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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
JULY 8, 2023
REGINA, SASK.
AIRED ON TNT
BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Heyyy! Welcome back to the only Hits & Misses column written by a super-serious columnist who is forever in his “third term of college creative writing” (according to a recent fanfic I read.) Speaking of fanfic, did you know there are currently 18,183 works of professional wrestling fanfic on AO3, and over 100 of them are dedicated to Marko Stunt?
COLD OPEN — HIT (AGAIN)
This was Collision’s best cold open yet. I am a mark for these cold opens, and I do not apologize for that! (Hell, I’m a mark for wrestling in general, and I will never apologize for enjoying things.)
Anyway, back to enjoying things…
I enjoyed that this cold open ended with a cliffhanger. Wrestling thrives off of cliffhangers more than mountain climbers do, and I hope that AEW continues using cliffhangers like they’re writing for Re:Zero.
There were three parts to this cold open, and instead of going through each one individually, I’ll just say that C.M. Punk, Ricky Starks, Powerhouse Hobbs, Samoa Joe, Harley Cameron, and Aaron Solo all did their jobs fantastically. Q.T. Marshall was also involved.
C.M. PUNK’S OPENING PROMO — HIT
(Fair warning: This is going to be a “hit heavy” episode of Collision because it deserves to be.)
Going into this promo, I was lukewarm on the main event, and coming out of it, I have more third-degree burns on my body than Cody Rhodes. I honestly can’t believe how good C.M. Punk has been upon returning. NGL, I was expecting him to be a drag on this show, and he has been nothing short of a human rocket launcher. I wish C.M. Punk’s entire AEW run had been this entertaining because the last three weeks have felt like he swallowed a time machine and set it to 2013.
VIDEO PACKAGE HYPING THE MAIN EVENT — HIT
My boyfriend (who is very new to wrestling) watched Money in the Bank with me, and one of his biggest takeaways was how astonishingly powerful the video packages were. After seeing the video package for Money in the Bank’s main event, he expressed that he wished AEW would use hype videos more prevalently and more effectually.
Given how much trepidation there has been amongst the IWC about video packages potentially dampening ratings, I would be very interested to see the minute-by-minute numbers for this week’s Collision and compare them to last week’s.
This week’s show departed from AEW’s traditional format and, in my opinion, that departure was a good thing because it allowed for better storytelling. After all, storytelling is the backbone of the entertainment industry and, if it is made a priority, it will pay dividends in the long run.
For a more detailed overview of my opinions regarding AEW’s recent flaws in storytelling, check out my June editorial HERE.
THE VIDEO RECAP OF THE STARKS vs. HOBBS feud — HIT
Speaking of my boyfriend, just as I was about to fill him in on the history between Starks and Hobbs, a video popped up on the screen and did it for me. (Also, he got to see fetus-Hook, and that filled his heart with joy and questions about mudwrestling.)
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RICKY STARKS vs. POWERHOUSE HOBBS (Q.T. Marshall & Harley Cameron, & Aaron Solo) — HIT
This match went a lot better than Starks vs. Robinson, and the ending surprised me. I assumed Punk would win the main event, and because of that, I assumed Hobbs would win this match to set up a face vs. heel match in the next bracket. Instead, Starks came out on top, and Hobbs came out blaming Q.T. Marshall.
Starks has something special. The crowd never hesitates to get behind him, and I hope his inevitable loss to Punk next week is part of a larger, grander plan for his character. Harley Cameron also has something. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but it’s oddly entertaining, and I feel like it needs a selfie stick. Q.T. Marshall has something too, and he should get it looked at.
MAKING THE REFEREE LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT — MISS
MJF may have Attention Deficit Disorder, but AEW’s referees have Attention Abundance Disorder.
HOBBS TURNING ON MARSHALL — MASSIVE HIT
Finally! The world makes sense again.
To be clear, I don’t hate Q.T. Marshall because I want him off my T.V. screen. I hate Q.T. Marshall because he is very good at playing a smarmy little bitch, and his face looks like a honey pot for violence. It takes a lot of skill to be as good as he is at parodying a white person, and that skill would be indispensable if he were placed in the right role. However, managing Powerhouse Hobbs is not that role. Q.T. Marshall is better suited for a role in which he is either having someone like Hobbs stomp him into bloodstain made out of white claws and milk or managing a stable made up of Harley Cameron, Kerwin White, and the nanny named Fran.
MIRO PROMO — HIT
Cutting an effective promo while crammed inside a genie’s lamp might seem impossible for most people, but Miro makes it look easy.
(Also, hire Lana.)
ATHENA AND NIGHTINGALE’S BACKSTAGE SEGMENT — MISS
The match that resulted from this segment will be a good match, but I was confused by Athena’s reasoning. In the course of four minutes, Athena’s story changed more times than Lady Gaga in concert. At first, Athena was certain Nightingale was faking her injury, and then she was certain Nightingale was so injured she wouldn’t make it to next week.
JULIA HART vs. BAMBI HALL — HIT
I found Bambi Hall entertaining, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her again. I found Julia Hart to be vastly improved now that she’s moved from the cheerleader’s table to the goth kid’s table, and her life is like a Halloween version of Groundhog Day.
MALAKAI BLACK TALKS ABOUT MASKS — HIT
I said in my first Hits & Misses column that I hoped they had a reason for taking Andrade’s mask, and I’m glad to see they did. I enjoyed Malakai’s promo because it was more articulate and story-based rather than his usual platitudes.
Not that I’m totally against platitudes because I can be heavy-handed with them myself. In truth, Black’s promo reminded me of a line from one of my books: “The closer you get to another man’s mask, the easier it is to see through.”
ANDRADE’S PROMO — HIT (w/Caveats)
This was a better promo than last week, and I liked what he was getting at. However, I want to tack on one caveat: I wish that he’d gone into more detail because the things he said were interesting, but channel surfers and casual fans might not know all of the specifics. For example, during the promo, he talked about his culture and his country. I found that compelling, but not everyone watching knows the history of masks in Lucha Libre. Maybe that is something he can talk about next week and further humanize himself by using it to flesh out his character?
FTR vs. TEAM “WHITE JUICE” — MASSIVE HIT
As good as the main event was, this match was my personal match of the night. From a purely “in-ring” perspective, this was the best match I’ve seen in over a week, and I watched Money in the Bank. (I know this is not a WWE column, but if you haven’t seen this year’s Money in the Bank, you are missing out on a jaw-droppingly spectacular pay-per-view. Also, a pay-per-view is what I’m calling it because that is what it is because I paid for Peacock to view it. A PLE is a gastrointestinal disease.)
SHAWN SPEARS VIDEO PACKAGE — (Chairshots are types of hits, right?)
I don’t know for a fact that Wade Keller broke his TV during this segment, but I feel like there’s a non-zero chance.
FTR/TEAM “WHITE JUICE” POST-MATCH PROMO — MINOR HIT
The promo itself was good, but I’m incredulous that Team “White Juice” would request a two out of three falls match when that is more or less FTR’s specialty.
SCORPIO SKY vs. ACTION ANDRETTI — MINOR HIT
The match was good, but I’m not sure how to feel about the ending. However, I want them to do more with Scorpio Sky, and this is a good start.
SAMOA JOE vs. C.M. PUNK — HIT
This was a very good match, and AEW did a very good job of making it feel monumental on short notice. On Saturday night’s Wade Keller Pro Wrestling Post-Show, there was an interesting discussion about the ending of this match, and I recommend you folks check it out. As for me, I fall more on the side of being okay with the roll-up finish. I personally don’t think it diminished the outcome, and in a way, it actually enhanced the ending of the match for me because it came so suddenly. However, Wade Keller and his various guests made excellent points, and if you have the time, I think it’s worth hearing what they had to say and deciding for yourselves.
Also, for some reason, I was actually fooled into thinking Joe’s offer of a handshake might have been legit (Maybe it was because a handshake earlier in the show threw me off the scent?), and I was so angry at Joe for ruining what could have been a great moment in wrestling. I hope he gets his comeuppance.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This was an excellent program and Collision’s best episode to date. Regardless of whatever rating comes in on Monday, my advice to the people who put together this particular episode is simple: do nothing. In the film and television industry, there is a saying so popular that a 2nd A.D. once put it on all of our call sheets: “Hurry up and wait.”
That phrase is not exclusive to the entertainment industry. In fact, it is thought to have originated in the U.S. Military during WWII, and it applies to many situations other than call sheets – this is one of those “other situations.” So, to anyone who was involved in creating this show, even Q.T. Marshall (who I secretly enjoy, but don’t tell anyone), my advice is to hurry up and do it again and then wait before making any further changes to the formula.
SHOW GRADE: A+
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, no matter what your friends tell you, there is no “V’ in Regina.
(David Bryant studied screenwriting at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts and Broadcast and Cinema at UNC-Greensboro. David is a published author as well as a former Mr. NC USofA, Mr. SC United States, Mr. KY EOY, and Mr. National Don’t H8. His Twitter, Instagram, and Threads accounts can be found at @IamDavidBryant.)
OR CHECK OUT JASON POWELL’S REVIEW OF COLLSION AT PROWRESTLING.NET: AEW Collision results (7/8): Powell’s live review of Punk vs. Joe, and Starks vs. Hobbs FTR vs. Jay & Juice
Subscribe to Wade Keller’s free podcasts by searching “Wade Keller” in your podcast app. They include a weekly flagship episode (blue-logo show) and the post-shows after Raw, Dynamite, Smackdown, and Rampage (red logo show) with a mix of best-of episodes too!
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