6/6 AEW DARK ELEVATION TV REPORT: Bryant’s report on Death Triangle vs. Wingmen, The Factory vs. Dark Order, Rose & Deeb vs. Skye Blue & Yamashita

AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT
JUNE 6, 2022
TAPED 6/1 IN INGLEWOOD, CALIF.
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Commentators: Paul Wight & Mark Henry & Tony Schiavone

Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts

– I’m back! I spent the last two weeks bouncing around various hotel rooms, but I’m finally home and ready to succinctly sum up another episode of AEW Dark Elevation. Anything noteworthy happen while I was gone?

– Tonight’s Dark Elevation taping emanated not-live from The Forum in Inglewood, Calif. right next to Los Angeles, Calif. My Dad grew up about 90-minutes outside of L.A., and I’ve had the pleasure of visiting that area. I would like to say it is fantastically hot. It is very hot. It is literally a desert full of drought and sunstroke. That said, it’s also the place where movies come to life, where dreams come true, and where Stardust is more than a wrestling character. It’s the only place where you can buy a map of the stars and have it lead to actual homes. It’s where fashion comes from, where the sun goes to set, and where all the hot people live because it’s hot. Good God, is it HOT!

– Before the show started, a video celebrating pride month aired. It featured: Chris Jericho, Mercedes Martinez, Wardlow, Jade Cargill, Britt Baker, Anthony “Burp-Basket” Bowens, Mark Henry, Leva Bates, Thunder Rosa, Andrade El Idolo, Jose Garcia, Adam Cole, Vickie Guerrero (wearing a silver-hooped waterfall necklace), Aubrey Edwards, Swerve Strickland, Max “Clown-Cart” Caster, Serena Deeb, Ricky Starks, Will Hobbs, C.M.. Punk, Sonny Kiss (Fun Fact: Sonny Kiss is a fan of Korn), Dax Harwood, Cash Wheeler, Orange Cassidy, Bryce Remsburg, and Nyla Rose.

As someone who spent his teenage years isolated and in the closet, these small gestures mean a lot. It is mind-blowing how quickly the world has changed for the better. I wish Pat Patterson were alive to see this.

– The show started off with Tony Schiavone introducing the announce team, which included himself, Paul Wight, and Mark Henry. The camera swept the audience, and the new set sparkled as blue lights filled both tunnels for The Factory’s entrance.

(1) THE FACTORY (Q.T. Marshall & Nick Comoroto & Aaron Solo & Anthony Ogogo) vs. DARK ORDER (John Silver & Preston Vance & Alex Reynolds & Alan Angels) (w/Evil Uno)

Q.T. Marshall, a man who looks like he still reads physical newspapers, came out first, followed by Aaron Solo, Anthony Ogogo, and Nick Comoroto. Ogogo and Comoroto walked a couple of feet behind Marshall, getting a whiff of a cologne I assume is made out of motor oil and Coty powder.

Ogogo had a Union Jack flag clutched in his hand, and once they entered the ring, he held it over his head. All four members of The Factory posed for the hard camera, and then the director cut to the entrance of their opponents: Dark Order.

The men representing the team of Dark Order were John Silver & Alan Angels & Alex Reynolds & Preston “Number 10” Vance. Evil Uno accompanied all four men on stage, and I thought he was going to head to the back as they headed to the ring, but he accompanied them instead. Once Dark Order reached the ring, they turned to their fans and held up their signature Mother Monster salute.

Comoroto and Reynolds began the match, and Comoroto immediately pie-faced John Silver, and Silver looked absolutely incensed. The referee rushed to the face’s corner to encourage everyone to keep things under control and not jump into the ring without getting tagged in until halfway through the match, at which point it will become okay.

John Silver shoved his hand over the rope and begged Reynolds to tag him in. Reynolds obliged, and Silver bounded into the ring, bumping chests with Comoroto. Once in Comoroto’s face, Silver straightened his back and John-Silvered his biceps in Comoroto’s face.

Comoroto shoved Silver and then got down on his knees to mock Silver’s height. Silver kicked Comorot’s head in, and Comoroto plummeted backward. Silver tried to whip Comoroto across the ring, but Comoroto held his ground, refusing to budge. Silver then ran into the upstage left corner, and Comoroto chased after him. Silver caught a charging Comoroto with a big boot, climbed onto the second turnbuckle, and jumped off with a missile dropkick. Comoroto backed up into the downstage ropes and tagged in Solo.

Solo jumped into the ring, and Silver immediately caught him with a huge back body drop. Silver put Solo in a side headlock and tugged him into the face’s corner. There, Silver tagged in Reynolds, who immediately tagged in Angels.

Reynolds and Silver Irish whipped a stunned-looking Solo into the stage left ring ropes and jointly caught his rebounding body with a pendulum facebuster. Angels then swiftly executed a skillful-looking butterfly suplex to get a two-count on Solo.

Angels applied a front facelock (sort of) and hauled Solo into the face’s corner, where he tagged Reynolds back in. Angels held Solo in place as Reynolds punched him in his stomach. Reynolds then took over completely and attempted to suplex Solo. However, Q.T. Marshall, a man who is much like the rice cake of cakes, caught Solo in mid-air. Reynolds responded by punching the flavorless Marshall out of the ring and to the floor, which would have spat him back up if it could, but it can’t because it’s a floor.

“Down goes Q.T. Marshall,” Schiavone said, rubbing it in the floor’s face.

“You’ve gotta say it like Frasier,” Wight said, and then put on a comically accurate voice, “DOWN GOES MARSHALL!”

Back in the ring, Reynolds whipped Solo toward the ropes, but Solo reversed Reynolds’ whip. Reynolds hit the stage left ring ropes but hooked his arms over the top rope to stop his momentum. Then, Reynolds was attacked from behind by the still-flavorless Marshall (Actually, Q.T. Marshall is worse than flavorless because, unlike most foods, he’s a person, and if you tried to swallow him, you’d die.)

Reynolds smashed his forearm into Marshall’s face and knocked him off the apron.

“DOWN GOES Q.T. MARSHALL!” Wight did his Fraiser impression a second time.

Comoroto took advantage of Reynolds’ distraction by running along the apron and hotshotting him on the top rope. Solo caught Reynolds in a front face lock, bulldozed him into the heel team’s corner, and tagged in Ogogo.

Ogogo hit Reynolds with a running boot, grabbed his head, all but hurled him across the ring, and caught Reynolds’ jaw with an uppercut. Ogogo threw Reynolds into the upstage left turnbuckles and hit him with a running uppercut. Ogogo then tossed Reynolds into the downstage ring ropes and caught his rebounding body with a third uppercut. Ogogo covered Solo but only got a two-count.

“They don’t just hand out those invitations to the Olympics,” Henry said, referring to Ogogo.

Ogogo tagged in Marshall, and the crowd reacted with a groundswell of nothing. Marshall kicked Reynolds in the heel team’s corner. Reynolds punched Marshall’s stomach and chopped Marshall’s chest, working his way out of the heel’s corner. However, Marshall caught him with a hard knee-lift, and Reynolds doubled over. Marshall then grabbed Solo’s hair and snapmared him to the canvas.

Marshall rushed to the face’s corner and slugged both Angels and Vance because Marshall is a slug. Angels tried to confront Marshall, but the referee reminded him that it wasn’t quite halfway through the match yet, and interference was not yet allowed. Marshall whipped Reynolds into the downstage left corner and ran at him with a clothesline, but Reynolds countered Marshall’s clothesline with an uppercut. Reynolds then clobbered both Ogogo and Solo with forearms before turning back to Marshall. Marshall executed a step-up enzuigiri and toppled Reynolds.

Marshall then executed a truly tremendous looking sit-out powerbomb and went for the cover, but Silver ran in with wide-eyed enthusiasm (which is his resting face) and broke up the count. (We are now at the halfway point.)

Ogogo and Comoroto stormed the ring with an abandon so reckless as to make the most zealous weatherman proud. Marshall rolled out and brought a steel chair into the ring. Marshall raised the chair over his head to strike Silver, but Evil Uno, who is not the referee and not even in the match, grabbed the chair from Marshall. The referee then admonished the non-combatant for having the chair and told him to put it down. Uno immediately dropped the chair and backed away. Having forced the referee’s hand, Uno was ejected from the match for not interfering.

“No, no, no, no!” Henry said.

“We need instant replay in pro-wrestling,” Wight said. “We need instant replay!” (We need referees with multiple chromosomes.)

Man-who-walked-uphill-both-ways-to-get-to-Facebook, Q.T. Marshall, whipped Reynolds into the downstage ring ropes and went for a pop-up of some kind, but we’ll never know what kind because Reynolds countered with a DDT so big I feel like it should have its own name. (It literally started OVER Marshall’s head. Like WTF? How did that go so well?)

The crowd began a rhythmic clap as Reynolds and Marshall crawled their way into their respective corners. Marshall tagged in Solo, and Reynolds tagged in Vance. Vance hit Solo with a clothesline. Ogogo ran in, and Vance hit Ogogo with a clothesline. (Did you know there are whole countries that still use clotheslines as their primary method of drying clothes, and NOBODY STEALS THE CLOTHES?) Vance pump kicked Comoroto off the apron.

Vance turned around, grabbed Solo in a bear hug, and executed a belly-to-belly suplex. Ogogo ran back into the ring (the referee who ejected Uno for not interfering is apparently fine with this) only to receive a side suplex. Comoroto ran in, and Vance tried to put him in a fireman’s carry position, but Comoroto escaped Vance’s clutches. Vance swung Comoroto into the downstage right corner, slammed Comoroto with a back elbow, climbed the turnbuckles, and hit Coromoroto with a flying shoulder block. Solo then ran into the ring, and Vance took him down, again, with a spinebuster. Vance then flashed ten “Shawn Spears” fingers and got the crowd riled up before tagging in Angels.

Angels stepped through the ropes with a sense of purpose and made a “come and get it” motion toward Solo. Solo hobbled in Angels’ direction, and Angels hit him with a spinning back elbow. Vance followed that up with a clothesline to Solo, and Angels capitalized on Vance’s clothesline by pinning Solo. However, Angels only scored a two-count because Q.T. Marshall ran in to make the save. (Ugh. So close.)

“This is so good, man,” Henry said.

Caffeinated Popeye, John Silver, ran into the ring and attacked Marshall. Silver hit Marshall with two Danielson kicks to the chest and a kick to the head. Marshall rolled out of the ring, and Silver chased after him and performed an apron cannonball onto Marshall. (In this one, Popeye can fly.)

Vance picked Solo up for a powerbomb, but when Solo struggled, Vance tossed him into a backflip over the top rope and onto his teammates at ringside. (Glad no one died.) Vance turned to the crowd to celebrate, but Ogogo grabbed his ankle, yanked him out of the ring, and threw him into the barricade.

Ogogo tagged himself in because that part of the rulebook still matters. Angles ran at Solo, who was in the scarecrow position in the downstage left corner; however, Solo dodged Angels. Angels instantly reversed course, kicked Solo, jumped atop the second turnbuckle, nailed Solo with a flying double stomp, and went for a moonsault. However, Angels’ moonsault missed, and he landed hard on his feet. Angels grabbed his knee and limped. Ogogo seized this opportunity and caught Angels with his signature pop-up punch!

“Oh!” Schiavone said. “That knocked him right out.”

“Did you see how he folded up?” Wight asked.

Angels was entirely unconscious, and Ogogo rolled his body over and covered him by placing two hands on his chest. The referee dropped to the mat and counted to three.

WINNER: The Factory (Q.T. Marshall & Nick Comoroto & Aaron Solo & Anthony Ogogo) in 9:00

(David’s Analysis: This was a good match. Despite leaning less on daredevil tactics, I think it is my favorite Dark Order match since Grayson sadly left. (Please come back.) This match had a decent story which began with a slow build (for Dark Order), took an inauspicious turn when Uno was ejected from ringside, climaxed with high spots that felt like they actually mattered, and an ended in a way I truly did not expect. Also, Angels’ selling of Ogogo’s finisher elevated everything that happened before that moment. The reason for this is because Ogogo’s victory was due to outside interference, which happened mere minutes after Uno was ejected for NOT interfering. I liked that story. The only thing I disliked about it was the incautious way the referee was “protected.”

That spot wasn’t enough to ruin this match, but it was indicative of the problematic way referees are historically portrayed in professional wrestling. This is not specific to AEW. This is a general, endemic, cross-promotional gripe, and since I don’t have a regular column outside of this report, I want to take a moment to address it. I promise I will keep it to a single paragraph, but if you want to skip my upcoming rant, feel free to scroll down.

So, here goes — I want to talk about referees. Now… Before I go off, I want to clarify that Aubrey Edwards is one of my favorite referees, and I greatly enjoy her officious demeanor. I have nothing but respect for Edwards and the complicated role referees play in executing matches. For example, Steamboat vs. Flair at WrestleMania III was always going to be good, but there’s no denying that Dave Hebner’s officiating made it better. That said, I lament the many unfortunate ways in which referees have been and are currently depicted in professional wrestling. I hate that wrestling referees have to “play dumb” so often. And while Edwards plays dumb well, she’s able to do so because she’s smart. Wouldn’t her officiating mean more if she were portrayed as having the intelligence she actually has? Screenwriters are taught that actors should never be saddled with the unfair task of having to “punch up” bad scripts, yet that feels like it’s in the very job description of a professional wrestling referee. Give competent referee’s a chance. Make them look strong when taking bumps. Protect them when executing distractions. Make them appear respected and respectable. If you do this, our respect for them will rub off on the matches they officiate.

/rant)

– After the match, a stirring video hyping the significance of The Forum and what it means to wrestle in it aired. The camera panned through a huge wall of names listing the famous people who had performed there, and Will Hobbs rattled off some of his favorite musicians to have taken the same stage he was about to take. Wrestlers were interviewed saying things like “I have chills…,” “The Forum is the West Coast version of MSG,” and “Now AEW gets to be a part of this (building’s) history, and it’s a wonderful feeling.” This video should have opened Dynamite.

– At the end of the video package, they played a video of The Wingmen and Frankie Kazarian in the empty forum. Each of them cut separate but contrasting promos about how much it meant to get to wrestle in that building. They clearly wanted The Wingmen to come off as arrogant heels, but both promos made me feel for the entertainers involved because they were all clearly in awe and overjoyed by what they were about to get to do later that night.

(2) FRANKIE KAZARIAN (w/Christopher Daniels) vs. “POOR” SERPENTICO

Serpentico, who is my absolute favorite wrestler named Serpentico, came out first, and he came out alone. His abusive partner Luther was nowhere to be found, and I assume he was off getting a second doctorate in underwater astronauts.

“Luther’s not here! Aw, he’s missing his other half,” Wight sounded like he’d just read the reviews for Knucklehead. “Man, I’m a big fan of Luther…”

(Um… It’s okay, buddy. I’m sure he’ll be back. Also, Knucklehead wasn’t your fault. You and the closing credits were my two favorite parts.)

Without Luther to throw him into the ring, Serpentico was forlorn and sentimental. Because of this, he grabbed his own mask and threw himself into the ring.

“Man, he’s throwing himself into the ring!” Henry nearly squeaked.

“That’s the whole thing,” Wight said. “We keep blaming Luther, but maybe it’s not Luther; maybe it’s Serpentico?” (That’s victim-blaming. Shame! *Bell*)

“Wow,” Schiavone said. “Serpentico getting some undue heat here from Paul Wight.” (Exactly! Unless this is some weird kink I’ve not read about… Shame! *Bell*)

Out next was masterful ring-technician Frankie Kazarian. (I am extraordinarily annoyed that he can no longer challenge for the TNT title because Sammy Guevara did Sammy Guevara stuff.) Kazarian posed as (wizard-free) fireballs billowed along the stage. Kazarian then pointed to the stage left tunnel, and out walked Christopher Daniels! (Also of SCU.)

“S-C-U!” chanted the jam-packed crowd.

Christopher Daniels accompanied Kazarian to ringside. (I know Daniels is in his 50s, but he’s definitely been drinking some of that Billy Gunn water.)

The match kicked off with the crowd continuing to chant SCU at the top of their lungs. Disheartened, Serpentico climbed the turnbuckles and raised his arms for the fans, begging them to cheer him at least a little bit. They did not because they are evil. (And Hot. God, it is so hot over there. Also, being overheated can sometimes cause people to do unusual things like not for cheer Serpentico.)

Kazarian then climbed the same turnbuckles Serpentico had climbed and struck a very similar pose, mocking Serpentico. The pitiless crowd cheered uproariously for Kazarian. Serpentico tried climbing the turnbuckles a second time, but the crowd booed so hard he slipped off and, in the process of trying to re-balance himself, managed to accidentally flip the audience the bird.

Kazarian and Serpentico began with a collar and elbow tie-up. Kazarian captured the smaller man in a waistlock and executed an old-school waistlock takedown, which makes Kazarian an executioner, which also makes him a murderer because he’s not the government. (Bully.) “Killer” Kazarian tried to cover Serpentico, but Serpentico bravely persevered at the count of one.

“Why do I feel like we should form a band, Mark?” Wight asked. (I’m here for it.)

Kazarian brutally chopped Serpentico’s friable chest, and Serpentico crumbled into the ropes. Kazarian was not finished with his random acts of violence in inappropriate places like Wrestling rings which are basically the same as airports. Kazarian whipped Serpentico into the stage right ring ropes and caught his lithe rebounding body with a back body drop. Kazarian then whipped Serpentico into the turnbuckles with the recklessness of a man who does not care if Serpentico remembers the names of his own kids. If he has kids. (Does he have kids?) (Okay, I went to his Wikipedia page, and I could not find an answer. But I did discover we are about the same height, which means there is no way in hell he is actually 180 pounds when I’m 160 and have more muscle than him. “Poor” Serpentico…)

Kazarian continued to batter and abuse “Poor” Serpentico all over the damn ring. He sent him into the ropes, murdered a side Russian Leg Sweep, murdered a bodyslam, and followed that murder up with his flawless murder of a picture-perfect springboard legdrop. (Talented bully.)

“Kazarian is so precise,” Henry said, “so surgical.” (Okay, so what I’m hearing is he’s getting a kickback from insurance companies if Serpentico has to have surgery after this? His wickedness astounds me.)

Kazarian hoisted Serpentico over the top rope, and “Pecunious” Serpentico pulled off a hotshot stunner out of nowhere! Serpentico followed this up with a leaping DDT and pummeled his head with countless (six) punches. Serpentico then ran into the ropes and rebounded onto Kazarian with a falling double axe handle. Serpentico rolled through the axe handle, sat up, and waved at his adoring fan, Christopher Daniels. He then gave Daniels a thumbs up, so he wouldn’t worry about Serpentico’s well-being, and then he reassured him that he would defeat that dastardly Kazarian by giving Daniels a thumbs down. I couldn’t quite tell if Daniels was thrilled with this or displeased. He was shouting angrily, but it might have been directed toward Kazarian, who was off in the distance somewhere.

The world’s tallest midget wrestler, Serpentico, rallied back to his feet and turned to face his cowardly opponent, who viciously chopped Serpentico’s chest in a move that would be illegal if it took place outside of a wrestling match. Serpentico begged for a time out, but his request was injudiciously denied despite the long precedent of granting time-outs in wrestling.

“He’s asking for a time out?” Henry said. “There’s ** **** **** in wrestling!” (I could quite make out the whole sentence due to the distress of seeing “Poor” Serpentico losing, but I’m going to assume it affirms my already held beliefs.)

“Prosperous” Serpentico superkicked Kazarian and pardoned a DDT. (Yes!) Serpentico courageously covered Kazarian (who weighs more than him) and got a one, two, son of a… Kazarian kicked out. (I think “Poor” Serpentico should win with only a two-count because he’s two-thirds the size of people. We should hold an unannounced vote in my bedroom at three in the morning and stick to it. Also, we should move my bedroom to Texas.)

“That was a cute cover,” Wight said.

Serpentico climbed back to his feet and started a conversation with Daniels at ringside. He was probably giving Daniels free tips about how to break into the business because his heart’s all big like that. When Serpentico turned back around, Kazarian slammed two razor-sharp chops into Serpentico’s ribcage, which seems unfair because I’m pretty sure Serpentico’s bones are made out of spun sugar.

Kazarian swung Serpentico across the ring, but Serpentico slid out of the ring and continued his conversation with Daniels up close because it’s hard to hear in those noisy arenas. However, as soon as Serpentico was finished chatting with his newest protege, Serpentico turned around and took a clothesline from Kazarian (and he didn’t even get any clothes with it).

Kazarian rolled Serpentico into the ring and gratuitously hit him with a clothesline, followed by another clothesline, followed by a totally unnecessary back elbow. Kazarian then attempted to whip Serpentico across the ring, but somehow, someway, with the unfettered determination of Cody Rhodes, Serpentico reversed the whip and threw Kazarian into the turnbuckles. However, Serpentico noticed something extremely dangerous on his shoe and bent over to stare at it in the middle of the ring.

Kazarian rebounded with a flying clothesline on “Poor” Serpentico. Serpentico tried to bail to the outside, but Kazarian caught him on the apron, yanked him over the top rope, and executed a slingshot cutter on “Poor” Serpentico. “Killer” Kazarian covered Serpentico and got the cheap win.

WINNER: Kazarian in 6:00 minutes

(David’s Analysis: This was a fun match. While it wasn’t a wrestling clinic, it also wasn’t trying to be. It was trying to be a humorous mismatch of styles, and they executed, I mean, “murdered” that goal perfectly.)

– After the match, An advert for Forbidden Door aired. (I am still bummed about Punk not being there for this. I hope he gets well soon, and I hope AEW comes up with another spectacular dream match. This could be their chance to put the belt on MJF and have Khan appear to tacitly “back” Punk in his unification match against MJF because MJF would have likely spent his whole reign acting like… well, MJF. This could all be accomplished without ever having to bring Khan on screen. In fact, it would feel more real that way.

(3) NYLA ROSE & SERENA DEEB vs. SKYE BLUE & MIYU YAMASHITA

The stage and tunnels turned into a swirling kaleidoscope of crimson and black as Nyla Rose made her entrance. Sadly, she was not accompanied by “Fashion Icon” Vickie Guerrero, but she was accompanied by ever-excellent Serena Deeb. Deeb’s robe had a message to Thunder Rosa on it, or I think it did. I wasn’t able to make it out, even when paused.

Out next were Rose and Deeb’s opponents, Skye Blue, and the debuting Miyu Yamashita. (This should be fun.)

“This is her (Yamashita’s) first time being in the United States since 2019,” Henry said. “I’m telling you, she’s going try and prove something — let everybody know who she is.”

Once in the ring, Yamashita posed for the hard camera with a kick, a raised fist, and a determined look mired across her face.

The bell rang right away, and Rose and Blue started things off. Rose plunged her foot into Blue’s stomach and pounded her back. Rose gloated, but only for a moment, before whipping her into the stage right ring ropes. Blue rebounded, and Rose went for a surprisingly limber kick that nearly cleared Blue’s head. Blue slid under Rose’s leg and hit her with four hamstring kicks. However, Blue’s offense was interrupted by a firm chop to the chest courtesy of Rose.

(A lower-third digital graphic popped up on the screen to advertise AEW’s return to Atlanta. The graphic featured MJF.)

Rose went for a bodyslam, but Blue wriggled her way out of Rose’s grasp. Rose then seized Blue’s head and Biel threw her across the ring toward the heel team’s corner. Rose tagged in Deeb, and Deeb kicked Blue in the ribs. Deeb then stabbed Blue’s back with a vicious elbow and went for what might have been a hair-whip, but Blue countered Deeb’s offense with an arm drag. Blue caught Deeb’s arm in an arm bar, and Deeb fought furiously as Blue dragged her toward the face’s corner. (Deeb was fighting like her very life depended on it. It was a very realistic performance.) Once in the face team’s corner, Blue tagged in Yamashita!

Jointly, Yamashita and Blue applied a double wristlock and wrenched both of Deeb’s arms before whipping her into the face team’s corner. Deeb hung in the scarecrow position, and Blue and Yamashita charged at her. Blue hit Deeb with a running forearm, and Yamashita hit Deeb with a rising knee strike. Yamashita then took Deeb to the mat with a snapmare takeover and kicked her shoulder blades. Yamashita went for a hasty cover, but Deeb kicked out at one. (Yamashita’s movements are as smooth as a summertime milkshake.)

Yamashita kicked a standing Deeb in the chest with three leg lariats and then whipped Deeb toward the ropes. As Deeb bounded, Yamashita pulled back and swung a roundhouse kick into Deeb’s midsection, followed by yet another kick. That last kick sent Deeb down hard onto her back. Yamashita then did a spinning, half-leaping leg lariat down to the floor onto Deeb. (Not sure what that move is called, but I’ll let Henry’s reaction speak for me.)

“Wow,” Henry said.

“Very prolific with the legs,” Schiavone said.

Yamashita went for a cover on Deeb, but Deeb kicked out at two.

“Was that a corkscrew leg drop?” Wight asked after the pinfall.

“It was more like a falling forward kick,” Henry said.

“Yeah, but she did the spin, too,” Wight added.

“I don’t know,”

“We’ll consult with Excalibur later.”

Yamashita clubbed Deeb’s back and attempted to administer another Irish whip, but Deeb managed to reverse it — it was a struggle, but she managed — and Yamashita went into the downstage right corner. Yamashita hung briefly in the scarecrow position as Deeb ran toward her. Yamashita got her boot up, but unlike most wrestlers, Deeb could see things from more than two feet away and stopped running. Deeb wrapped one of Yamashita’s legs around the second rope and grabbed hold of her free leg; Deeb then executed a dragon screw leg whip.

Yamashita looked devastated and in immense pain. She tried to stand but collapsed and had to hold herself up with the ropes. This allowed Deeb to run across the ring and shove Blue on the apron. However, Blue could also see things coming from more than two feet away and held onto the ropes to prevent herself from being knocked off. Blue then planted a forearm into Deeb’s chest.

Deeb reached through the ropes, grabbed Blue’s leg, pulled it through the ropes, and executed another dragon screw leg whip. (Ouch!) Deeb then returned to Yamashita and applied a grapevine leg snare. Blue then ran at Deeb, and Deeb caught Blue in a DDT. With the grapevine leg snare still applied, Deeb executed a Vertical Suplex, falling backward into the leg lock. This looked breathtaking, and the audience began to loudly applaud Deeb.

“They’re applauding her because she can do so many things,” Schiavone quickly jumped in, seeming a little surprised by the reaction toward Deeb at that moment.

Deeb realized what had just happened with the crowd, and instead of going for the cover, she took the time to stand up and snarl at the audience, giving them the vilest, most hateful glare a human face could muster. After a few seconds of that, Deeb snatched up Yamashita’s leg and began dropping what looked like leg-breaking elbows onto it. (I know those were safe, but goodnight, they LOOK brutal.)

Deep reapplied a different kind of leg lock that involved her stomach. (I wish Excalibur were commentating on this because I do not know this move’s name, either.) Anyway, Deeb held onto a move I’ll call life-ruining-leg-lock-number-seven, and Yamashita looked like she was having her appendix removed while awake. Finally, Deeb tired of crippling Yamashita and tagged in Rose.

Rose gave Yamashita zero breaks, immediately jumping in the air and stomping on Yamashita’s chest. Rose bodyslammed Yamashita like she were no heavier than a cardboard cutout and then jumped remarkably high in the air to deliver a falling leg drop. Rose covered Yamashita, and while that kind of torment would be enough to put away almost anyone, Yamashita is tough as nails and kicked out at two!

“You can always tell that Nyla Rose is having fun,” Wight said. (Yeah… in a holly-jolly-Lizzie-Borden sort of way, sure.)

Rose performed two high lift crushers and tagged in Deeb. (If Rose is Lizzie Borden, Deeb is definitely friends with Sweeny Todd.) Deeb dragged Yamashita to the center of the ring by her leg and applied an Indian Death Lock, or as Tony Schiavone called it:

“She applied a — Well, it’s not a figure four leg lock. The fans thought it was going to be a figure four,” Schiavone paused. “It’s a… actually putting a lot of torque on that left ankle—”

“—So, it’s kinda like an ankle lock, but you’re doing something with the arms and your own legs,” Wight added helpfully. “It’s where you’re using your opponent’s legs against them.”

(This commentary is great. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade!)

Yamashita managed to squirm close enough to hold onto the bottom rope. Deeb began rocking back and forth, trying to get every last drop out of that hold before the referee’s five-count forced her to end it.

“She’s gonna get all she can get out of that,” Henry said.

Deeb grabbed the limb formerly known as Yamashita’s leg and planted a kick to her hamstring while she was still down on the mat. Yamashita screamed so loud the ringside camera (and probably every cellphone in that building) picked her up. Deeb the tagged Rose back into the match.

Rose yanked Yamashita to her feet, but before Rose could pull out any offense, Yamashita trapped Rose in a side headlock! Yamashita nailed Rose across the back with three elbows and continued to hold onto the headlock. Rose used all of her might to lift Yamashita for a suplex, but Yamashita kneed Rose in the face on her way up! Yamashita planted a forearm into Rose’s chest, and Rose took a step backward. Yamashita planted a second forearm into Rose’s chest, and Rose took a second step backward. Then, Rose tried to run the ropes, but Yamashita caught her with a running knee strike followed by a high clothesline. Rose was teetering, but she did not collapse. Yamashita then hit Rose with two different types of kicks in quick succession, and Rose hurtled toward the mat.

Yamashita tried to scratch and claw her way back to her team’s corner, but Rose caught hold of Yamashita’s foot. Yamashita struggled, but Rose refused to let go, and so Yamashita repeatedly kicked Rose in the face like she were Brian Danielson on a beheading mission. Rose flailed, and her grip slipped, and Yamashita was able to get away. Yamashita tagged in Blue.

Blue ran into the ring and clubbed Rose’s back with seven forearms. Rose grabbed hold of Blue’s neck, but Blue continued to pound away at Rose with four more forearms. Rose launched Blue into the upstage left corner like a blueberry bullet and hit her with a body avalanche. This caused Blue to collapse into a seated position. Rose then performed her signature running cannonball, but Blue moved out of the way, possibly saving her own life in the process. Rose crashed into the turnbuckles.

Blue climbed to the top turnbuckle and attempted a sunset flip on Rose, but Rose refused to go all the way down. Yamashita ran into the ring, ran up the ring ropes like she were Spiderman (aka Dante Martin), and hit Rose with a springboard enzuigiri. This allowed Blue to finish her sunset flip and go for the cover. To my legitimate surprise, Blue kicked out. I don’t know how that awesome exchange wasn’t the finish, but they apparently have more to show us. (Wowsers.)

Rose and Blue both grabbed each other’s skulls, but Blue ducked underneath Rose and executed a jawbreaker. Blue then knocked Deeb off the apron with a running-some-part-of-her-upper-body-but-i-couldn’t-make-it-out-due-to-the-angle, and Deeb crashed to the floor. Blue ran at Rose, but Rose caught Blue with a spinebuster.

Rose loomed over Blue, and Yamashita ran into the ring. Yamashita kicked Rose in multiple locations, finishing with a roundhouse kick to Rose’s head.

“Whoa!” Schiavone declared as Rose doubled over.

Yamashita ran the ropes, but Deeb pulled down the middle rope, and Yamashita fell through. Deeb took hold of Yamashita’s face, held her in place, and hit her with a European uppercut. Rose draped Blue over the middle of the downstage ropes and ascended the turnbuckles.

“We’ve seen this,” Wight said, with an air of ominous foreboding, “It’s the move that broke Dr. Britt Baker’s arm. It’s a very dangerous move. Blue’s got to be careful right now. She’s in a dangerous place. (Wight, Henry, and Schiavone did a great job putting over this moment in the match. This is the solid commentary. I love these guys.)

Rose executed her flying guillotine knee drop, and Blue took it safely but effectively. Rose rolled out of the ring with Blue on her back, seemingly unaware of her surroundings. Deeb grabbed and executed her signature Detox slam. That alone would have been enough to end things, but instead of going for the cover, Deeb sadistically rammed Blue’s knee into the canvas a multitude of times and then applied her Serenity Lock finisher, forcing Blue to tap out.

WINNER: Rose & Deeb in 8:00

(David’s Analysis: This was solid. Yamashita was impressive, and Deeb was fantastic as always. Rose continues to step up her game. At one point in the match, right before Yamashita kicked Rose’s head in, Rose let out a final defiant roar. I love details like that because it sucks you into the action and makes you momentarily forget it’s predetermined. Blue was the weakest link in this particular group, but I also feel like she’s continuously improving. She did a good job selling Rose’s guillotine knee drop, and her stage presence is top-notch. I am glad they are giving her 8-minute matches like this where she can work with so many different styles. I look forward to seeing more of Blue, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for Yamashita!)

– After the match, Yamashita came into the ring to check on a nearly lifeless Blue by laying beside her, putting an arm around her, and whispering encouragement into her ear. Meanwhile, Deeb and Rose were making up for Guerrero’s absence by serving top-notch facial expressions. Rose bent down and moved her grimacing face from side to side with her hands raised like threatening claws, and Deeb stood tall and stout, scowling as if she were hatred personified.

– After that, AEW played a Sonny Kiss hype video that was narrated by the artist herself! I love me some Sonny Kiss, and I loved this video! I hope they play it on Dynamite. Actually, I also hope they put Sonny Kiss on Dynamite. (Fun Fact: Sonny Kiss should be on TV more often.)

(4) DEATH TRIANGLE vs. THE WINGMEN

The Wingmen came out first, and Peter Avalon wore his discount Flair robe with a 70s pornstache. Ryan Nemeth was wearing the most obnoxious jacket I’ve ever seen on a body that wasn’t Max Caster. Cezar Bononi looked normal (by comparison). Also, I should note that Avalon entered the ring like he was Sable, and he is not Sable. He should never do that again. Sammy Guevara should do that often.

Out next was — Oh, Wait. No! Everyone, hold up.

Oh, crap. Avalon is stripping! Why does this seem so normal for him? How often does he do this? Why is a Burt Reynold’s mustache involved?

“We can do without all this ‘chucking,’” Henry said. (I would have used stronger language than that. This is what MJF’s rant should have been about. This is worthy of an F-bomb.)

The lights went out, and Schiavone exclaimed, “The lights went out in The Kia Forum!”

(Uh, Tony, that’s not unusual in AEW. Electrical issues clearly follow these people around no matter where they go, what they do, or what building they are in; it is always the same thing. The lights go out, everyone goes quiet, they sneak into the room like people can’t see in the dark, the lights come back on, and they say whatever they had planned like, “I’m here to renew my driver’s license,” or “Why are you using bear mace?”)

“They’re STILL out at The Kia Forum!” Schiavone shouted a second time.

“Are you afraid of the dark?” Henry asked, “Want me to hold your hand?” (Thank you for existing.)

“I am afraid,” Wight said. (You, too.)

When the lights came back on, there was a tombstone in the center of the stage. Penta rose up from behind the tombstone, Rey Fenix entered through the stage left tunnel, and Pac entered through the stage right tunnel. Alex Abrahantes is dressing normal again, and I love that. All three fan favorites posed atop the stage and then made their way to the ring together.

Penta and Bononi began the match. The crowd was behind Penta, and they were not shy in letting it be known. Penta walked up to Bononi, did his signature hand gesture, and used it to pie face Bononi. Penta removed his glove, tossed it to Abrahantes, and attempted to pie face Bononi again. However, Bononi was having none of it and caught Penta’s arm. It looked like he might apply a wristlock, but Fenix ran in to superkick Bononi for reasons unknown. (They are the face team, right? I’m not mistaken on thinking that?)

Nemeth then ran in and superkicked Penta. (This is breaking down very quickly. Remember that rant I had about referees? This is part of it…) Fenix hit Nemeth with a roundhouse kick and tossed him out of the ring. Then Avalon, who may or may not have tagged in, hit Fenix with a well-executed step-up enzuigiri. Pac then jumped into the ring and superkicked Avalon. (We are like 30 seconds into this match. Is this a Texas Tornado match? If they had a Texas Tornado match, would anybody notice the difference?)

Bononi ran back in, grabbed Pac, tossed him into the ropes, and caught him by the neck for a chokeslam setup. However, Penta jumps into the ring on Bononi’s right side, and Fenix jumps in on his left side. Fenix and Penta took turns superkicking Bononi while he tried to maintain his grip on Pac’s throat. Finally, Bononi fell to his knees, and Pac hit him with a roundhouse kick. Then, all three men hit Bononi with simultaneous dropkicks. (Is this a Texas Tornado Toughman match?) (Is this a match?)

Avalon and Nemeth try and get back into the ring, and Penta and Fenix superkick them at the same time, knocking them both out of the ring to the floor. All three members of Death Triangle ran the ropes. Then Penta jumped over the top rope onto the apron. (Oh, good, someone’s finally getting on the apron.) And then all three men executed a simultaneous suicide dive/springboard moonsault combination that looked very cool. That three-man maneuver wiped out Avalon and Bononi. Nemeth might have been under there, too. (Okay, you know what? To keep my sanity, I’m gonna just pretend there are no rules, so I can enjoy this.)

The crowd was on their feet and applauding. The crowd began chanting, “Penta! Penta! Penta!”

Bononi got in the ring, and all three members of Death Triangle performed a moonsault/assisted Cazadora splash combination on Bononi. Penta hooked Bononi’s leg and went for a cover. (If he kicks out of that, I will…) He kicked out. (Now that I’ve realized there are no rules, I’m kind of enjoying this. At least the no rules thing makes sense in a way. Maybe I missed an announcement.)

Avalon and Nemeth ran into the ring and started double-teaming Penta. Death Triangle tries to rescue Penta, and the referee tells them they can’t because they haven’t tagged in. (adlksf;jad suhtgqerwhpyhioh)

All three members of The Wingmen are stomping on Penta’s chest like he’s a fire they can’t put out, and the referee is still trying to have a conversation with Fenix and Pac about the rules of this match. (Do zebra stripes make people lose their peripheral vision? Are all referees deaf? Is this an ADA thing? Can he not at least feel the ring bouncing around him?)

Bonini then held Penta in place and kneed him multiple times in the stomach. Bononi then clubbed Penta across his shoulder blades. (The heel team has just now decided to get on the apron.) Bononi bodyslammed Penta and tagged in Avalon. Avalon capitalized on Bononi’s bodyslam by performing a leaping knee drop onto a nearly pulverized Penta.

Avalon punched Penta with his forearm, tagged in Nemeth, chopped Penta one last time for good measure, and then Nemeth kneed Penta in the chest. Nemeth whipped Penta across the ring, but Penta hooked his arms over the top rope to stop his momentum. This confused Nemeth for some reason, and he ran toward Penta, and Penta kicked him in the sternum. Penta then ran the ropes and hit a slingblade that always looks exceptional when Penta does it. Penta tagged in Fenix. Fenix pump kicked Nemeth. Fenix then tried to Irish whip Nemeth, but Nemeth reversed it. Avalon ran into the ring because why not? We’re only trying to wrestle here.

Fenix used Avalon as a weapon, swinging him into Nemeth. Fenix then put Avalon on Nemeth’s shoulders in a powerbomb position, and for some reason, he did not put him down… he just… held him like that. Fenix then superkicked Nemeth’s legs out from under him. Fenix’s dropkicked (somehow) magically compelled Nemeth to not only fall down but to powerbomb his own partner in the process. (I’m a wizard! — every time Jericho says that I want to add, “…Harry.”)

Anyway, a bunch of people were in the ring again, and they were all superkicking Bononi, and despite being a fan of all three members of Death Triangle, I am over this match. It has rules; it doesn’t have rules; it’s the Dada movement of wrestling. IDK. IDC. FML.

The Lucha Bros. stereo super kicked Nemeth. Penta then got back on the apron, and Fenix did a springboard press slam onto Bononi; however, Bononi caught him and went for a Gorilla press; however, Fenix escaped and landed on his feet. Pac tagged himself in and entered the ring via a spectacular springboard missile dropkick with the kind of flair only Pac can pull off.

Pac celebrated and encouraged the crowd to keep chanting and cheering. Avalon snuck up behind Pac and attacked him. Avalon went for a clothesline, but Pack ducked. Pack went for a back mule kick, and it connected with what looked to be Avalon’s choppy-choppy-pee-pee. While Avalon bent over, clutching his pee-pee, Pac ran the ropes and hit Avalon directly in the head with a rope-assisted dropkick. Pac tagged in Penta

Pac applied his Brutalizer submission finisher on Nemeth, while Fenix and Penta double-teamed Avalon with their Fear Factor finisher. Fenix and Penta pinned Avalon for a 3-count, and at the same time, Nemeth began tapping out of Pac’s finisher. The referee called for the bell.

WINNER: Death Triangle in 6:00

(David’s Analysis: That was something. It definitely took a lot of talent to do it, and I am awed by the in-ring skills of these respective wrestlers. However, that didn’t feel like I was watching a wrestling match. That felt like I was watching a flipbook with half the pages missing and the rest all mixed up. I don’t know what to say about it. The crowd loved it, but I didn’t. The crowd’s enjoyment trumps mine. If you liked the Anarchy in the Arena match, check this out. If you’re prone to seizures, give it a pass.)

– After the match, The director cut to a shot of a fan wearing a Penta mask, and Pac continued to torment Nemeth with his Brutalizer finisher until the referee forced the break.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This week’s match of the night goes to The Factory vs. Dark Order. Overall, this was a fun show. It had something for everyone. If you like comedy, check out the Serpentico match; if you like in-ring stories, check out the Dark Order match; if you like crazy submission holds, check out the Yamashita match, and if you liked Kunckelhead, watch the main event. Whatever you choose to watch, make sure to pay attention to the awesome commentary being served up throughout the show. Henry and Wight are so entertaining, I’d watch this program as a radio broadcast.

Anyway, before I go, I want to shamelessly plug my social media:

Twitter: Follow my Wordle scores @IamDavidBryant

Instagram: Follow my vainglorious selfies @IamDavidBryant

Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, if you don’t like hearing the things you’re reading, ask yourself why you’re hearing things.