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AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT
APRIL 18, 2022
TAPED 4/13 IN NEW ORLEANS, LA.
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Excalibur & Paul Wight
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts
– A quick note: I’d like to apologize to everyone for the late report. I was without power or internet the entire night this episode aired and had to fit writing this report into the rest of my already tightly scheduled week. Because of this, what you’re about to read will be a short, truncated, CliffsNotes version of my usual overly-long reports. Maybe some of you will like the brevity. I certainly hope so. Enjoy!)
-Tonight’s AEW Dark Elevation taping emanated from the UNO Lakefront Arena in New Orleans! New Orleans has some of the best culture of any city I’ve ever been to, and I very much look forward to visiting again next month. If you ever visit this historical treasure of a city, take the time to eat at Mother’s restaurant. It’s only about a ten-minute walk from the Hyatt Regency and was recommended by the hotel’s concierge for a good reason. I also highly recommend a cozy, well-decored, two-story nightclub called Bourbon Pub Parade which sits on an unassuming corner in the city’s world-famous French Quarter. If you go, bring money for tips — they’ll be earned.
(1) KRIS STATLANDER vs. ASHLEY D’AMBOISE
Kris Statlander came out first, and she looked surprisingly normal. Her music was different, her entrance was “serious,” and she was introduced as being from Long Island (and not from an island universe named after an Ethiopian princess). Her outfit was silver and black, and her badass face paint looked more “bad” than “ass.” I hope this is a sign her alien gimmick has finally phoned home, and if it has, I’m as here for it as Sigourney Weaver.
“We’ve seen a different Statlander after she was struck in the head with a turnbuckle clamp,” Excalibur said. “I guess this is this is the metamorphosis you get.” (Getting hit in the head with a turnbuckle knocks the stupid out of you?)
Ashley D’Amboise was already in the ring awaiting Statlander’s super-serious arrival. (Can Hook vs. Party City Vampire be a turnbuckle clamp on a pole match?) D’Amboise went for collar and elbow tie-up, but Statlander floored her with a stiff shoulder tackle, a stiff clothesline, and a stiff knee to the face. Statlander appeared angry that she was so easily winning and executed a dynamic-looking reverse suplex followed by a powerful-looking delayed vertical suplex. (It was very delayed and looked very impressive.) Statlander returned to her feet via a pop-up, and the crowd roared to life, cheering her on.
“Wow, this is a very dominant Kris Statlander,” Wight observed.
D’Amboise tried to make a comeback happen, but Statlander was more interested in making her backbreaker happen. Statlander then executed a Big Bang Theory on D’Amboise and picked up a quick win.
WINNER: Statlander at 89 seconds
(David’s Analysis: I welcome this new direction for Kris Statlander. She’s always been good in the ring but was held back by a gimmick that wouldn’t have made it on GLOW. )
(2) ALAN ANGELS (w/Dark Order) vs. ANDRADE EL IDOLO (w/Jose “The Assistant”)
Andrade El Idolo came out dressed like a Batman villain and did a striptease on the ramp before making his way to the ring. The crowd was totally into it, and he seemed into the crowd being into it. Alan Angels came out next, surrounded by Dark Order members; however, Angels then made his way to the ring alone. Once he made it to the ring apron, Angels posed for the hard camera, offering up Dark Order’s “Mother Monster” hand gesture.
Early in the match, Idolo acquired the upper hand with a headlock, a whip, and a shoulder takedown. Idolo hoisted Angels onto his shoulders in the fireman’s carry position, but Angels escaped with a breathtaking reverse huracanrana! However, before Angels could capitalize on all the breath he took, Andrade rolled out to the floor.
“Andrade shows his veteranship (is that a word?) by rolling out of the ring,” Wight said. “That’s smart — take a breath — let things settle.” (I’m gonna start using it as a word.)
Angels stepped onto the apron, and Idolo swept his leg, knocking him to the floor.
“That’s just veteranship right there,” Wight said. (I think my dad used to sail one of those.)
Angels executed an apron enzuigiri and attempted a frog splash; however, Idolo dropkicked him out of the air! (Holy crap.)
“He learned that from growing up in a Lucha environment,” Wight said, referring to what now seems to be all of professional wrestling outside of WWE. “I would’ve never thought to dropkick a high flyer out of the air.”
Idolo capitalized on Angels’ misfortune with a combination of back elbows and chops. Angels attempted to kick Idolo’s legs out from under him, and when that didn’t work, he executed a northern lights suplex. Angels used the leverage of his suplex to put Idolo in a pinning predicament. The referee counted to two before Angels kicked out.
Angels went up top, but Idolo swept his legs and hung him in a tree of woe. Idolo then attempted a double stomp onto Angels from the top rope, but Angels avoided him. Idolo staggered, and Angels nailed him with a thrust kick. Idolo went down, and Angels went up, executing a frog splash. Angels covered Idolo but was only able to get a two-count.
Angels attempted a spinning back elbow, but Idolo blocked him, knocked him to the ground, and trapped him in his submission finisher. Idolo held Angels’ arm at an impossible-looking angle, and Angels tapped out.
WINNER: Idolo in 5:00
(David’s Analysis: This was a good match, and it played to both men’s strengths. Once again, Idolo looks like a star, and it would be an incredible waste of talent if he were to never hold a championship in AEW. )
(3) J SPADE vs. TONY NESE (w/Mark Sterling)
Crunching drums echoed throughout the arena, and Tony Nese made his way out of the heels’ tunnel with Mark Sterling in tow. Nese took off his jacket, and his abs looked like someone shoved both their arms up his backside. (What kind of crunches do you have to do to get 3D abs like that?)
Nese’s opponent, J Spade, was already waiting in the ring, and a chyron noted this would be Spade’s AEW debut. (Stop putting spoilers on the chyron.) Both men circled one another.
“Who has better abs? Tony Nese or Jade Cargil?” Excalibur asked.
“Jade Cargil!” Wight answered. “Sometimes I’ve looked at that woman, and I could swear I saw a ten-pack.”
“Maybe that’s how Mark Sterling picks his clients?” Excalibur said. “By who has the best abs in the locker room.”
“Tha would explain why he never talks to me.”
Nese and Spade locked up, broke things up, and then locked up again. Nese and his abs overpowered Spade and backed him into the downstage right corner. Nese then John-Silvered in Spade’s face, and Spade flexed back, startling Nese. However, he made the mistake of turning his back on Nese to celebrate… nothing?
“Who needs ten abs when you can have one big one?” Excalibur asked.
When Spade turned back around, Nese was applauding for him. Nese then punched him in the throat. Nese grabbed Spade’s head and jumped over the top rope to the floor, hot-shotting Spade in the process.
“I don’t have a six-pack; I have a keg,” Wight said.
Nese hit Spade with a knee to the back, a kick to the chest, a flexing to the face, and a forearm to the chin.
“I mean, who does laundry on washboards anymore?” Wight asked.
Spade shoved Nese into the ropes and caught him on the rebound with a spinning heel kick. Nese went down, and the crowd popped. Spade then ignored Nese to walk around the ring and celebrate Nese’s momentary stumble. (I feel no pity for Spade losing. He deserves to after that.)
“Don’t stop your momentum!” Wight exclaimed, practically begging Spade to wrestle sanely. “Stay with your opponent. I said, stay with your opponent! Leave the crowd alone.”
When Spade turned around, Nese hit him with a pump handle slam and a running knee. Nese pinned Spade and got a three count. (Good.)
WINNER: Nese (w/Mark Sterling) in 3:00
(David’s Analysis: This was a short but solid match, and both men did a fine job. However, I am endlessly frustrated with all of my “heroes” acting like complete fools in the ring. Who wants to root for a fool? You should never turn your back on your opponent, especially when he can poke your eye out with his abs.)
(4) KAMERON RUSSELL & ALLEN RUSSELL & IZAIAH ZANE & DALE SPRINGS vs. DARK ORDER (Evil Uno & Stu Grayson & Alex Reynolds & John Silver) (w/Preston Vance)
Up next was an eight-man match with a bunch of people in it. For the second time that night, Dark Order’s music played, and out came Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, Alex Reynolds, Preston Vance, John Silver, Long John Silver, Sarah Silverman, and probably three other people who joined them in the time it took to walk from their locker room. Everyone “Mother-monstered” at ringside. The members of Dark Order who were actually competing stepped through the ropes and turned to face their opponents who were already in the ring: Kameron Russell & Allen Russell & Izaiah Zane & Dale Springs.
Grayson and Springs started things off, and Grayson immediately ran at Springs like a bat out of Florida. He hit him with a chop, a knockdown, a chop, and a wristlock.
“Stu Grayson’s got one speed,” Wight said. “Wide open!” (Not a speed.)
Grayson tagged in Silver, and Springs tagged in Zane. Both Zane and Springs charged Grayson and Silver, but Dark Order took down Zane and Springs with a double shoulder tackle. All of a sudden, and to my great chagrin, everyone jumped in the ring. For no reason. None. Nothing had happened. They just all jumped into the ring, and Aubrey Edwards started pointing at things like an over-caffeinated air traffic controller.
Apparently, that pointing thing sometimes works because as soon as the brawl started, it ended, and all four members of Dark Order commandeered the middle of the ring and executed a quadruple Monster Monster. John Silver slammed Zane’s head into the top turnbuckle (which, as we now know, causes one to have a metamorphosis in approximately two weeks). John Silver John-Silvered like only John Silver could, and the crowd ate it up.
“You wouldn’t think of John Silver as a big man,” Wight said. “But he works like one, and he’s got the strength to back it up. I call it compacted power.”
Silver tagged in Reynolds, who tagged in Grayson, who tagged in Evil Uno. (I feel like they’re trying to make my job harder.) Uno slammed Zane’s head into the top turnbuckles and tagged in Silver. (Oh, come on!) Zane fingered Uno’s eye and slammed into Silver’s face, allowing Zane to rush over to the jobber team’s corner and tag in Kameron Russell. Silver punched Kameron Russell, and Allen Russell ran in for the save. (Oh, they’re twins. I hope they aren’t Killer Bee fans.)
Suddenly, an absolute madhouse of moves broke out, featuring every member of team Dark Order. Among the cool things executed were a springboard something or other and a double DDT. Kameron ran at Silver (Who I think was the legal man), but Silver sidestepped him, and he crashed into the turnbuckles. Silver executed a leg lariat; Reynolds executed a spinning back elbow; Reynolds executed a stunner, and Silver executed a German Suplex. (This all happened very quickly.)
Uno then scooped up Kameron as Grayson went up top. (I have no idea who is the legal man RN.) Grayson and Uno executed their Fatality finisher, and Grayson covered Kameron. With all four members of Dark Order in the ring at the same time, the referee dropped to the canvas and counted to three.
WINNER: Dark Order (Evil Uno & Stu Grayson & Alex Reynolds & John Silver) in 2:00
(David’s Analysis: There were four times as many men as there were minutes in this match. This felt rushed and overpacked. That’s not the fault of the wrestlers or anything. It’s just hard to tell a coherent story with eight men in two minutes.)
(5) ROPPONGI VICE (Trent Beretta & Rocky Romero) (w/Chuck Taylor & Orange Cassidy) vs. THE FACTORY (Aaron Solo & Nick Comoroto)
Aaron Solo & Nick Comoroto came out first, and Q.T. Marshall was miraculously not with them! Roppongi Vice came out second, accompanied by Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy. (The Roppongi Vice entrance is much better than the Best Friend’s entrance.)
Rocky Romero and Solo started things off, and as soon as the bell rang, Romero muscled Solo into the upstage left corner. Solo Irish whipped Romero across the ring, and Trent Beretta got in a blind tag. Beretta hung Solo over the top rope, and Romero kicked him off the rope and down to the canvas. Beretta and Romero then strutted and high-fived in the ring while Solo tagged in Comoroto.
A humorous exchange occurred in which Comoroto and Beretta tried to exchange clotheslines and chops, and Comoroto continuously missed. Beretta then ran the ropes and crashed into Comoroto with a shoulder tackle; however, Comoroto no-sold the offense. Beretta tried a second time, and again Comoroto did not budge. Comoroto encouraged Beretta to try it a third time. Beretta considered doing so and then began running the ropes until he crashed into Comoroto’s outstretched arm and plummeted to the mat.
“I’m confused by what just happened,” Wight said.
Solo ran into the ring and pushed Romero off the apron for no reason. Comoroto then tagged in Solo and picked up Beretta, holding him in the vertical suplex position. Solo ran the ropes and knocked Beretta out of the vertical suplex position with a dropkick! Solo covered Beretta but only got a two-count. Solo then tagged in Comoroto.
Comoroto picked up Beretta and held him over his head with one hand before executing a side press slam. Comoroto covered Beretta with a single foot on his chest but only got a two-count. Comoroto then implored Beretta to get back to his feet. Beretta slowly climbed into the scarecrow position, and Comoroto roared like the caveman-lite version of Roman Reigns and then ran toward Beretta. However, Beretta got his foot up and kicked Comoroto in the face.
Beretta capitalized on Comoroto’s mistake with a combination of elbows and chops followed by a tornado DDT in the downstage right corner. (That was a fun moment, and the crowd seemed into it.) The crowd began clapping to rally Beretta, encouraging him to tag in Romero. Beretta tagged in Romero, and Comoroto tagged in Solo.
Romero exploded all over Solo, hitting him with a mix of chops and forearms before executing a rope-assisted hurricanrana. (The crowd was now flat out applauding the in-ring action.) Romero then nailed Solo with not one, not two, but three clotheslines! Solo planted multiple chops into Romero’s chest, backing him into the face’s corner where Beretta tagged himself in.
Romero and Beretta attempted to whip Solo, but as Solo hit the downstage ropes, Comoroto grabbed his tag team partner’s leg and pulled him safely to the floor. Romero jumped over the top rope and went for a running apron bomb, but Comoroto clotheslined him midair! Beretta dove over the ring onto Comoroto, but Comoroto caught him and slammed him onto the apron. Comoroto then rolled Beretta back into the ring, and Solo officially tagged in Comoroto.
Together, Solo and Comoroto executed a body avalanche, a windmill kick, and a spear, and Solo covered Beretta for a two-count. The crowd vigorously applauded Beretta’s kick out! Comoroto then executed a pendulum backbreaker on Beretta, holding him in place across his knee. Solo dove off the top rope onto Beretta with a double stomp. Solo covered Beretta, which would have gotten Solo a win, but Romero broke up the count.
Comoroto ran into the ring to chase off Romero, but Romero kicked him in the stomach, causing Comoroto to double over. Beretta and Romero hit Comoroto twice with stereo rising knee strikes. Comoroto collapsed through the ropes and to the outside. Romero followed Comoroto with a tope suicida through the first and second rope.
Solo attempted a corkscrew kick on Romero but missed, and Romero grabbed him around the waist and executed a backdrop driver. Beretta hoisted Solo onto his back, Romero climbed to the top rope, and team Roppongi Vice executed their Strong Zero finisher. Beretta covered Solo, and the referee dropped to the mat, counting to three.
WINNER: Roppongi Vice in 8:00
(David’s Analysis: This was a great match. The crowd loved it, everything was well executed, and it was given enough time to build to a crescendo. If you like tag team action, check this one out. This match wouldn’t be out of place on an episode of Dynamite or Rampage.)
(6) EMI SAKURA & THE BUNNY & RAYCHELL ROSE vs. RUBY SOHO & HIKARU SHIDA & ANNA JAY
(WARNING: I am mildly biased in Emi Sakura’s favor.)
Emi Sakura & The Bunny & Raychell Rose came out first, but they did it wrong because they should’ve come out to Sakura’s music. (Always use Sakura’s music.) Sakura and The Bunny were making priceless facial expressions. (These two are such gifted actors.) (BTW, I’ve given up hating on The Bunny until she does something to be hated on for. She no longer sucks in the ring. She’s doing the right things, continuing to improve, and her acting makes up for the litany of specialized wrestling moves she currently lacks.) Sakura literally glared at the ramp-side crowd her entire way down the ramp. When she reached the bottom of the ramp, she audibly sneered at the cameraman. (It was great.)
All three women posed in the ring for the hard camera, and Rose added to the expressive mix with a darn good sneer of her own. (This could be a very good match if it is given the time to be.) Excalibur noted that The Bunny and Sakura have made an interesting alliance recently. (Interesting is a putting kindly. I don’t know how these two characters co-exist in the same universe. Given their styles, it seems like they’d hate each other. I’d love to hear the backstory about how this alliance came about.)
Ruby Soho & Hikaru Shida & Anna Jay came out next using Soho’s music. Shida played a kendo stick as if it were an air guitar, and Soho pointed at Shida’s playing and bobbed her head. Anna Jay (aka Lady Legasus) posed for the excited fans, even pointing at a few of them. Soho, Shida, and Jay all three posed in the ring for the hard camera, and Sakura generously took advantage of this moment to go ahead and start the match from behind Shida’s back so that the fans didn’t have to wait.
All three women brawled, and Sakura tossed Shida onto the apron. Sakura then posed for the crowd (so kind) and ran at Shida, spearing her off the apron to the floor. Sakura then climbed the turnbuckles and signaled for a moonsault to the floor because OMG, and Jay knocked her off the turnbuckles.
Sakura fell in a way so as to drape her body across the turnbuckles. Shida then ran down the apron and kneed Sakura off the top turnbuckles and to the floor! (This is wild.) Soho ran down the apron and jumped off of it to take out the entire heel team at ringside with a massive flying crossbody.
“It’s always intense whenever Sakura and Shida are in the ring,” Excalibur said, “because Sakura feels that Shida has eclipsed her in AEW.” (There is not a person or planet large enough to eclipse the brilliance of Emi Sakura.)
The Bunny pinned Jay in the heel team’s corner and choked her with her boot as the other members of the heel team mocked Jay. Sakura pulled Jay across the ring by her hair and slammed her face into the top turnbuckles. Sakura then hung Jay in the scarecrow position and chopped her chest. (Despite it only being one chop and not doing the build-up for her beloved “We Will Rock You” chops, a few rouge members of the crowd tried to stomp and clap along. It was funny — at least, to me.)
Sakura racked her nails across Jay’s back, held Jay upside down with a double underhook, rotated so that all four sides of the arena could get a clear view, and then executed her signature Queen’s Gambit onto Jay. Sakura should have gone for the pinfall there, but the face team distracted her by refusing to interfere, and so Sakura retaliated against the lack of interference by running across the ring and punching them off the apron. Sakura then tagged in Rose.
“Raychell Rose is one of Booker T’s students, right?” Wight asked.
“She very well may be,” Excalibur said. “I think so?” (She is. She was trained at Booker T’s Reality of Wrestling.)
Rose hit Jay with two short-arm clotheslines, and when Jay tried to duck a third clothesline, Rose captured her in a brief waistlock. Jay escaped Rose’s clutches, and Rose knocked Shida off the apron in frustration. Rose returned her attention to Jay and attempted another short-arm clothesline, but Jay countered that with her signature Dangerous Jay Kick. (Legasus!) (Seriously, if you haven’t seen the Lady Legasus episodes of Teen Titan’s Go!, you should watch them. You’ll see what I mean.) Rose tagged in The Bunny, and Jay tagged in Soho!
Soho barreled into the ring, nailing The Bunny with a running clothesline. Soho then hit The Bunny with a back elbow, a chop, and a spinning back kick. Soho then kneed The Bunny’s chest so hard The Bunny was sent all the way upright. The Bunny tried to kick Soho, but Soho caught her leg and nailed her with a second knee strike. Soho then tagged in Shida.
Shida came into the ring with lightning-fast energy, kicked The Bunny to the mat, and clocked The Bunny with a running knee strike. The Bunny collapsed to the ground, and Shida covered her; however, The Bunny escaped Shida’s cover. The Bunny then scarpered over to the heel’s corner and tagged in Rose. Rose jumped into the ring and stopped Shida in her tracks with a big spear.
Sakura graciously decided to help out young Rose by joining her in the ring. While Shida hung in the scarecrow position, Rose whipped Sakura toward Shida’s corner. Sakura executed an assisted running crossbody block, but Shida caught Sakura in midair. (That was cool.) Shida then turned around and dumped Sakura sideways across the second turnbuckle.
Rose ran at Shida, but Shida stepped out of the way, and Rose crashed into the turnbuckles (and Sakura). All three members of the face team decided to take advantage of Rose’s disadvantage. Soho ran in with a running forearm, and Jay ran in with a leg lariat. Shida then draped Sakura across the middle turnbuckle in a hunched version of the scarecrow position.
Shida seized Rose by the waist and snap suplexed her into Sakura. (OMG. That looked scary. I am glad everyone is okay.) Shida dragged Rose back into the ring and went for a cover, but The Bunny broke up the referee’s count at two! Jay jumped into the ring to pull The Bunny off of Shida and applied her Queen’s Slayer on The Bunny, who sold it well. Sakura ran out of the corner to help The Bunny, and Soho ran into the ring to trip Sakura with a drop-toe hold.
Shida made an “OH” face as she watched Sakura hilariously collapse face-first in front of her. (It really enhanced the moment.) Then, all three members of Team Legasus put all three members of Team Sakura in their respective signature submission holds. Team Legasus (more specifically, Shida) won via submission.
WINNER: Soho & Shida & Jay in 5:00
(David’s Analysis: That was a total hoot. I wish I had the time to write a real report about this match because it deserves a lot of love. All six women managed to fit so much into such a small allotment of time. My only disappointment is that, once again, we did not get to see Sakura perform her We Will Rock You Chops. Maybe they are having her do those less because she’s a heel, and the audience enjoys it? Either way, other than that and Sakura’s team losing, this was perfect… or at least, it was very much the kind of thing I enjoy.)
(7) THE HARDY BOYZ & TOP FLIGHT vs. THE A.F.O. (Angelico & The Blade & Private Party)
Private Party & The Blade & Angelico came out first to A.F.O’s music.
“We have to mention the return to action for Angelico,” Excalibur said. “He’s been out… I believe… five months with a serious knee injury?” (And now Darius is the one out of action. Ugh.)
Top Flight came out next and walked to the bottom of the ramp. Once they reached the bottom of the ramp, the Hardy Boyz’s music blasted through the arena. (Oh, and Dante took off his hoodie; he is shirtless now.) The crowd exploded for the Hardys, and Jeff actually cracked a slight, genuine-looking smile at the reaction they received. Together, all four men walked to the ring. (When you think about it, this match is actually a really cool moment with Top Flight and Private Party having been so obviously influenced by The Hardys’ work.)
Dante (Spider-man) and Kassidy started things off while the crowd loudly chanted, “Delete!” Matt Hardy stood on the ring apron and fervently encouraged them. After several exchanges, waistlocks, standing switches, hammerlocks, and side headlocks, Kassidy stomped on Dante’s foot and tripped him to the mat. Kassidy then planted one foot on a fallen Dante and John-Silvered for the hard camera.
Dante popped back up, and both men ran the ropes. Dante dropped to the canvas, leapfrogged Kassidy, rolled Kassidy over, and then plunged a foot onto Kassidy’s back and mocked his John-Silvering attempt from earlier in the match. (Dante is getting better at facial expressions. As long as nothing happens, he is going to be a huge star one day.)
Dante tagged in Darius, and Darius jumped into the ring, clearing the top rope in a single bound. (Brother of Spider-man.) Quen ran in to help Kassidy, but Darius shoved Kassidy so that he fell backward over his teammate. Top Flight then hit Private Party with two simultaneous dropkicks! Kassidy rolled out of the ring, but both The Blade and Angelico ran into the ring to beat up Spider-man and Spider-bro. The Hardys ran into the ring to save Spider-man and Spider-bro. (Is this one of those matches with no rules? If it is, they should have advertised it that way. It might have drawn more eyeballs.)
Over-caffeinated air traffic controller, Aubrey Edwards, was on full alert. At one point, she was pointing in both directions at once, like The Scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz.” (You show ‘em what’s what!) Darius and Matt leaned over on all fours, and Dante and Jeff performed simultaneous Poetry in Motions. (Does this mean Darius is the Matt Hardy of Top Flight?) Darius almost accidentally ran over the referee, and she jumped out of the way because that’s how this works. (I kid Edwards. I stan her, and this chaotic booking isn’t her fault.)
Chaotic or not, the crowd loved the booking and roared with delight. It was the loudest that crowd has been all night so far, and it was every bit as loud as they were on Dynamite last week. Darius trapped Kassidy in a wristlock and tagged in Jeff. Jeff entered the ring by jumping off the second rope to execute a flying double axe-handle on Kassidy. Jeff cornered Kassidy in the upstage left corner and hit him with multiple shoulder blocks. Jeff then scurried up the ropes to perform a Swanton Bomb but slipped and fell disastrously to the canvas. (That fall looked extremely real.)
“I think Quen pulled the top rope!” Wight said.
“I think he did,” Excalibur agreed. (I was skeptical but rewound the tape and discovered that Quen did indeed pull the top ring rope out from under Jeff. However, he was almost entirely out of frame when he did it.)
Jeff sold the fall like he’d been shot, and as his immobile body lay on the mat, a puddle of water formed around his very wet hair. (Why do wrestlers shower right before they go out to wrestle?) Kassidy beat up on Hardy, punctuating his onslaught with a basement dropkick. Kassidy then mocked the Hardy Boyz’ “finger guns” gesture while Jeff played dead. (He is really good at selling.)
“Blood is thicker than money,” Wight said.
The Blade tagged himself in, beat Jeff down in the corner, and began choking him with his foot. The Blade refused to stop choking Jeff until the referee was forced to physically step between the two competitors. The Blade then continued to argue with the referee while all three of his other teammates stomped away at the chest of a crumpled Jeff.
The Blade tagged in Angelico, whose shirtless torso looked almost as good as Dante’s. Angelico punched Jeff’s midsection and then openly mocked him. Jeff took advantage of Angelico’s lapse in judgment by executing a jawbreaker out of nowhere. Hardy tagged in Darius, and Angelico tagged in Quen.
Darius dominated Quen with punches to his stomach, chops to his chest, and forearms to his face. Darius then Irish whipped Quen, and Quen countered by grabbing the top rope to stop his momentum. Darius bent over in the “looking for trouble” position, and Quen gave him trouble by punt kicking his chest. Quen went for a second kick, but Darius countered with a step-up enzuigiri!
Quen harried Darius onto the apron, and Kassidy took full advantage of this by executing a springboard stunner on Darius. The Blade then executed a pulldown spinebuster on Darius onto the apron. Darius hit hard and rolled to the floor. Kassidy threw Darius into the steel barricade, and Darius crashed with the kind of reckless abandon you’d expect from Darby Allin. The Blade helped toss Darius back into the ring, and Kassidy went for the cover but only got a two-count.
Kassidy tagged in Quen, and Quen executed a slingshot senton onto Darius. However, instead of going for the urgent cover, Quen mugged for the camera. By the time Quen got around to covering Darius, Darius was able to kick out at one.
“The problem with Quen is he loves himself,” Wight said. “He loves himself too much.”
Quen tagged in Kassidy again, and Kassidy and Quen ran the ropes. Darius ducked under Quen and cartwheeled over Kassidy. Darius then performed a double hurricanrana on both members of Private Party concurrently. Amazingly, Darius landed on his feet; he started to pose for the crowd but then collapsed awkwardly to one knee. Darius immediately crawled to the face team’s corner and tagged in Dante.
Dante stormed the ring looking like a real-life superhero. He jumped onto the top rope, jumped off the top rope, and hit a running forearm and an inside-out suplex. The crowd was ecstatic about Dante’s offense, and he was fully engaged with them. (On the outside of the ring, Darius was no longer on the apron; instead, he was crouching by the stairs and leaning on the apron. I don’t know in which match Darius re-injured himself, but that doesn’t look great. If this wasn’t that particular match, he still might have tweaked something that later became an injury in another match. Either way, it is sad to see him out of action again, especially given how talented he is.)
Dante ran the ropes, and Matt tagged himself in just as Dante jumped through the ropes and performed a suicide dive onto The Blade at ringside. Back in the ring, Matt stood over Kassidy as he slowly and meticulously made his way back to his feet. Matt led the crowd in an ever-growing “Delete!” chant. As soon as Kassidy was upright, Hardy went for a Twist of Fate. However, Kassidy countered Matt’s Twist of Fate with an attempted Irish whip. Hardy countered Kassidy’s Irish whip with a reversal into a back body drop. (That body drop looked stellar and got a lot of height! What a great-looking move.)
Matt singled for Jeff to enter the ring, and Jeff obliged. Matt and Jeff went for another Poetry in Motion, but Kassidy evaded it and executed a cutter. Kassidy tagged in Angelico. Angelico clocked Jeff with an enzuigiri off the mat, and Jeff sold it like he’d fallen out of a whole-ass airplane. (Speaking of selling, both Matt and Jeff are in the ring, but Darius is still clinging to that apron.)
Matt hit Angelico with his signature Side Effect. The Blade hit Matt with a corkscrew neckbreaker. Then, Darius climbed to the top rope and performed a double missile dropkick on both Kassidy and The Blade. Darius performed a pop-up and looked pumped as the crowd cheered. Quen rushed into the ring and took out Darius with a looping enzuigiri. The Blade attacked Darius outside the ring as Quen jumped onto the top rope for a springboard of some kind, but Dante jumped onto the top rope himself. While Quen balanced on the top rope, Dante jumped off the top rope and executed a spinning kick to Quen, who was also on the top rope. (That looked amazing.)
“That’s the innovation of Dante Martin! Look at him fly!” Wight exclaimed. (There’s a reason we keep radioactive spiders in laboratories.)
Angelico ran toward Dante, but Dante backflipped over Angelico and landed on his feet. (How is that even possible…) Dante hit Angelico with a superkick; Matt hit Angelico with a Twist of Fate, and Jeff destroyed Angelico with a DDT. Matt made sure Jeff was tagged in, and Jeff executed a Swanton Bomb onto Angelico. Jeff covered Angelico, the referee dropped to the mat, and The Hardy Boyz & Top Flight picked up the win. (Welcome back, Angelico!)
WINNER: The Hardy Boyz & Top Flight in 10:00
(David’s Analysis: Wow, what a match! As chaotic as that was, it was still highly enjoyable. I found myself smiling multiple times throughout the match, and I recommend people see it. This is definitely going to be my match of the night. It’s amazing how the Hardys have found ways to adjust their style to be safer without being boring. Dante is getting much better at emoting. He is miles from where he was just a year ago, and I hope they give him another chance at a top spot. He’s only twenty-one, and there’s plenty of time for him to improve exponentially. Speaking of chances, I really do hope you give this match a chance. It was exhilarating!)
– After the match, Top Flight and the Hardy Boyz celebrated mid-ring.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a good episode of AEW Dark Elevation. I wish I could have written a full report instead of this painfully abbreviated version. The show deserved it. However, I hope writing such a short report didn’t let you guys down. I really do appreciate you visiting this site and reading my reports. To every one of you who does, thank you for gifting me your time. It means the world to me. If you have time to only watch one match off of this show, watch The Hardy Boyz & Top Flight vs. Private Party & The Blade & Angelico. If you have time to watch two matches off of this show, catch Sakura & The Bunny & Rose vs. Soho & Jay & Shida. Both matches are very much worth your time. Also, the Roppongi Vice vs. Dark Order match is very much worth your time.
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, nobody washes clothes on washboards anymore, and therefore it is okay to be fat.
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