SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
MAYHEM ON MILLS: MISBEHAVIN’
DECEMBER 15, 2019, 3:00PM
ORLANDO, FLA. AT THE ORANGE STUDIO
REPORT BY TOM STOUP, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Estimated attendance: 150
The event was presented by Total Punk, sponsored by Goose Island, Jim Beam, and Natural Light, and was streamed live on Twitch by Top Rope Wrestling. Teddy Stigma, who returned from injury not long ago, had originally been promoted as champion Troy Hollywood’s challenger, but as announced days prior on Twitter was replaced by Saieve al Sabah due to a knee injury.
“Misbehavin’” from “The Righteous Gemstones” played to open the official proceedings. Cane in hand, Teddy Stigma took emcee duty alongside “Mighty Mean” Mongoose Malone and Chuck Steak, encouraging fans to surround the ring and call their friends, “as long as they’re not a landlord or a cop!” Malone welcomed the “wrestlemaniacs,” and Stigma clarified that his knee injury is in fact an ACL “that’s torn in about fifty places” (Note: Stigma would go on to further clarify on Twitter this was just a joke and he expects to be back by February). Stigma went on to announce that Chuckles the Clown (promoted for this event via a series of clever video packages as “Dark Chuckles”) would not be appearing for his Last Man Standing match against Serpentico due to having earned an opportunity on Ring of Honor television. He went on to say that the championship main event had been made a Last Man Standing match as a result. He started to announce Skyler Moore as Chuckles’ replacement, but Serpentico interrupted. Serpentico claimed “Josh Stark” (Chuckles) turned his back on the promotion. He sat down and demanded official Tony Stabile acknowledge his own count to ten. When he reached a count of seven, Moore interrupted and the match began.
(1) Skyler Moore pinned Serpentico. Official: Tony Stabile. Serpentico shoulder blocked Moore to the mat and asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. He bested her once again and sarcastically slow-clapped. Moore then hit her own shoulder block for a nice pop. The wrestlers went counter for counter before Moore took Serpentico down with a head scissors. Moore dove off the top turnbuckle to the outside, nailing Serpentico with a cross body. The crowd chanted “Put him in the trash!” Moore obliged, whipping the man into a trash can. Back between the ropes Moore slammed Serpentico for the first two count. Serpentico chopped at Moore on the outside, but Moore ducked the second attempt and Serpentico’s hand struck the ring post. After ramming Moore into the apron, Serpentico went for three consecutive pinning attempts for a trio of twos. He set Moore up in the corner and struck her with a vicious knee for another near fall. Moore countered a superplex attempt with a massive powerbomb. Serpentico rolled into a cutter and flew off the top for the closest near fall to that point. Moore nailed a facebreaker and a spear for two. Boo/yay elbows rose to knees and kicks before Serpentico hoisted Moore into a high angle powerbomb pin for a close two. Referencing his would-be opponent Chuckles the Clown, Serpentico said, “This is for you, Josh!” He pulled two chairs from beneath the ring and set one up between Moore’s legs in the corner. He went to drive the other chair into the propped-up chair as he likes to do, but Moore slid her chair at him, ducked a chairshot, and surprised him with a roll-up for the victory. Fans chanted “you got beat” as Serpentico held up middle fingers.
(2) Jason Cade & Treehouse Lee defeated Hunter Law (with Aria Blake) & Snoop Strikes via pinfall. Official: Lee Canfield. Cade entered fourth, and Strikes attacked him from behind as he danced on the apron then rammed him into a support beam. Proceedings immediately broke down before Lee flew in to clear Strikes from the ring. Law then slid in and powerbombed Lee, and he and Strikes drove Lee’s groin into the ringpost. Strikes dropped an elbow on Lee for two. Cade recovered and evened the odds with a superkick to Law then an assisted wing clipper to Strikes that allowed Lee to get two. Cade set up for a top turnbuckle attack but Law shoved him into the studio wall. Teddy Stigma hobbled over through the crowd exclaiming, “What the hell is he thinking?” Law and Strikes tagged in and out, keeping Cade on their half of the ring. Cade finally booted them both and sprang foe a hot tag but was kicked out of the air by Law, who went for a pin that was broken up by Lee. Law and Strikes continued to work Cade until Cade countered into a cutter and managed to tag Lee. Lee went to work on Law with kicks and fists, then took to Strikes with bicycle and scissor kicks. Cade tagged back in soon after, and set up for a Doomsday Device but got taken down by a head scissors that rolled into Strikes’ Canadian Destroyer for two. Cade began handing out German suplexes the drove Law into the canvas with a brainbuster. He went for a frog splash but Strikes got his knees up. Law hit his own brainbuster, then Strikes hit his own frog splash for a pinfall attempt that was broken up when Lee flipped headlong across the ring onto the wrestlers. Strikes blocked a superkick from Lee, who got kicked in the back of the head by Law. Cade cleared out Law then went for Strikes and the two of them took each other out with simultaneous kicks. Blake entered the ring and held Cade back for Law’s “Off with His Head” finish, but Cade ducked and Law kicked Blake in the face. Cade downed Law, then Lee corkscrewed off the top onto Law. Both Cade and Lee piled on Law for the win and a great reaction. Strikes protested, and Law helped Blake out as she smooched on him.
(3) Wolfe Taylor pinned KiLynn King. Official: Tony Stabile. Taylor was introduced “from your mom’s couch.” “Queen of Crazy” King had her stuffed animal “Honey Bunny” in tow. King worked Taylor’s arm until Taylor slapped her in the face. King dropped Taylor and pummeled him, then bodyslammed him. He rolled out, only to suffer a cross body from the top turnbuckle. King chopped at Taylor but he whipped her into a support beam. From the crowd Teddy Stigma shouted, “She’s okay; it’s only make believe!” King dumped a trash can onto Taylor and put the can over him, then pounded away at it. Taylor rallied and suplexed King onto the cement floor, prompting Stigma to make his way to the front row for a closer look. King nabbed a chair and fired up, but met with a superkick and a cutter when she reentered the ropes. Stigma kindly asked event staff to clean up the mess from the trash as King drove Taylor to the canvas with a strong clothesline and a furious missile dropkick. Taylor took the upper hand with a kick to the face in the corner, and went for a cocky cover for two. King drilled Taylor with a DDT and followed up with a running missile dropkick for a pin that Taylor broke with the rope. Taylor went for Honey Bunny, and as he and King fought over it the official was bumped to the mat. After the official was down briefly, Taylor managed to pin King. He then hurled the chair into King’s face, and delivered a piledriver to Honey Bunny.
“Mighty Mean” Mongoose Malone announced the next Mayhem on Mills event (tentatively – jokingly – titled “We’re Not Sure Yet” per Teddy Stigma) would be back at the Orange Studio on February 23rd, then the promotion’s two-year anniversary event would be on a to-be-determined date in April at the usual location Will’s Pub. Stigma plugged the outdoor food cart “Lucha Hot Dogs”. He said he wasn’t sure what a “Lucha Hot Dog” is, but maybe we can find out for him.
(4) The Ugly Duckings (Rob Killjoy & Coach Mikey) defeated The Coda (Kayden Greene & Ronnie Rios) via pinfall. Official: Lee Canfield. Lance Lude was announced but did not enter, and Coach Mikey reluctantly took his place wearing a Christmas onesie. Rios demanded the fans stop chanting “quack.” During the comical opening phases that included plenty of crowd interplay, Killjoy gave Greene a wet willie. He springboarded into an armdrag then rolled over into a pinning attempt for two. Rios tagged in as Killjoy checked with Mikey for a thumbs up. The larger Rios said, “I want the big boy,” and Mikey tagged in. The fans chanted “quack” louder, much to the Coda’s annoyance. Mikey was aghast when Rios knocked his cap off and accused him of not being “the real deal.” Mikey managed to slam Rios, then spun him around the ring by the arm. Rios tagged out but Mikey slammed both he and Greene. Killjoy tagged in and chopped at Greene. He went for a springboard but Rios grabbed the middle rope and Killjoy splatted to the canvas. Greene gave a middle finger to Mikey and the Coda took turns splashing Killjoy in the corner. Greene and Rios continued to control Killjoy while repeatedly knocking Mikey from the apron. They eventually tried to double-team Killjoy, but Killjoy sprang into a moonsault from the middle rope and took them both down before tagging Mikey. Mikey mowed down the Coda and began alternating splashing them in the corners. Greene threw a ragged black washcloth in Mikey’s face, which appeared to possess Mikey. Greene ordered the possessed Mikey to attack Killjoy, but the fans’ “quack” chants brought Mikey back mid-bodyslam. Rios screamed “You work for me,” but Mikey hulked up (the Hulk Hogan reference drawing scattered boos from known Coda fans) and took it to both Rios and Greene. Killjoy leapt off Mikey’s back and hit a double cutter. He asked Mikey to boost him onto the Coda on three, and Mikey did it on two. When Killjoy said, “I said three,” Mikey responded, “I can’t count!” Mikey draped himself over the turnbuckle, and Killjoy leapt off of him to double-stomp Rios. Greene broke up the pinning attempt, then the Coda hit a team maneuver on Killjoy, and Mikey broke up that pinning attempt. A few fans chanted “No more Faygo” at the Coda as Greene leapt off the top turnbuckle and met with a stunning high knee from Killjoy. Mikey cannonballed Rios as Killjoy suffered a reciprocating high knee from Greene. Mikey fired up and hit a powerslam on Greene for three.
Chuck Steak thanked the fans for being present because he’d never witnessed a live possession before. He dryly stated if it weren’t for the fans’ “quacks” it all might have turned out differently.
Steak went on to begrudgingly introduce his “least favorite wrestler” Drennen, who shoved Mongoose Malone down as he entered. Drennen demanded the door to the outside be closed so the people hanging out outside wouldn’t be able to hear him. The outdoor fans then opened a sliding garage door, and Drennen accused them all of having bad haircuts. Drennen said he’d have Parrow with him but Parrow’s been in Japan (true of Parrow and his tag partner Odinson, though Parrow was spotted chatting with Drennen, et al, prior to bell time and throughout the event). Drennen demanded a referee, and clarified “not the ugly one.” When Tony Stabile entered, Drennen whined, “I said not the ugly one!” Drennen issued an open challenge, and Sawyer Wreck answered.
(5) Sawyer Wreck pinned Drennen. Official: Tony Stabile. Drennen went for a low blow to no effect, and was quickly caught in a chokeslam for three.
After the bell, Wreck’s former partner Snoop Strikes came back out and tried to reunite with Wreck, only to get chokeslammed himself. Wreck confidently departed, motioning for a belt around her waist. Drennen gave Strikes CPR and Strikes pouted, “She does it better.” Drennen carried Strikes out of the studio like a baby.
(6) Troy Hollywood defeated Saieve al Sabah in a Last Man Standing match to retain the Mayhem on Mills Championship. Official: Lee Canfield. Hollywood is now entering to DMX’ “Ruff Ryder’s Anthem”. The wrestlers engaged in fisticuffs to start, and tumbled to the outside. Al Sabah hurled Hollywood onto Jason Cade’s merch table, sending Cade scurrying up a nearby ladder. Hollywood reciprocated, then hit a running cross body over the table onto al Sabah. The two tried to put one another into a trash can, and al Sabah succeeded which brought on the first count. Hollywood was up at seven. Exhibiting perhaps the most energy from anyone all show long, Hollywood fired up on the apron and nailed al Sabah with a penalty kick for a six-count. Hollywood went for a double axe handle off the top turnbuckle but al Sabah countered with a midair low blow for six. Hollywood leapt high on the outside along the apron, and hit a drive-by. He went for another but al Sabah dodged and clotheslined him for three. Al Sabah got in a fan’s face and said “That belt is mine!” He set Hollywood up for a suplex and militantly demanded, “Is this your hero?” He suplexed Hollywood then stood on his chest. He corkscrewed onto Hollywood, accusing the fans of being sheep and insisting the official do his job during the subsequent count. Hollywood whiffed on an elbow drop and stayed down for four. Hollywood hit a snap German and a dropkick that sent al Sabah writhing through the air and down to the mat for six. Hollywood set up two plastic chairs on the outside and announced he was going to suplex al Sabah onto them. Al Sabah countered a superplex but suffered a pele kick, then Hollywood twisted himself through the air and over the top rope onto him. Twice in a row Hollywood hit elbow drops from the rop rope to the inside for an eight-count on al Sabah. Al Sabah talked trash and was repeatedly slapped in the face for it. Hollywood brought an ironing board from behind the entrance curtain and rammed al Sabah with it. From the crowd, Mongoose Malone could be heard saying “Save that for the iron man match!” Al Sabah hurled Hollywood through the ironing board, the wreckage of which the official cleared from the ring. Al Sabah busted Hollywood open with an unprotected chairshot to the forehead for seven. He followed it up with multiple shots to Hollywood’s back for four. The official checked with Hollywood then said something in al Sabah’s ear during the unexpectedly short count. Al Sabah wasted little time rolling Hollywood back in the ring to handcuff him. Al Sabah struck the prone Hollywood with two more chairshots to the head, though this time Hollywood fed with his top knot dreads for at least something of a buffer. Hollywood stood at nine and flopped away from a chairshot that bounced off the rope and hit al Sabah for eight. Fans pounded the apron and chanted “this is awesome.” Hollywood escaped the cuffs and hit al Sabah twice with the belt, then grabbed the plastic chairs and a wood pallet as the official counted to nine. Hollywood propped the pallet on the chairs and conferred with the official but al Sabah struck him with the belt. Hollywood retaliated with a low blow, then superplexed al Sabah onto and over the pallet. The thick pallet appeared to give the champ the worst of it as Hollywood’s lower back hit its edge. Al Sabah stayed down for ten.
Hollywood took the mic and said he’d keep it brief since he was bleeding, and he said he thought he might be “bleeding inside his chest” as well. He said everyone just watched two men in their underwear on a Sunday when they could have been home watching the New England Patriots. A few fans booed the football team, and Hollywood comically apologized. Hollywood soaked in the fans’ adulation, then accidentally stumbled backward through the chairs and pallet to a round of applause.
Teddy Stigma thanked the crowd and said, “Buy everyone’s merch! Tell your friends [Mayhem on Mills is] not like that silly stuff on TV!” He then announced that the February 23rd show will feature KiLynn King vs. Wolfe Taylor in a ladder match with Honey Bunny suspended above the ring.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.