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THOMAS’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
NOVEMBER 26, 2019
MISSISSAUGA, ON, CA AT WAXS STUDIOS
AIRED ON TAPE DELAY ON AXS
Announcers: Giuseppe Scovelli, Sexton Hardcastle (a/k/a Josh Matthews, Don Callis)
[HOUR ONE]
-This is Impact’s throwback holiday episode which parodies 80’s wrestling.
I won’t have my normal analysis after each match since this is an one off episode but overall I found this to be a really fun episode of Impact which sends up old school wrestling. A enjoyable watch for any wrestling fan.
(1) RIP RAYZOR (a/k/a Ace Austin) vs. “RAPID DELIVERY” PETE (a/k/a Rich Swann)
Rip, who is clearly inspired by the ’80s punk grunge scene is wearing a spiked choker and has a cigarette in his mouth to start the match against Pete who is a pizza delivery boy by day and wrestler by night. Pete is actually wrestling in flip flops tonight also which trips him up as he’s running the rope against Rip. Rip gets early control of this match by getting some good wrist locks in on Pete and followed by some chin locks. Pete gets some offense in after some arm drags followed by a dropkick and hits the special delivery splash on Pete to get the win.
WINNER: Rapid Delivery Pete via pinfall in 5:00
-Backstage, interviewer The Iceman is interviewing Julian Cumberbun aka Ethan Page who is the TV champion for IWPF with manager Sonny Sanders aka Sami Callihan. Cumerbun has a loser leaves town match against Downtown Daddy Brown tonight. They talk about winning the match tonight and when he wins they are going to celebrate by getting some burgers and how this town wouldn’t be anything here if it wasn’t for them. Daddy Brown comes out aka Willie Mack and says he is winning the title and sending him packing. Sanders then attacks Brown with his tennis racket that he has and holds Brown for Cumberbun to attack but Brown gets out of the hold and Sanders gets accidentally taken out by Cumberbun. Brown then starts beating Cumberbun with his own suit jacket and rips off his pants and beats him with it. A really fun promo here and I love Callihan’s Jim Cornette inspired character.
-Back from break, we get a video package for The Hard Workers aka The Deaners named Hall and Oats who seem to be disco admirers.
-The Iceman then interviews Xcessive Force, the team made up of Pummel and Plunder (a/k/a Fallah Bahh) and D-Lo Brown. Two loud individuals who faces are painting like cheap looking Kiss members in singlets.
(2) THE HARDWORKERS (a/k/a The Deaners) vs. XCESSIVE FORCE (a/k/a Fallah Bahh)
The Hardworkers, who seem kind of dressed like they are Chippendale strippers make their way into the ring being described as weighing enough to drive the women crazy, which I loved that line, are attacked by X Force. The ref rings for the bell to start the match and Force are able to get some double team moves in on Oats. Force is able to isolate Oats with some holds in the middle of the ring with some strong claws and a couple of headbutts. Oats finally is able to escape from the hold and tags in Hall who hits both men with a double lariat and then Oats tags in and hits a sunset flip into a pin and gets the win. After the match, Force attacks The Hardworkers and hits a running splash on them.
WINNER: The Hardworkers via pinfall in 5:00
-We then get a video package for The New Wave, a tag team debuting next week made up of the Crist Brothers who are playing up the 80’s surfer vibe.
(3) JOHNNY SWINGER vs. BUCK GUNDERSON
I found it pretty funny that Swinger is the only main roster member who didn’t play a made up character this week since his character is straight from the ’80s anyways. This is a rematch from last week against the enhancement talent which Swinger basically dominates the whole time with Swinger doing some typical heel moves in the ring attack the eyes and throwing him around the ring. Gunderson got one punch in before Swinger hits the swinging neck breaker for the win. Its also funny that the commentary brought up using new technology called instant replay as they showed the replay of the neck breaker. Pretty funny stuff here.
WINNER: Swinger via pinfall in 3:00
-Another video package of a wrestler debuting soon named Frank the Butcher aka Rhyno, who of course is playing a meat butcher wrestler.
-The Iceman interviews the team of The Rough Riders, made up of Blanche (a/k/a Tessa Blanchard, Georgia (a/k/a Jordynne Grace), Ladybird Johnston (a/k/a Havok), and Mildred (a/k/a Alexia Nicole). They talk about their tag match later and how the four of them can beat any team of four men, even eight men and how win they win they are going to party tonight and that the tunnel of love is open tonight which I laughed pretty hard at.
(4) JAZZY FITBODY (a/k/a Madison Rayne) vs. AGNES BEERHART (a/k/a Alisha Edwards)
Match begins with Beerhart getting a wrist lock in on Fitbody but she counters by doing running workouts around here and then sitting bicycle run to get out of the hold because Fitbody’s gimmick is of a ’80s aerobics girl with sweatbands and all. Then we see Sebastian Baker aka Jimmy Jacobs make his way ringside to scout that match as he has been trying to recruit Fitbody. This distracts Fitbody and Beerhart is able to hit a suplex on Fitbody and as the two get up they hit a dual hair slam in the middle of the ring. Fitbody then hits Beerhart with a clothesline followed by squating with Beerhart on her shoulders and then hits a top rope splash for the win.
WINNER: Fitbody via pinfall in 5:00
-After the match, Baker makes his way into the ring and talks about how he was impressed with her win and after trying to recruit her for six months, he wants an answer tonight if she is going to join forces with him. Fitbody signs the contract, then hits him with a low blow and then rips up the contract.
(5) THE ROUGH RIDERS vs. TIM BURR (a/k/a Josh Alexander) & JIM NASIUM (a/k/a Dezmond Xavier) & BILL DING (a/k/a Trey Miguel) & RAY STRACK (a/k/a Zachary Wentz)
In this match Burr is a lumberjack gimmick, Nasium is a gym coach, Ding is a construction worker and Strack is a one wanna be race car driver. Match starts with Blanche and Ding with Blanche getting him in a headlock followed by a super kick after Dink went to shave his neck with an electric razor. Georgia then tags in against Strack as he manhandles him around as he tried to show off his “speed” and failed. Nasium then tags in as does Mildred as he tries to run some drills around the ring but Mildred hits him with a couple moves and he tags in Burr and Ladybird comes in. Ladybird catches him for a bearhug and after he gets out of the hold he goes to the top rope to hit a double axe handle hit on Ladybird. Mildred then comes in and Strack for his team and he starts super kicking all the girls. With all the girls in the corners, he ten starts splashing all of them followed by Blanche countering a top rope splash into a ddt for the win.
WINNERS: The Rough Riders via pinfall in 8:00.
(6) $300,000 Man’s Body Slam Challenge against KONGO KONG with the $300K MAN
This challenge starts with footage from “last week” as Ali failed to slam Kong when the challenge was for 2K and this week is now 3K. The first challenger is Mr. Atlantis and as he goes to slam him, Kong attacks Atlantis before he can. Then out comes Muscles McGhee aka Brian Cage. The 300K man says that the challenge is over but McGhee says he is not here for the money but for the people of Canada. After the 300K man gets thrown out of the ring, McGhee slams Kong and then takes the money and heads out of the ring.
-Back from break, Tommy Dreamer playing himself talks about how he was stripped of his title because he used a piledriver on Jack Tunney and how while he was up North he took down Bruno in front of Vince McMahon and he slapped around Little Vince Jr. Dreamer says he will be back in two weeks.
-We then get footage from a match last week against Captain Joystock aka Joey Ryan and DJ 2 Large aka Moose with DJ getting the win. This is followed by a promo with Joystick with Miss Milehigh (a/k/a Kiera Hogan). Joystick says that DJ has no class and how he is the classiest gut around and that no one likes rap music which leads to DJ rapping about Milehigh which cause Joystick to attack DJ and take him out.
(7) “COWBOY” COLT MCCOY vs. GAMA SINGH (w/Dada Singh) – Blindfold match
Before the match, we see footage from a match last mont between these two were both Singh’s attacked McCoy with a fireball and partly blinded him. McCoy gives an update on his health and says the doctors said their is a 70 percent chance he won’t recover and that he will get his revenge tonight. Match starts with both men being blindfolded with a bag tied over their head. Match starts with both men trying to find each other in the ring with Cowboy getting help from the crowd. Eventually Dada distracts the ref and Gama peaks out of his bag and starts attacking Cowboy. Cowboy though grabs onto the rope and Gama puts some moves on an invisible opponent which is pretty funny. Dada tries to distract again but Cowboy punches him out of the ring and Cowboy hits Gama with a stunner for the win.
WINNER: Cowboy Colt McCoy via pinfall in 5:00.
-After the match, Iceman interviews McCoy but he gets attacked by the Soviets, aka Michael Elgin and Madman Fulton. They end up choking him with the Soviet Chain. Guiseppe Sr. aka Scott D’Amore goes to stop the beat down but gets beat down himself. After the break, Sr. says next week he’s teaming up with McCoy to take on the Soviets.
(8) “DOWNTOWN” DADDY BROWN vs. JULIAN CUMBERBUN – Loser leaves town match for the International Commonwealth TV Championship
Match starts with a tie up in the middle of the ring but Cumberbun takes early control after hitting a couple punches on Brown and getting a cheap shot in. Brown gets some momentum back by hitting an atomic bomb and then followed by an reverse atomic bomb which sends Cumberbun out of the ring to gets some advice from Sanders. Cumberbun then tries to hide in the stands with the fans by putting on a hat and trying to blend in. Brown ends up finding him and gets him back in the ring and starts hitting him with some “closed fists”. Cumberbun then distracts the ref which allows Sanders to hit Brown with the tennis racket. Sanders is also able to get some strikes in on Brown. Cumberbun tries to go for a figure four to submit Brown but Brown reverses it and forces a break from Cumberbun. The two meet in the middle of the ring to trade some blows but Brown is able to hit a sunset flip for a near fall. This starts Brown’s comeback after hitting some strikes followed by a bionic elbow and almost getting the win before Sanders puts Cumberbun’s leg on the bottom rope to break up the count. Sanders tries to distracts the ref as Cumberbun uses the racket on Brown and goes for a cover and the win but Brown kicks out at two. Cumberbun then goes to hit a double axe handle, but Brown rolls up Cumberbun for the win
WINNER: Downtown Daddy Brown via pinfall to become the new champ in 10:00.
From what I was able to see of the matches,(my AXS TV kept wigging out on me), it was quite humerous and much better than the turkey suit matches Impact used to run!!!!
I like how they tried to fit as many old wrestling gimmicks and stipulations in as possible. Overall, I thought it was a highly entertaining show and I agree better than the turkey suit matches, especially in the latter years.