SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report was originally published 20 years ago this week on PWTorch.com…
WWE Raw Report
Aired Feb. 3, 2003
Live from Washington, D.C.
Broadcast live on TNN
1st Quarter Hour
The show picked up where my weekend left off. After accidentally renting the Spanish sub-titled version of “Undercover Brother” on video at Blockbuster, this week’s Raw opened with the Spanish Audio version. As Eric Bischoff sat in a car speaking on a telephone, a Spanish announcer relayed everything he said in Spanish. I got such a big kick out of what the Spanish announcer that I completely missed the point of Bischoff’s telephone chat. I did notice that Bischoff called Chief Morley and asked him to take care of Raw while he tended to other business…
The Spanish announcers introduced the show, but the audio quickly shifted to the English version that features Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introducing the show…
Test and Stacy Keibler walked to the ring for a promo. Stacy said she was feeling better, but wished Chris Jericho would have come out and apologized. Suddenly, Fat Bastard started repeating everything the couple said in Scottish. Okay, not really. Chris Jericho walked onto the stage and said Test and Stacy need to get over it. Test gave Jericho five seconds to apologize. Christian entered the ring from out of nowhere and attacked Test, knocking Stacy to the ground in the process. Jericho remained on the ramp laughing. Christian started walking toward the fallen Stacy, but Test recovered and “manhandled” (Jim Ross’s word) Christian…
A backstage shot aired of Kane entering Eric Bischoff’s locker room, where Rob Van Dam was seated. Kane told RVD that Morley asked to see him. RVD asked Kane why he left him on his own during last week’s tag team main event. Kane started to explain that his mask fell off, but RVD wasn’t happy with the explanation and jokingly asked if Kane thought he was Spider-Man. Morley entered the room and booked Kane vs. RVD for later in the show…
[Commercial break]
2nd Quarter Hour
Test and Stacy left the building together in a car. Test was still fuming over Jericho, and Ross made a comment that Stacy still needed more recovery time…
The Dudleys made their entrance. Meanwhile, Ross and Lawler addressed the technical problem that took place during the opening segment. The announcers explained that Eric Bischoff was in San Antonio, the home city of Steve Austin. They said Bischoff was aiming to sign Austin to a contract to appear at No Way Out…
(1) Rosey & Jamal beat The Dudleys at 1:13 when special ref Rico made a fast count. Prior to the match, Chief Morley walked onto the stage and named Rico as the special ref. Early in the match, Bubba Ray went for a split-legged moonsault on Rosey, who moved out of the way. Rico made a fast count on Bubba for the finish. The Dudleys attacked him after the match, only to be attacked from behind by Rosey & Jamal. Spike Dudley ran out to even the sides. The Dudleys powerbombed Rico through a table for a big pop from the live crowd…
In San Antonio, Bischoff and his limo driver (who looks like a cross between a thin Paul Bearer and Morales from Oz) were lost. Bischoff called Morley and told him to take control of the show while he was away. Bischoff blamed the limo driver for not being able to find Austin’s house. The limo driver shot back that he could find it if Bischoff would give him the right address…
Ross and Lawler pitched the Raw Magazine feature on Austin, and William Regal & Lance Storm vs. Booker T & Goldust for later in the show…
[Commercial break]
3rd Quarter Hour
A countdown graphic appeared on the screen to note how much time Eric Bischoff has left to win Vince McMahon’s approval…
Tommy Dreamer walked to the ring for a match. Moments later, Ric Flair led Randy Orton and Batista to the ring. The threesome was followed by Triple H, who hobbled to the ring with the aid of a crutch while wearing a suit and shades. Batista and Orton attacked Dreamer and eventually threw him to ringside. The announcers treated Dreamer as a babyface, even though he beat the hell out of the Tough Enough winners for no good reason last week.
Triple H took the mic and said what the fans were seeing was evolution. Hunter raised his voice while praising Ric Flair as a legend. “Take it from me, there is no one better than Ric Flair,” Hunter said. “And all of the things Ric Flair represents, I am today. I have taken all of those attributes and put them into the ultimate package. I have put them into a body that every man wishes they had, and every single one of you women wants to be with. You top that off with a mind made for this business and you get the greatest ring general there is.”
Hunter said it was time to look to the future. With that said, he turned his attention to Batista, who is going by “Dave Batista” again for the first time in a while. After heaping praise on Batista, Hunter turned his attention to Randy Orton and praised him for having the business in his blood. “Randy Orton is the coal that will be squeezed into the next diamond,” Hunter said. “Everything happens for a reason. It’s just the natural process of evolution. You see, if you don’t have what it takes, that evolution will leave you behind. So if you wake up one day in a hospital bed and you’re all beat up and you’re wondering what the hell happened, there’s only one answer, evolution has just passed you by.”
(Commentary: A very good promo from Hunter, aside from flubbing the coal/diamond line while talking about Orton. Apparently this group will be called Evolution, which should really raise the ire of the TNA group, which is already marketing a t-shirt with the phrase “Evolution is the only solution.”)
[Commercial break]
Backstage, Terri asked Scott Steiner how he planned to deal with Chris Jericho. Steiner flexed his arm and said, “Like I always have… with these”…
A shot aired of Hunter’s faction living the good life backstage…
Bischoff arrived at Steve Austin’s house and knocked on the door. Some old cowboy answered the door. Oh my God, Steve Austin is having a homosexual affair with Oklahoma! Oh, wait, it was just some older guy named Buford, who told Bischoff that Austin was waiting for him at the Longhorn Saloon. Oh my God, Austin is having a homosexual affair with some old cowboy named Buford!…
4th Quarter Hour
[Commercial break]
Highlights aired of Jazz’s attack on Trish from last week. Unfortunately, the video left out Jazz’s hilarious “I’m the man” boast. On commentary, Ross started to sell Trish’s injuries by saying that she was at home battered and bruised. Lawler interrupted to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if Trish is back next week. So much for selling her injuries…
The on-screen counter noted that Bischoff has less than seven days to win Vince McMahon’s approval…
(2) Victoria (w/Steven Richards) beat Molly Holly in a non-title match at 2:54. Molly debuted a new shirt to go along with her usual pants. It didn’t help much as Victoria pretty much just squashed her. What a waste of Molly. After the match, Jazz entered the ring and attacked Molly. Things were going well until Victoria wanted more of Molly, which led to Jazz shoving her out of the way. Richards stepped between Victoria and Jazz, then talked Victoria into leaving the ring with him…
Backstage, Goldust was feeling sorry for himself again. Goldy made a deal with Booker: If they win the titles, great, but if they lose, they go their separate ways so that Booker can pursue a singles career…
[Commercial break]
Ring introductions took place for the Booker T & Goldust vs. William Regal & Lance Storm match…
(Commentary: By my count, there were a whopping four minutes and seven seconds of actual wrestling during the first hour.)
5th Quarter Hour
(3) William Regal & Lance Storm beat Booker T & Goldust to retain the Raw Tag Titles at 5:36. In the end, Regal and Storm pinned poor ol’ Goldy for the win. Afterward, Booker called Goldust back inside the ring and said they don’t have anything to be ashamed of. Well, unless you count holding the tag titles for less than a month. Anyway, Booker said he respects the idea of going separate ways, but wanted to walk away with his head held high. Booker and Goldust (who suffered a bloody nose) hugged in the ring…
[Commercial break]
Bischoff entered the Longhorn Bar and asked for a martini, which drew laughs from the locals. Bischoff asked the bartender if Austin was around. The bartender said that Austin had been in looking for Bischoff, but headed to another bar down the street. Bischoff tipped the bartender a hundred bucks for his trouble…
The Bischoff countdown appeared on the screen while Kane made his entrance…
6th Quarter Hour
(4) Rob Van Dam beat Kane by DQ when Jeff Hardy interfered at 4:11. Kane punched RVD while he was going through his thumb-pointing gimmick and scored a quick nearfall. Late in the match, RVD set up Kane for the Five Star Frogsplash, but Hardy ran out and threw him to the floor at ringside for the DQ. Hardy slapped Kane, who got ticked and chokeslammed Hardy to the mat. RVD followed up with a Frogsplash on Hardy, then shook Kane’s hand…
Backstage, Booker searched for Goldust. Earl Hebner told Booker he’d heard that Goldy headed back to his hotel room…
A No Way Out commercial hyped Rock vs. Hogan II…
[Commercial break]
(Commentary: A bunch of backstage skits and a few forgettable matches thrown in as filler. Geez, is it Wednesday night already?)
Jeff Hardy was still lying in the ring while the announcers recapped the previous segment. Shawn Michaels entrance music interrupted the announcers, and Jim Ross acted as if Michaels showing up was a big surprise.
(Commentary: Nope, it’s not Wednesday night because at least when the TNA announcers sell something as a surprise it’s almost always a legit surprise.)
7th Quarter Hour
Michaels said he was originally planning to confront Chris Jericho, but he could see he had his hands full dealing with Test. Michaels confronted Jeff Hardy, saying he was at a crossroads in his career. Michaels said he was once in Jeff’s shoes and dealt with it by superkicking his tag partner and throwing him through a window. Michaels asked Jeff to explain his recent actions. Jeff ripped the mic out of Michaels hands and said, “I’m going to start kicking some ass around this place, and I’m going to start with you.” Michaels superkicked Hardy and left him lying…
(Commentary: I also know it’s not Wednesday night because the in-ring arguments are between wrestlers, not play-by-play announcers. Good segment. I like the idea of Michaels showing an interest in the careers of both Chris Jericho and Jeff Hardy, the two wrestlers who have drawn the most comparisons to him.)
[Commercial break]
The latest Sean O’Haire vignette aired. He doesn’t think we should have to pay taxes…
(5) D-Lo Brown (w/Teddy Long) beat Maven at 3:54. After giving Maven a nice pop during his entrance, the live crowd quickly soured on this match. In the end, D-Lo hit the Lo-Down for the clean win. Lame match. Afterward, Teddy took the mic and pointed out that D-Lo is undefeated since joining him. Teddy invited the live crowd to join him in saying, “Down with the Brown.” There were a few boos, but the live crowd mostly offered no response, which led to Teddy getting the wrap up music…
Backstage, Hunter and his faction continued to party. Hunter pulled the group together to make sure they knew what to do during the Steiner vs. Jericho match…
Eric Bischoff arrived at the Silver Dollar Bar to meet Austin. I guess he must have stopped off for a Slurpee since it took him close to a half-hour to find a bar that was supposedly just up the street from the last bar he was in…
8th Quarter Hour
[Commercial break]
Big surprise, Bischoff entered the bar and was told that Austin “slipped out” a while ago. Bischoff started to leave the bar, but a kid playing pool started laughing at him. The kid mocked Bischoff by saying that he couldn’t sign Austin, which means he’ll be fired by Vince McMahon. Bischoff smashed a beer glass over the kid’s head. The rest of the locals just stood and watched as Bischoff told them Austin would have received the same treatment had he been at the bar…
On commentary, Ross said Bischoff has made a poor decision by bad-mouthing Austin. Ross said he’s spoken to Austin, and stressed that Austin is very interested in Bischoff’s offer…
Backstage, Orton and Batista approached Goldust, who was still feeling sorry for himself. After exchanging words, the due attacked Goldust and threw him into a wall that served as the base for several electrical boxes. When Goldust hit the boxes, a few pyros went off as if he was being electrocuted. Just as they did two weeks ago during Stacy’s corny injury angle, the announcers stopped talking again to sell this corny angle…
(Commentary: I thought Vince McMahon said Shock Television is dead? Hey, a lame joke for a lame angle.)
[Commercial break]
Highlights aired of Goldust being stretchered out of the building…
Ring introductions took place for the main event…
9th Quarter Hour
(6) Scott Steiner beat Chris Jericho at 7:04 to earn a World Hvt. Title shot at No Way Out. Before the match, a shot aired of Triple H and Ric Flair watching the action from a luxury box, which is apparently where they’ve been throughout the night, not backstage as I wrote previously. The live crowd was pretty much killed before the match started, which is actually good news for WWE, since the crowd didn’t care enough to boo Steiner. It looked like Steiner was laying in some stiff chops to Jericho’s chest and some stiff punches to his back. Either Steiner was doing a nice job of making his shots look real, or he’s adopted the philosophy that if you can’t work, work stiff. Later, Jericho went for the Liontamer, but Steiner muscled his way out of it. Steiner came back with a powerbomb for a nearfall. Jericho regained control of the match and locked in the Liontamer this time, but Steiner reached the ropes. At least he didn’t kill the move by simply powering out of it once it was actually applied. Later, Steiner caught Jericho on the top rope and used a fall-away slam from the second rope for the win. A passable match…
Backstage, Vince McMahon entered Chief Morley’s dressing room and said it didn’t appear Morley and Bischoff were having a good week. Vince said the duo was running out of time, and threatened to fire them at the end of next week’s show in Los Angeles if he’s not impressed with what he sees…
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