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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
AUGUST 12, 2023
GREENSBORO, N.C.
AIRED LIVE ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
– Hey, guys! This week’s Hits & Misses column is going to be a short one (minus my typical long-winded ramblings about Christian Cage because that is non-negotiable). The reason is because the time I normally spend writing this column was spent attending this AEW Collision live in Greensboro, N.C. (If you haven’t seen AEW live, I highly recommend it.) That said, do not despair, and do not click away from this column. On the one hand, a shorter column means you will get a dry report with fewer jokes, but on the other hand, you’ll finally get to read one of my columns in a single sitting. (Maybe.)
COLD OPEN — HIT
– The Acclaimed’s Portion: I enjoyed the innovation of Max Caster rapping his cold open. In a way, it’s very appropriate to have Billy Gunn paired with these two because both members of The Acclaimed remind me DX’s better moments, and neither of them seem to age.
– Christian’s Portion: TNT Champion and world-renowned astrophysicist Christian Cage declared it was “apropos” that Collision would air live from the legendary Greensboro Coliseum tonight because tonight, the legend of the greatest TNT Champion in history will continue to grow. Luchasaurus was also involved. Maybe. I don’t know. I couldn’t tell due to the black hole of Christian’s soul suctioning my eyes from my skull.
– CMFTR’s Portion: This was a back-to-the-basics promo, and everything about it worked. I particularly enjoyed Dax’s closing remark that they had three belts and would soon add three more. I like that because the thought of CMFTR holding more titles warms my heart.
NOT INVESTING IN A WIDE-ANGLE LENS — MISS
The entire lower bowl and part of the balcony were packed, but the opening crowd shots did not do a good job of showing that.
RICKY STARKS’S PROMO — HIT
I am genuinely unsure if we are supposed to cheer or boo this man, but the reactions he got that night were loud AF. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind having every show opening with a Starks promo if they are all this charismatic.
VIDEO PACKAGE GIVING CONTEXT TO THE BUCKS vs. FTR REMATCH – HIT
Even Collision’s video packages feel better produced than Dynamite.
THE ACCLAIMED vs. THE IRON SAVAGES — HIT
As someone who was in the arena, I can report that The Acclaimed tied Darby Allin for the biggest pop of the night. Despite losing the tag titles, they are over in a way few acts in AEW have ever been. I really hope they keep pushing them as a centerpiece of their product. Also, shout out to the super enthusiastic kid sitting in my section. He has to be one of the biggest Acclaimed fans I have ever seen. If the Beatles had 11-year-old boys for fans, that is the reaction I would have expected to see.
THE ACCLAIMED’S POST-MATCH PROMO — HIT
Billy Gunn is over in 2023. Think about that.
BULLET CLUB GOLD PROMO — HIT
Jay White is by far the best speaker in this group, and he made their upcoming Dynamite match feel special in an economic amount of time.
MERCEDES MARTINEZ & DIAMANTE vs. KRIS STATLANDER & WILLOW NIGHTINGALE — HIT
There were a few clunky moments in this match, but they were overshadowed by the rest of the in-ring action. Plus, I loved getting to see Statlander and Martinez face off again after last week, and I am a fan of Martinez’s hard-hitting wrestling style.
By the way, during this match, Nightingale took a scary fall to the floor. I truly hope she is okay.
TONI STORM DOES A PROMO IN THE STYLE OF NORMA SHEARER — MEGA-HIT
Once again, this was one of my favorite moments on the show. Toni Storm has really found something with this gimmick, and if you missed her promo, you can watch it HERE.
SAMOA JOE vs. ANDREW EVERETT — MISS
Everett sold like a car salesman three days before Christmas, and much like my writing, it was too much.
SAMOA JOE’S PROMO — HIT
This is the Samoa Joe I wish we’d seen since day one. Joe is proving with every promo, facial expression, and shoulder-led swagger that he deserves to wrestle in front of 80,000 fans.
CHRISTIAN CAGE’S PROMO — MEGA-HIT
All of it.
GREENSBORO GETTING TO SEE ARN ANDERSON — HIT
Anderson got a great pop, and a lot of people in my section held up four fingers in his honor. Putting him on TV tonight was the right choice. This is a smart way to use beloved talent with regional ties.
ARN ANDERSON’S PROMO — MISS
Arn has never been the best promo in the world, but this one felt clunky and underwhelmed in comparison to how excited the fans in Greensboro were to see him. This may have been a byproduct of Anderson not anticipating how loud the reaction to him would be, or it could be the juxtaposition of anyone on Earth having to cut a promo after the magic mic work Christian Cage is laying down these days.
LUCHASAURUS vs. BROCK ANDERSON — MISS
This should have been a squash — no offense to Anderson. I enjoyed many of Anderson’s matches back when I did the Dark Elevation reports; however, there is a time and a place for Anderson to have longer matches, and this was not it.
The Luchasaurus/Christian act is the best thing AEW has going for it not named MJF, Punk, or FTR. (I would like to point out, yet again, that had they run with Hook when he was red hot, his name might have currently belonged in the previous sentence. That is the kind of lost opportunity AEW cannot afford to keep losing.) Anyway, because of this, Luchasaurus needs to maintain an image of being the world’s most devastating monster.
And when I say devastating, I mean soul-crushing, mind-damaging, life-destroying devastation. I want Luchasaurus to be treated the way Lesnar was treated at Summerslam 2014. (You can relive that entire match HERE.) The reason I want this is because it will make watching Luchasaurus beat the ever-loving snot out of Christian Cage in the main event of All Out 2024 (I hope) that much more enjoyable.
Seeing Christian Cage get that kind of just deserts will make me happy in a way I haven’t been happy since I got to see a rattled Kevin Owens get his cowardly ass destroyed by Bill Goldberg at Fastlane 2017. (I was a lot less happy about the IRL career implications that would have on Owens, but I like to suspend my disbelief while watching PPVs.)
P.S. Despite how much I am looking forward to the cathartic release of seeing Christian Cage get what is coming to him, please do not rush Christian’s comeuppance. That moment will be far more delicious if we let it simmer first. So please, milk this version of Christian Cage for all he is worth. This is another “lightning in a bottle” moment for AEW, and I am begging them not to let it pass them by. (See my previous parenthetical regarding Hook and missed opportunities.)
DARBY ALLIN’S PROMO — HIT
Seeing this live hurt my ears. There weren’t that many girls at this event, but every one of them seemed to hit an operatic pitch when Allin came out. As for Allin’s promo, I am in awe at how good he has become at cutting promos. It’s easy to forget (but to properly judge his progress, it is important to remember) just how bad Darby Allin’s rare-for-a-reason promos used to be.
Also, kudos to Allin for going out of his way after this segment to meet a young fan in the audience who was dressed up like him.
CHRISTIAN CAGE’S VISUAL REACTION TO DARBY ALLIN’S PROMO — MEGA-HIT
Facial expressions are the backbone of professional wrestling.
In Mick Foley’s book, “Foley Is Good,” Foley talked about an episode of Smackdown in which he ripped off his shirt to transform into Cactus Jack. He explained that the crowd’s ability to buy into the late-Attitude Era incarnation of Cactus Jack as a legitimate threat was in large part due to Triple H’s visual reaction to that aforementioned transformation.
When this promo took place, Mick Foley had only 10 days to sell the return of Cactus Jack as a monumental shift in both tone and peril. Foley worried that with less than two weeks to explain the backstory of Cactus Jack to casual fans, he’d end up wrestling to the sound of mind-numbing silence at Madison Square Garden on Jan 23, 2000. However, Triple H’s brilliant facial expressions did six months of work in a single night.
That is how important facial expressions are to professional wrestling. If you want to see what I am talking about, you can watch that moment in wrestling history HERE.
With all of that said, Christian’s character is currently using his face in masterful ways. When Darby Allin said he would become the new face of TNT at All Out, Christian’s facial expressions ran the gambit from indigence to anger to fear in less than a minute. That is how good Christian Cage is right now. Christian Cage is “Triple H in 2000” levels of good.
POWERHOUSE HOBBS PROMO — HIT
This promo is the kind of promo I’ve been saying (see my Dark Elevation Reports and at least two episodes of Wade Keller’s Pro Wrestling Post Show) Hobbs has the ability to cut, and I wish they would give him the chance to do it more often.
Q.T. MARSHALL’S INVOLVEMENT IN WHAT THE F— IS HAPPENING? — MISS
I was happy to see Miro on Collision, and I was excited for a Miro vs. Hobbs feud, but then stuff happened. And by “stuff” I mean something that appeared to be a one-sided double-turn written by Lewis Carroll but also hot garbage.
Miro was great, though.
(Also, hire Lana.)
BROADCASTING JIM ROSS’S FULL ENTRANCE ON NATIONAL TV — HIT
Jim Ross deserved this.
THAT ONE FAN I PASSED ON THE CONCOURSE WHO WAS DRESSED LIKE JULIA HART — HIT
A lot of fans choose to wear special outfits to the wrestling shows they attend, and one of them was a girl I passed on the concourse who was sporting the coolest Julia Hart cosplay outfit. I really, really wanted to ask her to take a picture with me, but I didn’t want to seem weird because that side of my personality is reserved for my columns. (You’re welcome.)
HOUSE OF BLACK vs. CMFTR — MEGA-HIT
Given the talent and proclivities of the men involved in this match, I had high expectations, and yet, somehow, against all odds (not the PPV), this match exceeded all of them. The only thing that went really, really wrong during the match was that somehow, against all odds (still not the PPV), the director missed Samoa Joe capturing C.M. Punk at ringside, dragging him over the barricade, and putting him in a sleeper hold. Despite how massive a f— up that is, I still consider this match to be a mega-hit because the in-ring action was just that good.
THE PRODUCTION TEAM — MEGA-MISS
Oh, come on!
FINAL THOUGHTS
This show was so much better than this week’s Dynamite it doesn’t even feel like it was produced by the same company. Hell, if I didn’t know better, I’d question if it was produced on the same planet.
SHOW GRADE: B+
This show would have been an A-, but the production team literally missed one of the most important angles to come out of the main event.
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, I am incapable of writing short columns.
(A picture of David Bryant juggling fire can be found on his X account (not porn) @IamDavidBryant; a video of David Bryant playing guitar can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and a Threads account that David Bryant hopes will someday be usable can be found at @IamDavidBryant. Also, this closing gag is starting to get old, and I’m probably going to change it soon, so enjoy it while you can!)
RECOMMENDED NEXT: AEW COLLISION RESULTS (8/12): Keller’s report on House of Black vs. Punk & FTR, Willow & Statlander vs. Martinez & Diamante
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLNG.NET: Pruett’s Blog: AEW All In should feel as big as WrestleMania and Wrestle Kingdom
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