SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE RAW REPORT
DECEMBER 8, 2003
LIVE FROM ANAHEIM, CALIF. AT THE ARROWHEAD POND
-Highlights aired of last week’s surprise appearance by Mick Foley as the consultant and new co-G.M. The opening montage then aired followed by live fireworks and an introduction by Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler who plugged the Kane vs. Goldberg main event.
-Chris Jericho and Christian walked to the ring with flowers, attempting to apologize to Trish Stratus and Lita for what they overheard last week. Jericho said what they overheard was just a joke and that they knew the camera was looking in on them. He said there is no way with the connection he felt with her that he would make a lame bet for $1 Canadian to see whether he or Christian would sleep with one of them first. Lita and Trish ended up slapping Christian and Jericho and destroying the flowers they were going to present to them. Give WWE credit on this one for acknowledging how stupid it was last week that Jericho and Christian made those comments on camera and using that absurdity to play into the storyline. Having Christian and Jericho acknowledge that their bet was revealed on national TV was vital for this to make any sense. I’m not so sure that was the original plan, though.
[Commercial Break]
1 — BUBBA & D-VON DUDLEY vs. CHRISTIAN & CHRIS JERICHO – World Tag Team Title match
At 6:00 Bubba missed a big senton splash off the ropes. Jericho then hit an illegal Lionsault on Bubba. Christian then made the cover and scored a near fall. Bubba fought back and backdropped Jericho over the top rope. Christian charged at them, but knocked Jericho to the floor. Bubba then hit the Bubba Bomb and went for a cover, but Jericho yanked the ref out of the ring to stop the count. Christian whipped Jericho at Bubba, but Bubba moved. D-Von finally entered the chaos. The Dudleys held Jericho and Christian down with their legs spread. Trish and Lita both hit top rope headbutts on Jericho and Christian leading to a 3D by the Dudleys for the win. Trish pointed at Jericho, who had a bloody lip, and yelled at him for betraying her trust.
WINNERS: Dudleys at 8:00 (approx. since match began during commercial break)
STAR RATING: ** — Good non-stop action with strong finishing sequence that played into the ongoing storyline.
[Commercial Break]
-Backstage Batista and Randy Orton bragged to Ric Flair about what they planned to do to Rob Van Dam and Shawn Michaels.
-Eric Bischoff asked Jericho and Christian if they really bet $1 on who could sleep with one of the women first. Jericho seemed to be hedging, but Christian spoke up angrily and said it was a real bet and he was about to close on the deal until their plan was spoiled. Bischoff said Christian & Jericho would face Trish & Lita at Armageddon in “Eric Bischoff’s Battle of the Sexes” at Armageddon. Christian was thrilled and Jericho seemed upset. As noted in last Thursday’s “Keller’s Take,” Jericho is having second thoughts about the bet with Christian because he really did fall for Trish.
[Commercial Break]
2 — ROB VAN DAM vs. BATISTA (w/Ric Flair)
RVD got in early offense against Batista including a jump reverse dropkick followed by another dropkick sending Batista to the floor at 1:00. RVD faked a dive over the top rope and Batista ran to the side. Batista yanked RVD to the floor and stomped away at him. Batista began a methodical attack on RVD leading to a chinlock at 4:00. Fans chanted “RVD, RVD.” RVD stood and elbowed out of the hold, but Batista quickly gave RVD a spinebuster to retain control. Batista hung RVD underside down in the corner in what Ross called a “helpless state,” but when Batista charged, RVD lifted a knee. He followed with a flip axe kick onto Batista at 5:15. RVD followed with Rolling Thunder for a two count. He caught a charging Batista with an extended boot. When he went to the top rope, Flair jumped onto the apron. RVD jumped out to take care of Flair, then flipped into the ring and awkwardly rolled into the ref. It seemed forced and there were some crowd boos. Batista set up a powerbomb. RVD slipped out of it and almost landed on his head in a scary looking botched spot. RVD got up thankfully. He went to the top rope. Flair punched him. RVD took another scary bump to the mat almost on his head from Flair’s punch. Batista then hit his Batista Bomb for the win.
WINNER: Batista at 7:31.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Basic formula match with sloppiness, especially at the end, that took it down a notch or two. Batista continues to carry himself like a top level main eventer outside the ring. Inside the ring there’s still some work to be done or fans are going to see through him. RVD isn’t the perfect opponent for him because Batista has to keep up with him, and RVD isn’t especially easy for greener power wrestlers to work with.
[Commercial Break]
3 — GARRISON CADE & MARK JINDRAK vs. LANCE STORM & VAL VENIS (w/two women)
Before the match Cade said the fans were claiming they were whiners because of what they said after last week’s match. “We are not whiners, we are winners,” he said. He added that at the PPV on Sunday, they’d become the next tag team champions. Lawler referred to the women who came to the ring with Val and Storm as “future adult film stars.” Ross said Cade & Jindrak left out some vital details in their prematch speech this week and complaining or whining last week. The heels dominated the opening minute. The faces came back for the body of the match. Jindrak rolled up Val with a handful of tights for the win.
WINNERS: Jindrak & Cade at 2:56.
STAR RATING: * — Solid basic tag action that forwarded the characters of Cade & Jindrak as hypocritical whiners and cheaters.
Kane said when he was younger, a dog used to always bark him. It annoyed him, so he killed and dragged its carcass into the woods where worms and maggots fed off of it. He said Goldberg annoys him and the fans remind him of worms and maggots feeding off of him. He said at Armageddon, he will end Goldberg’s reign. He said fans won’t like it, but he will.
[Commercial Break]
-Mick Foley came to the ring with a clipboard. I’m surprised they waited this long for him to make a live appearance. He announced he came back to WWE to make sure everything is “made right.” He said if Ric Flair were to interfere in the RVD vs. Orton IC Title match, that would be “not right,” so that match needs a special referee. He announced that special ref, after hours of consulting with himself, would be him. He said he also wants to make “right” by reinstating Steve Austin. He again plugged the petition. The screen showed the mailing address and web info. La Resistance then interrupted. They said Eric Bischoff sent them to the ring with some orders. They said if the French had participated in the war against Iraq, they would have found weapons of mass destruction. They ordered Foley to salute the French flag or they’d beat him up. Foley said he has no problem with the French because he likes French Fries and French Toast. He said there’s no way he would salute their flag, though, but if they thought they could beat him up, give it a try. Then The Rock’s music played. He made a surprise appearance.
He said he came to Raw to say hi to friends, and he began naming a variety of WWE personalities. He turned to Lilian Garcia and said he knows her. He asked her if she still likes the strudel.
“Who in the blue hell are you two French popcorn farts, anyway?” When they began to respond, he said, “It doesn’t matter who you are!” He said he doesn’t give a monkey nut sack who they are. He called one of them Fifi which began a “Fifi” chant. Rock asked them how are their lips because if they keep running their lips he and Foley are going to slap their lips off their French faces, then pick up their lips and make them kiss their American asses. A “USA, USA” chant broke out.
Rene Dupree said they plan to win the tag team titles. Rock took exception with them referring him to Rocky, then said they won’t win the tag titles because they’re French and they suck. Rock then mocked a French accent and said if their army went to Iraq, they would have immediately backed off and offered them French cuisine. He said the only thing powerful about the French is their body odor.
Rock asked them to prove how tough they are two-on-two. Foley said, “You don’t want to mess with the Sock & Rock Connection.” Rock took exception with the order of that phrase. “It’s the Rock and Sock Connection.” La Resistance attacked Rock & Foley. They threw Rock over the top rope to the floor. Foley fought back, but they double-teamed him, too. Rock made a comeback and cleared the ring of La Resistance to a huge pop from the crowd which ate up this entire segment. He gave Conway a Rock Bottom.
Dupree reentered the ring and attacked Rock, then did a really silly dance. Rock then fought back. Foley then gave Mr. Socko to Dupree followed by a spinebuster by Rock. Rock then executed the People’s Elbow for a huge pop from the crowd. Foley followed up with his version of the People’s Elbow. When Foley began doing the Rock’s catch phrase, Rock yanked the mic out of his hand and said he loves him, but he shouldn’t ever do his catch phrases. Rock then did his “smell what the Rock is cookin'” catchphrase to end the segment.
They stood on the second rope in corners of the ring and saluted the crowd, then Rock signed Foley’s clipboard which had a petition to bring Austin back. Great energizing segment that once again made Raw feel like a happening show. Ross again bragged “this shows Raw is the flagship of the WWE.” I’m still not so sure about this “the WWE” thing, though. I like that WWE didn’t advertise Rock ahead of time or even hint at a big surprise. It makes it seem that any given week there can be a big surprise, after two in a row with Foley last week and Rock this week. Lawler wondered aloud if there would be any more surprises on Raw later.
[Commercial Break]
-Coach told Eric Bischoff backstage that Rock is a hell of a surprise. Bischoff said he just had Rock escorted out of the building. He told Coach he likes surprises, too, so he was making the main event between Goldberg and Kane a lumberjack match with his handpicked lumberjacks.
4 — MARK HENRY (w/Teddy Long) & TEST & SCOTT STEINER vs. HURRICANE & ROSEY & BOOKER T
Rosey got in early offense on Test, then tagged in Hurricane. Hurricane got beat up by Test and Steiner. Test mocked Hurricane’s flying. Booker tagged in and took control of the match. Lawler said he’s heard that when it comes to sex, Ross is a superhero because he’s faster than a speeding bullet. Booker did the Spinaroonie at 3:00, but Henry attacked him during it. Henry then tossed Hurricane out of the ring and then slammed Rosey. Ross screamed that Henry was dominating as much as any human being he can remember in years.
[Commercial Break]
Booker began a comeback against Test with a clothesline, but Test cut him off and then did jumping jacks to show his confidence. He tagged Henry in who entered the ring legally for a change. The crowd began a loud “Steiner sucks” chant which Steiner played into. Steiner is great in these situations because nobody is more convincing in making it seem he’s legitimately upset by fan chants than Steiner is. Booker surprised Test with a sunset flip for a two count, but Test immediately regained control and choked him. Henry tagged in and put a chinlock on Booker. Ross began reciting things that Henry can crush with his bare hands to illustrate the power of one of his chinlocks. Steiner tagged in and carried on the heel domination. Booker got in some hope spots. Test tagged back in at 8:30. Test applied a bearhug. About this time, it would have been a good idea for WWE to remind viewers of the main event since this is a long TV match featuring mostly mid-carders. Booker hot-tagged Hurricane at 9:30 and scored a near fall on Test. He showed great fire as he set up the Shining Wizard, but Test cut him off and chokeslammed him. Rosie went for a move and Test landed awkwardly. Booker T entered and gave an interfering Steiner a Bookend. When the dust cleared, it was Henry and Booker. Booker kicked Henry in the face, sending him to the floor. Test reentered the ring. Booker gave him a weak clothesline and they both bumped to the floor. Hurricane gave Henry a neckbreaker out of nowhere for a near fall at 11:00. Henry caught Hurricane flying at him and applied a bearhug. He whipped him around in the bearhug as Ross expressed concern for Hurricane breaking his back. The ref called for the bell. Henry didn’t release the bearhug. When Booker entered for the save, the heels beat him down and raised their arms in victory.
WINNERS: Henry & Test & Steiner at 11:32.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Solid, above average tag match with some good energized chaos a couple times but a couple slower stretches, too.
-Ross plugged the “Bring Back Stone Cold Petition.” He said over a half million people had responded on-line already. Lawler said Austin can’t return as GM, but they want him back in some capacity. Ross then plugged the main event.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial aired for tomorrow’s WWE Operation Care Package press conference at the L.A. Hilton Airport Hotel at 11 a.m. featuring Sable, Big Show, John Cena, Bradshaw, and Torrie Wilson. The public is welcome.
-Bischoff announced that Orton, Batista, and Henry are the lumberjacks. He said if Goldberg or Kane get thrown out of the ring, they have his permission to use any means necessary to get them back into the ring. Long asked if that meant Henry can beat the hell out of them. Bischoff said exactly.
-Ross and Lawler narrated over footage of Kane vs. Goldberg from the “Smackdown: Bring the Pain” videogame. They talked about the Rock & Sock Connection reunited and plugged the Armageddon line-up. They looked for a glimpse of Triple H in a luxury suite, but said they didn’t see him where Flair claimed he was.
-Trish and Lita came out for their match.
[Commercial Break]
5 — TRISH & LITA vs. MOLLY HOLLY & VICTORIA
Joined in progress after the break. Jericho and Christian stepped out onto the rampway to watch. Ross criticized Bischoff for the booking of the Battle of the Sexes match at Armageddon. Ross and Lawler talked more about the bet. Ross said he didn’t necessarily believe Jericho’s claim that he got to “third base” with Trish. Lita tagged in at 3:00 and went to work on both Molly and Victoria, one after another in rapid-fire fashion. Matt Hardy came out and distracted Lita, giving Molly and Victoria a chance to double-team Lita as Hardy distracted the ref leading to the pin.
WINNERS: Victoria & Molly in 4:00 (approx. due to commercial break)
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Ross gave a final plug to the Kane vs. Goldberg main event.
[Commercial Break]
6 — GOLDBERG vs. KANE
Ross did a great job setting the scene during ring intros. Goldberg attacked hard at the start, but soon Kane tossed Goldberg to ringside where Henry, Batista, Orton, and Flair attacked him. Ross said if they did that outside the arena in the streets, they’d be arrested but thanks to Bischoff, it’s legal. At 1:30 Kane sent Goldberg flying to the floor again and Goldberg took another beating from the gang of heels at ringside. I like how they set the scene at Hunter was watching this all from a safe distance in a luxury box in the arena. They never showed him, but just the talk of it created the image of Hunter avoiding the beating that his opponents six days later were giving each other. Kane set up a chokeslam at 4:30, but Goldberg knocked Kane out of the ring instead. Orton, Batista, Flair, and Henry were going to go after Kane, but then stopped and waited. Goldberg then jumped to ringside and punched the heels, then threw Kane back into the ring. Goldberg powerslammed Kane at 5:15, then looked to the crowd and set up a Spear. Orton awkwardly jumped over the top rope and attacked Goldberg, prompting the ref to call for the bell. RVD and Booker T ran out and tried to even the odds somewhat. The heels, though. continued to dominate. Then Shawn Michaels made his first appearance of the show, wearing a black t-shirt with a cross on it, and helped clear the ring of the heels. he gave Kane a superkick. Goldberg then gave Kane the Spear.
WINNER: Goldberg via DQ at 5:33.
STAR RATING: *1/2 — Ehh. Just basic big man stuff. The lumberjack angle was well done at putting heat on the heels. It’s what you’d expect, but the crowd wasn’t happy with the finish. They seemed more forgiving of the situation after the run-ins by RVD, Booker, and Michaels and the show-ending Goldberg Spear. It’s amazing, really, that not one word from the World Title challenger Triple H on the final show before the PPV.
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: McGuire’s Mondays: The curious case of threading the needle in NXT
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