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KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
DECEMBER 10, 2021
LOS ANGELES, CALIF. AT STAPLES CENTER
AIRED LIVE ON FOX
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee
[HOUR ONE]
-They opened with a wide shot from the back corner floor of the arena showing what Michael Cole called “the jam-packed Staples Center” while he introduced the show.
-Sami Zayn’s music then played, still with three seconds of his prior song before his ultra-generic new entrance theme. He was wheeled out onto the stage in a wheelchair with his left leg in a brace and his neck in a brace. He had two (buff male) nurses helping him. They cut to a video package of what happened last week with Brock Lesnar, Sami, and Roman Reigns in the main event. Back live in the ring, boos rang out as Sami introduced himself as “the toughest man in WWE history.” He said it took the two most dominant athletes to put him that wheelchair. He said it took both Reigns and Lesnar. “Two guys who can’t stand each other.” He said both worked together to make sure that Sami Zayn didn’t become Universal Champion. “I don’t want to call it a conspiracy, but come on!” he said. “I was robbed.” He said what really hurt the most wasn’t the German suplexes and the F5s, it was the betrayal. He said now he has to do something about it and stand by his convictions now. “I have to sue,” he said. “I brings me no pleasure, but I have to sue. I am going to sue Adam Pearce, Sonya Deville, the referee who rang the bell – because that match should not have happened. I should still have my Universal Championship opportunity. I am going to sue Roman Reigns, Brock Lesnar, Paul Heyman, everybody who had anything to do with robbing me of my Universal Championship.”
Heyman strode out to the ring with a mic in hand. He said he is sorry they’ve been subjected to this spiel about suing and litigation from, of all people in the world, Sami Zayn. Someone held up a sign that said Heyman will turn on Reigns at Day One. “You’re doing my people’s schtick. My people do the litigating. My people own entertaining in Hollywood to begin with,” he said. Heyman stood mid-ring and said his name is Paul Heyman. Sami said he wasn’t done talking. Heyman shot Sami a look. Sami told him not to block the camera. Heyman shhh’d him. Sami said he’s blocking his shot again. Heyman continued talking. Sami stood up behind Heyman, gingerly. “He can stand!” exclaimed Pat McAfee. Sami said he wasn’t finished talking. He said he also happens to know Roman isn’t there tonight. Fans gasped and booed. Heyman said he’s on a one-week sabbatical in the Isle of Samoa training for his Day One match. Sami said he’s here, though, all alone and he wants to disrespect him. He told him to remember that neck brace or not, wheelchair or not, he is a world class athlete who will rip his head off.
Sami told Heyman there is no one to save him. Heyman backed into the corner. Brock Lesnar’s music then played. Sami appeared to have a Fred Sanford heart attack scare. Lesnar walked out in overalls. McAfee said, “Fresh off the farm, right into Los Angeles!” Lesnar grabbed a chair at ringside and smashed the announce desk, scaring McAfee. He entered the ring. Cole said Brock is in a mood tonight. Lesnar eyed Sami, who was cowering in his wheelchair. Lesnar set up the chair. McAfee said those so-called nurses should be getting Sami out of the ring for his own protection. Lesnar held his hand out. Heyman looked petrified. Lesnar said, “The microphone.” Heyman handed him the mic. Lesnar was all smiles. Fans chanted “Suplex City!”
Lesnar sat on a chair mid-ring and asked Sami how he’s doing. “I’m not great,” Sami said. Lesnar laughed at his wheelchair and his nurses. Sami said that’s because of him and it’s not funny. “Shut your mouth,” Sami said. Lesnar said they got off on the wrong foot. He apologized for last week. He asked on a scale of 1-10, how much did it hurt. Sami exclaimed, “10! 10!” Sami said the physical pain is a 10, but his feelings are like a 20. Lesnar said he feels it. Lesnar said they’re both Canadians. Sami said, “Canadian alpha-males.” Lesnar asked Sami if he really thinks he could have defeated Reigns. Sami thought about it. Lesnar said he did him a favor because he wasn’t going to beat Reigns. Sami said he’s saying he was thinking two steps ahead and injured him on purpose so Reigns’s victory over him wouldn’t really count. Lesnar said he’s a smart kid.
Lesnar asked what part of Canada he’s from. Sami said Montreal. Lesnar joked about things people from Quebec say. “From one Canadian alpha-male to another,” Lesnar said. “I’d like to invite you to Saskatchewan.” Sami said he’s vegan. (Vegan’s aren’t allowed in Saskatchewan.) Lesnar said he should get out of Hollywood and go do something more fun. Sami stammered and said it’s not a bad idea. Lesnar pushed his wheelchair as Sami said he’d like to think about it.
Heyman took the mic from Lesnar’s hand and asked, “What the hell am I looking at here?! Oh my god, I’ve spent too much time at the dispensary and the edibles are kicking in. Three years ago, that would have been an automatic trip to Suplex City. And instead, I’m watching Canadian besties about to go moose hunting in freaking Saskatchewan instead of watching The Beast, The Conqueror.” Lesnar then attacked Sami’s buff nurses. He wasn’t working when he tossed them like rag dolls out of the ring. Yikes. Lesnar then turned to Sami and kicked him in the chest and knocking him out of his wheelchair. Lesnar threw the wheelchair out of the ring. He gave Sami an F5. Heyman stood at ringside and looked on with a satisfied smile on his face.
(Keller’s Analysis: Sami, Heyman, and Lesnar were all great here. The thought we’re meant to be left with is that Heyman can bring out Lesnar’s killer instinct because he has gone soft without him. We’ll see where that is heading over time. The L.A. crowd wasn’t pleased that Reigns isn’t there this week.)
-Cole hyped the rest of the Smackdown line-up. Cole said Kayla Braxton would attempt to get a word with Lesnar next. [c]
-Backstage Braxton asked Lesnar what the purpose was of him going to the ring. Lesnar said, “Why don’t you ask my advocate, Paul Heyman?”
(1) SHINSUKE NAKAMURA & RICK BOOGS vs. LOS LOTHARIOS (Angel Garza & Humberto Carrillo)
McAfee gushed about the high note that Boogs hit on his introduction for Nakamura. McAfee danced on the announce desk. Boogs knocked Carrillo down with a shoulder block, then pounded his chest. Boogs looks significantly more muscular and wider than a few months ago. He pressed Garza over his head and tossed him over the top rope to the floor. “Are you not entertained!” exclaimed McAfee. Carrillo attacked Boogs from behind, but Boogs lifted him and spun him around. He tagged in Nakamura who kicked Carrillo and scored the pin.
WINNERS: Boogs & Nakamura in under 2:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: It seems it’d be good to have other tag teams on the roster to get squashed by Boogs & Nakamura while Los Lotharious are also getting some wins to build up a competitive match between them down the line.)
-Kofi Kingston, Ricochet, Drew Gulak, Mansoor, and the Viking Raiders were standing around something draped in purple cloth. Kofi slapped Ivar’s hand when he reached toward it and said, “Not yet!”
-A commercial for Raw hyped Bobby Lashley saying he belongs in the WWE Title picture at Day One. “Will he get his way?” asked the narrator. [c]
-King Woods walked in. Kofi said today is a very special day because Woods has a new crown. Kofi pulled off the cloth and said, “Behold!” Woods put it on his head and was cartoonishly very pleased. He said it was forged from donated unicorn horns.
(Keller’s Analysis: For me, King Xavier is unbearable.)
-They went to Cole and McAfee on camera at ringside. Cole talked about how Drew McIntyre was excluded from the battle royal two weeks ago. They replayed Sheamus breaking the news to Drew that he didn’t make the cut, which led to Drew interrupting the battle royal with his sword in hand. They showed a clip from last week of Sonya Deville telling Drew that Adam Pearce made the list of participants, not her, so take it up with him.
-They went to a shot of Adam Pearce texting on his phone, oblivious to being filmed live on national TV, when Drew walked in with his sword. Pearce said Sonya made the list, which was then approved by a higher authority. Pearce said the higher authority has also made a ruling that he can’t bring the sword to the ring tonight. Drew chuckled a bit, then drove the sword through Pearce’s desktop. He left it behind as Pearce looked wide-eyed at it.
(Keller’s Analysis: The visual of the sword getting driven into the desktop was cool. Drew apparently trusts Pearce to be a guardian of his precious sword, huh?)
-Sheamus made his ring entrance. [c]
-Sasha Banks approached Toni Storm backstage and told her that Charlotte says she’s not on her level, but she’s trained all over the world and has mastered all of those styles. She said there’s never been a hybrid competitor like her in WWE before. She said she’s known Charlotte for a long time, and she’s never seen her so embarrassed and angry as she was last week. Storm said, “You know what they say, pie-back’s a bitch.” Sasha did her weird fake-sounding laugh. Sasha told her when Charlotte makes a mistake in the ring, it’ll be Toni-time.
(2) SHEAMUS vs. DREW MCINTYRE
Drew’s ring entrance took place. They showed Pearce struggling to remove the sword from his desk like he was trying to open a jar of pickles. Sheamus and Drew went right it with aggressive strikes including hard, loud chops by Drew to Sheamus’s chest. Sheamus countered Drew’s forearms to his chest and delivered ten of his own. After Drew fell to the floor, Sheamus dove at him with a clothesline. Drew ducked and then gave Sheamus a belly-to-belly onto the ringside mat. They cut to an early break. [c]
Back from the break, Drew landed a Future Shock DDT followed by a kip up. Drew set up the Claymore with a 3-2-1 countdown, but Sheamus caught him with a knee instead and scored a near fall. They exchanged headbutts and then Drew landed the Claymore for the win.
WINNER: McIntyre in 8:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: This feels like an inefficient use of Sheamus. It tends to indicate he’s not on the radar as an opponent for either Lesnar or Reigns in 2022. They just threw the match on TV without a ton of hype and put Drew over clean. Seems, again, they could be protecting their borderline top tier wrestlers like Sheamus better.)
-They showed Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss rolling Pearce desk with the sword stuck in it down the hallway. Cole acknowledged the death of Jack Lanza, who died last Wednesday at age 86.
-A video package aired on Lanza’s work in the ring and behind the scenes with WWE.
(Keller’s Analysis: I’m glad he was acknowledged with more than just the usual acknowledgement with a still graphic at the start of the show. Blackjack Lanza wrestled in the AWA and was part of the Bobby Heenan Family when I was first watching wrestling as a kid and he scared the heck out of me. Before I knew what road agents or producers were, I always recognized him watching WWF matches at the Met Sports Center in Bloomington, Minn. from the tunnel and I didn’t realize he was filing reports for Vince McMahon about match quality and crowd response for Vince to read.)
-Naomi made her ring entrance. [c]
-Cole plugged a poll on Twitter regarding who the best tag team in WWE is.
-Braxton startled Heyman who was walking backstage. She smiled and he turned and said, “Please stop doing that.” She said earlier she asked Lesnar his reason for being reason, and he told her to ask him. She asked if he’s the advocate for Brock Lesnar. Heyman leaned in and said, “Please stop doing that too, okay? Good night.” That wasn’t a denial. She asked how Reigns would react to what happened tonight. Heyman stood at her, took a deep breath, blinked a few times, and walked away.
-Naomi was dancing in the ring as they cut to a video package on the Sonya Deville-Naomi saga.
(Keller’s Analysis: Some day, I hope WWE has a wrestler make their ring entrance and they keep them there for more than 30 minutes during various commercial breaks and backstage interviews and video packages.
[HOUR TWO]
(3) NAOMI vs. SONYA DEVILLE
Naomi said she knows what she’s about to do tonight to Deville. She told her to come out and “get this glow.” She asked, “Where you at?” Deville made her way to the ring in wrestling gear. Cole said she’s had one match in the last 16 months. Cole said they still don’t know why Deville has this obsession with Naomi. She asked for a mic. Deville said they’d get to the match, but first she has a couple of surprises. She said introduced Natalya as the special guest ring announcer. She said introduced Shayna Baszler as the guest time keeper. Naomi attacked Baszler at ringside, then fended off Natalya. Cole said it’s now one-on-one and Sonya’s plan might have backfired. Sonya jumped to ringside to avoid Naomoi and ordered Natalya and Baszler to jump into the ring and kick Naomi’s ass. Cole said it’s a very serious situation. Then Xia Li’s ring entrance began. She walked out. Cole said she is “The Protector” Xia Li making her debut tonight. They added virtual reality specail effects so it appeared blue lightning bolts were shooting out of her body. She entered the ring with a dead serious look on her face. She worked alongside Naomi in fighting off Natalya and Baszler. Deville snuck in and tried to blindside Naomi, but Naomi saw her coming. Deville was trapped between Naomi and Xia. They landed some strikes before Natalya and Baszler pulled Deville to safety. Xia Li bowed at Naomi. Naomi bowed back. Cole called it a mutual sign of respect.
WINNER: The match never started.
(Keller’s Analysis: It’s so disrespectful and annoying when WWE announces a match, doesn’t actually have a match, and then doesn’t bother to address it at all. Why, given what just happened, can’t the match still take place? Why not have Deville come up with a lame excuse at least to call off the match since she has the authority to do so?)
-Backstage, Riddle and RK-Bro introduced Randy Orton to the crew from “Jackass.” Riddle said he’s been watching them forever. He asked them for advice since they’re used to getting thrown around. Party Boy said to stay lubricated. Riddle asked Orton if he’s got anything to say. Orton said no and walked away. Johnny Knoxville said his nuts are wound up tighter than nuts on a new bridge. McAfee said he can’t wait for the new “Jackass” movie.
-As Charlotte made her ring entrance, Cole said, “What an opportunity she is providing for Toni Storm tonight.” Cole said it’s perhaps the match of a life for Storm.
-A commercial aired promoting WrestleMania 38 tickets as a Christmas gift. [c]
-Cole said Migos would make a special appearance in Atlanta, Ga. at Day One to play the official theme for the event.
(4) CHARLOTTE vs. TONI STORM – Championship Contenders match (non-title match)
Charlotte’s music continued to play. Storm then made her entrance. They replayed Charlotte hitting Storm with two pies two weeks ago. Cole said she stepped up and showed he wasn’t intimidated last week when she “gave Charlotte a piece of her own medicine.” They cut to the ring where Storm was laughing at the replay. Storm charged at the bell, but Charlotte punched and went for a slam. Storm slipped out and kicked her. Charlotte rolled to the corner to regroup. Strom charged with a hip attack and a back suplex attempt. Charlotte elbowed out of it. Storm landed a crossbody. Then she threw some uppercuts. Charlotte reverse-whipped her into the corner and kicked her (it showed light). Charlotte came back with an European uppercut. Cole said storm has also trained in strong style and Lucha Libre. Charlotte stepped over Storm disrespectfully and then went for her moonsault. Storm moved. Charlotte leaped onto Storm and scored a two count. It looked awkward. Charlotte then went for a figure-four, but Storm turned it into a small package for a near fall. She avoided a boot and landed a German suplex for another two count. Charlotte crawled to the ring apron and snapped Storm’s neck over the ropes and then rammed her into the ringpost. She followed up with some stomps, sending Storm to the floor. She stomped away at her more until the ref called for the bell before Charlotte didn’t break before five. Cole said Charlotte perhaps overestimated Storm (he meant underestimated) and Storm was impressive the entire match. He said she taught Storm, “You don’t mess with The Opportunity.”
WINNER: Storm via DQ in 4:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: Clunky match, but also intense, fast-paced, and high energy while it lasted. The story here, as underlined by Cole, is that Charlotte underestimated Storm, so she decided to break the rules to save herself from perhaps losing fair and square. That justifies a rematch being booked.)
-A video package aired of the Lesnar-Sami-Heyman angle earlier. Cole said it’s like a switch went off when Heyman introduced Lesnar like he used to when he was his official Advocate before being aligned with Reigns.
-The Usos made their ring entrance first. Cole pushed the Best Tag Team poll again. McAfee said he doesn’t know how anyone could think it was any team but the Usos. [c]
-They showed the “Jackass” crew, Reggie Bush, Maria Menounos & “X-Pac” Sean Waltman (odd Cole touted Maria and said X-Pac was “with her” almost under his breath.).
-Backstage Pearce was writing in his notebook when Lesnar walked in and intimidated him. Pearce asked about that suspension he gave him. He said he never had the opportunity to thank him. He said he understands that the million dollars went to charity. He said because of his suspension, he had a little time off and during that time he got to enjoy what he loves. He said he got to hunt and he scored a giant moose. He said it weighed 2,000 pounds. He took out his flip phone, but he said he didn’t understand how those things work. He snapped it half (think of long he had that phone!). He said he gutted the moose and there must’ve been 225 pounds of guts that came out of the moose. He said he then butchered it and ate it. He said it has a distinct taste and he enjoys it. He said it’s a delicacy. He thanked Pearce and said he named it after him. He said he hung the moose head in his cabin and named it after Pearce. He said he wants to reminded of how well the suspension went for him every time he sees the moose and who was responsible for it. Lesnar patted him hard on his back as Pearce gulped and walked away petrified.
-The Usos spoke before the match and said they don’t care about Xavier’s new crown or RK-Bro’s friends. Jey said the only thing they care about is getting the “W” tonight. Jimmy said they’re The Bloodline and they are the ones. New Day’s entrance then took place. [c]
(5) THE USOS (Jimmy & Jey) vs. RK-BRO (Randy Orton & Riddle) vs. THE NEW DAY (Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston)
RK-Bro made their ring entrance next. (I was joking earlier, but the Usos are going clock well over 15 minutes of time between their ring entrance and the bell ringing to start their match.) McAfee said he can’t believe they’re getting to see this on Friday night on Smackdown. The Usos and New Day stood at ringside during the RK-Bro entrance. Cole revealed the poll results. RK-Bro finished with 43 percent, The Usos 34 percent, and New Day 23 percent. McAfee said they are the three best teams in WWE either way. The bell rang about 18 minutes after the Uso’s ring entrance began. Wow. It was 38 minutes into the hour when the main event began. The Usos dove through the ropes and landed stereo dives onto both pairs of opponents at ringside as they cut to an early break at 2:00. [c]
When the Usos double-teamed Riddle, Orton tried to intervene. The ref reprimanded Orton, which led to more abuse on Riddle at ringside, with Jimmy shoving Riddle into the ringpost. Orton was seething on the ring apron as the Usos continued to beat up Riddle. A “Randy!” chant rang out (not sure if it was piped in or authentic). Riddle leaped for a hot-tag at 10:00, but Jimmy yanked Orton off the ring apron. Jey then delivered a neckbreaker for a near fall broken up by Kofi. They cut to another break. [c]
New Day were then in control of Riddle after the break. Cole called a “Herculean effort by Riddle just to stay alive in the match.” Kingston and Woods tagged in and out against Riddle. Cole said Woods is showing he has a vicious streak he can use when needed. Orton got the hot-tag at 14:00 which got a big pop. He gave each of the Usos snap powerslams. Jey dragged Orton to ringside. Orton got the better of him. He also slammed Woods on the announce table. Woods cried out in pain cartoonishly. He slammed Kingston onto the table next. Back in the ring, Jey battled Orton one-on-one. Orton delivered the draping DDT. He set up an RKO, but Jey turned it into a schoolboy for a near fall. Jey went for a top rope splash, but Orton moved. Woods tagged himself in. He surprised Jey with a superkick. Then Kingston landed a double-stomp for the win. Cole said New Day are “the best tag team in WWE tonight.” He touted the main event.
WINNERS: The New Day in 19:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: Solid tag match built around the Orton hot-tag.)
-Cole hyped that Reigns would return next week and asked if there would be a day of reckoning.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Pretty straight forward show. It didn’t feel all that huge, but they tried to add a layer of meaning by really pushing the idea of this triple threat match deciding who the best tag team in the world is. It’s tough to make a Smackdown episode feel big time when Reigns is absent.)
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