SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
BEING THE ELITE EP. 203 – “Living in the Woods”
POSTED ON YOUTUBE.COM
MAY 11, 2020
REPORT BY ZACH GRAHAM, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Watch it here…
– Matt Jackson’s kids are sitting at the counter complaining about how long it’s taking for them to get breakfast. They ask mom what’s taking so long. Matt, with his hair down, turns around angry and asks them what they said, offended they called him mom. Matt then puts some bread in the toaster oven as he talks to himself saying that the quarantine is driving him nuts. His kids ask for him and he mutters a very hostile “not now” under his breath as they ask over and over. They start chanting that they want toast and asking him where it is. He looks at the toast and it’s completely normal, he turns to his kids asking them to be patient, then turns back to his toast and blinks a few times as if he’s gone crazy. Suddenly “FTR” is burnt into the toast.
– Being the Elite opening aired.
– Matt and Nick are standing under the awning at the BTE compound. Matt goes to introduce where they are and says “well, where do you think we are” very annoyed. Matt said they’ve been in quarantine for weeks, notes how long his beard is now, then says he isn’t sure how much longer he can do this. Nick said life has been pretty tame. Matt said the silver lining is they’ve been on the road for so long that it’s given them an opportunity to spend some good time with their kids and make up for lost time, but he’s going stir crazy. Nick said it’s about time for them to get back on the road again though. Nick asked Matt if he watched Dynamite, Matt said yes. Nick asked if he saw what happened, Matt said yes. Nick said he’s tired of the Inner Circle standing tall over The Elite every single week, it’s old. Matt said he’s pulling the big brother card here and Nick still isn’t ready. Nick downplayed the severity of his injuries and said that being at 60% is pretty good. Matt then proposed they go play tennis or something and Nick reluctantly said okay.
– Brandon Cutler was laying on the floor in his house practicing getting his shoulder up before a three count. He had headphones in and stopped to answer his phone. Peter Avalon laughed loudly at Cutler, who clutched his ears because Avalon was so loud into his headphones. Avalon taunted Cutler telling him that he sucks. Avalon asked how long it’s been since they’ve talked and Cutler said not long enough. Avalon said he just watched Cutler’s kick out challenge and said that he even lost that as he laughed. Cutler said he’s happy he called and he’s nominating Avalon for the kick out challenge this week. Avalon smiled and rolled his eyes, accepted the challenge, and hung up.
– Broken Matt Hardy showed up sitting in an open coffin. He then explained the term “powder” also known as “take a powder” in the pro wrestling context. Hardy explained that this is when an active wrestling match is going on and one competitor leaves the ring of his own volition. Hardy said there are usually three reasons why a wrestler takes a powder. First, he needs to come up with a new strategy. Second, he is legitimately injured. Third, he is a “cowardly chicken shit bad guy.” Hardy said that this has been another edition of Terms of the Inside using Broken Brilliance.
– Christopher Daniels said hello to all the BTE viewers and said he just wanted to share his experience during the pandemic and show people a hack to create a mask. Daniels said that when the lockdown happened for him, in California, he saw a lot of ads for masks. He said he had three different orders with three different companies for masks, but it’s been a month and he hasn’t gotten any of them. So, his wife found a way to make a mask with no sewing. He said all you need are some hair ties and a bandana or bottom half of an old shirt. Daniels then showed how to fold it to use it as a mask. Daniels said that this trick got him through the airport yesterday. He reminded viewers to stay safe, wash your hands, and wear your mask.
– Hangman Page said last week he realized he wasn’t doing enough to protect himself and others from Coronavirus. A clip aired of him buttoning his pants, noting they’re a little tight, and grabbing a bag filled with “essential survival items” including stuffing the AEW Tag Team Championship into it. Page put on his bag and grabbed an additional large duffel bag off the ground that sounded like full glass bottles rattling against each other (must be his booze bag.) Page then walked out his front door, his dog ran out the door too and he started running after him. Page was then shown standing by a creek in the woods. He held up a bottle of liquor and said “guys, I’m going to get drunk and live in the woods.”
The AEW Dynamite theme aired again including the CGI colorful powder blasts as Page was shown walking through the woods and drinking. Instead of the AEW Dynamite graphic, a custom Hangman graphic was shown. This one read “Hangman Gets Drunk and Lives in the Woods.”
Page was walking through the woods holding a camera. He said welcome to the wilderness and the great outdoors. He said there are trees, sticks, and leaves everywhere because, well, he’s in the woods. He said he’s figuring out that out there, nobody can come in to contact with him and he can’t come in to contact with anybody and that’s the best thing, he can’t get Coronavirus or spread it out there. He said it feels freeing to be out there because there’s nobody around and he can do whatever he wants. He said he can yell out whatever he wants, he leaned back and shouted “Boobs!” Then he said he can yell other stuff like “I’m afraid I’ll never reach the fame and achievements of my peers and be a disappointment to my friends and family!” He hesitated for a second after that one, then took a huge swig from his liquor bottle.
Page popped his head out from behind a tree, shushed the audience as he looked directly into the camera he was holding, and said directly behind him, there’s a woodland squirrel. He said he’s been out there for a long time and he’s so hungry he could “eat the south end of a north bound pole cat.” Page said he has his trusty spear he fashioned out of a stick. He counted down and started charging, the camera cut to him whacking the grass with a stick then stomping away at whatever was on the ground. The camera cut again to Page directly addressing it, he said congrats to himself for having a little squirrel for dinner. He held up a tiny piece of meat on a stick. He said now that he has dinner he’s going to share a story. He said back in the olden days, the cowboys on the prairie used to do squirrel on a stick and season it with serrano pepper. Page took a bite of his squirrel, but immediately spit it out and said maybe that’s no good as he took another drink from a liquor bottle. Page then said he was signing off for the evening. He said if you were worried about him, he’s not as lonely as he thought he’d be because he saw RJ Barrett the other night walking and he’s heard Post Malone playing at night too, so it’s not as lonely you may think. He said he will check in again next week. He told the audience to stay safe, stay healthy, and do not try that squirrel as he took another big swig from his bottle and walked off.
– Peter Avalon walked out of his house holding a book and a mask. He closed the door and went to put on his mask. The camera turned around and an announcer, a referee, and a woman were all shown standing in his driveway. The announcer introduced himself as Jon Roberts with BTE as he looked directly at the camera. He said he’s here with Peter Avalon and asked him about being challenged to take part in the kick out challenge. Avalon said “what the…” and the announced pulled the microphone away and said the match starts right now. He then switched to a ring announcer voice and announced the match between The Librarian Peter Avalon. As his name was called, Avalon awkwardly shushed the camera with a look of confusion. Roberts announced his opponent, “Neighbor” Steve (the woman) and the official. The bell rang and Avalon was laying on a padded mat. Steve laid across him for a two count and Avalon lifted a shoulder. Steve tried two more times, but Avalon kicked out. Avalon sat up and looked at the camera to celebrate his early success in this kick out challenge. Avalon went for a slow punch, but Steve reversed it into a backslide pin, but Avalon again kicked out and celebrated. Avalon then said he thought that was enough for today then mocked Brandon Cutler. He went to shake Steve’s hand, but she rolled him up for a three count. Roberts went to interview Steve as Cutler was yelling at the official extremely upset that he was pinned. In the background you could hear “Neighbor” Steve yell “I hate the librarian!”
– A line of energy drinks were on the ground and a camera panned up to show Scorpio Sky and Frankie Kazarian standing in an empty locker room. Sky asked Kazarian how much he wanted. Kazarian held up a quarter and asked for two tries. Sky mocked him and said he only needed one. Kazarian tossed a quarter towards the wall, but missed his apparent target. He tried again and missed. Sky then took his turn, threw two quarters as well and missed the (apparently) invisible target. A voiceover said that Sky was competitive at everything, whether it be at the ring or at the bar, he was competitive at anything. Sky then offered Kazarian four throws to beat one of his tosses, Kazarian accepted. Sky threw his quarter, followed quickly by Kazarian threw one quarter and celebrated like he had already won. Kazarian danced to the camera as he went to pick up the coins. Sky was mad as they both acknowledged Christopher Daniels who was sitting in the back corner. Kazarian had grabbed one of the cans and started drinking it as Sky hung his head in defeat. Daniels asked what was going on, Sky said they were playing quarters. Daniels tried to join in, but Sky didn’t want to play anymore because he was being a sore loser.
Christopher Daniels was sitting on a couch. Daniels was interrupted by “Trevor” and “Arthur” who called him an asshole then asked him what it was like to be left out of the SCU game of Quarters as a graphic displayed that said “Very Bald Wrestler: Christopher Daniels.” Daniels said “I don’t know what went in to that process. I met the criteria to be selected, but I wasn’t.” Justin Roberts was shown looking around the ceiling with his hair in a ponytail.
– A video recapped the recent events of Private Party trying to discover who put a hit on them including them finding a paper with the letter L on it and Isaiah Kassidy getting drunk and waking up thinking he knows what happened. As the recap ended a flash of “Executive Producer: Dick Wolf” was shown as a quick Law and Order joke. Marq Quen was shown waking up from hitting his head on a brick after being tripped last episode. He had flashbacks of Private Party fighting the big teddy bear in a hotel room, just like Kassidy did last week. Quen jumped up and said he knows how did it. Kassidy was shown talking on the phone and he said the same thing.
Adam Page was shown dialing and calling a number on his phone (which was actually his wallet he was holding sideways.) The phone rang and he asked “is it done?” He laughed and said “yeah, they’re gone for good.” He told the person on the phone to tell his friend Bones that he won’t forget about this. Page then hung up and the screen went black.
– Marko Stunt was sitting on the couch watching television, looking extremely bored. A jingle played, so he jumped up and looked out his front door to discover a White Claw can with a paper sticking out the top. He opened the paper and it was a map leading to “JE.” Marko tried to think of what JE could mean for a minute. He thought out loud and proposed Janela Exotic, but no. Then it hit him, it’s Jurassic Express! Marko then realized what he had to do and he ran back into the house. A montage of Marko getting dressed was shown including him putting on a shirt, packing a pocket knife, and accidentally blinding himself with a flashlight. Marko put on his Crocs and started walking outside. He bent down to smell some leaves on a broken tree branch then walked up to the edge of the forest. He stopped and celebrated and yelled that he made it and danced. Someone looked through their window to see Marko dancing in front of the trees from their apartment. They asked “what the hell is this guy doing?” A “to be continued” graphic was shown.
– Matt and Nick were back with their official on the tennis court. Matt looked at the camera and said before he was a famous professional wrestler and before he was a bad ass basketball player, he was a bad ass tennis player. He said he and Nick were like the Williams sisters on the court. He asked if they were ready for this then blindly slapped the ball over the fence. Matt then served, but hit it directly into the net. The referee and Nick were on a team together and took turns serving it to Matt in ridiculous ways, who missed wildly when trying to return the ball to them. Matt chased a ball as it went to one side and he ran face first into the fence and fell hard. They all came over to check on him and he had blood on his forehead. Matt struggled to his feet and said the show must gone on and he was a little light headed. The teams were shown hitting it back and forth, Nick tried asking Matt if he wanted to stop, but Matt ignored him. Nick asked the ref if he was going to allow it, he said yes. Nick eventually dropped his racket and said he gives up as Matt trash talked him. Matt was shown gasping for air and barely able to stand and slowly laid down on the court.
– Kenny Omega was sitting on a couch still wearing his clothing from the AEW Dynamite Street Fight with Matt Hardy. Alex Marvez walked in and said that the match was amazing. Omega cut him off before he got too far into praising it and asked how he looked in the match. Marvez hesitated and said he looked like Kenny Omega. Omega asked if he looked like a street fighter and said he really studied up and asked if he looked like a real fighter. Marvez awkwardly said he didn’t want to lie to him because he respects him, but at least it was a great match. Omega kicked him out upset with his answer. As Marvez left, Chuck Taylor walked past in the hallway so Omega called him in to talk to him. Omega asked him how he looked, he noted it was his first street fight and said he fooled everyone into thinking he was a real street fighter. Taylor said he believes that it was his first time.
Omega got upset and said he even wore the jeans with the kneepads over them to look the part and punched with a closed fist. Taylor responded that he’s never seen a moonsault off a balcony in a real street fight before. Omega didn’t like that answer and kicked him out too. Omega then called in Harrington and as he entered Omega called him the ultimate yes man and a “little pussy bitch.” Omega said he wanted to hear something to make him feel good about himself.
Omega asked if he would believe that this was his first ever street fight. Harrington said yes and Kenny looks like he’s never been in a street fight in his life. Omega threateningly said he’s going to ask one more time. Omega said after he taped his fists, wore a shirt with the sleeves cut off, wore kneepads over his cheap jeans, and threw a couple of closed fists, that looked like his first ever fight? Harrington leaned in really close and said “even I could kick your ass in a real fight.” Omega challenged him to say it to his face. Harrington pointed at himself and yelled “EVEN I COULD KICK YOUR ASS IN A REAL FIGHT!” Omega backed off and said he was just asking, he didn’t need to get all crazy. Harrington left and Cabana walked in to talk to Omega. Omega immediately jumped up off the couch and chased Cabana out of the room.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Hangman Page is so great on this show. I think he’s extremely funny and his segment in the woods was great. He was also revealed as the Private Party conspirator so that will be interesting. I thought this was a very entertaining episode with a lot of SCU, but I think it’s worth a watch. The Hangman Page content is the best stuff on this show right now, but I find Matt’s overconfidence to beat his brothers in anything to be entertaining. The Avalon/Cutler bickering is a guilty pleasure for me too because I find Peter Avalon to be very entertaining on these shows. If you don’t want to watch the entire 25 minute episode, but want to pick out the best segment, I’d vote for the Hangman Page stuff especially since he’s been gone from all content for quite some time now.
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