12/27 AEW DARK ELEVATION: Bryant’s report (with asides and Mark Henry and Eddie Kingston on commentary highlights!) on Hardy, Rosa, Ogogo, Spears, Dark Order

AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT
DECEMBER 27, 2021 (Recorded 12/22)
GREENSBORO, NC
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Henry, and Eddie Kingston

Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts

– A quick note before we begin: I had the chance to attend AEW’s Dec. 22 tapings at the Greensboro Coliseum. If you have not attended an AEW show, you are missing out. That isn’t hyperbole; if anything, that is an understatement. Truly, the edge of a seat never cut so deep. So, before we start, and despite how sycophantic this might sound, I’d like to thank every last person responsible for the spectacular show I had the honor of attending – even Cody. Now, on to the report!

– Dark Elevation opened with shots of the historic Greensboro Coliseum. The camera caught glimpses of Santa hats, applauding fans, and at least fourteen different masks. (Good job, Greensboro!) During the opening, we were shown an “MJF Stole Christmas Sign,” a “Rampage Is Hook” sign, a “Hook Show” sign, and an “All I Want For Christmas Is Hook” sign. We were also shown a “Greensboro Is Rhodes Country” sign that did not age well in the slightest.

Tony Schiavone shouted, “It’s Monday night, and you know what that means!” (Last Wednesday?)

(1) DARK ORDER (John Silver & Alex Reynolds & “Number 10” Preston Vance) vs. BRANDON SCOTT & FODDER & J.R. MILLER

The director cut to a canted angle of the stage, and the camera rotated from a Dutch tilt angle to a Steadicam tracking shot. Dark Order’s logo filled the screen as cinematic music engulfed the arena. John Silver, Alex Reynolds, and “Number 10” Preston Vance strolled onto the stage flanked by fellow Dark Order members who stood atop the ramp in support of their respective representatives. Silver, Reynolds, and Vance then proceeded to the ring alone.

Brandon Scott, Fodder, and J.R. Miller were already in the ring and chose Scott to start things off. Silver was the starting man for Dark Order, and Scott was the starting man for his team. In the background, an audience member held up an LED-enhanced “Greensboro is All Elite” sign. The crowd was pumped, and the wrestlers looked intense and ready to go.

Scott stepped straight into a collar and elbow tie-up, and his cheeks sharpened with what may have been apprehension, while Silver’s features remained smooth and calm. Silver transitioned the tie-up into a wristlock as Scott’s hands grasped at his fingers. Using all of his might, Scott overpowered Silver’s wristlock and turned it into a wristlock of his own. Silver’s face recoiled in anguish, and Scott seized the opportunity to transition into a side headlock. Silver used his strength advantage to bully Scott into the center ropes and then whipped him across the ring, allowing Scott to rebound off the ropes and crash chest-first into a shoulder tackle. Silver looked pleased, posed for the hard camera, flexed his muscles, and popped the crowd.

One of Scott’s well-tattooed partners ran in and cheap-shotted Silver mid-pose.

Eddie Kingston said, “My man with the prison tattoos got some plans!” (I choked on my coffee.)

Vance joined Silver in the ring, and the two teamed up to swing “Eddie’s man” into the ropes with a double Irish whip followed by a double takedown. Eddie’s faith in his man was unfazed as he declared, “That’s my dude right now. I’m a fan already!”

Miller ran into the ring to save his teammates, but Reynold’s darted through the ropes and sent Miller flying with a back body drop. All three members of Dark Order posed together in a mighty-meaty-muscle show, and Mark Henry debated how many of the fans came to see men posing. (Well, if we’re going by crowd pops… some did.)

Scott used Dark Order’s hubris to recuperate and heaved Silver into the heel’s corner. Scott kicked Silver twice in the chest, and when Silver fell to the ground, Scott mud-stomped him like a souvenir-machine stomping a penny. With Silver thoroughly boot-flattened, Scott took a moment to revel in the fuming fans’ fury before tagging in Fodder, who continued Scott’s assault. Fodder mud-stomped Silver’s chest twice and then tagged in Miller so he could mud-stomp Silver some more. (This cannot be heart-healthy.)

At this point, Schiavone politely informed Kingston and Henry that they’d been calling the jobber team by the wrong names since the show started. (You couldn’t have corrected them sooner??? Don’t ever ask Schiavone if you’ve got something in your teeth… Geesh.) Silver made a comeback, but I barely saw it because I was delightfully enraptured by Henry and Kingston as they tried to figure out which jobber was named Fodder. (They’re all fodder.)

Silver struck Miller with two vicious kicks to his mid-section, or as Kingston put it, “Silver is kicking, uh… is his name Miller?”

Silver then slapped Miller, Miller tried for a running lariat, and Silver ducked, winning himself the opportunity to tag in Vance. Miller tagged in *insert name here*, and they both ran toward Vance. Vance hit a clothesline on Miller followed by a second clothesline on Fodder (Okay, so that aforementioned guy he tagged in was named Fodder — glad that’s sorted… or at least, I hope that’s sorted. I’m so confused.)

Vance nailed Fodder (?) with a clothesline in the corner and ran across the ring to pump kick, Miller. Definitely, Miller. Scott stood on the apron, looking poised to interfere, and Vance smartly pump kicked him, sending Scott (and whatever his devious plans were) to the floor. Scott climbed back to his feet, still looking like he was thinking about maybe being a potential threat, so Reynolds raced across the ring and dove onto Scott with a tope suicida. Vance then hit Miller with a hard spinebuster, and the crowd was up and enthused.

Silver jumped in the ring, and together, Silver and Vance took turns delivering a step-up enzuigiri, a rolling elbow, a stunner, a German suplex, and a blue thunder bomb. Vance then decided to tag in Silver (Wait. This match still as rules?), and all three members of Dark Order executed a Crucifix Drop on Scott for the win.

I think it was Scott. It was probably Scott. Maybe it was Fodder?

WINNER: Dark Order (John Silver & Alex Reynolds & “Number 10” Preston Vance) in 4:00

– Miller! I’m now positive it was Miller. He looked like a Miller.

(David’s Analysis: This match had good action, but it had iconic commentary. These three guys have the best chemistry I’ve ever heard on an announce team, bar none. They rival Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Go out of your way to listen to them bungle the names of the losing team. I feel so bad for those guys, TBH. They get on national TV, and the announce team all but says, “Silver pinned a man with a human torso… maybe.”)

– For the second week in a row, a stirring advert aired touting Dynamite’s upcoming move to TBS. (As I said last week, I think this will be a net-positive for them, especially if the West Coast airing of Dynamite returns to an 8 p.m. timeslot. *Fingers crossed*)

(2) THUNDER ROSA vs. DANI MO

Jade Cargill’s music hits, and Cargill and her manager made their way onto the stage. Cargill started to pose for the crowd, thought better of it, and then flipped her hair like that annoying “help desk” emoji TikTok loves so much. Both Cargill and Sterling turned on their heels (not a heel turn) and made their way to the commentary table, where their commentary will surely be respectful. Speaking of respectful, Henry politely showed Cargill to her leather-clad seat and then pointedly told Sterling, “You can stand.” (Sterling is now me at every Thanksgiving dinner.)

Thunder Rosa came out next, yanking a flower from her hair and throwing it at the announce desk. (You know, flowers are a very passive-aggressive gift if you think about it. Boyfriends really be like, “Here’s something I murdered; watch it decay.”)

Thunder Rosa trudged down the ramp with a look of steel on her face, and the crowd was extraordinarily into her. I can tell you, firsthand, that there were multiple Thunder Rosa chants coming from my section. Also, her face paint looked great and might’ve been the best of the night had Punk not shown up.

Rosa’s opponent, Dani Mo, was in the ring and ready for her second AEW match. (Mo has a great face for wrestling, BTW. She looks both friendly and like she might murder you some.)

The two women circled each other, dropping into a collar and elbow tie-up. Rosa overpowered Mo and slapped on a twisting wristlock. Mo refused to be overpowered and yanked her arm repeatedly, but Rosa maintained her grip. Desperate and frantic, Mo slugged Rosa so hard her hair blond flew around her head like a lion’s mane. Rosa released Mo’s wrist and stumbled backward. Overconfident, Mo turned her back on Rosa to mug for the crowd. This allowed Rosa to repay Mo’s face-punch by cracking her jaw. Mo crashed hard to the ground and might’ve stayed there had Rosa not pulled her back up by her hair and draped her over the ring ropes like dirty laundry.

Rosa held Mo in place as she bombarded her chest with knee lifts. With Mo looking assuredly down and out, Rosa delivered a rope-assisted dropkick, knocking MO to the floor. Rosa jumped out of the ring to throw her opponent back in but paused to shout something at Cargill, who pointed at her from the commentary booth. Cargill dismissively waved her hand at Rosa like a princess shooing a fly.

Rosa clotheslined Mo before looking back at Cargill with a contemptuous glare. Rosa then rolled Mo back into the ring and hung her over the center rope in the “please kick me” position upon returning to the ring herself. She pointed toward Cargill and indicated her upcoming offense was meant to foreshadow Cargill’s future. Rosa hit Mo with two running dropkicks, quickly followed by a Fire Thunder Driver. Rosa grabbed Mo’s leg for the pin, and the referee dropped to the mat and counted to three as Rosa stared at Cargill like she’d just caught her vivisecting a puppy.

WINNER: Thunder Rosa in 2:00

– Post-match, Cargill marched down the ramp, screaming at Rosa. Sterling intercepted her and talked her into backing off, but not before Cargill gave Rosa a very rude hand gesture.

(David’s Analysis: This match was less about wrestling and more about hyping Rosa’s upcoming match with Cargill. It achieved its intended purpose. Also, Sterling was good on commentary, especially the part where he claimed “simp” stood for “simply the best lawyer.”)

(3) DUNCAN MITCHELL vs. ANTHONY OGOGO (w/ Q.T. Marshall & Nick Comoroto & Aaron Solow)

The director cut to a wide shot of the stage as Anthony Ogogo’s entrance video lit up the screens. Roberts announced that Ogogo’s upcoming match had a 20 time limit of which 18 will be spared. Ogogo came out first, accompanied by Q.T. Marshall, Nick Comoroto, and Aaron Solow. Ogogo’s opponent, Duncan Mitchell, was waiting in the ring, and a chyron noted this was his AEW debut. (Cause you always wanna set yourself up for success.)

Kingston said, “He’s got a mouthpiece in. The kid’s smart; the kid’s smart!” (I had honestly thought his mouthpiece was just him having the world’s whitest teeth. It’s amazing how much clearer things look on TV.) Schiavone touted Mitchell as having a brown belt in Jujitsu, which is great, except Ogogo has an Olympic medal in boxing. (Here’s to success!)

Both men started off with a collar and elbow tie-up as the crowd chanted, “Let’s go, Jobber.” Ogogo delivered multiple Thai knee strikes, yanked Mitchell’s arm like a ripcord, spun him around, whipped him into the ropes, and brought him to the mat with a shoulder tackle. (This guy’s next debut’s gonna be on a transplant wait-list.)

In a moment of unexpected offense, Mitchell hit Ogogo with a jawbreaker out of nowhere. Ogogo looked more confused than hurt, and Mitchell decided to punch him in the face with a stiff right hand. Ogogo no longer looked confused so much as irritated. Mitchel lept at a not-at-all incapacitated Ogogo and seemed surprised when Ogogo caught him in mid-air. (I’m starting to think Mitchell did not pick the best opponent for his debut.) Ogogo lifted Mitchel onto his shoulders into the fireman’s carry position, possibly planning an Olympic slam, but thought better of it and dropped him to the ground like the deadest of deadweight.

Ogogo grabbed Mitchell’s hair and dragged him to the corner with one hand. He then lifted the man like a box of air and sat him on the top turnbuckle. (Mitchell is more screwed than an actual screw.) Ogogo headbutted Mitchell, who was, quite frankly, no longer present. Mitchel hunched over, limp and lifeless, and Ogogo seemed amused by this. He put Mitchel in a Tower of London, dropped him to the mat, and pinned him with only a hand on his chest. (Success!)

WINNER: Anthony Ogogo (w/The Factory) at 87 seconds

(David’s Analysis: That was more “massacre” than “match” and looked unconditionally brutal. Debuting wrestlers really need to stop requesting their first match be against Anthony Ogogo because it never ogo-goes well.)

(4) PROUD & POWERFUL (Santana & Ortiz) vs. ALEXANDER MOSS & MOVIE MYK

Santana & Ortiz, or Proud & Powerful, or as some sites have called them: PNP (PNP also stands for something very inappropriate, so do not Google it.), made their way to the ring. This occurred around 7:20 p.m. before Dynamite last Wednesday, and I’d say the building was at least 85 percent full by that point. For some of the late stragglers, Santana and Ortiz were the first big stars they saw that night – a good way to start off your evening.

Justin Roberts rolled the “r” in Ortiz’s name to pronounce it correctly, and Mark Henry asked, “How does Justin Roberts do that with his tongue?” He said this with the innocence of a child watching a magic trick.

When Santana and Ortiz turned to face the crowd in the ring, there was a loud pop, and people leaped to their feet. Proud & Powerful’s competition, Alexander Moss and Movie Myk, were already in the ring and rushed Santana before the match started, pummeling him with their fists. Santana ducked and covered his head, caught completely unaware by such a vicious, unprovoked onslaught. Ortiz jumped into the ring to rescue his teammate, and an all-out chaotic brawl engulfed the canvas. With Rollerjam-worthy mayhem unfolding before his eyes, the referee decided now was a good time to start the match because wow.

Ortiz got dumped unceremoniously to the floor, and a scrambling Santana attempted a jawbreaker only to receive a knife-edge chop to the chest. Myk and Moss continued to double-team Santana while the referee (who, I remind you, started the match on purpose) pleaded with them to stop. Santana took a punch from one man, a dropkick from the other man, a strike across his chest from the man who’d just punched him, and then got rolled up for a one-count which the referee actually counted! (OMG! Why are you counting? No one has left the ring. Do you even know who the legal man is?)

Santana recovered in the corner from his attempted murder while Moss and Myk gloated like band geeks who snuck a flask into prom. Moss gunned for Santana, but Santana lept past Moss and hit Myk with a Cazadora Code Breaker. Moss tried for a clothesline, but Santana rolled under him and tagged in Ortiz.

Ortiz sprung into action and jumped over the top rope in a single bound, both landing and running at the same time. He decimated his opponent’s chests with clothesline after clothesline, for which the crowd cheered! Moss then slammed his foot into Ortiz’s guts and flung him like a human yo-yo into the turnbuckles. Ortiz crashed into the turnbuckle so hard he bounced forward like the turnbuckles had been the ring ropes themselves and decided to use that painful momentum to clothesline Myk. Moss tried to rush him but got a leg lariat for his effort. (I’m still unclear which heel is the legal man?) Ortiz smashed Myk into a turnbuckle, grabbed his head, and tagged in Santana.

Together, Santana and Ortiz delivered a double-team vertical suplex to Myk. Moss jumped into the ring and ran toward Proud and Powerful, looking for a clothesline, but both men ducked. Unable to stop himself, Moss ricocheted off the ropes, allowing Santana and Ortiz to catch him with simultaneous thrust kicks to the stomach. Both Santana and Ortiz hopped back to their feet, grabbed Moss, and executed a very deserved Outlined In Chalk.

The crowd ate this up, and Ortiz hit Myk with an inverted atomic drop. Myk clutched his groin in pain as Santana clubbed him with a forearm across his back. Ortiz then executed a DDT. At that point, Santana tagged in Ortiz. (Wait. We’re still doing tags in this one?) Ortiz then powerbombed Myk, and Ortiz hit him with a running boot. Ortiz covered Myk (Who I’m guessing is the legal man?) and got a three-count.

WINNER: Proud & Powerful (Santana & Ortiz) in 4:00

(David’s Analysis: Great match; great action; extremely hard to follow. My only qualm is an organizational one. If they’d taken just a couple of seconds to clearly establish who the legal men were, I’d have enjoyed the ending much more. However, this was another very entertaining performance from Santana & Ortiz. They should unquestionably be wrestling on Dynamite more often. Their parking lot brawl against the Best Friends proved they can deliver at the very top of the card, and I’d love to see them elevated to that spot again.)

(5) “THE CHAIRMAN” SHAWN SPEARS vs. LEE MORIARTY

The director cut to Shawn Spears’s ring entrance (which looks cool on camera but even better in person). Spears climbed to the top rope and teased giving the crowd his signature “ten-finger” hand gesture but decided not to. Mark Henry said, “Not today, not today,” in a voice I can only imagine was accompanied by a head shake. Lee Moriarty was then given his full entrance, and the cyron noted he had a 3 -7 record.

Schiavone said, “Moriarty is not afraid of Shawn Spears.” To which Kingston replied, “A little fear is good because it makes you do certain things that help you survive.” There was a brief, but lighthearted, back and forth on this, and I personally feel Kingston won the debate.

Both men circled each other, and Shawn spears captured Moriarty in a wristlock. Moriarty was forced onto his back but squirmed his way back up and reversed the hold, capturing Spears in a wristlock of his own. Lee then executed a quick forearm leg sweep and took Spears to the canvas.

Moriarty went for a cover and got a one-count and, immediately after kicking out, Spears went for a cover of his own, also getting a one-count. Moriarty went for a second leg sweep, but Spears jumped over him and then performed a cartwheel, mocking Moriarty. Spears then took a bow for the crowd, who seemed ireful.

Spears approached Moriarty, and the two men teased a test of strength, but Moriarty lunged forward and wrapped Spears up in a waistlock from behind. Spears pried (and even punched) at Moriarty’s fingers. Finally able to break free, Spears turned the waistlock into another wristlock. Spears twisted Moriarty’s wrist into some really awkward positions – behind his back, over his head, and at one point had both of Moriarty’s shoulders on the mat. Moriarty thrust his legs in the air to get himself up off the mat, but as soon as he was on his feet again, Spears captured him in a headlock takeover and brought him crashing down.

Spears tried to pin Moriarty with the headlock, and the referee dropped to his knees to check and see if Moriarty’s shoulders were both touching the mat. He waved a hand beneath Moriarty and signaled to Spears that his opponent was not properly pinned. Moriarty then bounced his body up and down, back-first, on the canvas, until he somehow managed to wriggle his way out of the headlock. (That was not what I was expecting.) Once on his feet, Moriarty took a moment to mock spears, doing the “ten-finger” hand gesture in Spears’s face. (That is not a wise use of your time.)

Spears tried to leg sweep Moriarty, and Moriarty cartwheeled over him, spun around, and attempted to punt kick Spears’ head. Spears ducked (instead of died), and Moriarty missed. Moriarty got in Spears’s face and once again taunted him. (Not. A. Wise. Use. Of. Your. Time. *I need the clap emoji*) Infuriated, Spears attempted a boot kick to Moriarty’s stomach, but Moriarty captured his leg. Spears then reached across his captured leg and grabbed Moriarty’s left ear.

Dragging Moriarty by his ear like a punk-rock schoolmarm, Spears forced him into the turnbuckles. Spears delivered a knife-edge chop to Moriarty, paused, and went for a second chop but stopped his hand inches from Moriarty’s chest. Spears then wagged his finger at the crowd as if they should know what to expect next. (Don’t look at me; I have no idea.) And… I guess we’ll never know because Moriarty clutched Spears’s head, whirled him around backward, and forced him into the same corner where Moriarty had previously been pinned. Moriarty hit a chop, another chop, a forearm, another chop, another forearm, a fifth chop, a sixth chop, a third forearm, and finally captured Spears in a wristlock just long enough to Irish whip him into the opposite corner. (I’m enjoying Spears’s selling her.) Spears hit the turnbuckles hard, and this unfortunate event gave Moriarty the courage to charge at him full speed and with reckless abandon. Spears, however, wasn’t as injured as his predicament portended and caught Moriarty with his shoulder, launching him over the top rope to the floor.

Moriarty landed hard, his face hitting on the steel stairs. The camera didn’t capture it, but I could see it happen clearly from where I was sitting, and my spine stiffened for a second. It looked rough and like it could have gone really bad really fast. (The camera needs to get better at capturing this kind of stuff. There’s not much to complain about in AEW, but missing cool spots is definitely one of their few complainable offenses. I haven’t seen it yet, but I heard they missed the MJF table spot during Dynamite’s main event. The table didn’t break or anything, but it did turn over, and it was a cool moment. It’s a shame that things like this aren’t always captured for the audience at home. These wrestlers are putting their lives on the line to entertain us, and they can only entertain us if we’re able to see what they’re doing. /rant)

“I think he hit the corner of those stairs!” Schiavone exclaimed.

“He did; he did,” Henry said.

“His face hit, but I also think his armpit may have hit the corner of the ring steps, too!” Kingston said. “There’s pressure points there. That hurts.”

“Yeah, and anything near the temple hurts,” Henry added.

(At least the announcers are putting over the spot the camera totally missed.)

Spears jumped out of the ring and stalked toward Moriarty, who clutched his head, cowering by the farthest barrier from Spears. Spears grabbed him, smashed him into the ring post, held his head there, and used his leg to further grind Moriarty’s face into the post’s corner. (If AEW ever gets a wrestler’s union, I expect rounded ring posts to be at the top of their wish list.) Spears finally let Moriarty go, but I doubt it was out of mercy because his character has fewer hearts than a tinman.

Fans at ringside were booing Spears vociferously, and he turned to confront them. This only made them boo louder, and he got in the face of a little girl, stared her in the eye, looking cold and reptilian, and then lurched forward like a striking snake. The girl jumped back, and her father glared at the audacity of Spears’s dastardly heelishness.

“Oh wow,” Henry said. “What a no good, dirty…” Henry seemed too flustered to even finish the sentence.

Spears went back to stalking Moriarty, grabbed him, and then rolled him back into the ring. Spears climbed into the ring himself but took too much time, and Moriarty managed to gather his bearings just enough to attempt a clothesline. Spears ducked the clothesline and slapped on a sleeper from behind. Moriarty struggled as the fans clapped in support. Then, still straining and gasping for breath, Moriarty reached up, clutched Spears’ skull, and delivered a hellish jawbreaker.

Spears stumbled, eyes-glazed and limbs shaking. Moriarty punched Spears in the stomach, and Spears punched Moriarty right back. Moriarty then punched Spears’ guts two more times before landing a spinning kick against the side of Spears’s head. Moriarty then hit spears with a big boot, grabbed his arm, and executed a Pepsi Twist, taking Spears down. The crowd brimmed with reasonable applause.

Moriarty nailed spears with a running forearm and propped him up on the top turnbuckle. Spears tried to fight back, but Moriarty quailed his efforts with a forearm to the jaw. Moriarty climbed to the top rope, but Spears captured him on his shoulders, setting up for a C4 off the ropes. Moriarty landed a last-ditch elbow against Spears’ skull, trying to escape his shoulders. Spears continued, unfettered. Moriarty landed a second elbow, followed by a third elbow. This was finally enough for Spears to relent, and Moriarty grabbed Spears’ fingers, twisting them backward. (Kingston’s voice is serving as the perfect soundtrack for this.) Spears fell forward into the center of the ring, and Moriarty fell backward onto the ring apron. Moriarty then jumped from the apron to the top rope to attempt a springboard something or other, but Spears caught him mid-air and delivered a hard-hitting C4 to get the pin!

WINNER: Shawn Spears in 6:00

(David’s Analysis: I know some people aren’t high on Shawn Spears, but I personally enjoy his schtick and was happy to get to see him in a one-on-one match live. This wasn’t a clinic, but there wasn’t anything wrong with it. It definitely entertained the crowd, and at no point was it ever painful to watch.)

(6) THE GUNN CLUB (Billy Gunn & Colten Gunn & Austin Gunn) vs. DARK ORDER (Evil Uno & Stu Grayson & Alan “5” Angels)

Austin Gunn and Colten Gunn came out first, and after a few seconds, their father came out toting a sign. (Billy Gunn got a good reaction in Greensboro, N.C. I know he’s been around a while, but as long as he’s getting reactions like that, they should keep him on the card.) The sign has the words “Sons of a Gunn” marked out, and underneath that, the words “Ass Boys” were scrawled in red marker. Classy.

“Are they still the Gunn Club, or are they the Ass Boys,” Kingston said.

“I don’t know; they’ve got Gunn Club marked out on the sign,” Henry said.

“So then they are the Ass Boys?”

“I don’t — I’m not — I think it’s derogatory to call someone an ass boy.” (Mark Henry’s deadpan is so serious; he’s adorbs.)

Up next, Dark Order came out on stage as a collective. The three members competing in the match, Stu Grayson, Evil Uno, and Alan “5” Angels, made their way to the ring, and the other Dark Order members left once the match began. In the ring, Dark Order did the Mother Monster… I mean… Dark Order sign and several little monsters in the audience joined in.

Austin made a show of ripping up the “Ass Boys” sign and waved a scolding figure at the crowd. The bell rang, and Grayson and Austin were the two men starting things off. Angels hit a rolling elbow to send Austin into the far neutral corner; Angels then hit a knife-edge chop to Austin’s chest. With Austin reeling, Angels climbed to the second turnbuckle and reigned down offense onto Austin’s head. The referee broke things up, and Angels backed away from the corner by a backflip off the second turnbuckle and landing on his feet.

Angels taunted Austin before hitting him with another lightning-fast chop; Austin clutched his chest. Angels then ran into the ropes to get leverage for his next move, but Austin swung a mighty clothesline; however, Angels ducked, and Austin missed. Austin thrust Angels into the ropes near the heel’s corner, and Billy kneed Angels in the back when he approached the apron. Austin then dropped to the ground to sweep Angels’ legs out from under him by smashing his forearms into Angels’ shins.

Austin tagged in Colten, and Colten punched Angels in the face before tagging in Billy. (The crowd applauded Billy as he entered the ring.) Billy whipped Angels across the canvas and into the ropes. Billy then bent over mid-ring and waited in the “please kick and/or slap me” position. Angels rebounded off the ropes and kicked Billy’s chest, catching him (somehow) off guard; he then followed that up with a spinning back kick. Billy tried to fight back, but Angels’ advantage was too great, and he wrapped his arm around Billy’s head, swirled through the air like a human tornado, and landed a beautiful spinning DDT.

Both men rolled to their respective corners, where Grayson tagged in Evil Uno, and Billy tagged in Colten. Evil Uno and Colten ran at each other, crashing like colliding cars. Austin jumped into the ring to aid Colten, but Evil Uno double shoulder tackled both of them. Austin stumbled into one neutral corner, and Colten stumbled to the other. Evil Uno then sprinted back and forth across the ring, giving Colten and Austin a combination of body avalanches and back elbows. Colten ran at Evil Uno, and Evil Uno sidestepped him, allowing Colten to crash face-first into Austin. Both Austin and Cloten stumbled out of the corner, and Evil Uno grabbed each of them by the scruff of their necks, ramming their heads together.

Frustrated by his son’s failures, Billy slipped into the ring, ran at Evil Uno, and hit him with a big boot. This unexpected assault took Evil Uno off his feet. Then Grayson jumped in because reasons, and the referee argued with him to get back onto the apron while all three members of the Gunn Club bombard Evil Uno with punches, kicks, and forearms behind the referee’s back. (There is no way on God’s green earth that a referee would not turn around with that kind of ruckus just inches from their feet.)

Henry said, “Why won’t referees turn around?” (Thank you! OMG. Finally. Thank you!)

Despite seeing Evil Uno get decimated, Grayson continued to distract the referee by obstinately refusing to leave the damn ring. (If I weren’t typing, my head would be in my hands.)

“You gotta get that psychopath out of the ring,” Kingston said, referring to Grayson. “He’s not the Bunny, but he’s sure acting like her.” (I feel like there might have been more than one meaning in those words.)

Austin tagged in Billy, who proceeded to kick Evil Uno in the gut so hard the ring post camera shook. He then punched Evil Uno in his black facemask, and the man crumbled to sit on the bottom turnbuckle. Billy tagged Colten back in, and Colten resumed kicking Evil Uno where Billy had left off. Evil Uno forced himself back upright, mustered strength, and slugged Colten, putting the entirety of his being behind the force of his fist.

As Colten staggered backward, Evil Uno turned to punch Billy and Austin on the apron but took too long, and Colten picked his angle out from under him. Colten threw Evil Uno back into the heel’s corner and hilariously knocked Billy clean off the apron in the process. (That was perfect.) Evil Uno seized the moment to kick Austin in the face, trap Colten’s head under his arm, and hit him with a flatliner DDT.

“That was cool,” Kingston said.

“That was cool,” Henry echoed.

Evil Uno reached his arms toward his corner, and the crowd cheered for him to make a tag. Somehow, someway, he gathered the determination, flailed his body, walked on his knees to the face team’s corner, and tagged in Grayson!

Grayson flew across the ring like a red-hot bottle rocket, chopping one Gunn brother, then chopping the other brother, and then hitting a springboard enzuigiri on Billy, knocking him down onto the apron so hard he bounced off and hit the floor. (This whole segment, from Evil Uno fighting to get the tag to Grayson exploding out of the corner, was well executed and thrilling.)

Grayson grabbed Austin around the waist and executed a belly-to-belly suplex. Colten raged toward Grayson, but an energized Grayson caught him in with a release German suplex. Billy did yet another run-in, gunning (ha!) for a powerful-looking clothesline, but Grayson ducked it with a matrix pop-up followed immediately by a Pele kick. (This is as good as the circus.) Billy wobbled into the center ring ropes; Grayson lunged into the opposite ropes, zipped across the ring, and clotheslined Billy to the floor. Grayson grabbed Colten and annihilated him with a side suplex full of brawn and gumption. Colten lay splayed on the ground, barely aware of what was happening around him. Grayson then jumped to the second rope and executed a stunning springboard corkscrew plancha (Holy….) and wrapped Colten up for the one, two (… crap).

Grayson stood and circled Colten’s carcass like a vulture, waiting for him to stand. When he finally rose from the dead, Grayson grabbed his shoulder, hooked his leg, and went for The Nightfall, but Colten elbowed his way out! Colten luckily landed on his feet and shoved Grayson into the ring ropes, where Billy hit him with a very, very cheap shot. Grayson was now all but extinguished and tagged in Angels before falling to the ground and rolling to the apron. Angels rushed across the ring, rebounded off the ropes, dashed to the opposite side, hitting a tope suicida on Billy.

Having suddenly found a Mario Bros Starman, Grayson was now fully revitalized and sped from one end of the ring to the next, building up momentum before diving over the top rope and executing a somersault plancha onto Billy. Angels jumped off the top rope toward Colten for a flying clothesline, but Colten ducked and completely cleared him. Colten grabbed Angels for what might have been a sit-out facebuster, but Angels countered his opponent’s efforts and rolled Colten up for a two-count.

Colten kicked Angels and tucked his head, hoping for a Colten 45, but Angels blocked him and hit a step-up enzuigiri. Angels popped back to his feet and tried to execute a Monkey Flip, but Austin reached through the ropes, grabbed his brother’s waist, and helped him counter the move. Colten then pinned Grayson, using the top rope for leverage to pick up a very tainted victory.

WINNER: The Gunn Club (Billy Gunn & Colten Gunn & Austin Gunn) in 6:00

(David’s Analysis: This was a party of a match. I loved almost every second of it (minus the over-the-top referee distraction). You’ve gotta hand it to Grayson. He was good when AEW first started, but he’s become great over the past two years. The same could be said for Evil Uno. When they first started, Evil Uno looked amiss in a world full of prodigies, but now he’s gotten so good at storytelling he can make even a simple tag feel like the universe depends on it.)

– Post-match replays aired of the finish, and the announcers made sure to bring our attention back to the Gunn Club’s shameless cheating. The Gunn Club then posed at the bottom of the rampway.

(7) EMI SAKURA & DIAMANTE vs. ANNA JAY & TAY CONTI

I love Emi Sakura and was thrilled to see her wrestle live. I can’t wait to type up the report for this match!

Diamante came out first, followed by Sakura, who sauntered, not walked, sauntered across the stage to the top of the ramp. She leered at the audience and whipped her queen’s rope to one side. Diamante looked furious like she could punch through brick walls. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in her path just then. Together, they walked down the ramp and to the ring.

Eddie Kingston said, “Those two are two of my favorites! See, I told you I liked people.”

Tony Schiavone told us about all of AEW’s upcoming dates, and at the end of the recitation, Mark Henry said, “Boy, you’ve got a great memory.”

(If you don’t watch Dark Elevation and only read these reports, go out of your way to catch these guys commentate sometime. Their act is a whole show unto itself. If it turns out you don’t like it, you can go back to just reading these reports. But in my opinion, Henry and Kingston’s commentary is addictive and should be regulated by the FDA)

The screens turned a fuchsia-esque shade of purple, and Anna Jay’s music played as Jay and Tay Conti made their way to the ring. As they walked, they bumped fists, put their arms around each other, waved to the crowd together, and looked like they’d been best friends their whole lives. It was delightful. (Kingston found it too delightful.)

Conti and Sakura started things off. (In case you care, and I’m pretty sure you don’t, but I am currently just off-screen screaming for Sakura like she found my wallet and all the money is still there.) Anyway, Conti and Sakura sized each other up and went for a quick collar and elbow tie-up before releasing it moments later. When Conti went back in for a second collar and elbow tie-up, Sakura caught her with a knife-edge chop, backed up, and made a “come and get some” motion with both hands.

“She said come on — so, go!” Henry exclaimed.

Conti took Sakura’s invitation but was met with a clothesline which Conti slyly ducked. Sakura caught Conti’s arm and went for a ripcord, but Conti blocked it. Undeterred, Sakura attempted a second ripcord and then a third, all blocked by Conti. Sakura sold her frustration extremely well. Conti then took control of Sakura’s wrist and put her in an abdominal stretch facing the hard camera. As Conti used her free forearm to relentlessly saw away at Sakura’s midsection, Sakura looked anguished. Sakura pulled out of Conti’s grasp and attempted to take back control of Conti’s wrist, but Conti trapped her in a roll-up for a quick two-count.

Conti kicked Sakura in the stomach, wrenched her arm, swung her into the face team’s corner, and hit her with a running elbow. Conti then tagged in Jay, and Jay pulled Sakura out of the corner, put her in a wristlock, hit her with a hook kick, twisted the wristlock until Sakura fell to her knees, elegantly stepped over Sakura, and then struck Sakura in the chest with a second hook kick. (Hook’s name is just everywhere these days.) With Sakura overwhelmed, Jay tried to apply a queen slayer for the finish, but Diamante ran in. Conti jumped out of the face’s corner to counter Diamante, but Diamante bludgeoned her with a strong fist. Conti shook it off and together, with Jay’s help, swung Sakura and Diamonte into opposing neutral corners. Both Conti and Jay picked a corner and landed running boots into their respective opponents’ chests. The crowd enjoyed this, so they decided to repeat it a second time with running knees and a third time with running elbows. (Sakura’s selling here is priceless.)

Jay pulled Sakura to the center of the ring and applied her Queen Slayer only for Sakura to squirm out of the hold, shove Jay’s neck downward, and hit a Queen’s Gambit out of nowhere! (I don’t know or care about anyone else in that build, but I popped for that move like a dollar store balloon.)

Sakura slung Jay into the neutral corner closest to the hard camera and pumped up the crowd for her signature stomp-stomp-chop routine to the beat of “We Will Rock You.” The crowd got into this, and soon everyone was stomping, clapping, and watching as Sakura gleefully stomp-stomp-chopped Jay in the corner. Sakura then backed up and used her own body as a weapon, screaming as she executed a running crossbody block onto Jay in the turnbuckles.

Jay doubled over from the force of Sakura’s self-sacrificing crossbody, and Sakura crumbled to her knees, leaning ever so slightly over the bottom rope. Conti’s eyes widened at the sight of an impromptu opportunity, and she flitted across the apron to hit Sakura with a running knee strike. Sakura’s head bobbled, and her limbs fumbled, but she made it to her feet just in time to spy Conti running into the ring proper. This allowed Sakura the chance to grab Jay by the arm, snatch Conti’s wrist, and sling them both headfirst into one another.

She does this with such force she causes Conti to accidentally execute a sunset flip on Jay. (I know Sakura is powerful, awe-inspiring, and practically perfect in more ways than Poppins, but is she really able to defy physics? Unless her perfectness can open a quantum portal that causes people who bump into each other to execute random sunset flips, that spot doesn’t make a lick of sense, and I enjoy licking sense.)

Sakura then put Conti and Jay into a double submission, smiling and gleaming for the hard camera as Diamante rushed into the ring and joined her. (This made for a great image, but again, I’m still trying to figure out what in the flipping sunset just happened.) Sakura then grabbed Jay, hauled her to the heel’s corner, slammed her head into Diamante’s knee, and tagged Diamante into the match. Diamante jumped through the ropes to land a flying splash on Jay, taking her down for a two-count.

Jay powered her way out and made it to her feet, but Diamante nailed her with a wicked chop. Jay returned the favor, chopping Diamante, and then Diamante knocked Jay to the ground multiple times with three short-arm clothesline takedowns. Diamante slung Jay into the heel’s corner, and Sakura stealthily swept Jay’s legs out from under her as the referee glanced at Conti, who appeared prepared to jump into the ring. (This was a good referee distraction. It made perfect sense. The referee looked away for single a split second, and Sakura swept Jay’s legs out from under her surreptitiously enough that it was believable the ref didn’t see it. Good job, everyone! That is how it’s done. It is not hard.)

Diamante backed up and charged forward into Jay with a Shibata dropkick, and Jay looked demolished. Diamante shoved Jay out of the corner and bulldozed her closer to the center of the ring. There, she hooked Jay’s leg and scored a near fall. Frustrated by her inability to put Jay away, Diamante accidentally gave Jay an opening, and she took it, executing a hard jawbreaker. Diamante lurched backward, and Jay lurched forward into the face’s corner where she tagged in Conti.

Conti scurried across the ring, grabbed Diamante, and hammered her with four forearms and two clotheslines. Unable to see her tag team partner in such distress, Sakura raced to the rescue only to receive a clothesline of her own. (Conti is looking great here. Everyone is playing their part well, even the referee.) Diamante ran at a revved-up Conti and attempted a clothesline of her own, but Conti countered with a version of her Tay KO.

Conti muscled Diamante into the ring ropes, kicked her in the stomach, pulled her to the center of the ring, and executed a cradle piledriver. Conti covered Diamante and would have gotten a three-count had Sakura not run in with a dropkick to break up the count. Conti slammed a pump kick into Sakura’s face, and with both opponents down, she tagged in Jay.

Diamante whirl-winded her way toward Jay, Jay caught her, attempted a facebuster, but Diamante blocked it. Jay then yanked Diamante upright, wrapped an arm around her head, and applied her signature Queen’s Slayer submission hold. The hold was too much for Diamante, who relented after only a few moments of strangulation, tapping out to give Jay and Conti the victory.

WINNER: Anna Jay & Tay Conti in 5:00

(David’s Analysis: As you may have gathered from my asides, I thought this match was enjoyable on all fronts. Sakura is magic, Diamante plays the villainous role well, and Jay and Conti keep improving with every appearance. AEW’s women’s division had a rough start, and while things aren’t perfect, they’re certainly starting to look up.)

– Post-match, Jay and Conti celebrated mid-ring, raising one another’s hands.

(8) MATT HARDY vs. DARIUS LOCKHART

This match was very interesting to watch in person. Because of where it took place, Matt Hardy was over with the crowd like Superman on a freshly-saved day. However, given that Hardy normally plays a heel, I’m curious to see what they choose to do with the audio. Do they leave it alone and let their international audience hear Hardy get unconditionally cheered, or do they turn down the audience noise and maybe pipe in some WWE-style boos? The only way to know is to watch, so let’s find out together!

Hardy came out first. The screens on stage soared to life with splashes of white and green. Hardy’s pyro burst into the air behind him, and the glowing orange flames burned every bit as bright as the crowd’s love for Hardy and the decades of memories his career has provided them. (I can already tell they are not planning to tweak the audio because this is very much how things went down.) The crowd was loving Hardy, and the camera cut to shots of fans cheering as kids held up Hardy’s famous hand signs. Hardy raised his hand to make his “V” hand gesture, and the camera cut to audience members raising their hands in unison.

Hardy posed on the second rope, and the director cut to more shots of people cheering, clapping, and holding up hand signs. Hardy had to be glowing inside seeing all of that. Hardy’s opponent, Darius Lockhart, was introduced next, and he promptly raised his hand for the crowd. By that point, the commentators had already done a good job explaining North Carolina’s inherent bias due to it being Hardy’s home state.

Hardy and Lockhart locked up to start the match, but Hardy was clearly energized by his adoring fans and quickly turned the fleeting collar and elbow tie-up into a side headlock. Lockhart tried to writhe away, but Hardy maintained control and swiftly transitioned to a hammerlock. Lockhart attempted a stunner, but Hardy kept hold of his wrist, preventing him from executing it effectively. Hardy applied a twisting wristlock, and the crowd began chanting, “Hardy, Hardy, Hardy.” (I am so glad I got to be there live for this. I will never forget that night.)

Lockhart tried to reverse the wristlock, even falling backward in his attempt, but Hardy refused to go down without a fight. Finally, Lockhart popped back to his feet, giving himself enough momentum to reverse Hardy’s wristlock and transition that into a hammerlock. Hardy countered Lockhart’s hammerlock with a back elbow before looking out at the crowd with a knowing shrug. Hardy barreled toward the ropes, bounced into them, rebounded, and caught Lockhart with a shoulder tackle.

Hardy cupped Lockhart’s neck and head, guiding him to his feet, only to pick him up and bodyslam him back to the mat. Hardy bounced off the ropes a second time and executed a running leg drop. Lockhart clutched his torso in pain, and Hardy hooked his leg with both arms to score a two-count.

At this point, Hardy pulled Lockhart back up and whipped him into the turnbuckles. He then charged Lockhart, but Lockhart sidestepped Hardy, leaving him to crash and burn on the turnbuckles. Hardy looked stunned, and Lockhart shoved him through the ropes to the apron. Lockhart then reached through the ropes, grabbed Hardy’s arm, and executed an arm ringer on the middle rope. Lockhart posed for the crowd — something that did not go well for him.

Meanwhile, Hardy had fallen from the apron down to the floor, and Lockhart rolled out of the ring to capitalize on Hardy’s plight. He grabbed Hardy’s arm, pulled it around the inside of the ring post, and yanked on it like his tendons were pull strings. Hardy’s shoulder rammed into the edges of the squared ringpost (Unions now?), and he thrashed in what appeared to be excruciating pain. Lockhart approached the fans at ringside but received no love and returned to face Hardy with a sneer.

By this point, Hardy was down on all fours, and Lockhart kicked him in the head, knocking him onto his side. Lockhart rolled back into the ring and shouted at the crowd as Hardy crawled back through the ropes trying to beat the referee’s countout. Lockhart kicked Hardy again, grabbed Hardy’s arm, took him to the mat, and applied a hammerlock using his legs. Lockhart then twisted Hardy’s other arm and placed it behind his back, leaned backward, and applied pressure to the arm which stretched (and overstretched) Hardy’s shoulder. (That looks painful. Are we sure that’s not real?) Lockhart continued to bend backward until he was nearly in a proper backbend, all the while putting more damage on Hardy’s outstretched arm.

Lockhart attempted to transition to an upright hammerlock, but Hardy used the brief moment provided by his opponent’s transition to climb to his feet. Hardy then attempted to smash an elbow into Lockhart’s face, hoping to escape, but Lockhart dodged Hardy’s elbow, caught Hardy as he spun around, and struck Hardy’s ribs with his knee. Hardy fought back with not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE forearms to Lockhart’s face! He then whipped Lockhart across the ring and into the ropes. Lockhart bounced back, and Hardy caught him with a hard back elbow. (Kingston seemed to enjoy this spot.)

Hardy grabbed Lockhart’s head and rammed him face-first into all three turnbuckle pads, and the crowd roared. The director cut to shots of people out of their seats applauding and pumping the air with their fists. Hardy began doing the “Delete” hand gesture, and the crowd started doing the delete chant. (For some reason, this part seemed to be cut down… maybe for time?)

Hardy then ran toward Lockhart, and Lockhart got his foot up, kicking Hardy’s shoulder. Hardy flailed backward, and Lockhart sprung forward, but whatever he had planned never materialized because Hardy nailed him with a Side Effect. Hardy then dragged Lockhart into the corner.

“He’s not done!” Schiavone said.

“Oh, no…” Henry intoned.

Hardy climbed to the second rope and held out his arms, playing to the crowd’s fervorous support. Hardy then jumped off the ropes and dropped a flying elbow onto Lockhart. Lockhart sold this blow spectacularly, and Hardy started up a second delete chant. The crowd was very, very into chanting the word, “Delete.”

“Boy Matt Hardy’s on a different level here in North Carolina!” Tony Schiavone exclaimed.

Once Lockhart made his way back to his feet, Hardy kicked him in the stomach, doubled him over, grabbed his neck, and executed a Twist of Fate to his fan’s delight! Hardy hooked Lockhart’s leg, went for the cover, and got a one, two, three-count to pick up a victory in his home state.

WINNER: Matt Hardy in 6:00

(David’s Analysis: This was a very “feel good” kind of match. It wasn’t the most brilliant wrestling you’ll ever see, but it was a brilliant moment. And so much of wrestling is about moments, memories, and unabashed nostalgia.)

FINAL THOUGHTS: Having been to a lot of wrestling shows, I can say unequivocally, AEW “gets it.” Every company offers fast-paced action, well-plucked heartstrings, and a smorgasbord of emotions, but AEW’s shows remind me of a different kind of emotion. They remind me of the kind of emotions I always thought I’d outgrow but am glad I never did. They remind me of the kind of excitement that grabs you by the throat and pulls you to the edge of your seat. They remind me of the kind of happiness that follows you home long after the show has come and gone.

That’s what wrestling should be about. It’s not about ratings or chants or fighting in the comment sections. It’s about memories. It’s about dusting off boxes of tapes in the attic and watching them through rose-colored glasses. My favorite tape is Summerslam ’98. That’s the last thing I watched with my grandma before she died. The show’s not that great, but the memory is. I make a lot of lighthearted comments and tongue-in-cheek jokes when writing these reports, but wrestling is no joke to me, and it is really nice to have a viable national company that “gets that.”

Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it! I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, don’t wear rose-colored glasses while driving; they make all the lights look red.