SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
•EDDIE KINGSTON INTRO – HIT: If you ever wanted to hear a great promo cut on racism by a white person without sounding patronising or tone deaf? This is it. I could ticky tack about the usage of the gender binary at the end, but I’m not. Well done, Eddie.
•STRICTLY BUSINESS MAYORAL ADS – HUGE MISS: This episode is all about wrestlers running for mayor of Carnyland, and here we have Nick, Kamille, and Thom Skyping Royce with their new candidacy advertisements. Thom Latimer has big plans for Carnyland as mayor, well one–fanny packs are required attire. Kamille was all about how she challenged the establishment (well, spearing Tim Storm counts, no?). Then after two serious ads, Royce Isaacs gets one with a hick accent and farm scenery and doesn’t even feature him. His fellow stablemates apparently put it together but he wasn’t much the fan, I don’t think? This was all very weird. There is some real comedy to be had with Royce Isaacs and Nick Aldis, as they have the capacity to be funny. Sadly though, this was not, although I thought Royce was excellent in this. Yes, I said something nice about Royce.
•JOE GALLI EXPLAINS – MILD HIT: We need this segment because I have no idea what’s going on with this election riff raff but this is the primary episode and next week, the top two vote getters will run in a general election. Who is voting? I’m not sure. Is it all of us watching? Is it just those who’ve subscribed via Patreon? No idea but I know I’m not voting either way. Galli hits us with some light comedy as the voice of Stu Bennett is stuck in the future (yeah, I don’t know, that’s what they’ve established and it would make sense if I explained it but, come on, yall, it’s Carnyland) sends a cheeky telegram to continue the running gag of Stu insulting Joe. I love Joe as literal babyface straight man with the recognition that he can play to the funny.
•ELI DRAKE MAYORALCANDIDACY SPEECH – MISS: Eli Drake should be so good at this because talking and being some kind of funny is in his wheelhouse but the spliced in segments from Power episodes past as punchlines just did absolutely nothing for me. They also kept piping in the crowd saying “YEAH!” constantly and it got just as annoying as it does on an actual episode of Power.
•ENTICE ZICKY DICE – HUGE HIT: Complete with a white oxford shirt, American flag bowtie, and tacky pink glasses, Zicky Dice brings the fun and funny again! He really is killing this Carnyland thing every time. If I were voting for mayor, I’d vote Zicky! He gives us a list of how to help him win the mayoral race, like bring a friend or bring mayonnaise or be able to lick your own back and videotape it for proof! I have no idea what any of this has to do with anything but gosh dang it, I chuckled throughout! Heck, you can even write Zicky a big ole check! Okay, it does get gross when he proceeds to smear mayonnaise all over his mouth but hey, I popped. Zicky Dice saves Carnyland again!
•QUESTION MARK TALK LINE – MISS: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THIS WAS. NONE. I know it wasn’t funny or good though. Man, they are really missing with these Mongrovia and Question Mark spots. I don’t even want to discuss this. Let’s move on.
•JOCEPHUS RAPS FOR MAYOR – HUGE HIT: Okay, I’m using rap loosely, but Jocephus uses his little bit of time to spit hot bars over a generic rap beat imploring us all to write him in on the ballot. Okay, and by hot bars, it’s mostly not hot and just one bar, “Put my name, put my name, put my name on the ballot!” It sounds goofy, and it is, but it’s the good goofy.
•TRUE CARNYLAND STORIES W/ MAY VALENTINE – NEUTRAL: Long story short, May had a friend from Brazil who had to go back home but didn’t want to, so they drank their cares away in Vegas. A magician pops up, proposes to the friend, the friend says yes, they drink more and try to get married that night but the chapel was closed. They agree to do so in the morning and overnight May realized that the magician stole the friend’s credit cards and maxed them out. The next day at the chapel, they had him arrested. She told it well enough at least, and without actually seeing her, I wasn’t distracted by her often sleepy look, so it really livened up the story. I’d say you should go try to see this segment but it’s not like Entice Zicky Dice or anything.
•THUNDER ROSA FOR MAYOR – NEUTRAL: Of all the mayoral ads, this was the most straightforward, I reckon? It was really just her saying she’ll fight for you and then some clips of her in the ring. It had a cute catchphrase at the end, something about she won’t say thank you but we’ll say please? I don’t quite remember. But this wasn’t long and boring like poor Eli Drake at least.
•MONGROVIA UNMASKED EPISODE 3: TRADE AND COMMERCE – NEUTRAL: I wanted to like this because it started off well. Aron Stevens was looking clearly at cue cards and not into the camera and got to the point saying, hey Mongrovia has no trade partners, so enough of that. That made me chuckle and I thought wow, short, sweet, great! No. Nope! Uh uh! I was wrong. What followed next was about 90 seconds or more of Stevens speaking about the metaphysical rewards of high ranking in Mongrovian Karate as it is Mongrovia’s greatest export. Remember when Question Mark and Shooter were fun? They aren’t anymore. Doing weird for weird’s sake isn’t good and it rarely ever is.
•ESTER ADDINGTON HISTORY PIECE – HIT: I had absolutely no idea where this was headed nor who Ester, yes no H in this spelling, was but they give a long list of accomplishments like having a secret affair with Cab Calloway! She also tried to run for mayor of Burlington, VT but lost by 10 votes! Now she’s running for mayor of Carnyland, and like the pitch man said, if you want the bester, vote for Ester! (Ester is just Allysin Kay in old lady makeup and clothes. It’s not much but for some reason it all works for a good bit.) After the commercial, Marti Belle and Allysin Kay were shocked she’s still alive, let alone running! Allysin also announces her candidacy but Marti voiced her concerns because Kay has a resting bitch face and icy demeanor. Allysin tries smile practice… it goes terribly. I laughed too much at all of this.
•NICK ALDIS AND DANNY DEALS – HIT: Danny comes over to help convince Aldis to be the stable representative in the mayoral race as none of the others have the social skills or poll numbers. Danny plays his ad for Nick Aldis, emphasising him taking a stand against villains (read Scurrl) and issuing change (see defeating Tim Storm). Aldis has the line of the night though when he says, “I know how you feel about politicians; always lying. I don’t lie. I stretch the truth.” After viewing the ad, he smiles and says he’s gonna win! To be fair? He did have the best mix of serious and comedy in his ad, so he probably will win.
•OVERALL – HIT: Look, this episode was bonkers. It’s a lot of quick hits on campaign ads for a huge joke mayoral seat in a land of make believe. Some knock it out the park like Royce Isaacs, Nick Aldis, and Zicky Dice, while others don’t. As an entire show though, this episode didn’t dwell on any one segment long enough to make the entire thing feel like a slog and it did have a few chuckles. I’d recommend watching it just for the sheer zaniness if nothing else.
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