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NJPW G1 CLIMAX 33: NIGHT 16
AUG. 9, 2023
SHIZUOKA, JAPAN AT ACT CITY HAMAMATSU
AIRED LIVE ON NJPW WORLD
REPORT BY KELLY WELLS, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Announcers: Kevin Kelly (all matches) and Eddie Kingston (block matches only)
(1) EDDIE KINGSTON & YUTO NAKASHIMA vs. THE HOUSE OF TORTURE (Evil & Sho)
Evil & Sho opened with the usual House of Torture outside shenanigans one night after Evil sucked the life out of the tournament with his defeat of Shingo Takagi in the main event. Kevin Kelly continued to further the story of Evil wanting to shave Shingo Takagi’s head, so I expect a match with hair on the line at some point in the near future. Sho used the wrench on Nakashima and finished with the Shock Arrow. Nakashima seemingly didn’t distribute his weight to take Sho’s finisher, so it took a second effort and still didn’t look as good as usual. Otherwise inoffensive fare by House of Torture standards, and it was largely a test for Nakashima, who was legal for the vast majority of the match.
WINNERS: House of Torture at 8:33.
(2) KAITO KIYOMIYA & RYOHEI OIWA vs. TMDK (Mikey Nicholls & Kosei Fujita)
Kevin Kelly said he proposed a trade to Kiyomiya where he’d stay in NJPW and Kelly would send all of House of Torture to NOAH. Fujita, who already has the swagger of a main roster star and has benefitted greatly from being a member of TMDK as a Young Lion, begins his excursion on September 2nd in Australia. Nicholls finished off Oiwa after a Death Valley bomb and a sliding lariat. A strong undercard match. Kiyomiya has a bit of a feud going with Great-O-Khan so I’m still betting on something of interest happening for him before the tour is over.
WINNERS: TMDK at 10:06.
(3) SHOTA UMINO & HIKULEO & MASTER WATO vs. BULLET CLUB WAR DOGS (David Finlay & Gabe Kidd & Gedo)
Hikuleo’s arm span is so wide that he did a bit where he tried to slap hands with both sides of the crowd at once. Finlay dropped Wato on his face in a spot that was scary for a half-second, but Wato appeared to be fine. Gedo submitted to Wato’s finisher. It was the War Dog schmoz you’d expect as Hikuleo and Finlay prepare for quarterfinals tomorrow. Finlay and Kidd attacked with a shillelagh and chair after. Kidd destroyed Hikuleo and said if he doesn’t get to advance from A Block, neither does Hikuleo.
WINNERS: Umino & Hikuleo & Wato at 10:16.
(4) TOMOHIRO ISHII & TOMOAKI HONMA vs. UNITED EMPIRE (The Great-O-Khan & Henare)
Honma, like Togi Makabe, is looking his age so much more on this tour than in previous ones. Ishii & Henare refused to separate even when others were tagged in as they work toward another hard-hitting match after having a very good one in the tournament. Henare finished Honma with Streets of Rage as the other two battled on the outside. A bit lifeless when Honma was legal, though the final sequence picked up a bit. O-Khan tossed his hair band to a United Empire fan after the match.
WINNERS: United Empire at 10:54.
(5) STRONG STYLE (Minoru Suzuki & El Desperado & Ren Narita) vs. LOS INGOBERNABLES DE JAPON (Shingo Takagi & Yota Tsuji & Bushi)
There was a lot of good, hard-hitting action involving Takagi against both Suzuki and Narita. Narita tapped Bushi with the Cobra Twist. Takagi and Suzuki brawled a lot in and out of the ring, so there may be something on the horizon there.
WINNERS: Strong Style at 10:22.
(6) TORU YANO (4) vs. ALEX COUGHLIN (4) – D Block match
Gabe Kidd accompanied Coughlin and the two attacked Yano with the barricades. They choked him out with his gear and towels. Coughlin dragged Yano near the ring and the two set him up on a folding chair. Yano got up and tripped Coughlin onto it, then attacked both War Dogs with chairs. “They don’t tickle, folks,” Eddie Kingston said. Yano dragged Kidd to the back using a chair hooked around Kidd’s neck. Yano headed back to the ring and instead took Coughlin outside and tossed him into some chairs. Coughlin fought back and angrily threw some chairs; the second got a bit too close to referee Marty Asami and some fans as the Young Lions dragged them away. Yano threw Coughlin’s head into the concrete exterior wall and then again into some chairs, where Coughlin made (minimal, I think) contact with an elderly fan. Yikes. Finally the bell sounded.
Yano tossed Coughlin into an exposed corner, then ran him on the ropes and choked Coughlin with some grip tape. Asami wouldn’t make the count as a result of the tape. Yano went for an Irish whip into the exposed buckle and Coughlin reversed. Coughlin stomped Yano, then threw rights, chops and slaps. Rope run and Yano managed a reverse atomic drop, then monkey flipped Coughlin into the exposed buckle. The two missed some spots and Asami got bumped and went flying out of the ring. Kidd returned and the two put the boots to Yano. Kidd set up a table on the outside and Kingston said New Japan’s tables don’t give atall. Coughlin set up a suplex from the apron and Yano resisted, then put Coughlin into a post. The War Dogs went back to double-teaming on the outside but Yano tossed them into opposite barricades. Yano powerbombed Kidd through the table.
Yano returned to Coughlin and tossed him back inside. He grabbed a pair of scissors from under the ring and went in. Coughlin tried to beg off but Yano went at him. At that moment, Asami reentered the ring and confiscated them. Coughlin used his belt on Yano’s head and hit his jackhammer to finish. Coughlin helped Kidd to the back afterward and Kidd’s elbow was bleeding somewhat significantly from the table spot.
WINNER: Alex Coughlin at 5:07. (**)
(Wells’s Analysis: These messy pre-match brawls aren’t my bag exactly, but this was a good one outside of the moments that got too close to fans. Coughlin and Kidd weren’t threats to win their blocks but they scored just enough and did enough memorable brawling to warrant their inclusion. This was the rare Yano match that was comedy-free and allowed him to do some violent brawling, which still looks good on him on the rare occasions they ask it of him)
(7) SHANE HASTE (w/Kosei Fujita) (4) vs. JEFF COBB (8) – D Block match
Haste signed the felt orange top hat he’s been wearing all tour long and gave it to a young fan, who grinned ear to ear the whole time. If Cobb wins this match, he’s guaranteed the quarterfinal round.
Cobb backed up Haste to a rope and gave him a clean break. Haste shot in for a waistlock and Cobb powered free and wrenched the arm. He yanked it down when Haste tried to free himself, and Haste dropped to the mat and used the momentum to reverse. Cobb hit the floor and flicked his wrist to toss Haste as the announcers said Cobb’s power isn’t fair. Cobb caught a charging Haste and put him up for a delayed suplex, but Haste got free just to run into a Cobb dropkick. Haste rolled out of the ring and Cobb followed. Haste kicked Cobb’s leg and tossed him into the barricade and then the apron. Haste powerbombed Cobb onto the apron as Kingston put over the impressive strength. Haste rolled into the ring and Asami started the count. Cobb sold on the floor and rolled in at 16.
Haste put the boots to Cobb until Asami broke it up, as they were tangled in the ropes. Haste put the boots to a grounded Cobb. Haste threw a European uppercut but Cobb whipped him to a corner, and then the opposite one, adding repeated lariats. Cobb suplexed Haste and covered for two. Standing moonsault by Cobb got two also. The two went for clotheslines and neither went down. Haste put Cobb on his knees and hit a running knee for two. Falcon arrow by Haste got two. Haste put Cobb up in a fireman’s carry but Cobb wriggled free and the two exchanged chops and forearms. Cobb put Haste on the mat with a right and ran for a lariat, but Haste hit a dropkick and Cobb bailed to the outside. Haste followed.
The two battled up the ramp – all the way past the crowd – and jockeyed for position. Asami tried to get them back to the ring and Haste tossed him away. Haste went for a powerbomb but Cobb backdropped him to the ramp. Both guys sold on the ramp and Asami started the count. Cobb went for the ring and Haste tried to trap him. Cobb nearly managed a Tour of the Islands, but Haste reversed. Cobb tried to get into the ring and Haste clamped his legs around the barricade, denying Cobb reentry as the two men were counted out. Haste laughed and said he won. Cobb complained to Asami to no avail.
DOUBLE COUNT OUT at 11:10. (***1/2)
(Wells’s Analysis: Very good power stuff throughout that opened the door for two others to surpass Cobb in the last two matches. The finish doesn’t sully the match for me as this was an interesting means to an end that will likely deny Cobb the knockout phase and will get something started between TMDK and United Empire. Cobb is so ludicrously powerful that he doesn’t surprise me anymore, but Haste has impressive power as well and he repeatedly showed it off here)
(8) HIROOKI GOTO (6) vs. ZACK SABRE JR. (8) – D Block match
Sabre and Naito, in the match after this, are both now in win-and-you’re-in situations. The two shot in for a collar-and-elbow and Goto took Sabre to the ropes, where Sabre reversed and feigned a clean break before throwing some European uppercuts. Rope run and Goto hit a hip toss and a shoulder tackle. Goto downed Sabre in a corner for some rights. Spinning heel kick by Goto was caught, and he twisted the leg and dropped on Goto’s ribs, then dropped an elbow on them as the announcers continued to sell Goto’s injuries. Action spilled outside and Sabre kept up the assault on the ribs, then took Goto back inside.
Sabre snapped on a head scissors and Goto quickly reached a rope. Sabre hit a hard kick to Goto’s back and threw rights as Goto got to his feet. Zack ran the ropes and snapped on a cobra twist. He took Goto to the mat, keeping the hold on. Goto rolled to the ropes to break. Goto managed a lariat as both guys ran the ropes. Both guys sold on the mat as the five minute call went out. Goto hit a spinning heel kick in the corner and hit a back suplex for two. Goto went high and Sabre met him on the second rope in the corner, and the two exchanged rights. Goto threw Sabre to the floor and then he worked a head scissors over the top rope as he dangled on the outside. He held it until referee Red Shoes Unno started the count. Goto laid out Sabre again and went up for a flying elbow, but Sabre trapped Goto in an armbar. Goto dragged himself to a rope to break.
Sabre kicked Goto’s chest, but Goto caught the second one. Zack punched his way out and the two ran for lariats at the same time. They went for a second and third, and Sabre went down. Goto hit an ushigoroshi and a back suplex, then another. Sabre hit a backbreaker and both guys were on the mat. Rope run and Sabre hit a hard lariat. Goto kicked out at one and hit a hard lariat for a long two. Sabre hit the Zack Driver but couldn’t cover at the ten minute mark. The two exchanged rights on their knees and then their feet. Goto landed a right that put Sabre on the ropes. They went back to an exchange and grew in speed and intensity. Goto ran the ropes and Sabre landed kicks the arms. He tried the leg and Goto laid him out with a lariat. Goto set up and landed his hard kick to the chest, then put him up and hit a slam and set up GTR, which Sabre reversed. Quick reversals led to a Euro Clutch by Sabre that almost ended it. A headbutt by Goto put Sabre on the mat. Sabre tied up Goto and dropped him to the mat. Goto reached for the ropes and Sabre twisted up Goto in a different hold and Goto, with no arms free to tap, submitted verbally.
WINNER: Zack Sabre Jr. at 14:31 (****1/4) – Sabre advances to quarterfinals
(Wells’s Analysis: With this win, Sabre advances out of the block stage for the first time ever, though he’s been used as a red herring a few times. These two always match up well with their reversals, so it’s no surprise they put together an excellent match on the final night of block action that will likely hold up as match of the night, depending on Tanahashi’s knees and Naito’s motivation)
(9) HIROSHI TANAHASHI (6) vs. TETSUYA NAITO (8) – D Block match
Naito advances with a win, while a Tanahashi win or a draw results in Jeff Cobb advancing. Red Shoes did the thing where he gauges how much of the crowd is cheering for each wrestler, and he called it even. The two soaked up the cheers for a bit and made no contact for over a minute, where Tana hit an inside cradle that almost got three. Naito bailed to the outside and regrouped.
Naito rolled slowly inside the ring and they locked up at the two minute mark. Naito worked an arm wringer until Tana reversed and snapped on a headlock. Naito tried to run the ropes and Tana put on the brakes, then did so a second time and wrenched Naito’s head on the mat. Naito yanked Tana’s hair and Tana did the same. Red Shoes counted to three and they broke. Tana hit a high cross-body and did some air guitar. Arm drag by Tana and he held onto an armbar. Naito grabbed the hair again and yanked Tana to the mat with it. Tana went to the apron and Naito yanked the hair again over the rope. Naito tossed Tana into the barricade outside and did his pose on the mat as the five minute call went out.
Naito put on the leg full nelson and Tana rotated until he could put a foot on the ropes. Naito broke quickly, which is unusual for him, and hit a neckbreaker for two. Naito backed Tana to a corner and threw some stiff back elbows. Irish whip and Tana got a boot up, then hit a running forearm. Tana threw some rights and lefts, then slammed Naito near a corner. He hit a somersault senton from the second rope for two. Tana fired up the crowd and ran the ropes. Naito evaded the sling blade but Tana dropkicked his knee and hit a dragon screw. He went for a cloverleaf and Naito dragged himself to a rope and latched on to break. Tana rained down some boots.
The two reversed a few times. Naito hit an arm drag and a basement dropkick to the back. Ten minutes had elapsed. Naito whipped Tanahashi to a corner where he tried Combinacion Cabron, but Tana caught a leg and hit a dragon screw over a rope. Both sold on the mat, and Naito rolled to the floor. Tanahashi went to the top rope and an “oooohhhh” went out. Likely against doctor’s orders, Tana hit Aces High on Naito all the way to the floor. Red Shoes held off counting as the guys sold for a while, but finally started and got to 14, when Tana rolled Naito inside and followed.
Tanahashi hit sling blade and went up and hit Aces High, this time inside. He went up for High Fly Flow, but Naito got the knees up. Both guys sold for a long while until they dragged themselves toward each other in the center of the ring. They got to their knees and threw some forearms. Naito hit an inverted atomic drop and several back elbows as the call went out that five minutes remained. Naito took Tana to a corner and hit Esperanza. Naito ran at Tana for Destino, but he fought it off and hit an inside cradle for two. Tana hit Twist and Shout twice, then another inside cradle for two. Sling blade and a crucifix got a very long two for Tana.
Three minutes remained. Straitjacket German suplex got two for Tanahashi. Tana went for a slam and Naito escaped and threw more back elbows. Stiff palm strike by Tana. Naito spat at Tana and hit a Destino using the ropes that got three in a surprisingly unclimactic moment after some very strong final minutes.
WINNER: Tetsuya Naito at 17:56. (***3/4)
(Wells’s Analysis: Either because of Tanahashi’s physical limitations, an artistic choice to build suspense, or both, this match was exceedingly slow for most of its runtime. The drama set forth throughout the night, though, made the whole thing work, and they kicked into as high a gear as Tanahashi is still capable of late in the match. All of Naito’s matches in this tournament come off as dramatic as he’s entering the point in his career when he’s got very few chances left to get to the very top. He hasn’t had the greatest matches throughout the tournament, but he’s seemed to be getting stronger as the tournament goes on, which bodes well for the knockout phase)
FINAL THOUGHTS (8.5) – The show had two very strong matches in the final two and another good one in Cobb-Haste, and the Coughlin-Yano brawl will be up the alley of others. Still, the show is better than the sum of its parts, as D Block had some great booking and interesting drama down the stretch that led to Naito making it to the quarterfinals in the 112th and final block match of the tournament, where the commentators have been strongly suggesting that it may be the last best chance Naito will have.
Now that the block phase is over, I can safely say that the bloat (112 matches vs. 84 last year) was definitely felt, as we had four more guys, 28 more matches and four more guys advancing from the block, but we didn’t seem like we had any extra drama as there are still only so many believable guys who can be there at the end. The only major surprises to come out of the blocks are Hikuleo and Evil, and I’m not sold on either of them doing so instead of others in their block (additionally, neither feels like they have even a 1% chance of winning the tournament).
The Quarterfinals look like this:
Sanada vs. Evil
Kazuchika Okada vs. Zack Sabre, Jr.
David Finlay vs. Will Ospreay
Tetsuya Naito vs. Hikuleo
If I’m a betting man I’ll take Naito-Okada or Naito-Sanada in the finals, but it still feels somewhat open to surprise. I’ll be here tomorrow with results for all four Quarterfinal matches.
CATCH UP ON THE PREVIOUS REPORT: NJPW G1 CLIMAX 33 – NIGHT 15 RESULTS (8/8): Radican’s results & analysis of Henare vs. Tonga, Kingston vs. Finlay, Takagi vs. Evil
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