – JEY’S THANKSGIVING LEGS
Jey Uso’s super kicks sound louder than a Will Smith slap at a Chris Rock show. The sound is so brutal that I’m convinced he has enough handprints on his upper legs to fill a whole Thanksgiving table with turkey-shaped placeholders.
OVERRATED – CRAYOLA FIGHTS
I’m sorry, but with Seth Rollins all in yellow, and “Live Event” Jimmy Uso all in red, I feel like I’m watching two crayons battle for crayon box dominance.
I’ll be back on Friday for another edition of the Dwayne Johnson insult-a-thon.
(This is the debut column from Kevin Duncan, a/k/a Kevin Thats Weird. Find his videos with his 3.5 million follows on Tik Tok. You’ll be mesmerized. He plans to write “Over and Under” following Raw and Smackdown each week exclusively for PWTorch.com.)
RECOMMENDED NEXT: WWE RAW HITS & MISSES (3/4): Diarrhea Dwayne, Gunther vs. Dominik, Becky vs. Jax, Pearce’s Gauntlet Match announcement, Main Event finish
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Powell’s WWE Raw Hit List: Drew McIntyre vs. Jey Uso, Becky Lynch vs. Nia Jax, Intercontinental Champion Gunther vs. Dominik Mysterio in a non-title match
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