8/6 AEW DARK TV REPORT: Taz sings Tarzan Boy, Jurassic Express, Ethan Page, Lucha Bros., Statlander, Julia Hart, Abadon, Archer, Cassidy

AEW DARK TV REPORT
AUGUST 6, 2021
RECORDED AT DAILY’S PLACE, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY RYAN HOWARD, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Announcers: Excalibur and Taz

Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts

-Excalibur and Taz on the call, welcoming us to the show, giving us a rundown.

(1) JURASSIC EXPRESS (Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus w/Marko Stunt) vs. D3 & RYZIN

I almost missed hearing the opening bell due to Taz singing along to Tarzan Boy so loudly. We’re 30 seconds into this show and Taz has dropped a Bing Crosby reference. Jungle Boy & D3 start off with some pin attempts until Jungle Boy got an arm drag and dropkick. Ryzin tagged in and traded arm drags with Jungle Boy before Luchasarus tagged in, cleaning house on both Ryzin & D3. Jurassic Express hit a nice flap jack sliding German suplex combo, then a spin kick DDT combo. They capped it off with a flipping powerbomb called Thorassic Express for the win.

WINNERS: Jurassic Express in 3:30

(Howard’s Analysis: As much as I enjoy Jurassic Express, Taz was the MVP in this one, singing along to Jungle Boy’s theme and putting lyrics to it. This was hilarious stuff.)

(2) KRIS STATLANDER (w/Orange Cassidy) vs. LEILA GRAY

Ricky Starks joins commentary as Gray & Statlander exchanged takedowns. Statlander works the arm before booping Gray. Statlander hit an impressive clothesline into a back breaker before Gray took over with a boot to the throat in the corner. Statlander battled back with a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. An electric chair slam into a German suplex set the stage for the Big Bang Theory for the victory.

WINNER: Kris Statlander in 3:00

(Howard Analysis: Statlander continues stacking wins as she makes her way into the title picture soon.)

(3) LUCHA BROS (Penta El Zero Miedo & REY FENIX)(w/Alex Abrahantes) vs. JAKE ST. PATRICK & SAGE SCOTT

Penta did his Cero Miedo in the face of Scott before Fenix tagged in quickly and Lucha Bros took him down. Fenix did his rewind kick, but St. Patrick was able to battle back and take Fenix down. St. Patrick & Scott isolate Fenix briefly until Fenix hit a spin kick right to the jaw of St. Patrick. Penta made a tag and took both men down with sling blades. Lucha Bros put away Scott with the double stomp into the Fear Factor while Fenix walked the ropes and punted St. Patrick for the win.

WINNERS: Lucha Bros in 3:30

(Howard’s Analysis: To keep it short, I could watch the Lucha Bros squash people on a weekly basis.)

-We get a sit down segment with Mark Henry interviewing Diamante & Big Swole regarding their feud. Mark asked why this feud started and Swole said Diamante couldn’t keep her name out of her mouth. Diamante cost Swole her first singles win. Swole calls Diamante a cheater after their match. Mark has to separate the two ladies telling them to handle it in the ring.

(4) JULIA HART (w/Griff Garrison & Brian Pillman Jr.) vs. ANGELICA RISK

Taz says Angelica is not related to Angelico and Excalibur reminds fans that people aren’t related by first names. Ricky Starks says it’s a risk that Angelica is wearing orange colored gear without Taz’s approval. Angelica got knees up to avoid a Julia standing moonsault. Julia hit a series of clotheslines and running stiff elbow in the corner. Julia hit a top rope Twisted Bliss splash for two. Angelica tripped up Julia in the ropes and hit a 619 before she went up top. Angelica dove for a cross body, but Julia superkicked her in the bread basket. Julia connected with a bulldog into the splits to get the three.

WINNER: Julia Hart in 3:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Solid showing from Julia, who keeps improving on Dark. Ricky Starks had a tough time spelling out J-U-L-I-A in this one.)

(5) ETHAN PAGE vs. BARON BLACK

This is the first time seeing Page since his Coffin Match and he struts out all smiles like usual. Baron surprised Page with a few pin attempts and arm drags. Baron took Page down and applied a bow and arrow variation, but Page escaped. Page connected with a big time shoulder tackle, tried for an Ego’s Edge, but Black countered into a back stabber. Page hit an arm crossed slam followed by a perfect Ego’s Edge for the victory.

WINNER: Ethan Page in 4:00

(Howard’s Analysis: As the match went on, Page showed much more intensity and that Ego’s Edge was vicious this week.)

(6) GUNN CLUB (Billy & Colten Gunn) vs. NICK COMOROTO & AARON SOLO (w/QT Marshall)

Billy twisted Solo’s arm once and said he was blown up, so he tagged Colten, who took Solo down. Gunn Club did a nice striking combo on Solo before Comoroto tagged in and stared Billy down. Comoroto ran over Billy with a shoulder tackle before Billy hit a superkick to the leg and face for a one count. Colten tagged in and was immediately distracted with a cheap shot by Solo, which gave Comoroto a chance to clothesline Colten and take control. Comoroto connected with a nice fireman’s carry neckbreaker before Solo took control. Colten was isolated for quite a while before he made the hot tag to Billy, who cleaned house. Billy hit a tilt a whirl slam on Solo, but Comoroto hit a nice powerslam on Billy. Billy dropped Solo with his old One & Only finisher and rolled up Solo with a handful of tights for the win.

WINNERS: Gunn Club in 7:30

(Howard’s Analysis: This was an ok match, as the winning streak of Gunn Club & more importantly Colten Gunn continues as this was another time Gunn Club has cheated to win. Eventually Gunn Club is going to have to lose, right?)

(7) FRANKIE KAZARIAN vs. PETER AVALON (w/Cezar Bononi & JD Drake)

Kazarian pretty much worked a headlock for the first two minutes of this match before he shoulder blocked Avalon outside. Avalon tried to sucker Kazarian into a chase, but his plans were foiled. Avalon succeeded in cowering in the corner and driving Kazarian face first into the corner for a one count. Avalon hit a nice axe kick, but missed a few clothesline attempts. Kazarian hit his springboard leg drop, but Bononi took the ref. Avalon got a boot to the face and tried for the Marti-Knees, but Kaz avoided it and sank in the Chicken Wing for the submission.

WINNER: Frankie Kazarian in 5:00

(Howard’s Analysis: This was Avalon’s first match since early March and I’m happy he’s back. I have zero clue where this Kazarian story is going as the Elite Hunter, but he’s been racking up wins since SCU broke up.)

(8) DANTE MARTIN & THE SYDAL BROTHERS (Matt & Mike Sydal) vs. DARIAN BENGSTON AND VARY MORALES AND AARON FRYE

Matt pulled Frye to his corner and allowed Mike to hit a top rope double stomp and standing moonsault for a quick two. Frye escaped and tagged Vary, who ran right into a Michinoku Driver for two. Martin tagged in with a nice leaping uppercut. Martin tried a high risk, but Bengston hung Martin up. Martin hit an enzugiri, tagged Matt, who hit a Fisherman’s Buster for two. Matt threw kicks on Vary & Frye until Martin hit his double springboard moonsault on them and his somersault Stunner on Bengston. The Sydal’s put away Bengston with the Double Lightning Spiral for three.

WINNERS: Dante Martin & The Sydal Brothers in 3:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Fun quick match as I wouldn’t mind seeing The Sydals vs. Top Flight once Darius Martin is 100 percent.)

(9) LANCE ARCHER (w/Jake Roberts) vs. TRE LAMAR

Archer attacked Lamar outside before the bell and slammed Tre’s head into the camera man. Despite that, the referee begins the match and Lamar tries to use his speed to avoid Archer, who caught Lamar with a Pounce. Archer connects with a short arm clothesline and release snap suplex. Jake Roberts talks about the Hiroshi Tanahashi match with Archer soon and says Archer doesn’t look for easy opponents. Archer puts away Lamar with a Black Out for the victory.

WINNER: Lance Archer in 2:30

(Howard’s Analysis: This was all Archer, who is more than ready for The Ace of New Japan.)

(10) ABADON vs. KELSEY HEATHER

Heather tried getting in a few shots, including a handspring forearm in the corner, but she foolishly posed, allowing Abadon to recover. Abadon lit up Heather with body shots and posted her to the floor. Abadon dropped Heather with running lariat outside and slammed Heather face first onto the edge of the ring. Back inside, Abadon plants Heather with a slam, then leg wrap neck breaker now called The Burial Plot I believe for another win.

WINNER: Abadon in 3:00

(Howard’s Analysis: The Living Dead Girl eats another soul and wins her 14th win in a row. The only two matches she has lost in her entire AEW run have been to Hikaru Shida.)

(11) ORANGE CASSIDY (w/Chuck Taylor, Kris Statlander & Wheeler Yuta) vs. JORA JOHL (w/Private Party)

Johl tried a drop toehold, but Cassidy put his hands in his pockets and walked away. Cassidy did his pocket offense and teased a dive, but Johl dropkicked him. Johl hit a very nice snap powerslam for two. Cassidy tried a DDT, but Johl powered out into a slam. Johl posed and Private Party reprimanded him, leading to an Orange Punch out of nowhere for the quick win.

WINNER: Orange Cassidy in 2:30

(Howard’s Analysis: This was a quick win for Cassidy, pretty much just to give the people what they want with a Best Friends hug as we go to credits. Taz misses Trent and asks where he is and Excalibur points out spinal surgery.)

FINAL THOUGHTS: This was an average episode of Dark wrestling-wise, with squash matches dominating the show. My favorite matches of the night were Page vs. Black and the Sydal & Martin trios tag. Now then, the highlight of the night started with Taz singing Tarzan Boy and he never topped himself after that. Taz set the bar too high, no one was able to clear it.