SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 10 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE Smackdown Review
November 6, 2003
Taped on 11/4/03 in Buffalo, NY.
Aired on UPN
By Sean Radican, Torch Team Contributor
Will Smackdown achieve the standard this week?
Points of Argument: I still want to do a list of ten good things about wrestling in 2003, but there is a tie that needs to be broken! Your choices to make their way into the top ten list are OVW, ROH, Chris Benoit, or TNA. Also, if you still want to submit your top ten list there is time. This list will be posted next week. I’ll leave my list up for once again for one more week and you can send your list and votes for the final entrants to s_radican@yahoo.com.
10) The Worlds Greatest Tag Team
9) Ric Flair
8) Randy Orton
7) John Cena
6) Jim Ross
5) Tazz
4) Chris Benoit
3) NWA-TNA
2) Wrestlemania XIX
1) Kurt Angle-Brock Lesnar feud
Let’s take it to Tazz and Cole at ringside!
***In house notes: I’ve been very busy and sick at the same time, so I’m going to be brief this week.
…And now, on to Smackdown!
1st Quarter Hour
John Cena does some mic work before his match against Rey. Cena asks how is he going to lose to a mini-dominatrix. He also calls Rey the Mexican Gary Coleman. He’s so good at what he does.
(1) John Cena defeated Rey Mysterio via pinfall.
Cena gets on his knees to fight against Mysterio, so Mysterio offered to let Cena give him oral satisfaction. Cena used his patented ground and pound attack to begin the match; tossing Mysterio around the ring and the outside. Mysterio went to the top rope, but Cena caught him and hit a nice delayed vertical suplex while making the you can’t see me motion across his face. Mysterio eventually hit a nice springboard senton from the top rope. Mysterio went for the West Coast Pop, but Cena nailed him in the sack. Cena followed that up with the F-U for the pinfall.
Grade: 2 (Nearing the standard). This was a great opening contest, but what’s up with Mysterio basically getting squashed. Cena is really picking up steam and could be main event bound, but only if he allows Hunter to teach him to work the main event “style.”
After the match, Heyman and Team Lesnar came out. Heyman kissed up to Cena and told him he took the victory from Rey Mysterio. He tells Cena he doesn’t have to take anything anymore because he’s going to give him something. I love the way Paul says Brock Lesnar. Anyway, Paul offers Cena the fifth spot on Team Lesnar with Brock’s blessing. Show and Steph should have a wet T-shirt contest. Cena says he’s got a problem with that (not the T-shirt contest). He says nobody tells John Cena what to do. Cena says he isn’t going to fit in with Team Sasquach.
A-Train came in from behind and took Cena down. Show then gave Cena a chokeslam. Jones and Morgan held Cena so that Lesnar could give him a chair shot. That must have hurt. The four members of Team Lesnar stood over Cena to end the segment.
(Commercial Break)
2nd Quarter Hour
(Commercial break)
Members of Team Lesnar backstage surround A-Train. Heyman says A-Train has impressed him so he will be the last member of Team Lesnar. They should be called team ugly.
Cole and Tazz explain to us that if Eddie wins tonight, Los Guerreros will get a shot at the Tag Titles next week. They also narrate highlights of the happenings surrounding Eddie Guerrero for the past few weeks. Never go to a Smackdown taping because they are the most boring shows you will ever attend. There are about ten minutes between matches and promos. Sitting through a highlight package like this really kills a crowd.
Eddie is backstage with Chavo. Chavo reminds Eddie how important his match tonight is. Chavo tells Eddie that Paul has banned him from ringside. Chavo tells Eddie that he has to win for Chavo tonight. Chavo blames Eddie for losing their titles and reminds him that he was there for Eddie when he was going through his problems. Eddie says he’s going to make it right. Somewhere an Angel smiles.
Hey, do you have $250? You can by a Stone Cold Steve Austin F*ck Fear Varsity Leather Jacket at Shopzone.Com. I’m not sure what TNA can do to top this.
(Commercial break)
3rd Quarter Hour
Cole tells us that Farooq’s status for Survivor Series is up in the air. Oh my! Show should be the fat champion, not the US titleholder.
(2) Big Show defeated Bradshaw via pinfall.
Bradshaw kicks Show out of the ring and they brawl around the outside. Show gains the advantage with a boot to the face. Show works over Bradshaw with some incredibly slow-looking offense. This match sucks so far. It seems like both men are moving in slow motion. Bradshaw fights back and takes out Show’s knees. They brawl outside again and Bradshaw throws Show into the exposed barricade! They go back into the ring and Bradshaw goes for the clothesline from hell, but Show blocks it and Chokeslams him for the victory. It’s too bad nothing is at steak for the Survivor Series match from the Smackdown brand.
Grade: 0 (Failure). This match met a new standard at Radican enterprises. It’s a failure. These two brawled around like two drunken grandfathers on a Sunday afternoon. In fact if TNA put this show on Marc “Hollywood” Donmoyer would probably fine this match 9.95.
Paul tells Torrie she is going to do something for him. Paul says Torrie has three minutes to do something for him. He wants her to do it with a big smile on her face. Hopefully she walks through my door right about now.
(Commercial break)
Kurt Angle is on the cell phone. He tells Benoit that Farooq is out for Survivor Series. Torrie comes in and tells Kurt and Benoit that tonight’s main event will be Angle and Benoit against Lesnar, Jones, Morgan, and A-Train. I want to see that promo for the Vince-Taker match right about now.
Taker and Roddy Piper do a lot of sit-down interviews. Taker says that on Survivor Series night he will have worked with the WWE for 13 years. Taker says Vince has screwed with him the whole time. He says the boys in the back show him respect because he shows them respect. He says Vince respects no one. Highlights are shown of Bret Hart and Steve Austin getting screwed. Taker says he is going to get even for all of them. We see Vince making out with Torrie, Trish, and Sable as Taker says how Vince respects his family even less than the wrestlers.
4th Quarter Hour
Taker says that in every mans life there comes a time when you have to be held accountable for your actions, even if your name is Vince McMahon.
Bonus: 2. This was an incredible promo for the Survivor Series match between Vince and Taker. I loved how Vince’s transgressions from the past several years were shown as Taker said he was going to be the one who made Vince pay for them. I can’t wait for this match.
(Commercial break)
A vignette featuring The Cat is aired. This guy is kissing up to the Cat as he gets ready to hit the town with a few ladies. This was really cheesy. The Cat sucked in WCW and I guess he is going to get a shot in the WWE.
(3) Eddie Guerrero defeated The Bashams in a handicap match.
Maniqua’s got a pink outfit, but still manages to look like a man. She whips Doug and Danny with the cat of nine tails. Eddie seemed disturbed by their actions, as was I. Eddie pounds on Doug to start things off, but Doug takes the advantage. He went for a hard pump handle slam, which Eddie didn’t like. Eddie chopped away at Doug in the corner, but the Basham’s used the numbers advantage to work over Eddie. Danny gets tagged in as Tazz discusses Danny’s obsession with Eddies’s crotch. Eddie hit the springboard pizzicato, but Shaniqua interfered to give The Basham’s the advantage. Doug tagged in and helped Danny give Eddie a double sling shot suplex. Cole tells the retarded that Eddie has no one to tag in this match. Doug tagged back in and worked Eddie over with moves reminiscent of John Cena’s ground and pound attack. Danny tried to come off the top rope, but Eddie moved to gain the advantage on Doug Basham.
5th Quarter Hour
Eddie hit several right hands and followed up with a dropkick on Doug. Both Bashams attacked Eddie and he fended them off, but Danny Basham was able to break up a pin on his brother Doug. Eddie hit an awesome headlock/headscissors takedown on the Basham’s. He then hit three suplexes on Doug. The Basham’s switched positions in the ring when the ref had his back turned. Eddie went up for the frogsplash, but Maniqua was on the apron. Eddie took the whip from Shaniqua and whipped the ref. He handed the whip to Danny before the ref turned around and the ref got pissed at Danny. While Danny was distracted, Eddie rolled him up for the three. That was a great ending to the match.
Grade: 3(Achieved the standard): This was a great match. Eddie played the role of the face in peril to perfection. I loved the way he cheated to win.
After the match, Chavo came out to celebrate with Eddie.
(Commercial break)
Eddie and Chavo are excited about their shot at the titles next week as they ride around Buffalo in the low-rider.
Vince makes his way down to the ring. He tells the crowd not to be afraid of him or what he is about to say. Vince says the match hangs over his head like the sword of Damocles. Vince asks for understanding and forgiveness. Vince says he wants every head bowed and every eye closed as Vince makes a personal invocation. The lights go out and only a spotlight shines on Vince’s face. He says he wants his soul to be cleansed and his heart purged. He keeps spitting out words that are difficult to spell. He almost sounds like something the Warrior would post on his web site. Vince says he wants understanding and forgiveness for what he is about to do not what he has done in the past. Vince says he has been chosen to take a glorious quest. He’s been chosen to vanquish his foes and slaughter the infidel. He’s been chosen to bury the Taker alive. Vince has some great facial expressions as he says all of this. He ends his speech by saying, amen.
Bonus: 1 point for another great Vince moment.
(Commercial break)
6th Quarter Hour
A vignette for Bob Holly is aired with commentary from several wrestlers putting him over as a tough guy.
(4) The Ultimo Dragon & Jamie Noble defeated Tajiri & Nunzio.
Noble charged Tajiri right away, but Nunzio broke it up. Noble took the advantage early in the match and worked Nunzio over. Dragon has an awesome red outfit on tonight. Noble tags him in and he goes to work on Nunzio. Dragon works him over with several great looking kicks. Nunzio sold them very well to make them look powerful. Nunzio tripped Dragon and tagged in Tajiri. Dragon hit a nice kick to Tajiri’s sternum. The action spilled outside, but Tajiri’s buddies stopped him from getting to Tajiri, which allowed Nunzio to take him down. The action went back into the ring and Nunzio tagged in and worked Dragon over in the corner. Tajiri came back in and hit Dragon with two loud kicks, but Dragon kicked out. Tajiri held up Dragon’s hand and mocked Noble, who was looking for the tag. Dragon blocked a top rope suplex and turned it into a face buster on Nunzio. Dragon tagged in Noble, who went to work on Tajiri and Nunzio. Nunzio hit the arevaderchi on Noble, but Dragon took him out with an awesome looking handspring elbow. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Noble rolled up Tajiri for the pin.
Grade: 3(Met the standard). This was a good match. These four can really go in the ring. Dragon was especially impressive tonight and was the highlight of the match. His handspring elbow coming out of nowhere was impressive. Hopefully, viewers of Velocity will enjoy him in the coming weeks because he is taking heat off the other wrestlers with his performance.
After the match, Tajiri’s friends tried to attack Noble, but he got out of the ring.
(Commercial break)
7th Quarter Hour
Cole and Tazz announce that Tajiri will fight Noble at Survivor Series and they run down the rest of the Smackdown card.
Highlights are aired from A-Train’s attack on Cena earlier tonight.
Jones, Morgan, Lesnar, and A-Train make their entrances. Oh my!
(Commercial break)
Lesnar is on commentary because he can do whatever he wants. It would have been cool if he told Cole it was because Steph ordered him to do it backstage.
(5) Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle defeated Brock Lesnar & Matt Morgan & Nathan Jones & A-Train in a two-on-four match via DQ.
Angle begins the match against Jones, who does the Hogan Throw! on Angle. Jones smiles like he just made a fresh batch of milk. Jones goes to the Goldberg power moves, but Angle counters and tags in Benoit. Jones does the same exact move that he just did on Angle on Benoit. Morgan comes in and throws Benoit into the corner. Benoit takes Morgan down, but he is picked up and backed into his own corner. Kurt tags himself in and Morgan no-sells his punches in honor of The Road Warriors. Angle trips a charging Morgan in the corner.
8th Quarter Hour
Morgan backs Benoit into his corner and A-Train tags in. A-Train kicks and stomps at Benoit, which seems to be the theme of the match.
(Commercial break) If you like power moves and punches than this is your cup of Starbucks.
A-Train still has the advantage when we come back from the break. Lesnar gets off the headset and…kicks and stomps on Benoit. A-Train covers Benoit for a two count and Brock tags into the match. Lesnar hits a nice suplex on Benoit. If this is a preview of the Survivor Series match, it’s going to suck. Lesnar stomps on Benoit and hits an awesome delayed fisherman suplex. That takes a lot of strength. A-Train tags in and goes to work on Benoit in the corner with big clubbing rights. Morgan gets in on the action and throws some shoulders into Benoit in the corner. Morgan gives Benoit a bearhug in the middle of the ring, but Angle broke it up. I think Farooq for Cena is a great tradeoff as Cole and Tazz discuss Farooq’s injury. Benoit hits a German suplex on Train and tags in Angle who cleans house. Angle avoided several attacks. Lesnar tried for an F-5, but Angle turned it into the Angle Slam. Angle applied the anklelock on Lesnar and Benoit applied the crossface to Train, but Show interfered for the DQ.
Grade: 1 (Below standard). Angle, Benoit, and Lesnar managed to save this from being a total dud, but Jones, Train, and Morgan are a lethal combination of boring when they are put together in one ring.
After the match, Bradshaw tried to make the save, but he was taken out. John Cena came in with a steel chair, but Show punched it in his face and Train gave him a Baldo Bomb. Lesnar took out Angle, Benoit, and Cena with a steel chair.
Team Lesnar stood tall to end the show.
FINAL THOUGHTS
There were some highlights this week, including Vince Promo, Taker’s promo, and the Tajiri & Nunzio vs. Dragon & Noble match. The rest of the show was entirely forgettable from the Bradshaw-Show match to the awful main event. This was a little better than last week, but not by much. I hate that talking is driving up the ratings because we’re sure getting an earful from the superstars of the WWE each and every week now. That being said, Survivor Series looks like a solid card on paper.
Drum roll please…
There were five matches and a total of 20 available points. Smackdown scored a 12, which rates this show as a D.
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