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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
NOV 4, 2023
WICHITA, KAN.
AIRED LIVE ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness, Kevin Kelly
– Hey! Welcome to another edition of my legendary non-contiguous AEW Collision Hits & Misses column, the Corinthian column of wrestling columns.
COLD OPEN — HIT
I am so happy to see this cold open segment return to AEW Collision! These cold opens set a warm tone for every episode, and this tone was on fire.
Here are some highlights:
– FTR is so amazing at what they do; they not only managed to cut a stellar promo, but they did so while finding the one wall in the entire arena that somehow matched their shirts.
– Big Bill and Ricky Starks both spoke during this promo, but tonight, Mr. Bill (I’m assuming his first name is Big) surprised me by flipping the script and delivering better lines than Starks (and that is saying something because Big, of the Bill family, literally interrupted Starks just as Starks was about to pontificate about his ass.)
– Jake Roberts, the father of the “cerebral” promo, reminded us why promos are oftentimes more effective when you choose not to yell.
– Lance Archer chose to yell.
– Darby Allin cut a promo next to a trashcan full of light tubes, which I imagine he found tempting but fought the urge.
– Swerve Strickland cut a promo while Prince Nana danced like a Boomer impersonating a TikTok.
A.R. FOX FIGHTING SWERVE STRICKLAND TO THE RING — MEGA-HIT
I have said it before, and I’ll say it again because I am loquacious; I’ve long believed having the final segment of the cold open spill into the opening match would be a brilliant way to start the show, and tonight, they chose to start brilliantly. Because of this, I am left with no choice but to label this segment a “Mega-Hit” so as not to be a “Hipo-Crit.”
However, even if I hadn’t pushed that idea in previous columns, I would still label this segment a “Mega-Hit” because it was a “Mega-Hit.” The transition from the cold open to the match was pulled off flawlessly, and the best part of it was seeing Swerve Strickland and A.R. Fox battle their way down the ramp while the opening pyro went off around them. That was a nice touch, and whoever thought of doing it that way should be given a sky-high raise and also money.
SWERVE STRICKLAND VS. A.R. FOX — HIT
This was a good match, which isn’t surprising given the two men involved. At some point, I would love to see a rematch on a larger platform. Of course, with the way Fox lost, they would both need a good reason to continue this feud. Maybe Strickland can break into Fox’s home and terrorize his family by stealing nothing, confronting no one, and diddling around like a dad trying to find his car in a parking lot while a cameraman watches him do it.
“PICTURE-‘N’-PICTURE” NOT WORKING — MISS
For some reason, tonight’s school-cafeteria-quality “picture-‘n’-picture” featured a blank screen for half of the first commercial break. AEW needs to get these technical difficulties under control. I know it is hard to produce a live product, but I literally wrote an entire editorial (which you can read HERE) about the overwhelming value of presenting your product in as error-free a way as is possible.
RUSH & COMPANY WON’T SHAKE FTR’S HAND — HIT
I could literally see them loading up Chekov’s gun during this segment, and I love a good Chekov’s gun, but let’s keep it away from Cash Wheeler.
HOUSE OF BLACK WATCHING THE MATCH FROM A SUITE — MINOR-HIT
Nothing says dark and mysterious devil-magic like casually sitting in the stands at a wrestling show; however, I still like that AEW is giving House of Black this kind of attention, and I like that they are trying to make the group’s presence feel meaningful. Therefore, I’m labeling this segment a “Minor-Hit” rather than a “Minor-Miss” because AEW had the right idea, even if they need to work on the execution.
DANIEL GARCIA GETS A WORLD TITLE MATCH — WHAT?
If only Ilia Malinin knew that all he had to do was publicly call out Jason Brown, he could have gone to the Olympics.
And no, I’m still not over what happened to Malinin. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Jason Brown and like his style better than Malinin’s, but having a U.S. Figure Skating Association committee randomly decide you’re not experienced enough to go to the Olympics despite winning that slot via the U.S. Figure Skating Association’s national contest is B.S. and not the kind that involves Paul Wight. This is relevant to my column.
MJF CUTS A PROMO — HIT
In a locker room that sounded like it was located in a cavern, MJF cut a promo about how the search history of his name on Google Trends is shaped like a pyramid, which is not the brag he thinks it is. Now, if it were shaped like a smooth ladder without a precipitous fall down the other side of the pyramid, that would be something to crow about.
Regardless, the rest of this promo was well executed, and so I’m labeling it a “Hit.”
JAY WHITE CUTS A PROMO — MEGA-HIT
White brilliantly gloated about how he’d gotten a pinfall win over MJF, which is better than brilliantly gloating about how that means MJF will get his win back at the pay-per-piew.
Also, I have to ask: Is the entire arena located in a cavern? Is the cavern metal? It sounds metal.
LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS KIP SABIAN — HIT
Kip Sabian provided proof of life and a reminder that Rampage exists.
Side Note: Sabian is one of the most underutilized talents AEW has ever signed. Maybe there is something I don’t know about him that would explain why he is being used so sparingly, but based purely on his promos and in-ring work, I cannot believe this man has spent more time hiding behind a paper bag than talking in front of a camera.
RODERICK STRONG CUTS A PROMO ON THE WAY TO THE RING — HIT
While sitting in a wheelchair, Roderick Strong assured us that he would not stand for the audience’s indifference to neck injuries.
Strong is so entertaining right now, and I get the temptation to want to involve MJF and Adam Cole in his comedy shtick. In my opinion (which is worth two cents with change back), the way to do this without MJF or Adam Cole losing face is for them to play the “straight men” to Strong’s over-the-top outlandishness. When it comes to comedic integrity, an incredulous glare can go a long way.
TAVEN & BENNETT vs. MCGREGGOR & BRICKSTON — MINOR-MISS
This was a squash match, and it was okay. The match itself would have been better suited for Rampage.
CHRISTIAN CAGE & NICK WAYNE VIDEO PACKAGE — MEGA-HIT
Christian Cage, a man who you just know would learn to drive a Monster Truck if it meant he could run over a child’s foot, shared a video of his Persian cat — a cat who is doing a surprisingly good job at making me want to see him repeatedly bang his shin on sharp and pointy things.
MARK BRISCOE YELLS AN INTERVIEW— MINOR-HIT
Mark Briscoe Bushwacked his way through this interview, and there was nothing wrong with it.
Side Note: Lexi Nair is very good at her job.
DARBY ALLIN VS. LANCE ARCHER — HIT
I loved this, and I almost declared it a “Mega-Hit,” but I don’t want to water down that label by giving it to everyone, including people I don’t have under contract.
Side Note: It was nice to hear the crowd boo when Roberts (a living legend) got sent to the back. While that is the opposite reaction than some might expect, it is the reaction some might hope for.
Second Side Note: I wish Lance Archer had been used differently from the beginning, but he wasn’t, and therefore, this is a pretty good use for him. I wish AEW would feature both Archer and Roberts more frequently, if for no other reason than so that I can hear Roberts cut promos.
JAKE ROBERTS CUTS A POST-MATCH PROMO — HIT
Speaking of wanting to hear Roberts cut promos, this was a great example of why. Roberts made The Righteous sound righteous, and I’m now excited to see Archer and Roberts join forces with the world’s largest (and smallest) arts and crafts cult.
KRIS STATLANDER, SKYE BLUE, AND WILLOW NIGHTINGALE INTERVIEW — MINOR-HIT
Get. Statlander. A. Manager.
She is trying so hard, has such a good look, and is good in the ring. She deserves a mouthpiece that can turn her into a Jade Cargill-like star while she continues to improve her mic work behind the scenes. I’ve been genuinely rooting for Statlander to get her mic work to where it needs to be, and she is definitely improving, but I worry AEW’s more casual fans will give up on her before she gets there, and it shouldn’t be allowed to come to that. This is a classic example of someone who has everything they need except the gift of gab, and historically, the solution for that is a manager.
I feel like some people have erroneously assumed that my earlier discussions of Kris Statlander’s cumbersome mic work meant I disliked her. That is not at all the case. The reason I have spent many, many paragraphs analyzing her mic work is because I am a fan of Statlander, and I want her to succeed. If I were running a wrestling company, I would sign her in a heartbeat, but I would also Get. Her. A. Manager. (Not. Mark. Sterling.)
Side Note: The outfit Statlander was wearing looked good on her, but it did not seem to match her character. I wonder if they are going in a new direction with her look? If so, I’d like to stipulate that clothes are not a manager.
ALEX ABRAHANTES CONFRONTS SWERVE STRICKLAND — HIT
Swerve Strickland interrupted Alex Abrahantes mid-promo, and I just hope Penta’s home address is unlisted.
THE ACCLAIMED CELEBRATE THE NUMBER 69 — HIT
Putting aside Max Caster’s man-crush storyline, this segment was funny, ridiculous, immature, and other life-enriching adjectives.
MJF PLAYS THE “STRAIGHT MAN” TO CASTER’S COMEDY — HIT
If they are going to involve MJF in a storyline in which Max Caster comes out of the closet as bisexual (and thirteen), this is the best way to do it. Have MJF play the befuddled “straight man” (not to be confused with “a straight man”) to Caster’s hysterically histrionic exhibitionism.
DALTON CASTLE & THE BOYS DESTROY A TROPHY FOR REASONS — MISS
What?
DALTON CASTLE & THE BOYS GET A TITLE SHOT FOR REASONS — MISS
Why?
KIP SABIAN & THE WORKHORSEMEN VS. DUSTIN RHODES & MARK BRISCOE — MINOR-HIT
The only thing wrong with this was I wished it had gotten more time. At this point in his career, I feel like every match Dustin Rhodes wrestles is special, and I wish I could see him in action more often.
MARK BRISCOE YELLS POST-MATCH INTERVIEW — IN THE MIDDLE (DEPENDING ON JAY WHITE’S RESPONSE)
Mark Briscoe challenged Jay White to a match with White’s shot at the AEW World Heavyweight Championship on the line.
To be clear, that previous sentence wasn’t one of my jokes. That was an actual thing that happened, but I guess I understand where Briscoe is coming from. I sometimes wish for random things, too.
TONY KHAN GRANTS MARK BRISCOE’S WISH DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK — MEGA-MISS
Quick! Someone challenge Tony Khan to an arm-wrestling match with his creative control on the line!
WILLOW NIGHTINGALE VS. EMI SAKURA — HIT
Willow Nightingale and Emi Sakura put on a great match, and this was a good use of Sakura. If anyone read my old Dark Elevation reports (found HERE), they know that I adore Emi Sakura for her crowd work, her reliable move-set, and her ability to tell feature-length stories in a matter of minutes using facial expressions and no words.
I wish AEW had Sakura on their cards more often; however, I am fine with someone of Sakura’s prestige losing to Nightingale. At 47 years old, Sakura is likely heading into the last decade of her career, whereas Willow Nightingale is 29 years old and likely has decades ahead of her.
Side Note: I’m sorry. I’m still distracted by Tony Khan granting Mark Briscoe’s wish for a chance at Jay White’s title shot. If Tony Khan can convince Jay White to give up his title shot in the course of a single commercial break, why can’t he convince him to give up MJF’s belt?
KEITH LEE CONFRONTS SAMOA JOE — MINOR-HIT
In this segment, Samoa Joe continued scheming to get MJF to give him a title shot, but he was interrupted by Keith Lee, who challenged him to a match because this is what passes for storytelling these days.
Side Note: Okay, back to Mark Briscoe and Jay White. Why is Samoa Joe going to all this trouble to get a title shot when he could just toss a penny into Tony Khan’s wishing well?
RICKY STARKS & BIG BILL & GATES OF AGONY vs. FTR & RUSH & VANCE — MINOR-HIT
I liked this match, and that’s not surprising because pretty much everything FTR touches turns to gold. However, I wasn’t thrilled with how they executed some of the end-of-match shenanigans. I liked the handshake refusal, and I have no problem with BCC and House of Black running out, but seeing Malakai Black get set up to take one of Claudio Castagnoli’s Big Swings sucked more air out of Black’s mystique than seeing him sitting in the stands 90 minutes ago.
Could you imagine the Undertaker being put in that position? I’m not saying it wouldn’t ever happen, but if it did happen, I feel like it would be treated like a big deal, and it would likely occur at a paywalled event.
Side Note: One more thing. In case you missed it earlier, Mark Briscoe asked Jay White if he’d put his title shot on the line in a match about nothing, which sounds like a crazy proposition but is a thing that apparently happens now!
FINAL THOUGHTS
This wasn’t last week’s show, but that’s because last week was literally the greatest episode of AEW Collision ever produced. This week was still a decent program with some highs, some lows, some pyramids, some lack of handshakes, and Tony Khan is now a Genie.
SHOW GRADE: B
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, there is nothing like nothing because nothing is the only thing that can never, ever be a thing.
(David Bryant’s Swiftie-ness can be found on his “Artist Formerly Known as Twitter” account @IamDavidBryant; a selfie of David Bryant being a typical millennial on a typical beach can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and David Bryant’s Threads account is threadbare and also located @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant sucks at usernames. David is a published author, circus artist, drag promoter, male pageant winner, unrenowned musician, sloppy figure skater, and the inventor of the world’s most flammable waterbed. Less impressively, he studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts.)
RECOMMENDED NEXT: AEW DYNAMITE HITS & MISSES (11/1): A rebound episode ends with the entirely wrong tone, plus TK’s annoucement, Christian-Copeland, Mox, more
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: Tony’s Takes: Tony Khan’s important announcement, how the WWE, NXT, and AEW television landscape could look one year from now, the return of TNA
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